Originally Posted by kathipaul
You make some very good points. My "Sam" really did have a lot going on in his life. It makes a huge difference to have caring parents help you by explaining and modelling. This has really made me wonder about something else, something sort of related.
Knowing that children's brains are not done developing and growing until they are 18 to 21 years of age, with the reason and logic sections finishing up last, are there ever decisions you would not want your children to make? Perhaps with caring, patient adults, you don't have to worry about them making dangerous decisions. But, what if they wanted to ride their bike off a cliff (this happened in my neighborhood growing up) or ride their bike down a big hill with no helmet (my neighbor died from this at age 15) or something else dangerous. Children under the age of 18-21 don't have the same faculty for reasoning and making decisions that adults do.
Maybe I'm not totally GD, but MY house has MY rules. Hemet+Bike at all times. I don't think my kids have realized you can ride a bike without a helmet. haha
I give them age apropriate responsibilities. One of my rules is that food remains on the table. If the child gets up with food I remind them that food stays on the table. If they don't feel like walking it back, then I physically respond. I will help a 1 year old walk the food back to the table or remove the food from the one year old and remind them that they can eat it later when they want to go back to the table. I will talk to a 2 year old about the destination of the food since 2 yr olds can talk more than 1 yr olds. Maybe discuss how the carpet doesn't like food and that's what happens if you try to eat on the rug in front of the TV. We do have a coffee table and any table is allowed. So then we can compromise that the food is going from the dining room table to the coffee table. A 3 yr old might tell me that s/he is planning to feed the food to the T.V. and then we'll talk about how food could get stuck in the speakers and break the TV and that's why food stays at the table.
I don't punish anyone or shame or guilt anyone for breaking the rule. Not even a time out. I don't yell or get angry or upset. I just insist that food remains on the table by reminding, guiding , discussing, and then just plain putting it back. Is that AP/GD? Does the include any sort of punishment or discipline or logical or fabricated consequences? I'm still trying to understand it all, too.
I've been handed a child who doesn't give a fig about any sort of manipulation tactics. If I say he can't do [his favorite activity] if he doesn't stop [undesirable activity], he doesn't care the least little bit. If I say he can have a reward if he does something that needs doing, he won't do it. If I excessively praise him, he thinks I'm being weird. I think he's just really logical and straightforward. One night he wanted to draw on the kitchen floor with sidewalk chalk right after watching me scrub the chalk from earlier on my hands and knees. I told him he could do it tomorrow. I told him I just got done cleaning and it was bedtime and the kitchen wanted to go to sleep clean. I suggested he wait until later. When I turned my back, he did it. He said "Mommy, you should just tell me NO."
Nadia just climbed into the baby swing for the bazillionth time. If I see her about to do it, I remind her that big girls are too heavy and will break the swing and she says okay. But when I'm not looking, I guess the temptation is too great. Oops. She just climbed in and put the tray down and is stuck. Guess who's not hopping up like her pants are on fire to let her out? Is that mean?