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post #21 of 128

I also lactate.I find it really helps when being a SAHP to small children

That~~~and don't flame me, but i beleive this is my place in this season in my life, as a woman.Dh is the breadwinner, fine with me.I always hated working anyhow.I am good at this.
I am a mom, I plan to homeschool.I take care of our house/kids the majority of the time.It took me a long time to get over the negative associations with being a SAHM( my mom worked, you figure it out and to accept my role as someone doing "domestic" work. I knew it was what i was suppossed/wanted to do, but wasn't quite confident.But now, I can honestly say I have never been so fulfilled and happy.I am happiest when I get up in the morning , run my daily marathon , and go to sleep bone tired with a clean house and happy, healthy clean kids.
Dh makes a decent amount. Kind of average were we live, but more than some.He is a software engineer.
post #22 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilalu
don't flame me, but i beleive this is my place in this season in my life, as a woman
Me too. It's not because I lactate...we had decided before ds was born that I would stay home. It's also not because of money...I made 3 times what dh makes (per hour, but I never worked as many hours as him.) Dh would LOVE to be at home rather than working, but I insist on staying home. This was clear before ds was conceived. I feel it is better for me as a woman to be home with my child. This doesn't mean that I think men can't do a wonderful job caring for children, but I think that a mother's instinct is a special thing and that mothering is very different than fathering. Both are important and valuable, but I feel that for all day parenting, my instincts take the cake. I think that women who work outside the home are often expected to care for the home also, whereas men are not.
Overall, I feel in my heart that I should be home with my child.
post #23 of 128
It was just the logical choice for us I suppose. We knew for sure that one of us would stay home, or maybe we'd work a part time job each so one of us was always with him or something. We also plan to homeschool which affects the plans we make regarding ds. I never had any kind of career or calling or anything, just a series of crappy min. wage jobs in retail. Dh is a software engineer, and those corporations tend to have decent insurance policies and things like that that are important to us. Like unlimited sick time, so if I'm the one who's sick he can call out and it's ok.
We also knew I'd be nursing for at least a year or so, and figured that it would be much easier if ds simply had access to me most of hte time instead of worrying about bottles and pumps and finding time to pump on my shift on the salesfloor.

Now that ds is older the nursing could be worked around pretty easily, but my husband loves what he does. He's been writing code since he was 7 and is really good at it. I've seen him learn new programming languages literally overnight, more than once. While he is a great parent and loves his time with ds, he would not want to give up the fulfilment he gats from the challenge of his work. And I've found that while I'm not hte greatest housekeeper ever, or a gourmet chef, I love what I do. I have more patience for having a toddler up my butt all day :LOL and care more about taking care of our home. I like trying new recipes and having our 16 month old hold the dustpan when I sweep, even if it takes twice as much time and effort to actually ge tht estuff to the trashcan without landing back on the floor.

So I guess at the beginning our genders played a role in the decision, since I was the one lactating. But htis arrangement suits our personalities better. I like being home and having a slower pace to the day, don't mind doing hte same thing over and over and over and over.....(diaper changes, handwashing, vacuuming, etc..) and dh is better at being on the go more, new clients, new challenges, just generally a faster pace.

I hope I've answered the question in my rambling paragraphs
post #24 of 128
For us it was a number of things ---

The first and most important being that I was much more sure of what I wanted my career to be - dh is still exploring - whereas I sort of feel like I KNOW I can take a few years off and go back in where I want to be...

not to mention....

I nursed the kids
I still cry when I leave ds2 whereas dh has pretty much been able to take off worry free for a few years
I find tons of well-paying freelance work
Moms are more social with other moms - we think dh might be lonely athome
Workplaces work more with moms who have taken time off than with dads

BJ
Barney & Ben
post #25 of 128
Because I wanted to be. I was sick of the corporate work environment, and I wanted to "rest". Yeah right, SAHMing is so much work! But I love it and no regrets. Dh works for the State and his benefits are better than mine ever would have been.
post #26 of 128
Thread Starter 
In the beginning, it was an easy choice because I had lost my job and dh had one. Dh also didn't feel comfortable doing it then and I didn't want to leave dd.
Now I think I am better at taking care of dd- not because I am a woman but just because I've spent so much more time with her and know her routine better. I know how to handle her in ways dh doesn't. I am more patient with her. I would also like to homeschool.
I asked the question because dh recently suggested that I get a job he heard about and he'll stay home. I'm kind of hesitant to do that because I think that I would still be the one doing all the housework and dh wouldn't do as much with dd. I think he views it as a vacation not a commitment. I envision coming home every single day to no dinner, the house trashed, dh napping or surfing the internet, dd not dressed and having watched TV all day. I think I'd spend the rest of the night mad, cleaning and taking care of dd. If dh was the SAHP I think dd would be in school too.

Some of you have listed some things that I didn't think about.
post #27 of 128
Honestly...right now, even though I LOVE staying home, I really need to go back to work, and have DH SAH.

That probably won't happen, but in an ideal world, that would be great.

I have always made twice as much money as he does. I am very marketable and seem to be utterly employable. The last three jobs I had, I never applied for - they called me at home and asked me to come interview.

However. DH works at his family business, and even though he is treated like total crap, he puts up with it because he told his dad he'd stay there.

We have begun to have some serious financial issues though that cannot be remedied with just him working. I don't want to work FT, even if it's an off shift, if he is.

We both agree that it is better for the girls that one of use be at home with them right now. We are just at an impasse over why it should be him right now....

