or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › An interesting observation re: TV watching
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

An interesting observation re: TV watching - Page 6

post #101 of 173
I think the major issue I have with TV (today, that is) is that some families feel that it is detrimental to their family or they have a niggling feeling that it is, but they don't do anything about it.
post #102 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
That was me...unless there is another one! I used to watch SP during the day when dd was taking her nap, and after her nap she would wander into the room and catch the tail end of it. She liked the cartoon characters, the way most kids probably would, and then when we saw her picking up the language we decided to take it away. She's never asked for it since...

And about kids being allowed to do everything the adults in the family do, that is just what works for us. Like I said, she's no longer allowed to watch SP, but she never asks for it anyway. I suppose if she did, we'd have to cross that bridge when we came to it and decide if we were going to stop watching it ourselves or if we were going to say "Do as I say, not as I do."
Do you ever swear? Because there you are making a choice for your dd. Perhaps you don't swear in front of her, but at other times. I don't know, I'm asking. From this I gather that TV viewing is ok, unless you start to see negative effects- which so far you aren't, save for this example.


You mentioned formula and lots of other things (CIO, spanking, etc...) that *are* bad for your kids, basing this on simply your own knowing. I think it is easier to "know" things that are in line with our value systems. You value breastfeeding, GD, and allowing your children to have choice, and therefore they are working for you- despite contradictory research. If you did not value TV yourself, would argue that no tv is what is right for your children as well, or allow them to make the choice? Are there things that you do not choose for yourself that they are allowed to choose?

It is easy to disregard studies and whatnot if they do not jive with our personal value systems, and whatever, we are free to do that. I do that all the time. There are studies that probably say that there is no difference between conventional and organic produce. But I value organic goods and sustainable earth friendly practices, so I make that a priority and believe that it is best for us. It seems like that is the case with several posters here who are aware of the studies, but for whatever reason, choose not to allow that information to have weight on their decisions.

Regarding tv, I watched a ton as a kid and while once I was on my own i developed a distainful attitude for it and have more or less kept it out of my life since then, I *do* believe that i missed out on some richness as a child. and yes, i was still a bookworm who read in the dark, played outside, went to camp, played instruments, etc...etc... But i have memories of being alone and watching stupid tv and- i think it's kind of lame. I don't blame my parents at all, but i know that that is not how i want dd spending her time and i feel fine about not having tv in our house as an option right now. Dh and i watch movies on the laptop maybe once every 2 weeks after she's gone to bed. When we are at other people's houses and the tv is on, she glances for a minute or 2, then moves on. As I stated in a previous thread, she has her whole life to decide if tv is for her and watch it. I don't think she's missing out on anything by having no tv as a child. She does not have her whole life to spend in the magic of childhood, with her imagination, learning how to entertain herself if she's bored, etc... this is a unique and special time, and i feel obligated to protect it. For us, that means no tv right now.
post #103 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmainer

It is easy to disregard studies and whatnot if they do not jive with our personal value systems, and whatever, we are free to do that. I do that all the time. There are studies that probably say that there is no difference between conventional and organic produce. But I value organic goods and sustainable earth friendly practices, so I make that a priority and believe that it is best for us. It seems like that is the case with several posters here who are aware of the studies, but for whatever reason, choose not to allow that information to have weight on their decisions.
Yea, I pick apart pro-vaccine studies, noting all the limitations of "studies" while citing every stat from pro-breastfeeding studies.

Aren't there studies :LOL showing this, that when people learn new info they discard what doesn't mesh with their value system/perspective and keep what does.
post #104 of 173
we keep our tv in the closet and it came out onve in like 4 years for the pres race this year....

my dd can watch it other people's houses, but most o fht epeople we visit dont' watch tv while we are visitng...and she is not that into it ever anyway
she is almost 2
when she gets older and can argue a point (like all my friends watch tv and i want one too)
we will go from there
i am into respecting her wishes AND guiding her away from things that i feel are harmful or less than helpful

and she is a huge reader and very personable and fun

she is so not a tv kid and it shows
i am real pleases with that

i like what a pp said about why not do real life instead of tv....there is a funny song about "you watch Friends while i have friends..."

