When can I start making rules?

[onandon]

No standing up in the tub. No biting mama (no biting daddy). That's all for now. 10 month old dd is changing rapidly. She took her first (7) steps today and I'm getting nervous!

I've read the other recent posts about biting and am working on preventing, distracting, substituting something else to bite, and not reacting strongly with my "OUCHs" so hopefully we can get through it quickly. I'm wondering when my "no biting" is going to stick.

As far as the tub goes I think that no standing up in the tub is fair since it's about her not getting hurt. However, I can barely keep her down. We're trying a new tub toy nearly every night, but really standing is her gig. Toys don't really matter when there's a world to explore. Is there a way to gently force sitting? Will repeatedly sitting her in my lap sink in at some point? She loves her bath time fun. Should I just do showers in a mesh sling until she's ready to sit?

I feel like my instincts guided my mothering a newborn baby but that I'm going to need some more resources for mothering a toddler. TIA!

[Linda KS]

Could you put a bath mat on the bottom of the tub to make it a non-slippery surface?

[I'm A CocoNut]

Is removing her from the tub when she stands up and saying 'if you want to finish your bath then you need to sit in the tub, please sit down, i get scared because i don't want you to slip and fall down, let's try again'....I am far from a pro at the appropriate catch words and approaches with the 'gentle discipline' techniques....if she won't sit down, can the bath just be finished, 'okay, i guess we are all done'.....???

[cmb123]

I'm assuming at 10months you're standing there the whole time in the tub. Let that be the safetly right there. You can still soap her up and bathe her, and she'll have a blast. It will be a lot more fun than spending the whole time trying to get her to sit.
As she gets bigger, she'll probably end up sitting in the bath on her own. It's not as fun to stand in there when you're taller. Right now she's probably at that perfect size where standing in the bath is the coolest thing ever.

[onandon]

I like the idea of the bath mat to make it safer and just letting her play in the way she wants to. We're still going right into the bath with her so I can keep my hands on her or close by at all times.
cmb123- I think you're right. She is the perfect size, the tub edges are a perfect hand hold and she just is thrilled to be there.
I bet it's also confusing to her for us to express to her standing is so great in the living room but not in the tub. So, these responses make me feel like this isn't a battle worth fighting which I appreciate.

[mommyofshmoo]

Heya-

I vote bathmat too. My feeling is whatever causes the least conflict either the most joint benefit in a given situation is best.

I know this might feel like a big deal because your dd is 10 months, but as the mom of an older toddlers I can tell you- this ain't nothin'! She'll only become better at standing as time goes on. She needs to be supervised in the tub at all times till at least three anyway. This is a problem that will take care of itself. There's no need to turn it into a struggle.

Will she slip and go under a few times? Of course! We all did and we all survived (because mom was there to help.)

Save your energy for the carseat, toothbrushing, and all the other fun struggles comming your way!

[Soundhunter]

I tried getting Emma not to stand,then I read on another board that some mom's I admired chose tostop fighting that battle, and I let it go, bath time has been much more enjoyable since.

As for rules, I began once Emma was mobile.

As for pinching and hitting though, I never made a big deal about them because I thought reacting too strongly would encourage the behavior. When she pinched I gently removed her hand, when she hit (it was usually accidental at first) I just calmly moved her hand away,I never said no or reacted. So far it's worked, she has no idea what hitting or pinching are and has never done either on purpose.

[mamamillie]

I am not a fan of "rules" per se. I would definitely not recommend your saying "No standing in the tub," "No biting," etc. Instead, IME it works much better to emphasize what she may do, rather than what she may not. If you choose to battle over standing in the tub, say "Sit down in the tub, please." Or "kiss mommy," instead of "No biting." I think the important things to remember, especially since you are talking about a child so very young, is to emphasize the positive, use as few words as possible, for example:

'if you want to finish your bath then you need to sit in the tub, please sit down, i get scared because i don't want you to slip and fall down, let's try again'

This is way too many words to use for a baby.
Also, use your actions more than your words. If she is doing something you don't want her to do, tell her what she can do and/or physically redirect her. I heard my sister the other day repeatedly tell her young son to "Get off the couch" (he was climbing on it) to the point where she started hollering it and was getting quite frustrated. IMO she would have done much better to say "Climb onto the floor," and if that didn't work, to get off her butt and go move him.
There is nothing wrong w having behaviors you will not allow, but I would refrain from setting "rules." Just use a simple phrase to communicate what she may do instead, and be consistant about preventing her from doing whatever you can't allow. If you always remove her saying "Climb on the floor," when she tries to climb on the couch, say, then she will quickly learn that she won't be allowed to do so. I imagine if you tried to make it a "rule" that there is "no climbing on the couch" that it would become a challenge for her and wind up as a tremendous power struggle.
Good luck!

[onandon]

It's really helpful to hear from parents of babies and children that have carefully considered these challenges. I appreciate the reminder that these situations do not have to be struggles. I think that one of the most important tips is to phrase my wishes in a positive way (please sit down, kiss mama instead of biting, etc).

mommyofshmoo-I know I'm in for some fun!! When you're pregnant people tell you all of these newborn nightmare stories. This newborn was easy! She didn't go anywhere!

I wish I spent more of my pregnancy (when I had tons of time) reading child development or parenting or discipline books instead of birth book after birth book after birth book.

[monkey's mom]

This article might help you as you transition from APing a baby to a toddler:

http://www.naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/toddler.html

Surviving the Toddler Years

Many attachment parents call me in bewilderment when their child's behavior or development does not meet their expectations. "I did everything right for her!" says a young mother, "She was born peacefully, I carried her all the time, and she is still nursing and sleeping with us. Now that she is two years old, I am just not sure what to expect, or how to deal with her many needs." Some parents have specific questions about eating, sharing, cooperation and developmental stages. Others simply aren't sure how much to limit, and how much freedom to provide. These issues can indeed be perplexing. We have no role models to follow, as most of us are not following in our parents’ footsteps.

[insahmniak]

Originally Posted by onandon

When can I start making rules?

....NEVER!
No Rule Making! That's not allowed!


...and a just a little bit of

My daughter's almost two and we don't have rules. Well, I have rules that apply to me, like don't leave the cell-phone within reach, keep the gate closed, don't say the word "booger" too many times in one day, no matter how silly you feel. (Booger! Does it count if I type it? )

I don't mean to dismiss your concern at all. I think it's great that you're so thoughtfully parenting. It's only been two years for me, but I've definitely learned that I can get a lot more results with a lot fewer "restrictions," and I have a much better relationship with my daughter because of it.

[Piglet68]

When my DD was the same age as yours, I bathed her while sitting beside the tub. This is how I handled standing. I would say "sit down, please" and manually sit her down. She'd smile and stand right back up again, and I'd smile and say it again, calm but firm, and sit her down again. She thought it was great fun. She did it about ten times that day, and each time I did the same thing. Next bath she did it a few times less, next bath only about three times, and then it was pretty much over. She didn't try standing save on rare occasions, and I'd just say "sit down, please" and she'd sit right back down. We never had issues over it again. It was the first "rule" I felt I'd taught her and it was very encouraging .