Depression? Need advice on symptoms

[Nanner]

My dd is 25 mths old and I can say that since pregnancy I have felt a bit *off*. I was in a bad relationship with dd's father and left him when dd was 3 mths old. I have been ok, but have felt like lifes just sucks since pregnancy on. I have wonderful family support, emotionally and financially.. And able to live with my brother who watches dd on the 2 days I go to the local college and do my Mom pays for expenses. I stay home, other than the 3 hrs on Tues and a total of 6 hrs on Thrs.
But lately I am short with dd- I actually get irate with her at least one time a week, often more. She now says "Mommy's frustrated" or even "Mommy's mad at you" She pokes her bottom lip out and cries when I do get frustrated (over normal toddler behavior- like tonight she would not go to sleep and I have a paper to write dues this week I haven't even started on).
She behaves pretty darn well for a 2 yr old and I am a great Mom when I am dealing with her well, the problem is that I get *so* frustrated over even little things that are not discipline issues- like she wants me to play with her a lot and make her dolls "talk" to her. I feel burned out and unhappy a lot- like I could just send her to live with Grandma for a week and never miss her. And yet I love her dearly and wish I could enjoy her more and not get so frustrated.
I also feel like I am just not as considerate or loving as I was before I got prego. I was in a bad relationship with dd's father but I have been out of that now for almost 2 yrs.
What gives? Do you think I am just burned out or maybe I need some counseling/medication?
I want to do better and I know that I can- I love kids and have a lot of patience for them, only lately I feel like I have no patience at all.
Any success stories? I think I might need meds and counseling but am so worried it won't work! Any advice is appreciated.
TIA!
Sara

[Britishmum]

bump.

Nanner I just saw your post and that it didnt have any responses. Hopefully some others will see it now.

I don't know about symptoms of ppd. I wonder sometimes if what I feel since having the baby is hormonal or just plain tiredness at dealing with a baby and a toddler - and I have a supportive dh here to help out.

anyway, maybe others will be able to advise you here. In the meantime,

[2_cancer_horse]

just wanted to say I hope you feel better!!

I am hoping that I do not get frustrated with my baby when he is that age, because I have little patience for children and babies and am having to rewire my brain to be kind and loving.

I do think that meds are not the answer. I am sure what you are going thru is probably very normal. Counseling might help, but I personally think drugs are kind of silly. Ever seen the movie Brain Candy (kids in the Hall)? If not I recomend renting it and having a night of laughter!!

For me, meditation keeps me sane. I know that sounds impossible with a toddler running around, but couple of deep breaths have worked way better for me than drugs (was on them as a teenager temporarily) I think writing also helps me.

Also in my mind I am thinking about Ram Dass's book, 'be here now'. If you can step inside yourself when you get angry, and remember the moment as a part of your life which is a lesson and is simply the universe unfolding as it should........
heck I dont know but I hope you feel better!!!

[Jish]

I was finally diagnosed with clinical depression six weeks ago. The six months leading up to the diagnosis got progressively worse until my body finally gave out and I could no longer physically function. I thought I was physically ill and that the doctors were missing something. I finally went to the hospital, spend six days there, was put on Lexapro (an anti depressant) and Lorazapam (an anti anxiety med which I no longer take) and I am like a new woman. I continue to take the Lexapro and will have to for at least six months before attempting to get off.

With me it was tough because I didn't feel "depressed." I had a lot of anxiety which began to manifest itself in heart symptoms which made the anxiety worse -- it was a vicious cycle. Depression is an illness like diabetes. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Congrats to all those who can get by with therapy, but for some of us, drugs are a lifesaver. No one would expect a diabetic to go without his insulin, thus, don't expect all those with clinical depression to go without antidepressants. They have literally saved my life.

PPD can last for years -- this happened to my cousin. Find a psychiatrist and make an appointment. If they suggest medication, don't be scared. There are side effects with most all, but for me they are pretty much gone now. I'm going to go and find where I posted my whole story and post a link following this post so you can read my story. If you have any questions, or want to talk, PLEASE PM me!!!

[Jish]

Here is the link. Mine is the 8th post -- the real long one.

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...threadid=27783

[RachelGS]

Hi. It sounds like you're having a tough time, and feeling "off" for 25 months is definitely something to pay attention to! Some things you might look out for are feeling sad or hopeless much of the time, feeling irritable, finding that you don't enjoy activities as much as you used to, withdrawing from family and friends, feeling fatigued, and, of course, having any thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else. This is not a comprehensive list-- depression takes a lot of forms, and self-diagnosis is a tricky thing. You may have a depression in a diagnostic sense, or you may be having a completely predictable and understandable reaction to what sounds like a lot of upheaval in your life. Either way, you don't have to carry this burden alone. You might consider talking to a therapist to get some support as you work through this difficult time. Whether or not you have a diagnosible depression is MUCH less important than whether you're finding life to be essentially joyful. If you're not, please let us support you in getting some backup. We are not designed to go soldiering through life unassisted. In my clinical work, I have often used the analogy with clients that struggling alone with difficulties can be like holding a heavy set of barbells by yourself-- and behind your head. A good therapeutic relationship can help you to bring the barbells out in front where you can get a good look at them, get some help holding them, and eventually put them down. If there is anything else I can do to support you in finding a resource for this kind of work, please let me know.

