deciding when they are ready to be home alone

[PancakeGoddess]

anyone care to share their thoughts on how to determine readiness, easing into the new stage, signs they aren't ready?

my son is 10 and asking to be allowed home alone for some short errands he's not interested in.

an interesting twist is that I also have an 8yo son, and although he is younger, he is far more trustworthy ( ) so in some ways his presence might be a help. But, he's pretty young!

anyway... this stage is scary to me.

[Mothra]

My oldest is only 7yo so this isn't an issue for us yet, but on military bases the age to be left home alone for less than four hours before 9pm is 10yo. I think I was about 10 when I started staying home alone. I had a brother two years younger and one 3.5 years younger, and I think that made a difference, too. I wasn't allowed to stay home completely alone until I was 12, I think.

I can't imagine leaving my 7yo home alone anytime soon! Not that I'd want to, unti

[UnschoolnMa]

My Ds started staying home alone briefly when he was about 10 for short periods of time. He always had a number to call (close friends of our family, and where I could be reached if applicable) and he knew how to call 911 in case of emergency. Dd started to stay home with her brother when she was about 9 ish. Now at the ages of 11.5 and almost 14 they stay home alone (together and seperately) often. Dd is only comfortable at home alone for short times in the daytime, or for longer with her brother. Ds is comfortable at home day or night for longer periods. It really is about the child individually I think. We discussed alot of things before they started staying home alone. Alot of "What if" questions were good to cover.

[magemom]

dd has been more trust worthy than ds1. she could stay home by herself around 10 briefly, i didn't leave ds1 till he was almost 12. at 9 i would have trusted her with a sibling, him was closer to 13.

when i first did it, i was gone maybe 20 minutes at the neighbors. we talked about how it felt and if it was a good idea later. gradually we workedourselves up to leaving her an hour then the two of them together for 20 minutes, an hour till they were fine with it.

it really depends on the kid. dd=very mature. ds1= very impulse driven

[harmonymama]

I think this is a good question. Just to spice things up: My mom who was a single mom started leaving us home alone very early. I was staying home alone with my younger sister consistently for several hours at a time by 8 or so. 10 seems old to me. My kids are young so I don't know what I'll think when that time comes, but... I think kids learn to be trustworthy by being trusted, making mistakes and learning from them. Obviously safety is a priority, but... I guess I'm just saying I think we as a society should trust our kids a bit more.

[Simplicity]

We have just recently started the home alone stuff with our son, and he'll be 11 in Aug. Although I think he was ready before now I never really felt comfortable with it because he is an only child and we live in a really busy area. However, After my sweetie telling me that I protect him too much and he needs more independence I realized he's very right and that I should allow him some new challenges. I can't keep him a child all his life. I'm his mother and should be supporting him more with this independence. So far he's only been left alone for an hour here or there. But not for long periods of time yet. I know he's ready for it and is perfectly mature enough to stay home longer I just have to work it into myself that he's just fine.

[SagMom]

My son started staying home alone when he was 9, basically, because he asked to be able to stay home.We went over all the "what ifs" and I started by leaving him for short periods before working up to several hours. I have a cell phone and left a list of other numbers for him. He started babysitting when he was about 12, I think. Never any problems.

Dd was 10 when she started staying home alone. (So, just recently.) She also wanted to stay home alone, but, unlike her brother, she was nervous about it. I still only leave her for short periods. They get along well, so I'm more comfortable when she's home with her brother, and I think she is too. If I'm gone for more than 1/2 an hour and dd's alone, I'll get a call, "Just checking in, Mom...wondering when you'll be home..."

I agree, each child is different, you have to go by their comfort level and make sure they know what do if anything comes up. Some states have laws about what age it's okay to leave them, so you might want to check into that, too.

[Alkenny]

DD was about 10 when I first left her home alone (if she'd been home from school and I had to get her brother from school, run to the store quick or take DS to a ballgame...30 minutes-an hour tops).

I remember being 10 and babysitting for 4 neighbor kids into the wee hours of the night, but I couldn't see leaving my DD doing that. She just recently watched the babe for 15 minutes when I had no other choice.

[roundpegmom]

My sister's DD is 11 and has been staying home alone after school. My nephew who lives with me is turning 12 next month has asked to stay home alone, but I just can't see it yet. The other day, he through through the kitchen and through two other rooms to ask me to get him a drink :LOL That is why he can't stay home-he'd starve to death.

I think it is very child dependent. I was babysitting when I was 12. With my nephew, I feel he probably could stay home alone safely, but he hates being in a room by himself, he would go batty having the house to himself and get into trouble. In TN, the dept of children services doesn't have rules about it, we called them and they said as long as nothing bad happens, they don't care.

It also depends so much on the neighborhood, how easily a child to get assistance from a neighbor, are they going to playing with other kids who are unsupervised etc.

