Feeling conflicted about VBAC - need advice! - Page 3

[leahdbc]

Alison,

That sounds like a great plan! I am sorry you are in such a spot but it does sound like you are thinking your way out of it so to speak. I hope the meeting goes well and that your doc is able to understand where you are coming from and let you gain a bit more control back. (it is tough being a control freak, I fully understand!)

I think that is wonderful about your mom wanting to help in that capacity. On quite the opposite side of the coin, my mom knows she will be present at this birth (she is a licensed massage therapist, how can I turn that down?!) but was offended that dh and I wanted a doula present as well. She doesn't understand that I need her for me, but I we need the doula for us - to be strong when we are wavering. My mom turns to mush when I am in pain and still blames the midwife for not noticing my son's breech position for so long. She will be an asset to me, but in no way is she an advocate for the birth I am trying for. How nice that your mom is that for you though - way to go mom!

I look forward to hearing how things go for you in 2 weeks. Keep us posted

(we meet with our OB on Monday with a litany of new VBAC questions! I think, though, that all will go positively)

[Electra375]

A tip I use when going to the doctor's and I have things I need to say and remember to say them -- I write everything down, typed out, and I do it in a format that I could just hand to the doctor, but usually I use it as crib notes.

Depending on the situation, I've used bullet format as well as paragraph detailed explainations that I could read verbatum. I've even left spaces after questions for me to write in what the doctor says.

This has helped me tremendously...

[daekini]

that's a great idea...
She's always throwing me off by interrupting me. That may help me to stay on track.

[elvispupy]

Originally Posted by daekini

I was really shocked when she essentially said she wouldn't read a birth plan if I wrote one. I felt like she was saying that my wishes were totally invalid, and something to be disregarded. I'm trying very hard to want to keep her as an OB. I have 10 weeks left and I'm not feeling up to switching right now. The devil you know.... is sometimes just a lot less scary than the devil you don't. Especially 'round here.

How about writing an advanced directive/informed refusal document. Check this out: http://www.birthpolicy.org/ican05.htm

[daekini]

There's some really interesting information in that website!!!! I am SO HAPPY you shared it!

Electra375 you should read the section on Patient Abandonment and the Right to Care - I'd bet your physician violated some of the principles outlined in the document.

I hope that my conversation with the OB will prevent me from having to use the informed refusal document.

If anyone is wondering why on earth I'd stick with her, I do have to make the point that I think she is a very competent, if overly cautious, OB and up to this last appointment I was thrilled with her and her desire for me to attempt a VBAC; she is actually the one who convinced me to even consider it. I just have to figure out what is going on now that made her defensive about the thought of my having a doula. I wonder if asking about a doula put me into a new "category" of patient, at least in her mind. I know that some physicians in our region may have preconceived notions about people who choose alternatives to the norm. Funny how slow some regions are to get with the program - many areas employ midwives and doulas in the hospital, here many physicians scorn them, ime. A friend of mine drove an 1 & 1/2 hours to a hospital in another town where she could have a hospital birth with a midwife.

[daekini]

Everyone was so helpful while I was trying to decide what to do about VBACing, I thought I'd share the outcome.

Miles was born on July 29! I went into labor 3 weeks early. It was wonderful to feel what labor is like - my previous c-section was scheduled and I never felt a labor pain.

In the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy, the cyst on my ovary doubled in size and began to look like something other than a "simple" cyst. My choices were to have the cyst and ovary removed during a c-section or have surgery 6 weeks post-partem, which would mean no breastfeeding for nearly a week. I was concerned about trying to pump and bottlefeed so early on, so I opted for the c-section.

My doctor arrived after about 12 hours of unmedicated labor - my contractions were 3 minutes apart. I went into the operating room with more fear than I've ever experienced - I just wanted to go home and crawl in bed with my 2 year old, I was terrified that I'd not make it through the surgery and that I might have cancer. I was so frightened that I nearly panicked, so I shut myself down emotionally. It was an awful experience - my son being born and me feeling almost nothing emotionally.

However, it is a very good thing that I had the c-section! When my doctor made her incision she discovered that during the course of my labor, my previous c-section scar on the uterus had begun to "dehisce" or open up. She was glad that we'd not tried to VBAC and felt that I could have completely ruptured if it had continued, but she's pro-VBAC and was careful to mention that she couldn't be sure what really would have happened. Only that something would have had to be done about the opening on my scar.

