8 mo-- beginnings of discipline?

[Llyra]

Can someone talk to me about infants and very young toddlers and gentle discipline? My house is very well baby-proofed, and so I have no problem letting my newly mobile 8-month-oldroam pretty freely, but every so often she manages to find something that she can't have, either for her own safety or because it is something important that could be broken or destroyed (she's especially fascinated with tearing paper!) Now, at home I'll usually let her handle the object anyway, and watch and guide really carefully so that neither she nor the object gets hurt and when she loses interest, I'll put it somewhere safe. I don't like the idea of taking things from her-- if you snatch from someone your own age, it's rude and disrespectful, so why should it be okay to snatch from a baby? But there are times when I absolutely have to take something away, especially if it belongs to someone outside the family or if we're at someone else's home or out someplace.

The obvious answer would be distraction and redirection, but I've been blessed with a very single-minded child here, and it's really surprisingly hard to redirect her attention. And so she cries, and I feel terrible because I know she doesn't understand. All she knows is I'm arbitrarily taking interesting things away from her.

I never expected to have to deal with anything even approximating "discipline" with a baby-- distraction seems like a great idea on paper, until you run into the kid with the amazing attention span who just won't be distracted. I don't want to squelch her single-mindedness. I like that she knows what she wants and refuses to give up until she achieves it.

Is there any other way to handle this, or is it really just a case of do the best you can until she gets old enough to understand better?

[Jen123]

This one point stuck out for me:

I don't like the idea of taking things from her-- if you snatch from someone your own age, it's rude and disrespectful, so why should it be okay to snatch from a baby?

For safety reasons. I wouldn't snatch from a two year old who had a handful of dog food , but I'd snatch from an eight month old. Very few times did I have to actually 'snatch'. Most times I could just unwind their chubby lil fingers and take the object while whispering and cooing. I also found a well placed NO , firm and used sparingly , worked well. (ex: my dd found a sewing needle at the age of 10months and I couldn't get to her before she was putting it in her mouth...in a loud voice I said NO...then went into the redirection and gentle cooing)

Redirecting works wonders when the child is easily swayed. But I had the same problem you do. A child who knew what she wanted at a very early age. It requires SO much on your part. Consistency mostly. Which can be very weary I know. What worked with my daughter was another tactile stimulant (like something crinkly) OR changing gears with the stimulants. If she wanted something because it smooshed , and that was dangerous , and she wouldn't be redirected , I'd turn on her tape player. Auditory in place of tactile. Am I making sense ? OR visual in place of auditory. When her tape player broke I took her outside to see the cows in the back yard. OR tactile in place of auditory.

[kathipaul]

Two words I learned from reading Dr. Sears Discipline book: Distract and divert. It was my mantra for a long time.

[Junebug]

I've been wondering about the same type of thing...my 8 month dd will not be distracted once she's set on something. Our biggest problem has been the immediate meltdown that follows any attempt to switch out one object for another. She absolutely loses it! Its all very dramatic, she arches her back violently and flails herself backwards.
So far, someone has always caught her before she smacks her head against the floor- but its just a matter of time! I usually pick her up and try to comfort her but sometimes she's so inconsolable that only bf-ing will calm her. This just started a few weeks ago- I'm afraid I'm in for it... am I handling this wrong maybe?

BTW-I don't know where she got that stubborn streak

[PrincessMommie]

I have one just like that! He can be quite single minded and I too prefer not to snatch (unless of course he is in danger and there is not time not to).

Anyway even with his protesting I simply find a replacement to give him BEFORE I take...and I gently take and then give...he doesn't always like it.

I never say NO...I simply say "you may have this".
Many times he will be in a rage, and not accept the replacement.

When that happens I do some of the following:

Pick him up, grab his lovey and cuddle
Say 'you need tickles' and try that (this works alot)
Pick him up and dance or airplane him etc...

When he does calm down I offer the replacement again and say again 'you may have this' and by then, because he's calmed it will work.

Hang in there!

[SugarAndSun]

I don't have much to add as I have not gone through this yet, but I take my ds to a music class and the teacher once mentioned that if you really want a kids attention fast -- like if they have picked up something dangerous -- don't talk in a deep voice like we would tend to do, but rather sing in a high pitched voice. It will distract and get their attention much quicker as they are more attuned to high pitched sounds. Just thought that might be worth a shot.

[G-Mama]

My ds is 9 months old (this Friday) and we actually started doing something that ds thinks is pretty hilarious.

He was reaching for an outlet one day so I playfully pulled him up, started to jiggle him and move him like he was dancing, and sang MC Hammer's "Can't Touch That". He really seems to like that and it works like a charm to distract him. In fact, he heard the actual song on the radio the other day and started to laugh!

The things we come up with on the spot.

[bellamamma]

my dd is the same way...one thing i always say before anything else is "can you give that to mommy?"...it has really worked well...she almost seems to feel good about being a help...of course it doesn't work always..but it feels better to me than always saying NO..when she doesn't give it to me or i can't get it from her gently then i start to pry the fingers. don't feel bad about it..it's for her own good and you have to be the person to look out for her.

[AngelBee]

[ekortering]

I am SO glad I found this thread. All these things come naturally to DH, but because I am with our DD all day (I am a SAHM ) I often get very weary at the end of the day. Our DD is 13.5 months old, very strong willed like me, and just starting to walk. We have done our best to child-proof the house, but like many of you have said, sometimes something slips past you and you need to intervene for safety reasons. I will be checking this thread often to see what other words of wisdom I can glean.

[SouthernMommaOf2]

As long as I can remember I did the distract and divert with my oldest. My youngest is too young yet (1 month)...but I still do the distract and divert. It's worked for us and still does and she is 2.