16 month old hitting

[jgale]

I am looking for suggestions for how to handle hitting in a 16-month old. He does it fairly often, mainly to me and my dh, although increasingly to his babysitters too. With me, he does it mainly when I have physically overpowered him and forced him to do something (ie get in the carseat/sling, picked him up and removed him from something he is enjoying). These situations have decreased a lot since he has gotten to be a bit older and understands more words, but they do arise fairly often. For example, sometimes he just does have to get into the stroller/sling/ carseat, or he has to stop playing with the neighbor's gate, or come upstairs with me so that I can go to the bathroom...etc.

I have tried saying things like "gentle hands", and "don't hit mama" and "hands are not for hitting" and showing him how to be gentle, but it really hasn't worked. I think it doesn't work, because its not responding to where he is emotionally. He doesn't want to be gentle with me when I'm stuffing his legs into the sling so that we can leave the playground so that I can make dinner before seven so we can go to bed at a reasonable hour. It's okay with me if he gets pissed off at me, but I would like to help him find other ways of expressing his anger. Also, I have tried being very firm with him and saying "no hitting" in an I-mean-business voice. But he's been laughing lately when I do that. I don't think he's getting the message.

Please give me suggestions for how to respond to the hitting, not how to avoid it. I have structured our lives to minimize his frustration as much as possible, but I can't jolly him along at every single moment of the day. Sometimes, he just has to stop pulling the dog's tail, kwim? Thanks. Jessi

[artgoddess]

No advice, but I'll be watching this thread.0.240-98

[laurenalanna]

Me, too!

[kathipaul]

Try searching this forum for hitting. You will find lots of previous threads.
Also, the books mentioned in the book list mostly all have info about hitting and how to deal with it. In a nutshell, you just have to kind of ride it out but talk to dc about how hitting is not allowed. Try to anticipate when it happens and prevent it. Remove, after a warning, the object that is being used for hitting or the person or animal that is being hit. Use a catch phrase like " you hit, you sit" ( of course time out is not really reasonable for a toddler but mine responds well to a very brief sitting on the couch and she can get up when she wants). Ask for an apology. Talk about using words instead of hitting. Get down on their level and try to understand what is being communicated by the hitting.

[jgale]

Did I mention he hits me in his sleep? Last night he was nursing, and I tried to take the boob out of his mouth and he protested and (eyes closed, mind you!) reached over and started flailing away at me. Is that naughty or what!

[fragglzmom]

I feel your pain, mama. Literally! My DS started hitting around that age. Unfortunately, he still is at almost 3.5 yo, but it has gotten so much better. Usually now, I can predict what will set him off. Oh, and with many kids, the hitting/biting stage doesn't last that long...my child is just very physically spirited (he's very gifted athletically, we can already tell) and his body moves way faster than his brain.

I really think it all has to do with communication. Your son is probably on the verge of a huge breakthrough in learning how to talk. At his age, redirect, redirect, redirect. Try not to give him too much negative attention for it...I think that's something that I did wrong.

I'm not sure that Harvey Karp's _The Happiest Toddler on the Block_ would be considered a GD resource (he uses time outs), but it is one of the few books I found that talked about how to deal with very young toddlers.

Right now, DH and I are reading Becky Bailey's _Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline_ which is helping us tremendously in dealing with this. I wish we had read it sooner, so you should check it out and see if there's anything in there you can start using.