[PancakeGoddess]

Originally Posted by Alkenny

I remember being 10 and babysitting for 4 neighbor kids into the wee hours of the night, but I couldn't see leaving my DD doing that. She just recently watched the babe for 15 minutes when I had no other choice.

hey, your baby's 8 days older than mine :-) My 10yo watches him all the time but i'm always in the house - usually his job is baby entertainment while I shower.

[TwinMom]

We started leaving our twins home alone when they turned 11. Both of them are always left, never just one. That way, if something happens to one of them the other can run for the phone to call us. The rules are: No stove or oven cooking (microwave is okay), no going outside, don't answer the phone unless caller ID says it's one of our cell phones, doors stay locked, windows stay closed, and don't look out the window to see who is at the door 'cause they'll see you and know you're alone when you don't answer the door! Honestly, I would feel perfectly fine leaving one of them here alone, but I wouldn't trust the other one by herself, so we have the rule where it's both or none.

I would love to be able to leave the 3-year old with them occasionally, but none of them are ready for that. He asks frequently if I'm going to leave without him, but not in a good way, in a scared way. I have to keep reassuring him that he won't be left without dh or myself until he's much older and WANTS us to leave him.

[Alkenny]

Originally Posted by benjalo

hey, your baby's 8 days older than mine :-) My 10yo watches him all the time but i'm always in the house - usually his job is baby entertainment while I shower.

What a cutie he is too! Reminds me of my uber boy!
Yep, my older two watch him while I'm showering too...this age difference has it's advantages!

[PancakeGoddess]

no kidding! just say so if it's too nosy, but do you think you're finished? we like the idea of #3 having a close-age sibling, but this is SO much easier than having 2 small ones... of course, it will probably never be as hard as before bc the big boys are so helpful. what do you think?

[orangefoot]

I'm confused about this too. ds is 11 nearly 12 and walks to school alone which is about a 45 minute walk the way he does it (20 if I do it!) SO he is alone for stretches during the day. He also goes to swimming class on his own - and collects ds2 from there too.

I'm still reluctant to leave him at home alone though; it seems irresponsible somehow. He is very sensible and responsible and would be fine, but I don't feel comfortable doing it.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by TwinMom

The rules are: No stove or oven cooking (microwave is okay), no going outside, don't answer the phone unless caller ID says it's one of our cell phones, doors stay locked, windows stay closed, and don't look out the window to see who is at the door 'cause they'll see you and know you're alone when you don't answer the door!

Initially those were what the Dh and I and the kids agreed upon as well. Later we all agreed to relax them quite a bit as we were all comfortable. We tweaked the phone and door answering thing to include certain people. The windows can now be open, and Ds sometimes leaves the front door open with the screen door locked when he is home alone during the day. Ds feels comfortable cooking with the stove when we are gone, but Dd doesn't so she sticks to the microwave.

[oldcrunchymom]

My son is 9 and I leave him alone for about an hour while I'm at his sister's dance classes. I walked to school by myself from Kindergarten on up, and I figure staying in his room in the house reading is probably less dangerous than crossing streets.

I do think it depends on the kid though. He was more than ready to be left alone even at age 7 or 8 (although I waited until he was almost 9), but his sister isn't as mature in that way and I might have to wait longer with her.

[Arduinna]

These were the things that were important to me making the decision (my dd is currently 15)

Is there an adult that can be contacted in case of ememrgency? Either, you or a neighbor that you know is home? I worked this out by carrying a cell phone.

How responsible and able to follow directions is the child? Do you trust him to follow your rules. Like don't open the door to anyone, don't cook ect. We have caller ID and dd was told to not answer the phone unless it was her father or I.

Since you have younger kids, is your child responsible enough to care for them too? What is the likelyhood that they will get in more trouble together than alone?

How long are you going to be gone and how far away will you be?

What are your local and state laws on children being left home alone?


What I did was start with quick trips to the convienence store or market for one or two things. Being gone for maybe 15 minutes. My dd is very responsible and I started this at about 8 years old. We also have no law on minimum age at home in my area.

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by orangefoot

I'm confused about this too. ds is 11 nearly 12 and walks to school alone which is about a 45 minute walk the way he does it (20 if I do it!) SO he is alone for stretches during the day. He also goes to swimming class on his own - and collects ds2 from there too.

I'm still reluctant to leave him at home alone though; it seems irresponsible somehow. He is very sensible and responsible and would be fine, but I don't feel comfortable doing it.

I felt this way about leaving ds in the car. No problem with him staying home alone, but somehow, leaving him in the car while I went to the store felt "wrong." Finally, I forced myself to really look at the situation and realized that there was absolutely no logical reason for this. The only thing that I can come up with is that it was a carry-over from when he was a baby, when I NEVER left him alone in the car. Funny sometimes, the things we get stuck on, huh?