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Was your mom a SAHM and how does she feel about you being a SAHM? - Page 2

post #21 of 56
My mom was a SAHM until I was 10 (when my youngest brother went to school full-time), and she is 100% supportive of my being a SAHM as well. As a matter of fact, I know I'd get an earful from her if I decided I wanted to put my little ones in daycare and go back to work.
post #22 of 56
My mom is very supportive of me being a SAHM. So much so that it makes me a little uncomfortable, because I know she disapproves of women who go back to work unless they are like homeless and in line at a soup kitchen. She also was very interested in going back to work once I was in school all day; my dad opposed it. She liked being a SAHM, but not a housewife, kwim? So, with her mom's help (my grandmother paid for a lot of my mom's tuition out of her secretary paycheck), she went to college, graduated and then returned to the paid workforce.

I believe in staying home with my baby because I believe a young child's are non-negotiable and staying home with a parent is one of the best ways to meet those needs. But I find it really hard to stay away from essentialism and the "mommy wars," which unfortunately, I think my mom buys into. She also felt (was?) neglected, herself, because my grandmother was divorced and had to work. My mom, growing up in the fifties, felt like a total freak because all the other kids had SAHMs. People, including the teachers in her parochial school, were openly snide and disapporoving of my mom and grandmother.

To the posters who wrote that their mothers "were and still are SAHMs," do you mean because your mothers are still actively raising dependent children? Or that your mothers, though empty nesters now, have remained outside the labor market?
post #23 of 56
My mom was a SAHM and is happy that I am one, too.
post #24 of 56
my mom wasn't technically a SAHM though she was home during the day (she works nights still to this day and now takes care of my nephew) she thinks it's great I'm a SAHM. I get lots of support for it from everyone in the family though.
post #25 of 56
My mom stayed at home until I was in high school and she still works part-time now. I guess she did it to help with college costs for three children. My youngest sister is the only one left in school now but I think my mom enjoys working. I think she plans on working until my dad retires.

I found out I was pregnant a few days after I graduated college. At first my parents sounded disapproving, but that lasted one phone call. They really like my husband and of course they adore their grand-daughter. My dad has made comments about me working or looking into certain fields but I always say I'm not interested. I know they are still glad they sent me to college. I don't think they're too excited that I plan to homeschool, although my mom may becoming more impressed after talking to a neighbor who homeschools her children.
post #26 of 56
well, my mom wasn't a stay at home mom. she went back to work full time when i was 3 weeks old and has said she wasn't ready to be a mom at that time and i don't know that she ever really enjoyed it. that's okay, i know she did her best. anyway, i've been at home for 12 years, i homeschool my kids, attachment parent etc and shockingly my mom is so in favor of everything i do. it's nice. i have 4 kids and i love being at home with them and my current husband is so supportive of me, it's great.

strangely, my ex husband has a sahm and he was adamant i go to work ( you know, i was wasting my degree, he's still onto that one!) and couldn't handle that i stayed at home and ate bonbons all day (which of course is what he told everyone and we all know how true that is! sheesh).

mandi
post #27 of 56
Well, my mom was a SAHM until I turned 12 because she had no choice in the matter. My father refused to even consider this–and I'm old enough to have been born before the women's movement existed. I was also a goof which didn't help matters. Of course, my mother had her way around things. She would volunteer for umpteen things and I was always either with a babysitter back then or being dragged to meetings and stuff. It's funny, because I don't think they even had day care way back when, just preschool if you were interested.

I have been in and out of the workforce many times. I stayed home until he was 3 1/2 and then went back to work until he was about 8, then stayed home a couple of years, then went back to school for a graduate degree, worked for a couple of years, and began staying home again. This last time, I am homeschooling my son who is a teen. I'm also pregnant again and planning to remain a SAHM. Whether anyone else approves or even understands, I LOVE being a SAHM and am enjoying myself too much to worry about other people's opinions.

It's funny though because my mother really didn't like being a mother and it showed. She went to law school as soon as my father decided the youngest was old enough (me at 12) and hasn't looked back. She is in her 70s and while she only works part-time now, I don't think I could make her quit if I wanted to. Despite this, my sister and I have both gone through numerous periods where we weren't working and she doesn't even have kids. When we were both staying at home before I had my son, she would call us her "laides of leisure." She didn't understand it at all, but thought it was amusing that we are both so different from her.

I also think that if I had started out homeschooling my mother would have been horrified. But then, she hated being at home and when I had my son, homeschooling was still a fringe thing which it isn't now. I also had REALLY good reasons for starting to homeschool when I did which you just can't argue with. For my next child, due in July, I plan to homeschool simply because the schools here are horrible and I enjoy it. I also can't see paying for private school when I am so capable of doing it myself for a fraction of the cost.
post #28 of 56
My mom was not a SAHM. I think she approves of however I choose to live my life, as long as I'm happy; she's always said that she felt her job as a parent was to raise her children to be happy, healthy adults who take care of themselves and make their own decisions.
post #29 of 56
My mom was not a SAHM. My dad left when I was 12. She had no choice. She always wanted to stay home with me...but it just wasn't feasible.

She tells me all the time that she envies my being able to stay home.
post #30 of 56
My mom was a SAHM until I was about 9 and my sisters were 14 and 4.