i think that sums it up.

now if i had some life where i could not get a moments rest with out putting my kids infront of pbs for an hour a day
and that hour was needed for my sanity

then i guess that is not the worst thing a kid could do.

i just enjoy teaching my dd and doing things together
and our down time is often just sitting in a comfy chair and snuggling....sometimes with books and sometimes just quiet time

it is unplanned and we have access to this quiet veg space anytime we want it and we can walk away with a nice sense of peace...something tv veg does not do.

we do have a dvd player on our computer and we have down loaded a bunch of tv shows (like south park) and keep them saved in our media files

we (dh adn i) watch something about one time a month

we would rather read, talk, or listen to npr!

that is just us
but i feel like it is the right way, just mho
post #105 of 173
Quote:
niggling feeling that it is, but they don't do anything about it.
I wanted to quote Sohj too. Did I dream that participated in this thread? Something about not having to wean her child because she never got started.

It's just not very simple. In my case, for example, there was the dh whose profession revolves around television (and he needs to work at home sometimes), the fact that both of us are film buffs and there is no cinema in this country, the concept of exposing dc to the language of our host country and to the good, artistic films our family appreciates, the parenting philosophy we follow...so many things to think about and consider.

Over the past 2 1/2 years, we've been through several long-term (months) turn-offs. I have repeatedly asked dh if we could get rid of the TV -- just to make it that much easier on me. I mean neither of us watches pure television, and the TV has never been on in the evenings (until movie time after dd's bedtime) or on weekends. Dd has never complained about extended TV-free holidays and has never asked to watch when outside the home.

Just want to clarify that, yah, sometimes we know all about the effects but turning off can truly be a complicated affair. I'm just glad it's off now. I'll take that.

I keep going really off OT. Sorry OP.
post #106 of 173
Quote:
I don't know, does anyone tcs without allowing tv watching?
Not to get off topic, but I resent that comment and the comments like it. I resent the judgement of people's parenting philosophies because they don't fit into a neat little box that is being placed on them...

Yes, you can do TCS without your children watching TV...the same way you can be a completely attached parent without your child ever being in a sling. Yes, one would assume if you claim to be AP or practice TCS, that your actions and philospophies jive with them for the *most* part, or most closely match those philosohies over other philosophies...but to imply that the whole system goes out the window because someone does (or doesn't do) ONE thing that you don't agree they should...seems extreme to me.

Okay, here come the arguements "how can you be AP if you use the ROD!!!" (or similar)...again, with the extremes. Of course one can safely assume that if someone is going that far, they probably aren't AP at all, but I digress.

We plan on practicing TCS..and I take my child seriously enough to not plop them in front of a glaring box for as many hours a week as someone works a full time job.

I have a problem with "my child CHOOSES" this....

Yes, I am ALL for choices and plan on respecting my child's (but I get veto power on things like safety etc)...however, I see it the same as when people say:

My child REFUSES to eat vegetables! (says the parent who only offers junk and rarely vegetables)

My child CHOOSES to watch 30 hours of TV a week!!! (says the parent who plops thier child in front of the TV at 1 years old to take care of household stuff, or whatever)

..and so on...

TCS is about just that, taking your child seriously, not just letting them decide everything and anything on their impulses and whims at any given time.

Please, let's not get into a pissing contest about who does TCS (or whatever it may be) "better".

The people who claim they let their kids choose WHATEVER they want...okay, has your 4 year old ever seen children going off to school? Are you going to instantly sign them up because they get it in their head that riding the bus might be cool, or they want a cool backpack or something like the other kids...etc (just an arbitrary example)

Probably not, because homeschooling (or unschooling) is important to you ...you CHOSE it for your child because of whatever reason (we are planning on that too)...


Anyway, back to TV...I just personally feel it is very, very, passive entertainment and not right for our family and our child...that's cool, some of you think it is the most wonderful thing since man landed on the moon...super....
I will not come into your house and turn off your precious TV, as long as you don't come into mine and act as though I am denying my child a fundamental human right because we DON'T watch it, and that I am a complete fraud in my child-rearing philosophies because of it.