And since I refuse for both of us to work FT, right now I'm the SAHM...
post #28 of 128
Money. He makes waaaay more than I could. He'd be a good SAHD. I'd miss dd if I were going to work, but I also know she'd be in excellent hands.
post #29 of 128
Well, it wasn't the original plan. It was gonna be DH that stayed home, after my 12 week maternity leave, because I made almost twice as much as him and my job was right around the corner, while he had a long commute. DH really wanted to stay home, and I wasn't thrilled about the idea.

That was before my son was born.

But before I got pregnant with DD, I got laid off and had to take a job with an hour-and-a-half commute, and DH coincidentally right about that time moved to a job much closer to home that will ultimately be a tenured position. I still made more, but when I was only a few months pregnant I realized that I could never, ever sustain the pace of a 13 to 14 hour workday pregnant, let alone with a baby.

So I left my job, and took a part-time job, and the rest, as they say, is history. I stay home so that both DH and I can stay close to home, even though it means we cut out two-thirds of our income. And now I find that I love it, and we're talking about homeschool, which DH says he'd never have the patience for, so it looks like I'll be home for a while.

I do still go out to work about 6 to 9 hours a week, just to take a break and give DH time to be a dad on his own terms.
post #30 of 128
Because T can't. Seriously, he's told me a thousand times that he goes nuts if he's home for more than a few weeks without some sort of earning going on from his end. Which I saw first hand this winter when he was laid off for almost four months. He was getting seriously depressed and upset with himself, our place in life, the whole thing. The girls and I seemed to be his only joy, and after awhile it got to the point where it seemed like he was guilt tripping over the fact that I was working.

Now that I medically can't work, and he's back to work full time, things are going so much better. Once we are in our own place, I'll have alot more to do adn the freedom to do it, and i can't wait. Our eventual goal is for him to get back in to professional landscaping and I'll be doing the paperwork end of that, the phone and going out on jobs as needed.
post #31 of 128
Our plan all along was for me to be a SAHM with the kids. DH also made more than me but I'm not too sure that would have factored in our decision much. When we had our first, DH had just started a new business and worked long hours but it payed off really well. Then he began consulting and did that until a year ago when he became a full-time pastor. Now he's making WAY less money but has a ministry and calling whereas I feel my ministry and calling is to my kids. My oldest is now 15 and my youngest is 2 and we homeschool so I've got plenty of work, not to mention that I now suppliment our income with doing part time work at church (making decent money per hour too!). It was tough to cut down the income from software consultant's to pastor's but God's been blessing us.

For us, I don't know how much my hubby would enjoy being home whereas this is where I always wanted to be. I love making my own goals and raising these precious kids. We are truly blessed!

Ann
post #32 of 128
Well, it does help that I've got the boobs & that he makes more, but honestly a big part of why I stay home is simple division of labor.

Basically, when DH is home (and he has been in the past, pre-child) he does NOTHING around the house unless I beg & plead. I end up being responsible for working 40+ hrs a week, then coming home to cook, clean, do the bills...pretty much everything. After his last "break" between jobs where I worked & he didn't we decided that I would SAH because it just doesn't work for us the other way around. DH goes to work & makes the money. He helps with specific things around the house when I ask (ie: throw in a load of diapers, take out the trash -- but I almost always HAVE to ask). I pretty much take care of everything else from housework, to scheduling appointments, caring for DD, cooking, errands, and about 1/2 the yard work. I'm OK with that because he does work hard at work, often more than 40 hrs a week, but it's NOT cool when you're doing all that PLUS working full-time.

Also, I doubt he'd handle being home with dd all day alone very well. He's really good with her, but after just helping with her a couple hours in the evening he's ready for me to put her to bed. :LOL
post #33 of 128
because i lactate, and i couldn't be away from my kids when they are young.

before ds was born, when dd was 18 months and no longer needing to nurse during the day,we switched off for a while. it was good. he's good at it. but i'm a bit of a freak about having things in the house done "my way", lol...

we both have good earning potential, but we choose to have 1 parent at home (and often 2, dh is WAHD these days).
post #34 of 128
Hubby can make more $$$ and I hate pumping.
post #35 of 128
He's always had the health insurance. I've only ever had jobs and no idea what kind of career I'd be interested in. Plus I'd still be expected to do 90% of the house hold stuff anyway. Now after being the SAHP I can't imagine it any other way.
post #36 of 128
At first it was because I nursed/am nursing them. When I did woh - after my first dd - he was with her while I worked and decided then that if I wanted to be the one to stay home then I could. :LOL At the time we made about the same amount of money, now he makes more than I ever did and his earning potential is greater than mine. I've never found fufillment working out of the house careerwise you know? My life outside of work was rewarding enough that work was just a means to an end.
post #37 of 128
~His "outright" earning potential is higher. What I do would take awhile to build up and get to the level of salary he is already making.

~My husband is not as nurturing as I am, that might sound cold- but it is a fact we accept... gentle parenting doesn't come as easy to him and the more he is home the more he struggles to keep it together. He has OCD and there is way to much disorder in the home to keep him functional :LOL The office is his haven, and it keeps him sane.

~I lactate, it is easier for us both for me to stay home and nurse.

~He *likes* to work and I *Like* to stay home. Even if money wasn't an issue, I don't think either of us would enjoy switching.
post #38 of 128
If money was the issue for us then DH would be home as I was making twice what he does. The reason I am the SAHP is primarily because I want to be at home with the kids. I have a real desire to be with my children and nurture them full time, DH on the other hand finds full time child care too stressful and he doesn't cope as well as I do. (He also sucks at house work!! :LOL )
post #39 of 128
The only reason we have a SAHP in the house, is because I wanted to be a SAHM. (My oldest is 16 and I have only been full time SAHM for the past 6 yrs--since my youngest was born). I worked Monday, and she was born on Tuesday. But my dh would be a great SAHP, ftr.
post #40 of 128
Because I love it!
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