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Mamas Surviving Cancer... NEW THREAD -May - Page 7

post #121 of 245
Thanks EFmom, that's good advice, and I was totally asking for advice! Yeah, I think I should try to be a little more careful, I think sometimes if I pretend I'm not sick then I won't be sick, but that doesn't always seem to work! That sounds pretty nasty about the toenails, yikes! Did you also experience mood fluxuations? I think I remember you mentioning that your doc had given you something for depression. Are you still taking it? I felt so terrible and depressed today, maybe also related to low counts? I'm not sure. I'm feeling a bit better now, and not really sick any more either, but I seem to be losing it a lot more frequently lately, crying a lot, crabby, etc. I did feel pretty good though when I decided to loot all the loot bags that I forgot to hand out to the kiddies at the party. I ate ALL the smarties and ALL the twizzlers from ALL the bags. That made me feel better! I'm thinking also that I'm going to start using the smiley guys, I'm not sure why I had been resisting. :

Anyway, sending lots of love and kisses everyone!
post #122 of 245
I'm on 10mg of Lexapro. I've been on it for several months now, and it has helped a great deal. I'm not weepy all the time and feel much more like myself. I'm not a pill taker under normal circumstances, so it sound weird to say taking drugs makes me feel more like myself, but it's true. When this whole ordeal is over, I'll go off it, but for now it has helped me cope. Of course, a little Twizzler therapy isn't half bad, either!
post #123 of 245
Hi, Everybody! I feel so out of touch. I've missed you all. I have company, so don't have a lot of time to indulge myself with long computer sessions.

I think the taxol makes me grouchy(er) :LOL . I definitely get agitated. Whatever you need to help keep your mood on track, I say go for it. EFMom, your Twizzler therapy sounds very similar to my chocolate therapy.

Just wanted to let you all know I'm thinking of you. Hopefully, I will have my last round tomorrow. I'm not going to call it that until I get a clear path report.

post #124 of 245
Thread Starter 
..just checking in quick...
I feel like I need this : ..sorry for that last post you guys... I knwo we need eaach other to vent but we really really need the positivity here ....so I do feel badly for that....

Still no myhrrmaid here?

I hear you girls on the yummy treat fixes....
I also hear you on the mood swings...I have them too... I just think it is all related to the chemos no matter which brand you have raging through your veins...

I did color this hair I have coming in and it did color but it looks like not evenly..so I forget who mentioned about it not taking..you maybe right...but I like the results I got..it seems to have grabbed the grey I had coming in and that is what I wanted...

We went to see fireworks last night at the local lake here and that was nice...dd was really "awww'd" by the bright lights..hard to believe she will be 1 in a month!:

AuntieM wishing you well tomorrow and praying for crystal clear scans for you....

Janet...ITA with EFmom on the fever issue..my oncologist says the same as here fever over 100.5 is ER time.
I am suffering from a sore throat and a bit of a cough now and stress myself out over it all day and night but I have no fever; yet I worry~do I call about it or not. It does not bother me through the day it is worse at night, and you can get sore throat from chemo, but dd has had a bit of a cold in her eye and a cough too, so who knows...it is so hard to tell....

I am teaching myself how to sew to keep my mind busy to get me through these next two months...
I am trying to just take each day as it comes...

