I slapped his hand

[Vegarchist]

Please don't tell me that it's alright and that I am a good momma. I am a bad momma, bad bad momma.

I can't believe it, it just happened. Dh had taken the plate off of the baseboard heater which contains the wires, and did not put it back. Nor did he tell me that it was off. Ds was playing at the window like he always does. When I looked over I saw that the wires were exposed. I yelled "NO! Chaim!" He said "No no," and then continued to go for it like he always does if you say no to him. I don't know what happened. I ran over to him saying "NO! CHAIM! Don't touch!" and I just slapped his hand. Of course he freaked out and cried and cried. WTF is wrong with me. It just seemd like the fastest way to keep him from touching it. I can't believe I hit my child.

I debated whether or not to tell dh (as we have not been communicating well lately). I did tell him that his little hazzard created a bad situation between me and the baby. He didn't ask what that meant. Later I told him. "I slapped Chaim's hand," and told him what happened. He just sat there and blinked at me. I said "Aren't you going to say something?" He said, "I'm sure you didn't do any permenant damage." I said "Thanks a lot, that's real supportive." He said, "What do you want me to say, that you shouldn't have done that?" I said, "No, maybe something like, 'It's okay.'" He said, "It's okay. It's good that you know you shouldn't do that." Thanks a lot, jerko.

Anyway, this is my confession. Please feel free to throw rotten tomatoes at me and comdemn me to GD hell. Or, if you are feeling particularly charitable, tell me that's it's okay, and I am still a good momma.

[hipumpkins]

That slap on the hand probably hurt a lot worse physically than getting zapped by the wires. A bad mom wouldn't think twice about the slap and just move on tho the next thing. A good mom questions her actions and seeks support to better handle situations. Hmmmmm...now which one are you?
You can tell your son that you panicked and didn't want hom to touch those wires b/c they very dangerous. You are sorry you frightend him and you wont do it again. Than forgive yourself, too.

[PrincessMommie]

s

I really think your a great mama who reacted out of fear for her babe!
Sounds like reacting with slaps is not something that has happened with you before, or that you have a problem with anger...therefore chalk it up to a very reactive action on your part, give your little one some extra cuddle time and forgive youself!

[famousmockngbrd]

Try not to beat yourself up over it. We all make mistakes.

Try not to come down so hard on your DH, either. He may not have wanted to say "It's OK" because, well, at the risk of sounding harsh, it's *not* OK. YOU know it's not OK, that's why you feel so bad about it. I can see myself saying the same type of thing to my DH if he told me he slapped DS's hand.

Plus, I know I'm really being a jerk here - but you kind of blamed him indirectly for you slapping your DC's hand, which isn't really fair. Only you are responsible for your actions. His leaving the cover off didn't *make* you respond that way. Yes, he should have put the cover back on, or at least warned you about it, but that's a whole separate issue.

Anyway. Live and learn, right?

[hunnybumm]

I sort of did the same thing about a week ago. We were visiting family in CA and my DS was outside playing in the front yard (fenced in) with the two dogs. My sister and I were outside talking, sitting about 5 feet from him. He kept man handleing one of the dogs. She would just sit there and take it, but that isn't something DS should be doing. I kept telling him "No, you need to be gentle to the dogs" then if he presisted I moved him away from the dog. Finally, he grabbed her face with both hands, like two hand fulls of skin. I ran over to him but he wouldn't let go. Without even thinking I lightly slapped his hand. He didn't let go and it didn't make any difference to him. But I felt so bad... I couldn't believe that I actually slapped his hand, and I hadn't even thought about it, I just did it. I was so embaressed because I had made a big deal about not hitting or spanking to my sister and she was right there and she saw me do it. She was little help as well, she just said something like "That's ok, he's not going to remember it."

No suggestions or comments just telling you my similiar experience.

[Fuamami]

I, too, did something like that once. We were painting and had the cover off of the outside outlet, and my dd, who was 1.5 at the time was playing in her little wading pool. I wasn't watching and she headed over to the outlet and actually touched it with her wet hand and it shocked her. I saw the blue electricity jump to her hand about the same time I knocked her over. I was so scared I started crying. It gave her a little jolt, not really a hurt, I don't think, but like what you'd get from a 9v battery. But she was really, really scared, too. I felt guilty for letting her get so close but not for pushing her over to keep her from grabbing it, and I wouldn't have felt guilty for slapping her hand away either. It would have been much better than getting shocked, right? It wasn't like she was just touching something valuable or that wasn't hers, and I think she understood that, too. We both cried about it for a while, and she never, ever goes near outlets now, which kind of sucks because I don't want her to live in fear. Accidents happen, though, and we just have to deal with them the best we can.

[MountainLovinMama]

Don't be too hard on yourself! You were acting in fear for your child's safety. You (and the other posters who shared similar stories) were trying to remove your child from a dangerous situation - wires and electrical shock, dog bite... You were not acting out of frustration or anger towards your child, but out of fear for what your child was doing and what the repercussions might be (electrical shock or a dog bite would be far more painful and dangerous than a slap from a loving and apologetic mama!). I'm not saying that slapping is the best resonse, but these are examples of where removing the child swifttly and conveying the seriosness of the situation were important. In the moment of a real or percieved threat to our childrren's safety, it is hard to think it all through and come up with a thoughtful, effective gentle response. Maybe this experience will make you better prepared with a great response for the next time something like this arises (let us know what that response would be!)

[Trinitty]

Momma,

It's okay. For goodness sake, this is the most understandable situation where one can see how hands could get smacked.

It's an instant reaction to DANGER. It's not like you were angry with your baby for being hungry or tired or sad and beat on him in the middle of Walmart. You smacked his hand away from a dangerous situation. Sure, you shouldn't hit your little one, but, don't freak out and think you're a horrible mother for reacting this way.

While your husband SHOULD have replaced the panel, he IS right. You did NOT do permanent damage to your son by smacking his hand. He cried because it hurt for that instant and it surprized him, (while in an ideal world we should never ever hit our children) it would have been MUCH worse if he had been electrocuted.

Don't be so hard on yourself! You sound very stressed. I can totally understand why you did that, you're NOT a bad Mother. Stop it.

Now, once you're more calm, and baby is asleep, have a sit-down with your husband over a pot of tea and nice music. Work on your "communication", because it won't get better on it's own. Parents who are happy and loving towards eachother are the BEST thing for a child, that's really the most important part of your post.

Take care Momma.

Trin.