Hi Everyone! So I'm getting an idea of the Taxol which I started on fri, so far NO NAUSEA!!!
but I seem to be very very tired :yawning: Well, that's o.k. although I seem to be getting some shooting pains in my feet, hands, etc. but I will be making Advil my good friend if it gets worse!
I want to somehow say something useful and profound about the surgery issue since I've already had mine, but I think it comes down to such a personal decision for everyone. I could share though how I feel at this point, but just remember that some of my circumstances are different.
Before surgery the doc talked about possibly doing a lumpectomy with a sentinel-node biopsy, but as further scans seemed to indicate more than one focus within the breast for the cancer, I decided that my overwhelming feeling was not to take any chances. I guess just looking at my kids made me feel that I absolutely wanted to do the MAXIMUM. Now that I've had a full mastectomy with 31 lymph nodes removed (6 were positive) and the extent of the cancer was even greater than originally thought, I'm extremely happy about my decision (although I'm also glad that this is what the docs were recommending--it's hard to willinging say lop my breast off if it's not necessary, like "take my arm" or something).
I'm not sure if you remember my post back in April after the surgery, but I felt very positive afterwards, as if the cancer was really GONE! I've been looking at the chemo now and radiation to follow (both of which have/will be also very aggressive) as a sort of "mopping up" and extra insurance. (I'm ER neg and HER2 neu neg by the way so there's nothing that I can take after treatment in the way of a miracle drug to prevent recurrence
(Although I've heard low fat diet and exercise might help, so that ain't too bad!! although I'm wondering does that mean no ice cream?!
Anyway, now I've had time to live with my scars--and they're adding up!--the main one is about 6 or 7 inches across the right half of my chest all the way along to under my arm pit. I really quite like it in some ways, it's a little bit serpentine. Then there are the 2 holes about 3 inches below where the drain tubes exited my chest, and then there will be the scar from the port-cath above my left breast, and possible a little one on my neck where they accessed my jugular for the tube. I guess it sounds like a lot but believe it or not it somehow just feels right to me. I mean I might change my mind, but I somehow feel that getting the diagnosis and finding out how serious it was absolutely turned my life upside down and tore me apart inside--just comtemplating everything in terms of my ds and baby--I feel like the outside of me just matches the inside. I know that might sound weird, but I don't really want to try to put another breast back there. I feel like I have a battle scar that I want to live with and remind me what I've been through. I do however want to heal emotionally, and I think that's why I still keep thinking about the tattoo idea. I checked with my radialogist yesterday and she said there is no danger, I still think I'd like to get a big sunflower tattooed right where my breast was, something beautiful and incorporating the scar lines, something sexy
It's funny I've never wanted a tattoo before, I always worried about permanently disfiguring myself, but I guess that's just not such a big issue for me anymore!!
I haven't been wearing a prosthesis or anything, my other breast is really quite small now that I'm no longer pregnant/breastfeeding, so I haven't been wearing a bra, and haven't really minded walking around slightly lopsided. In some ways I think if more women felt comfortable with one breast, people might become more aware of the problem of breast cancer, and understand that everyone can come in different shapes and sizes. Anyway, as I say I may change my mind, I could opt for prothesis, surgery down the line, but for now I feel comfortable with my decision to not have reconstruction, to reclaim my body and soul in my own way, and maybe make a bit of a statement at the same time.
Big big love to all you beautiful mamas!!!!!!