The removal of the cyst made my surgery take longer than a normal c-section. The cyst, thank goodness!, turned out to be a benign teratoma (icky tumor with hair and teeth cells) and I was able to keep my ovary. One of the residents almost passed out and had to put her head between her knees when she saw it!

More good news - I recovered my emotions pretty quickly, and Miles nursed for the first time about 45 minutes after birth. Basically he latched on and hasn't let go yet! He weighed 8 lbs 2 oz, and is already over 13 lbs now! I love having a son and a daughter. I'm truly blessed!

Thanks again for all your help and support. It means so much to me!
love,
ali

[Itlbokay]

Congratulations on your newest family member!!

It sounds like everything worked out for the best


The tumor, is that the kind where it was probably an absorbed twin?

[Electra375]

Congratulations!!!



I am glad you and your ds are a great nursing couple!

You had a very hard decision to make. I'm sorry you had such fear, I've been there in a 2nd c/s with the fear and anxiety and wanting to run out of the operating room (in my dreams I did run)... But knowing what needed to be done. I wasn't so lucky to nurse 45 min after birth -- I got my ds2 after nearly 4 1/2 hours after birth.

[daekini]

Nope, not an absorbed twin, though a lot of people think that's what they are - I was really freaked out about it! They're actually just embryonic cells that can give rise to whatever they want to be, and they probably start early on in your development in the womb but don't really get growing until some hormonal situation makes them get going. Either way, pretty gross!!!

[rainbowmoon]

congrats to you Alision on making an informed choice. glad to hear baby and mama are well. (hope your enjoying the cosleeper btw! )

[Electra375]

http://www.estronaut.com/a/dermoid_c...xplanation.htm

I had to look up your cyst b/c it sounded gross yet facinating. Hair and teeth cells are the most common. So poo poo for the resident for getting ill -- it likely won't be the only one they will come across in their medical residency.

[daekini]

Hey, thanks for looking that up! I wanted a bit more info about it to share with dh. Or to gross him out, anyway!

Rainbowmoon, we love the cosleeper. But I rarely fail to think of you and your loss every time I lay Miles into it, and I remember that your dh had to set it up so you could get photos of it for me... I've been so upset for you. I hope you're making out okay in spite of everything... Let me know if I can do anything at all for you...
love,
ali

[Dee-Dee]

I too am conflicted!

Hi, my name is Dee-Dee. I'm a SAHM to 16 month old Marnie Leigh and I'm 19 weeks pregnant, (expecting a boy in Feb.)
I had a c-section because after pushing for 2 1/2 hours my dd was NOT coming out! She was posterior and although my dh and I could see and touch her head with every push she was too big. She was 8 lbs 12oz and I'm not big! I'm very happy with the way her birth went, I laboured and pushed naturally with family and a doula by my side until there was no energy left and she wasn't coming out. All that to say I feel that I've experienced both natural childbirth and the agony of a c-section. (Which got infected a few days after being at home). I don't know what to do this time around. I am TERRIFIED OF THE PAIN!!!!!! I feel that I can't handle it a second time. I don't and can't have the same amount of energy that I did the first time seeing as how I'm chasing after a toddler!! GULP!
Thanks for any words of wisdom or advice in advance.
Dee-Dee

[stafl]

Originally Posted by Dee-Dee

Hi, my name is Dee-Dee. I'm a SAHM to 16 month old Marnie Leigh and I'm 19 weeks pregnant, (expecting a boy in Feb.)
I had a c-section because after pushing for 2 1/2 hours my dd was NOT coming out! She was posterior and although my dh and I could see and touch her head with every push she was too big. She was 8 lbs 12oz and I'm not big! I'm very happy with the way her birth went, I laboured and pushed naturally with family and a doula by my side until there was no energy left and she wasn't coming out. All that to say I feel that I've experienced both natural childbirth and the agony of a c-section. (Which got infected a few days after being at home). I don't know what to do this time around. I am TERRIFIED OF THE PAIN!!!!!! I feel that I can't handle it a second time. I don't and can't have the same amount of energy that I did the first time seeing as how I'm chasing after a toddler!! GULP!
Thanks for any words of wisdom or advice in advance.
Dee-Dee

you said it right there, she was posterior. who knows if she would have fit if she had been positioned properly?