post #125 of 245
HIIIII!!! Sorry I've been MIA! I have been sick!ukeukeukeukeI HATE puking! I puked all over myself in the car-in starbucks drive thru no less-(I've never even been there before!)Went out for my labs and tried to make a kind of normal day out of it by going out to lunch ....bad idea. at least I finally figured out it's the fentanyl patches that were making me sick so I'm better now. my port has been used once for chemo and seems to work fine but they can't do blood draws from it. they want to go back and do some dye tests and said something about putting another one in-hahahaha...NOT!i'm turning into a 'more difficult' patient! I was difficult before....i read somewhere that patients that are perceived as difficult by dr.'s-the patients who ask questions and the like, statistcally live longer...so I figure I'm adding years to my life! :LOL now I really just need to get a little strength back before they just knock me down again. I feel like I can't get any grounding then they land another blow. As far as it feels and I can tell the treatment is working. My body is working overtime and a 1/2 and i feel like this squeeze shrinking in my pelvis-it's weird. I made the mistake of going underwater in my bath and heard the 17, 3 alarm fires and disaster going on inside me-it was really kind of freaky! It's like all system go down(?)this panicky pulsing and pushing and fighting and dieing-things being moved-which reminds me -member when they plowed those two hills across from your house at the school? They are across the st. right now-have cleared and made a road directly in front of our home for the 90 acres that sold that are being logged! We have 100's of displaced birds that are in the yard everyday. It's a good thing the little ones had just learnt to fly!
I LOVE ADVIL TOO! That stuff works and it works fast! I do have to be careful with the 600 mg ones-when my stomach was on the rise-I quit taking them.
me and dh were talking about how when we would hear about someone getting cancer it would be like-well, we better say goodbye. but then we realized we know many people who really are survivors out of treatment and cleared of cancer! so I said well i guess it's not a death sentence anymore. and dh chimed in nope-just a trip through hell!!! so my motto has been-cancer-no longer a death sentence-just a trip thru hell!ithTheBestSenseOfHumor,OfCourse:
Even though I'm sick I laugh like all get out with my 15 y.o ds! If you can heal from laughter-i'm well on my way!
we've all been doing a lot of lounging around in bed together-that has been sooooo nice! My cuddling with dd has been hampered by the port also and it has made it difficult for dd right now. She so much needs skin on skin contact and i have to wear a bra right now. I tell ya-if I could show you this port-you'd agree it's in my BOOB! Boobs wiggle, jiggle and waddle(well, mine do!) and that just-to me-doesn't seem like an ideal place to put this!.(?) What the h e double L toothpicks do I know anyways??? What the H E double L toothpicks do they know!?
I'm sorry we are missing out on so much-or feel that we are. we are making plans to go to crescent city next 4th of july. They have a spectacular show at the harbor, I mean spectaculiscious! It was like alright already alright already-like a shroom trip gone on too long! :LOLay Fun!
Who can resist the coast? The sea is so healing! My dearest velcromom made me some of the nicest goat milk, mineral salt and seaweed soap! My skin is INCREDIBLE! Is the chemo making your skin so soft too or is it this soap?
miss ya's when I'm away and always glad to see's ya!:LOVE
post #126 of 245
Thread Starter 
myrrhmaid..sooo glad to finally see you hear...Love_ your_ post...so inspiring!
Thank you.....
post #127 of 245
myrrhmaid - I always had to go lay down in the chemo room for them to be able to draw blood from my port. Once they got the chemo started, I had to lay down more than sit up, and sometimes the drip would slow and they'd make me wiggle around.

((hugs)) to all you great mamas!
post #128 of 245
So good to "hear" from so many of you strong women!

I had no idea that blood draws could be done from a port! I get mine in my arms, but I have a port. The draws don't bother me much though. My oncologist has the sweetest, gentlest phlebotomists.

No yummy treat fixes for me. My sense of taste has totally gone nuts with the last round of chemo. I'm calling it the Proctor and Gamble Diet because everything tastes like soap. It is totally gross. I've been trying to force myself to eat (now there's a new experience for me :LOL ) but it is hard. I keep thinking of things that might not taste too bad, but once I get them in my mouth, yuck!!! Poor dh has been getting dinner ready. The meals look great but I can't manage more than a mouthfull without gagging. So somebody please eat something tasty for me and tell me all about how good it was because I need to do this vicarously!

Myrrh, I love your motto! And ITA, I have to keep laughing. My dds were getting silly last night and were making up goofy names for everyone in the family. I'm now "Gertrude McFuzz" because of my newly emerging hair.

My skin initially wacked out completely from the chemo--big red scaly patches and mucho acne. I'm not sure what made me try it, but I started doing the OCM with coconut oil and my skin is great now.
post #129 of 245
No time for a decent post... : Just want to say. Hi Myrrhmaid!!!!!!!

