Why are you the SAHP... - Page 5

[cappuccinosmom]

For us it was the mix of biology, faith, calling, and desires that made me the obvious choice for SAH.

I was home when I could have made more than dh, and I'm home now when he makes more than I could. Money was really the *last* consideration. We knew we wanted me to SAH--that was concrete. Everything else we worked around the assumption that I would be home.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by bright-midnight

DH would love to stay at home, but he also loves his career. He said he would stay at home if needed, but right now, it's best for our family that i'm at home.

I think it's a beautiful thing when both partners could or would be SAHPs, whether either in sentiment or in practice, or both.

[Rockies5]

We wanted a large family..and I have the milk!

[macca]

His earning potential is like twice as good as mine. He is useless domestically (not that I'm good, but I'm better than him!) although he's AMAZING with the kids. And he can't lactate!!!

[ErinBird]

He makes more and gets a lot of fulfillment from his career. I was tired of my field before I completed my degree and would honestly need to start again in a new direction to be happy with a career.

[griffin2004]

Originally Posted by cjanelles

Statistically, women make less money than men do for the same job with the same education and experience level, at least in the United States.

Actually, I think the statistics show that ALL working women average $.77 to every $1 earned by ALL men. With as many women here who describe themselves as having formal post-high school education (which changes that earnings ratio), it surprised me that nearly every answer on this thread includes "DH makes more than I could." I think there's more behind that than gender gap statistics. What that might be, I don't know. Something to muse about. Or not.

[stormborn]

We trade back and forth depending on who is burnt out on what. Basically one of us works part time while taking care of dd, my parents and his grandmother. The other works full time. We are lucky enough to have jobs where we can pick up or drop hours easily so switching is no big deal. Right now I'm pg with #2 so it will be my turn to stay home for awhile.

[tootaloo78]

For starters DH earns almost twice what I brought home so it was a no-brainer. Even if our earnings were equal, however, I would still be at home for several reasons. I have always wanted to stay at home with my kids, there is no place I'd rather be. I don't get bored, burned out, or sick of it, I love it. My DH is willing to admit that he would go stir crazy. He is willing to be the sahp if he ever needed to, but it's definitely not his dream job. Also, I am more of a nurturer than my DH so we feel that it's better for our son (and the one on the way) if I am the sahp. We are also just old-fashioned I guess. We love having mom at home, dad at work then evenings spent together, it's what we both grew up with and we wanted to recreate it for our family. I had a wonderful childhood and I attribute much of that to the fact that mom was at home for me and I want my kids to have that same type of experience.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by griffin2004

Actually, I think the statistics show that ALL working women average $.77 to every $1 earned by ALL men. With as many women here who describe themselves as having formal post-high school education (which changes that earnings ratio), it surprised me that nearly every answer on this thread includes "DH makes more than I could." I think there's more behind that than gender gap statistics. What that might be, I don't know. Something to muse about. Or not.

:

I think there's more behind the gender gap statistics, too.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by stormborn

We trade back and forth depending on who is burnt out on what. Basically one of us works part time while taking care of dd, my parents and his grandmother. The other works full time. We are lucky enough to have jobs where we can pick up or drop hours easily so switching is no big deal. Right now I'm pg with #2 so it will be my turn to stay home for awhile.

That sounds great! It's nice to be able to trade off roles if one of you gets burned out or wants to pursue other interests for a time.

I know one couple like this (they are journalists) where between them they always have one full time and one part time job, but who works full time and who works part time changes every couple of months.

It's nice when you can reduce and increase your work hours according to family need.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by griffin2004

Actually, I think the statistics show that ALL working women average $.77 to every $1 earned by ALL men. With as many women here who describe themselves as having formal post-high school education (which changes that earnings ratio), it surprised me that nearly every answer on this thread includes "DH makes more than I could." I think there's more behind that than gender gap statistics. What that might be, I don't know. Something to muse about. Or not.

Originally Posted by Spring Flower

:

I think there's more behind the gender gap statistics, too.

There is statistical pay inequity, but I also think many full time jobs are still operating on the domestic and economic trends of oh, say, the 1950s?

Many, many full time jobs (for both men and women) seem to be structured based on either having no children, or having a primary care giver at home.

I think originally many jobs were structured with the 1950s stereotype of one wage earner and one stay at home parent.

I don't think it's only men who can get these jobs, anymore.

But I think this structure still exists and many companies are sort of family-neutral. They're not specifically anti-family but they definitely aren't family-friendly (flex time, paid time off, living wage, maternity and paternity leaves, PAID maternity and paternity leaves, good family insurance, family sabbatical, job sharing, part time professional positions, onsite child care, good amounts of sick leave, etc.)

It seems like European countries have better models for family-friendly employment, and here in the US we're left with trying to adjust to a new economy and a traditional work environment.

[onlyzombiecat]

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat

In the beginning, it was an easy choice because I had lost my job and dh had one. Dh also didn't feel comfortable doing it then and I didn't want to leave dd.
Now I think I am better at taking care of dd- not because I am a woman but just because I've spent so much more time with her and know her routine better. I know how to handle her in ways dh doesn't. I am more patient with her. I would also like to homeschool.
I asked the question because dh recently suggested that I get a job he heard about and he'll stay home. I'm kind of hesitant to do that because I think that I would still be the one doing all the housework and dh wouldn't do as much with dd. I think he views it as a vacation not a commitment. I envision coming home every single day to no dinner, the house trashed, dh napping or surfing the internet, dd not dressed and having watched TV all day. I think I'd spend the rest of the night mad, cleaning and taking care of dd. If dh was the SAHP I think dd would be in school too.