[daekini]

I think that it is a mistaken belief that women are too small to bear their children, but it's an easy way for a doctor to explain all the complexities of a delivery that doesn't go as expected. If your baby was positioned correctly then you would have been able to birth her! You'll be able to do it, and from what I've heard, it's less painful if the baby is positioned correctly. So find a provider who knows how to get the baby or you in a position that will maximize the likelyhood of a successful VBAC, and visit www.spinningbabies.com for more help!

Don't believe it if anyone tells you that your body couldn't deliver the baby because she was big and you are small. I said that to my OB and she told me that she had delivered dozens of 10+ lb babies to 100 lb tiny women from a less developed country than the US.

[rainbowmoon]

I know exactly how you feel. I pused for almost 5 hours with ds and ended up with a c/s due to "failure to descend". ds was posterior and the labor was so painful I transferred from the birth center to the hospital for an epidural. it was totally my choice for the c/s though and I opted for it when I was just too exhausted. (I was up and in labor for over 36 hours)

with my last birth the pain was NOWHERE near as bad as dd was in the right position. I was terrified though throughout my whole pg that I would have the same kind of pain. I did LOTS of hands and knees positioning though in the few weeks before dd was born and watched how I was sitting making sure my knees were never higher than my pelvis. it helped a TON and baby was in the right position.

also try working on deep breathing as that helps a ton with the pain too.

I would be VERY wary of depending on your CP to make sure baby is in the right position though as that was my BIGGEST mistake with my c/s baby as I totally did this and my mw's weren't real concerned about his position until it was too late. the nurses at the hospital were actually more knowledgable than my mw's on positiong which was totally weird to me.

I would check out the spinning babies site and do all you can to get baby lined up correctly on your own. it sooo helped me and my labor wasn't a fraction as bad as w/ my posterior c/s baby. though I did push for almost 4 hours.

Originally Posted by Dee-Dee

Hi, my name is Dee-Dee. I'm a SAHM to 16 month old Marnie Leigh and I'm 19 weeks pregnant, (expecting a boy in Feb.)
I had a c-section because after pushing for 2 1/2 hours my dd was NOT coming out! She was posterior and although my dh and I could see and touch her head with every push she was too big. She was 8 lbs 12oz and I'm not big! I'm very happy with the way her birth went, I laboured and pushed naturally with family and a doula by my side until there was no energy left and she wasn't coming out. All that to say I feel that I've experienced both natural childbirth and the agony of a c-section. (Which got infected a few days after being at home). I don't know what to do this time around. I am TERRIFIED OF THE PAIN!!!!!! I feel that I can't handle it a second time. I don't and can't have the same amount of energy that I did the first time seeing as how I'm chasing after a toddler!! GULP!
Thanks for any words of wisdom or advice in advance.
Dee-Dee

[kerc]

Originally Posted by Dee-Dee

I had a c-section because after pushing for 2 1/2 hours my dd was NOT coming out! She was posterior and although my dh and I could see and touch her head with every push she was too big. She was 8 lbs 12oz and I'm not big! I'm very happy with the way her birth went, I laboured and pushed naturally with family and a doula by my side until there was no energy left and she wasn't coming out. All that to say I feel that I've experienced both natural childbirth and the agony of a c-section.

briefly because I have to get off the web soon -- I just had a VBAC 8 days ago after having the same experience you did with your first. I can't believe I even considered NOT trying for a VBAC. I feel so much better, the birth went really well and little Leah is here!

what did I do differently?
1. I knew she was posterior BEFORE labor and acted to try to turn her (and it worked!) -- www.spinningbabies.com and there's a book called something like "stand up and take notice" (maybe sit up?) helped with that.

2. I saw a chiropractor who didn't really adjust my spine as much as loosen the ligaments holding my uterus, which was pulling back to the right (along with my pelvis) and holding my baby on the right side.

3. I found a doula who I felt was experienced enough with all kinds of births and wasn't as naive as the first one we had.

4. I walked/ran/swam throughout my pregnancy.

and
5. I decided that I really wanted a vaginal delivery -- preferred a vaginal delivery to a csection. So for me if I were having back labor and exhausted and not dilating again -- I might have opted for some kind of drugs/iv to let me sleep a bit and rest.


with regards to a birth plan --- I strongly think a birth plan isn't as necessary to have on paper as it is to discuss with your doctor, doula and partner. They all knew what I wanted and we had all discussed what kinds of things I didn't want. So I felt supported by my doula and dh when I refused to have my bag of waters broken before I was fully dilated. No surprise for them because we'd already discussed it.