My mother did not want me to marry young: I didn't. She wanted me to earn higher degrees: I did. I have no idea if she wanted me to be a SAHM or not. She has never said anything about it. I know she thinks I'm a good mother, and I know she knows how important and happy SAHMing makes me, so I guess she must think it's a good thing for me, despite the career I gave up.
post #31 of 56
Well, My Mom had me at eighteen, so her career life was just begining. So, my Grandma raised me, and was a 100% SAHM/Grandmother. Fast-forward to when my Mom had my sisters - she never could afford to SAH, mostly because she ended up being a single parent again. She never seems to stop working, kwim? Now everytime I see her, she keeps praising me and reminding me how fortunate I am that I have a supportive husband and that I have the opportunity to SAH with DS.
post #32 of 56
My mom worked part time nights as a maternity nurse while I was growing up. She mouths that she is happy that I am a SAHM, but then makes very derogatory comments about it if I dare to mention the stress involved with beign on 24/7. She constantly makes comments like, "Well, just imagine if you were working too? I would have loved to be home full time, but we couldn't afford it." Well, first of all, they could have afforded it. We grew up very much upper middle class. My dh and I have given up a lot for me to be home with my children. We lived in a studio apartment until ds1 was 1.5 yrs old. Then lived in an apartment complex, and just got lucky two years ago when dh got a job that requires he live on the wildlife refuge he works at, so we rent a house on the refuge with 20 acres around us for less then we paid for our tiny apartment!! It has totally been worth it, but I just wish my mom would give me more credit for being a sahm.
post #33 of 56
My mother was an on-again, off-again SAHM. She has been VERY supportive of me deciding to stay home. My Dad I don't think understands why I want to (he's a work-a-holic) but he is still supportive.

My in-laws on the other hand imply that I sit on my ass all day and keep trying to suggest jobs for me, I keep explaining that if I wanted to be working I would have stayed at my good paying career - HELLO!! : They don't get it, but they also think I should be letting DS CIO, that I shouldn't keep BFing, that he is "spoiled" and many other things so I've become pretty skilled at ignoring them.
post #34 of 56
My mom was at home with us (sometimes doing part-time catering or something, but largely at home) and now she is an at home wife. I don't really ever remember her as being happy and even now I think that she was only home with us because she couldn't think of anything else to do.

As far as being supportive of me, she is supportive to the degree that she's supportive of anything (which isn't much).

I don't think about it much.
post #35 of 56
My father was abusive and wouldn't let my mother work or finish college once my brother and I were born. She hated being a SAHM, or back then, they called it housewife or homemaker. She was so unhappy. Looking back, she must of been severely depressed. When I was 10, she found the strength to leave my father and went back to college. She's worked ever since, putting her career first. Often, she reminds me that I need to finish college and maybe find a part-time job, so that I'm not dependant on my husband (little does she know that it's actually DH who's dependant on me ). But staying home with DD, at least during the first 5 years, is more important to me than being able to afford expensive purses and vacations.
post #36 of 56
My mom is supportive of me being a sahm, because she and my dad both worked long hours at relatively low-paying jobs to support a large family. She sees that their absence caused a lot of probs with their children (not saying woh does this--but they were literally too exhausted and distracted to do much of anything with us) and she's glad that I can be fully available to my kids. My dad and ils feel the same way, fortunately.

I have to say that her absense in the home and the fact that I never saw one happy sahm role model probably contributes to the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'm wasting my education by being at home. I know it's irrational, and I know that being with my kids is the best decision for us, but I just wish I could do it without reservations. That's something I'm always working on, it seems.
post #37 of 56
My mom was a SAHM until I moved out. She took college classes at night for years and years (graduated when I was 12). When I moved out, she started working full-time because she wanted to have money for herself. She is very supportive of me staying home with the kids and has helped us out financially in the past.
post #38 of 56
My mom was a sahm. She did do cleaning houses on the side at times, but overall was a sahm. She enjoyed it, chose it, and basically was very happy to be there for us for everything. She is the reason why I saw no otehr way to parent that to be at home.
post #39 of 56
My mom was a SAHM until my brother was 5 and my sister was 4 and her first husband left her for another woman. Then she had to travel cross country to be near family and worked 16 hour days to pay the bills. she hated it, but did what she had to do. Then she married my father, but left him while pregnant with me because he was abusive and alcoholic. She stayed home with me for two years while receiving welfare and then became a preschool teacher and took me with her. She never wanted to be anything but a SAHM, and it was really tough for her to lose that dream.

Fast forward to now, she is *thrilled* for me that I can finally SAH with my kids (I worked fulltime until ds was 3.5 and dd was 1 and i was laid off). While I was working, she was very supportive of the way that dh and i arranged our schedules to avoid using daycare (no comments about how we were going to ruin our marriage by never seeing each other) and was more than willing to pick up the slack when we both had to be at work at the same time by caring for the kids (she arranged her days off in such a way to make it possible). Anyhow, she has been great about it, and never implied that I'm "wasting" my education my caring for my kids.
post #40 of 56
My mom was a stay at home mom. She doesn't really have an opinion on whether I should be one or not, but she does worry that I'll be somewhat bored/miserable (I guess because she was a little).
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