Take care dear friends!
post #130 of 245
HIIII Everybodee! Just gettin ready to go to chemo @ 3 but wanted to pop in and say HI!
Blood draws can be done through a port efmom, but only by an R.N. I don't mind the labs so much anymore through my arm and I get to go to a gal whose real good at it. She cracks me up each time ...before she pokes me she says "big prick" and gratefully due to her skill I barely feel it so I 'scoff' at her each time and asked her 'that's what YOU think a big prick is, huh? :LOL' I'm planning a party of some sort in my brain for when i'm hairy again! It had been 20 yrs. since i shaved my legs. i'd clip my pits, and pluck my chin-not looking forward to having that back! I bet mine will either come in curly or dark!or BOTH!
EFMom, my taste had left too-then came back-so hopefully it's very temporary. I took some extra zinc too-besides taking daily multiples-hoping that helped too. It is awful to not be able to taste! My tongue is weirded out anyways-the corners of my mouth are sore and crusty and the lil flap things under my tongue are sore. (woowoo I sound like a charmer! Actually I look like that clown from the syndicated newspaper cartoon i think it's called zippy the clown-not pretty!:LOL!) dh shaved the rest of the fuzz I have into a mohawk. it looks absolutely ridiculous but I was so taken back by how happy dh is that I'm taking it this way if you know what i mean...
Today I will be going to chemo with a family member along with me, my cuz/sis. Ds watches dd until dh gets home from work. This way we don't all have to slough on down there-so there is a calming element added to today's trial. I like to eat/drink during chemo-it helps my tummy-so she's packed a picnic for us and I am feeling pampered. It's amazing how so little can means so much!
! Here's to us, brave beauties of battle!
post #131 of 245
Myrrhmaid! I'm so glad to see your posts!! We missed you!! Think we need a group hug!!! I really should be tidying and vacuuming right now, we're trying to get ready for being away all day at the hospital, I'm going in for round 5 tomorrow, I'm half way! Well, then there's radiation, but whatever. I start Taxol tomorrow, which apparently is made from the Yew tree, I think I like the sound of that, feels very nature healing or something. I had to take a large dose of steroids tonight and another tomorrow morning, to ward off possible reactions to the Taxol. I forgot to take them at dinner--they're supposed to be taken with food--luckily there was half a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half-Baked frozen yogurt in the freezer! Better go finish cleaning, this place is a disaster zone as usual. We have pretty low standards, I usually figure if nothing's on fire we're doing pretty good, but the babysitter's coming so we like to put a little extra effort in!

nighty night everyone!!!! I'll let you know how the next poisoning goes!!!!

love janet
post #132 of 245
Janet, I feel like cleaning & such the 2 days before my next chemo too. I think I just start to feel normal again & want t get a handle on things before I need to take it easy. How did you tolerate the taxol?

I'm nearing surgery & having a tough time deciding how to proceed. I had planned (& still do so far) on just having the tumor site removed. I'm starting to think of my risk of recurrence which is pretty high. I don't want to let my breast go yet. I still have plans of using it again.... Just not sure what the right thing to do is...

Myrrh, it's nice that you have someone else to go with you so that your family can have a break. I hope that you are nausea free.

I just feel so AAAACCCKKKK right now. It's been hard for me to think about posting because I don't really know what to say.

EFMom, the peach fuzz is pretty funny isn't it? For the longest time I thought the new hair was my imagination. I've taken the clippers to it again to even it all out. I'm thinking that I'll do that until it starts to grow in more.

to you all!!!!
post #133 of 245
auntieM, I'm just about in the same place in terms of trying to decide what to do. It is a huge decision to have to make. Half of me is hoping for a lumpectomy, and the other half is saying do a bilateral mastectomy because I think I have a fair chance of recurrance (but I'm soooo happy about Herceptin). My sister had hers come back twice. If I go the mastectomy route, I'm going to want reconstruction, so should I get it immediately or after radiation? Arrgh! When I wake up in the middle of the night I go through these scenarios endlessly. I'm not done with chemo until the middle of August, and my oncologist said I should wait a bit to talk to my surgeon.

My sense of taste is still awful, so if anyone has eaten anything marvelous, please let me know how it was. The only things that don't taste vile are chocolate milk shakes and cold melon. Now there's a balanced diet for you!

Myrrh, my dozen nasty chin hairs came back in record time. If my head hair did the same, I'd be able to ditch the wig already! It is so unfair. :LOL

Traci, what did you use to color your hair? Mine is coming in so gray that I know I'm going to color it as soon as it is ready for prime time.

to all you ladies. You are heros!
post #134 of 245
EFMom, I have 2 suggestions for websites to help you sort this out. The first is http://www.youngsurvival.org/ & the second is http://www.facingourrisk.org/ I think that at some point I will want to go ahead with the prophylactic surgeries. Radiation affects reconstruction options, so I guess I need to sort out whether or not I'll need radiation if I choose a mastectomy. I plan to touch base with a plastic surgeon in the next little while to help clarify things. Anyway, I hope that those resources help you.
post #135 of 245
just found this--worth a look


post #136 of 245
Hi Everyone! So I'm getting an idea of the Taxol which I started on fri, so far NO NAUSEA!!! but I seem to be very very tired :yawning: Well, that's o.k. although I seem to be getting some shooting pains in my feet, hands, etc. but I will be making Advil my good friend if it gets worse!

I want to somehow say something useful and profound about the surgery issue since I've already had mine, but I think it comes down to such a personal decision for everyone. I could share though how I feel at this point, but just remember that some of my circumstances are different.