[Runtita]

I would say that you might be depressed. I am, and I finally sought help after having 2 miscarriages a couple of years ago.

I had always been irritable since having DS in 1997; I was terribly moody and snappy and down on myself. I never physically abused my family, but I did get overly picky and expected too much...I feel so guilty for being a terrible mom and wife for those years. I had good moments, too, but there were bad times as well.

It took having 2 miscarriages for me to get to the point that I began thinking that my family would be better off without me. Finally, one day while I was waiting in the car with DS for DH to grab some groceries, I thought...you know, I could just get up and walk away and leave...everyone would be happier without me around, I always bring everyone down and depress everyone, so I should leave...But then some rational part of me said, "Whoa! This is NOT right!!! You need to find a way out of this funk!" and I began seeing a therapist and eventually started Zoloft.

The change is so incredible...my family is so much stronger now...I don't lose my temper very often and I can be the patient, gentle mother that I was meant to be. I feel as if my true self is coming out. I know it's the Zoloft, because I've tried not taking it for a few days and I get irritable again. But Zoloft allows me to be a better mother and wife, so I reconcile myself to taking it. And Zoloft is the best antidepressant to take when you're nursing.

I'm so different now...I have DD now, and she is getting a much better deal than DS did. I am so patient! At least I'm patient with DS now, though...I can only hope that DS won't be too affected by my depression. He's a great, loving kid, but I know that he is more Type-A than I'd like...I worry about him. I guess we all worry, though.

I just read recently that children of abuse can experience depression as adults...mood swings, irritability, tantrums, etc. I am a child of abuse, both physical and emotional. My mother herself is depressed, and I think that some of my depression stems from learned responses as she was my sole parental example. But I know that I have deep-seated responses that stem from being abused as a young child...like flinching when someone raises a hand close to my face, but flinching on the inside.

I think I was depressed even before having DS, but PPD swelled up and overcame me after he was born. The miscarriages were a blessing, because I finally got help and I am a great mom now compared to before! And I can be a beautiful example to my children now...

Sorry to write such a novel, but if you see yourself in what I've said, you probably are depressed, and therapy and/or medication may help. Do what you have to do to be a good mom. I'm sending good karma to you!

[mountain]

now, i'm not a counselor or pharmacist, but i can tell you as a mom, IT'S REAL TOUGH BEING A MOM! And you have a special situation that requires lots of extra toughness. After my daughter was born, i had relationship problems all around. I was being hard on my kids & my old man, & they were being hard on me! looking back i can see i wasn't focussing on what was important. i was trying to clean all the time instead of taking the kids outside. i was watching too much tv instead of being productive (doing art, beadwork, anything!). While for the most part, I was being a good mom, I wasn't attaching myself to the things that make me ME--talking to friends, being kind. I went to a counselor but kind of realized that no amount of paying someone to listen to me would replace me doing what makes me feel worthwhile...hope this helps

[kerc]

Re: Depression? Need advice on symptoms

Originally posted by Nanner
What gives? Do you think I am just burned out or maybe I need some counseling/medication?......I think I might need meds and counseling but am so worried it won't work!

generally i would say that if you think you are receptive to counseling and perhaps meds, then I think you should check it out. Maybe you need an outlet for all the stress of school and being a mom. Both can be incredibly taxing, no matter how supportive folks are around you. if/when you seek out a counselor, if you go several times and feel like you don't click with that person, try someone else.

no experience with PPD, but I had a very emotionally abusive relationship with my masters advisor (read = boss for three years and person who controlled whether or not I got a masters degree). I didn't take any meds, but I benefited immensely from counseling, even just to know that what I was experiencing/had experienced was abnormal and it was ok to be upset about it.

[smaug]

I first want to say that I am sending hugs and hoping you find the right help for your situation. I do belive meditation and a lot of mental effort can dramatically change some situations. I also think cutting out sugar, caffeine, and other body irritants help depression and anger issues. I also strongly believe in medication. If you have true depression then your body just can't do what it needs to to fix the brain. I have had depression as long as I can remember. (diagnosed at age 12,--15 years ago) When I try to explain it to dh I say it is like everyone else (non-depressed) start life each day at the starting gate. People with depression start a mile or so BACK!! Does that make sense?

Try going to a counseling session. And if you do end up getting medication, research the options for them before you start anything. goodluck to you.