My daughter said to me one day "Mom, it's in the genes! I'm gay."
It surprised me. I did not think it would last. I didn't hope for an outcome one way or the other. That was over a year ago -- almost two years. She is 15 now. The reality is that, right now, she is bisexual. She has a girlfriend (nearly the last person on earth whom I would choose for my beautiful daughter
: ) who is not good for her in so many ways. I take a little comfort in the fact that, despite what she may believe, I KNOW that this relationship is not permanent.
She has liked a couple of boys in the last year or so. She still very much checks out guys and includes them in the list of "Who's hot".
I encourage my daughter to not put labels on herself. At this age, I don't want herself putting her into a box. When we talk, it is usually in terms of that she "likes boys and girls" and we avoid the labels almost all of the time.
I forgot to tell her that the easy life she sees and experiences with us (me and my partner) is not the same life found behind the walls of a high school. I don't know how I forgot. I guess I didn't expect her to have to deal with it to much degree at school. However, her girlfriend recently started attending her school (again)
. They are "out and proud" and they are definitely feeling the homophobia and the snotty remarks. So far, however, no threats or anything really horrible. The school is a "Safe School" with regard to gay/lesbian/bi youth and they are aware of their relationship so I feel secure that they are safe.
When I think of her future, I am not fearful of what society has in store for her. I have been with my partner for four years, live in the Seattle metro neighborhood, and have not ever experienced one incident of direct, blatant or confrontational homophobia. We all have a long long way to go for total acceptance and inclusion, but I am glad that her safety, in general, is not at stake.
My fears are centered around the KIND of person she chooses to be with and not the person's gender. I want her to experience her relationships or encounters with caring, happy, nice, respectful, productive, intelligent, honest, appreciative, kind, loving people--whether they be male or female.
I recently signed her up at a local "drop-in" center for gay/lesbian/bi/trans youth and I'm looking forward to her being able to hang out with other kids who she can relate to on that level. Additionally, there is a camp in Washington State which caters one week to children of LGBTQ parents and another week to youth who are LGBTQ or questioning same.
Hang in there and keep breathing. You sound like a very loving mom and I'm sure everything will be just fine.