Before surgery the doc talked about possibly doing a lumpectomy with a sentinel-node biopsy, but as further scans seemed to indicate more than one focus within the breast for the cancer, I decided that my overwhelming feeling was not to take any chances. I guess just looking at my kids made me feel that I absolutely wanted to do the MAXIMUM. Now that I've had a full mastectomy with 31 lymph nodes removed (6 were positive) and the extent of the cancer was even greater than originally thought, I'm extremely happy about my decision (although I'm also glad that this is what the docs were recommending--it's hard to willinging say lop my breast off if it's not necessary, like "take my arm" or something). :

I'm not sure if you remember my post back in April after the surgery, but I felt very positive afterwards, as if the cancer was really GONE! I've been looking at the chemo now and radiation to follow (both of which have/will be also very aggressive) as a sort of "mopping up" and extra insurance. (I'm ER neg and HER2 neu neg by the way so there's nothing that I can take after treatment in the way of a miracle drug to prevent recurrence
(Although I've heard low fat diet and exercise might help, so that ain't too bad!! although I'm wondering does that mean no ice cream?! )

Anyway, now I've had time to live with my scars--and they're adding up!--the main one is about 6 or 7 inches across the right half of my chest all the way along to under my arm pit. I really quite like it in some ways, it's a little bit serpentine. Then there are the 2 holes about 3 inches below where the drain tubes exited my chest, and then there will be the scar from the port-cath above my left breast, and possible a little one on my neck where they accessed my jugular for the tube. I guess it sounds like a lot but believe it or not it somehow just feels right to me. I mean I might change my mind, but I somehow feel that getting the diagnosis and finding out how serious it was absolutely turned my life upside down and tore me apart inside--just comtemplating everything in terms of my ds and baby--I feel like the outside of me just matches the inside. I know that might sound weird, but I don't really want to try to put another breast back there. I feel like I have a battle scar that I want to live with and remind me what I've been through. I do however want to heal emotionally, and I think that's why I still keep thinking about the tattoo idea. I checked with my radialogist yesterday and she said there is no danger, I still think I'd like to get a big sunflower tattooed right where my breast was, something beautiful and incorporating the scar lines, something sexy

It's funny I've never wanted a tattoo before, I always worried about permanently disfiguring myself, but I guess that's just not such a big issue for me anymore!! I haven't been wearing a prosthesis or anything, my other breast is really quite small now that I'm no longer pregnant/breastfeeding, so I haven't been wearing a bra, and haven't really minded walking around slightly lopsided. In some ways I think if more women felt comfortable with one breast, people might become more aware of the problem of breast cancer, and understand that everyone can come in different shapes and sizes. Anyway, as I say I may change my mind, I could opt for prothesis, surgery down the line, but for now I feel comfortable with my decision to not have reconstruction, to reclaim my body and soul in my own way, and maybe make a bit of a statement at the same time. :

Big big love to all you beautiful mamas!!!!!! xoxoxjanet
post #137 of 245
Thread Starter 
Had chemo yesterday and feeling baaad today just wanted to pop in quick..will try to respond to each of you beautiful women later...
post #138 of 245
Thanks, Janet. I appreciate your perspective. ...still not sure what I'll do. I think that within the next 5 years or so I'll be saying goodbye to both of my breasts. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to do that yet. I vascilate between being totally committed to the lumpectomy & then pretty sure about mastectomy.....
post #139 of 245
...hit enter too soon. Traci, I hope that you feel gooooood soon.
post #140 of 245
EFmom and AuntieM, have you done the BRAC testing? I'm thinking about doing it, I don't exactly fit the typical scenario, my paternal granmother died of breast cancer in her early sixties and my dad just had prostate cancer (apparently somewhat significant). My dad's sister is almost 70 and doesn't have breast cancer, and there are so few women in the family that it is hard to say if there is a gentetic component. If they let me do the gene testing I'm thinking I would like to find out, because I would have to seriously consider a mastectomy of the other breast I guess. Pretty daunting! I'm also worried for my neices and of course my sons can pass something along, but it is just such a sad emotion issue that families must face.

I'm thinking of you guys lots and hope that reaching the right decision regarding surgery will not be too stressful. I remember not feeling good about my decision until I think the day before, so don't panic too much if you are going back and forth, I think that is totally normal, just trust that things will work out in the best posiible way when the time comes!

Just wanted to know how you are feeling about things and send you big love!

Myrrh and Traci, hang in there!! you are so brave!!!!! I'm so proud of you!!!!!

xo janet
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