Some of you have listed some things that I didn't think about.

It's 3 years from my OP and I'm still the SAHP.
I'm homeschooling dd now.

I still think I'm better at it than dh. I also like doing it.
I don't think he would be happy doing full time child/house care.

I also think that dh has- or can get- a better job at this point than I can. I do have a college degree but I don't have much work history and have not been employed for over 8 years now. To earn what dh makes I'd likely have to get some more training/school.

I didn't choose my college major thinking I would someday be a wife or mother. I actually thought I wouldn't do either at that point. I didn't choose something that was very practical for supporting a single childless person even. I don't know what I was thinking.

[Joyster]

DH makes about 4 times my salary.

I'm way better at multitasking.

I nursed.

And it just felt right.

We might switch later on in life.

[ashleyhaugh]

my dh is in the army.... and he cant feed the baby, lol

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by griffin2004

it surprised me that nearly every answer on this thread includes "DH makes more than I could." I think there's more behind that than gender gap statistics. What that might be, I don't know. Something to muse about. Or not.

:

I was just thinking about this again...

I am a woman, mother, and wife whose answer included "DH makes more than I do."

That is part of the reason I'm a SAHM, but definitely not the main part.

I'm not sure that DH makes more than I ever could, but he does make more than I made when I left my job.

I know women's wages are catching up to men's, however, there still is that income gap. I've just been stunned by some of the responses where husbands make 3, 4, or 5 times a wife/mother's salary.

I would say my own DH's and my salaries are basically lined up right along the gender divides. He makes about oh, estimating 10 to 25% more than I would generally make, when looking at salary ranges in our fields.

10 to 25% is a lot when you're talking about family income, though, especially when trying to make it on one salary.

I wonder if we're seeing that husbands make more money because we're in the SAHM thread? I suspect the answers might be a little different if it were in the WOHM thread, particularly for those with stay at home dads.

We stay home for many, many reasons, but economics is usually on the list somewhere, so I think maybe that explains this phenomenon more than gender inequity.

[katheek77]

It's more situational than anything else. My husband is in the military. He has 10 years in. He *loves* being in the military, and in 10-14 years, he will retire. The benefits are great and the salary more than adequate. He's very invested in his career...me, not so much. I'd had my dream job, and, after moving, nothing lived up to that, so, it was kind of disillusionary for me.

When DH retires, I can restart my career (I was a teacher) or go into a different field. We've even batted around the idea of HIM being the SAHP at that time before he transitions into the "civilian" work force. DD will be 12 if he retires at 20 years, 16 if he stays in until 24 - I think the teen years are probably the second most important time to have a SAHP after 0-3yrs, and I think it would be great to have my husband be that parent - if DD is anything like me personality-wise (um, so far, yes ) those would be some pretty heavy years of conflict between us (both stubborn and emotional, sometimes irrational), and it might even be *better* for DH to be the SAHP. If we lost our freakin minds and had another kid in 10 years (I'd be 41, so, not likely), I'd have no problem with him being the SAHP - although he'd probably want to wait until late toddler/pre-school age.

As for earning potential....had I stayed in teaching the past 3 years, I would be making (roughly) anywhere from 1/2-2/3 of what DH makes. Had DH gotten out of the army when I got pregnant, and I'd stayed teaching, we would have been closer to me making about 75-80% of what he made in '05. Not to mention, in this economy, some decent job security on his part. While it wasn't a factor in our choice, it's reassuring (I guess?) to know that it was also the correct financial decision.

[YesandNo]

it surprised me that nearly every answer on this thread includes "DH makes more than I could." I think there's more behind that than gender gap statistics. What that might be, I don't know. Something to muse about. Or not.

Aside from pay inequality, the other factor to keep in mind is that men tend to go to higher education with an emphasis on making money / getting a career / being self-sufficient. Women are more likely to be liberal arts majors, or study something that they enjoy without necessarily thinking of return on investment.

My husband studied engineering in college. I was a history major. We both ended up with good corporate jobs, but his STARTING salary (10 years ago) was higher than mine is now.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by katheek77

As for earning potential....had I stayed in teaching the past 3 years, I would be making (roughly) anywhere from 1/2-2/3 of what DH makes.

That's an excellent point.

Being out of the workforce as a SAHP, man or woman, takes away from career and income growth (usually) for that period of time.

I'm sure that must have some bearing on the salary inequities in gender. I bet more women than men become SAHPs or work part time while raising children, and, consequently, they don't keep pace with pay increases and promotions and such.

I'd love to see statistics on that. I wonder if the retirement age for women is higher than for men, taking into consideration time that women take off for child rearing.

[N8'sMom]

He's brings home the bacon....I bring home the milk!


Seriously though, he makes way more than I did or could in my profession, where actually my salary tops out and he can go higher and higher and higher.

Also I make milk, he doesn't.

[elisent]

My husband and I were hired at the same company on the same time and both had excellent performance reviews. When I became pregnant I worked until the day I went into labor. During my six week maternity leave my husband was promoted. Since then he has continued to get promotions while I have continued to disappoint my employers by having children. He now easily makes twice my salary so when we decided one of us should stay home it needed to be me.