Anyone else feel Bad at being a SAHM? - Page 3

[Greaseball]

Yeah, I want a wife! Sometimes I wish polyamory was legal.

[1mitten]

Indeed!

I, too get overwhelmed at times by being a SAHM. I have a slightly unusual circumstance, I WAH and my husband has his business at home as well, so there can be a ridiculous amount of family time together. I've been a SAHM for 6 years now, and still feel a lot of guilt that I should be "doing more" with myself rather than just sitting at home with my kids. On the flip side, I can't imagine just seeing my guys at dinner and bedtime, and having them spend 8-5pm in a daycare somewhere.

I'm often embarrassed when people ask me what I do. Though I do have two jobs I do from home, they still don't feel like real careers; more like temporary jobs. And being a SAHM still doesn't feel like a noble career/life choice at times. Does anyone else feel like this?

[robugmum]

Can I join in? Wow! Am I ever glad to have found this thread! I too, feel like a terrible housekeeper. We actually sacrifice a lot of extras so that we can have someone come in and give the house a good clean every 2 weeks. Its well worth the expense, in our opinion. But I too, view the housekeeping role as very seperate from the mothering or parenting role. I feel like I am a pretty good mama about 90% of the time. But that other 10%! Yikes! I often wonder if I would lose it less if I worked outside the home. But, in the end it always seems to come down to the realization that our lives would be so much more hectic and stressful, we'd all be so much more tightly wound and stretched for time. So, although there are times when I feel like the worst mama ever, I still feel like I've made the best decision for my family.

[LuvMyBabos]

Originally Posted by robugmum

...I often wonder if I would lose it less if I worked outside the home. But, in the end it always seems to come down to the realization that our lives would be so much more hectic and stressful, we'd all be so much more tightly wound and stretched for time. So, although there are times when I feel like the worst mama ever, I still feel like I've made the best decision for my family.

I actually said this to myself this morning.

[vermonttaylors]

Ha! I know just what you mean. I despise housework and will do almost anythhing to get out of it. Problem is, I also hate living in a pigsty and I can't really figure out if I want to hire in someone to help. .We live in a really rural area, and we all rely so much on our neighbors, I would feel funny about having someone local come in to clean for us. I'm just not sure I want that relationship to someone in our community. You are so not alone at not being good at this SAH thing!

Cheers!
April - mama to Kai b.12/30/03
waiting for a referral for baby #2
Vermont

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Poor mama! My first child is definately a high needs child, and 3 is about the worst age ever for any kid, but with high needs, it can be life draining. I hope you don't mind some suggestions, believe me I know how you feel, and these are just some of the things I learned over the years. My dh1 is now 6 and we have a much better relationship due to many factors.
1. Do whatever you need to avoid confrontation, unless absolutely necesary. (ie. if you can arrange to do the shopping while dh watches dd(I know this isn't always possible) Mostly for your own sanity!
2. keep the rules short and simple
3. Actually, I should have made this #1, make sure to take time for yourself. Read, exercise, take a long bath, what ever helps you relieve stress. I used to wake up feeling stressed, because I knew ds1 was going to be tough. So I started getting up early and exercising first, that way I started the day positively, and approached ds1 with a happier attitude.
4. Get dh involved as much as possible. Your relationship with dd may need some space for both of you to get along. When dh is home make sure he is in charge of caring for dd.
5. If possible, get out of the house with dd to do something fun. Maybe a trip to the playground, or a play group. I've found that on our worst days a change in venue almost always brings out a change in attitude.
6. Don't feel guilty if the laundry or dishes pile up. Maybe you could try on the weekends to do laundry and then you and dh could fold it together. Similarly, do dishes at night together maybe. I have found that I hate to do house cleaning alone, but it isn't so bad when I have dh's company.
7. Vent, vent, vent, vent!!
8. Laugh! Sometimes the only thing that saved my sanity was to laugh at the absolute craziness of my life. Try to get dd to laugh too, it always relieve tension. Tickling and silliness, even when started completely fakely, has a way of seeping into your body and making it a better day.

I know these suggestions may seem a bit simple, but they are what really helped me get through many crazy days. You are certainly not alone. I really think that being a sahm is one of the hardest jobs in the world with the littlest acknowledgement or compensation in the world. It can also be the best and most fulfilling job too. Just hang in there, and it will get better. I'll be sending you strength and

[OTMomma]

race kelly- Thank you so much for the suggestions. A number of those are things I try to do when I'm thinking clearly. I think I will print those out to put on the fridge so I can do better with them. It is also so wonderful to hear that it will get easier as she gets older. I've been hoping, but its nice to hear someone say that I'm not diludeing myself, that 3 is just part of the problem. And thank heaven she can't be 3 forever! LOL

[robugmum]

Race kelly, very good advice. You've summed it up really well! I find getting out of the house is my best coping strategy. There's been times when we've all been grouching and yelling at each other, then the moment we're out in the fresh air, the kids are singing, I'm happy, the world is all of a sudden, a good place again!

[annarosa]

I've got the 3 year old daily battle of wills at the moment - so you have my sympathy ...I can only hope that things will get better for both of us and then we can start enjoying SAHMing again .......?