what do you do when they start the excuses to avoid bedtime?

[blessedwithboys]

i dont think this is a nighttime parenting issue. ds is 3yo, and very smart. he has already figured out how to make up reasons to stay awake. our routine is basically brush teeth, drink of water, go potty, put on dipe. we do baths much earlier, followed by massage. doing bath and massage right b4 bedtime didnt work well for him, though i'm not sure why.

anyway, we get in my bed together and nurse, then cuddle in and that's when it starts. the "i'm thirsty" and "i'm hungry". i cover all the bases b4 we get in bed. how cruel is it to let him CIA's over this. he is 3yo after all, not a tiny baby that cant understand my words.

i should mention too that ds is very HN. all through his infancy, he needed to do cathartic CIA. he did this regularly. every few nights, he would wake up and not be comforted by nursing. i am single and have fibromyalgia, so most of the times when he did this, all i could do was lay in our sofa chair and hold him. i know CIA is ok, and sometimes they just need the release, i guess i just want to know how un-GD it is to tell my 3yo, "we already had a snack and water and now you are acting tired and must stay in bed and work to let your body fall asleep."

[tinaq]

My ds does the same thing. b/c I know it can be frustrating. I'll tell ds when he's getting his drink of water that this drink will have to last him all night so make sure you get as much as you need. Then, if he says something about it in bed, I just tell him that we already talked about it. IMO, I think it's okay to tell them, you had snack & some water, it's time for bed.

Tina

[oliversmum2000]

i dont know if others will diasagree but i dont think it would be cruel at all. everyone needs their rest especially small children and by staying with him he isnt being abandonned you are just letting him know what hes supposed to do at bedtime.

when my ds 1 was about the same age i stayed with him every night until he went to sleep but wouldnt let him leave his room to run around and play, i had a stair gate across the door and he had to stay in his room with me. he would nurse then want to go out and play then get cross then accept comfort and nurse then pop up and want to go and play again, then get angry then eventually accept comfort.

he adapted to the idea that he and i were going to stay in his room when it was bedtime until he went to sleep and in less than a week was fine with it i just needed some time to unwind and not have to meet the needs of a small child, i feel i became much more relaxed as a result.

i never left him so i dont think that he ever felt truly upset just annoyed that he couldnt do exactly what he wanted.

[tinaq]

: ITA.

Tina

[NB Mom]

My ds has been doing this kind of thing for about a year or so. I always let him have a snack before bed, and he can have a cup of juice. Then we brush his teeth, etc... but after he is in bed I do let him have water in a sippy cup. He has always been very thursty at night. Was an all night nurser for 15 months. I also sit on the end of his bed at night, sometimes I just have to be there for a few minutes until he is settled. Other times I have to stay until he falls asleep.
It has helped me to just expect this at night. I know that he will not just go to bed and stay there by himself, he is not that kind of child. The more I embrace this reality, the easier and more relaxed the evening is for everyone.

[Vermillion]

My 3yo DS has been doing this off and on for about 6 months. he does the whole drink, snack, another story, etc. My favorite excuse is that his knees are broken. :LOL That came about because he woke up once and his knees were hurting (growing pains perhaps) and we stayed up quite a while doing leg rubs, drink, more leg rubs… Now On the nights he really doesn’t want to go to bed he will say “owww… My knees are broke!” :LOL

I don’t really have any suggestions though. We both usually go to sleep at the same time and I don’t impose a bedtime for either us, so this rarely happens.

I just wanted to post because my DS is the same age and you are not alone!

[blessedwithboys]

thanks all for responding. i guess sometimes i read here about families that dont have "rules" and dont really discipline, and i get to thinking that anytime i impose any idea of my own whatsoever on my kids that i am wrong. our family needs a bedtime. the kids ACT tired, so i put them to bed. and i have never left the 3 yo alone in bed. i guess we'll keep on...thanks again!

[PikkuMyy]

The child I babysat for long-term was allowed to have a cup of water by his bed so that if he really was thirsty at any time, he could have a drink. Part of his bedtime ritual was putting fresh water in the cup. Other than that, it didn't become an issue.

[Piglet68]

When my DD was about 20 months she began waking in the middle of the night, wanting me to go out in the living room with her, and we'd be up for over an hour. At first she said she was hungry, so we'd eat. But then I began making sure she'd eat before bed. And I brought a sippy cup to the bedside (we cosleep). Finally I decided that this was not about hunger or thirst, so I decided it was time to set a limit. I explained to her during the day that nighttime is for sleeping, not for playing. When she woke in the middle of the night wanting to go out I said "nighttime is for sleeping". Now, it helped that DD would not go out of the room without me - I guess the dark made her nervous. So when I didn't get out of bed, she stayed in the bedroom. That first time I said no she began to wail. My DH asked me "do you think this is a good idea?" and I repled "I'm not sure, I'm going to play it by ear". No sooner had we said that, I swear, and she just stopped crying, got up and came back to bed and nursed to sleep. She tried it just a few more nights with barely any crying at all, and then it was over.

There is a difference between desperate, "I need you" crying and "I'm upset that things aren't going the way I want them to" crying...especially for older toddlers. I kept a close ear on what sort of crying it was with DD, and it was definitely the latter. So I guess what I'm saying is, if you are sure there aren't any other issues going on (and I'm assuming you've talked to him about it during the day), it's okay to set a limit.

A

[MsMoMpls]

One things that I suspect about bedtime is that what the kids want is more conversation and we give them that. We know that they are just using our own distraction tactic against us. Hey- it worked on them, why shouldn't it work on us? My best suggestion is do the "broken record" thing. One statement over and over again. "Goodnight dear"- no matter what they say. They have the answers, they know. Just keep putting them back to bed and repeating yourself. If you can't out distract them, out bore them. Sometimes Moms talk way too much. We love to hear ourselves explain ourselves.

[tinaq]

The more I embrace this reality, the easier and more relaxed the evening is for everyone.

I'm learning this is the case for a lot of things!

Vermillion~ I like the comment about your son & his knees being broken. Sounds like something my ds would say.

I have a new perspective on the sippy cup in bed. I can totally see how that would be something that might even be comforting to ds, esp. if worked into his routine. Also, he was an all night nurser, too & I didn't even think about that. Thanks for enlightening me, Mamas.

Tina

[maya44]

Originally Posted by MsMoMpls

One things that I suspect about bedtime is that what the kids want is more conversation and we give them that. We know that they are just using our own distraction tactic against us. Hey- it worked on them, why shouldn't it work on us? My best suggestion is do the "broken record" thing. One statement over and over again. "Goodnight dear"- no matter what they say. They have the answers, they know. Just keep putting them back to bed and repeating yourself. If you can't out distract them, out bore them. Sometimes Moms talk way too much. We love to hear ourselves explain ourselves.

YES! ITA!

By doing this our kids know that we are there if they truly need us (really sick, nightmare) etc... but that we are not going to get into a game of endlessly prolonging the night.