Can we all agree on that eh?
post #107 of 173
Hmmm, Captain Crunchy. I got that she was honestly curious about that. I have been offended several times here on MDC over TCS comments, but that one seemed like a genuine question to me.
post #108 of 173
OT to PM. I am adoring your family pics! I try to click on only one place each time so I can prolong the pleasure. You are a wonderful photographer!
post #109 of 173
OT

Thanks UUMom. The really good ones are scanned photos by my dh who is semi-pro. But...some of the good ones are mine. I need to add some recent stuff. Thanks for the reminder.

Back to making dinner. I love it how I come here in between Moulinexing the tomato sauce and waiting for the pasta to be al dente! Well, when dd is busy like she is today, anyway.
post #110 of 173
I love that as well. It's morning here, so I am sipping my coffee and my girls have gone outside, with a picnic basket of snacks, their sketchpads, pastels & colored pencils and bug box for 'specimans'. My 6 yr old is wearing a wonderful oversized straw gardening hat. I can see them in the garden through the kitchen window and it's too sweet, nearly painful. Sun today, after many days of rain and cold. A gift.
post #111 of 173
Quote:
Hmmm, Captain Crunchy. I got that she was honestly curious about that. I have been offended several times here on MDC over TCS comments, but that one seemed like a genuine question to me.
I wasn't *attacking* that particuular poster directly...or anyone in particular...I just (lazily) pulled that quote out because from that quote, there ensued a debate over who was doing TCS and who wasn't and who was doing it better etc and so on...
post #112 of 173
What if a child, when presented with TV among several other options, sometimes chooses the TV?

Maybe I take "TCS" too literally, but to me it means taking them seriously when they say they would rather watch TV than do the interesting art activity I put together for them. I just figure they have a good reason for wanting to watch TV and that maybe they will want to do the other stuff later and maybe not - whatever they choose, they had a good reason for it and I need to trust them.

And hey, sometimes my dd asks to do an art activity that she saw on TV...I guess some would say I should deny her that activity because it was "advertised" to her!
post #113 of 173
Wow, captain crunchy, I haven't heard much from TCSers about being TV-free. I always liked the sentiment behind TCS but so much of the writing about it seems so pro-TV, and pro-junkfood. We don't have TV in our home, and we only have healthy foods and shop in a store where only healthy foods are sold. My impression was that by TCS standards I was limiting my kid's choices, therefore coercing them. However, I view TV (especially the commerialzation aspect) and the addictive nature of junk foods (especially sugar) to be incredibly manipulative and coercive, although it isn't the parent doing the coercing. Anyhow, your perspective is interesting.
post #114 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saudades
Over the years, I've heard that the majority of children who grow up without TVs either don't watch much as an adult or don't own one at all. There is actually a high correlation between how much TV we watch as children to how much we watch as adults.
Says who? This doesn't jive with people I know at all. One of my friends grew up with 1/2 hour of PBS per day. Once she was out of college and had a job, all she did was watch TV every night. She was a total junkie. She was pretty much a walking add for not being overly-control with a kids' TV viewing.

I, on the other hand, watched TV almost non-stop as a child and I cannot stand the thought of wasting my life sitting in front of the TV. For years I didn't own a TV and now that I do have one, it spends a lot of time OFF. What we do watch is carefully choosen.

I've never seen a study on this, but the people I know in real life convince me that I need to teach my kids to control their own TV viewing because it is an important life skill. Just forcing them to not watch isn't the answer. If your kid goes through childhood with little or no TV but then becomes an adult who does nothing with their free time but watch TV, would you feel like your plan had worked?
post #115 of 173
I have such a problem with people presenting TV like it is a birthright!!!

I mean, seriously people, wording it like *denying* them TV...*forcing* them *not* to watch it...you would think that it was a fundamental human right!

My goodness, I plan on *denying* my child the *right* to run freely in the street....am I denying her the choice she might want to see what it feels like to be run down by a car?

I know you may think that is a silly example, but it is just as arbitrary as presenting TV as if it is a God given right written in the constitution next to life, and liberty...

If you want to let your kids watch TV that is COOLLLLLL...GO FOR IT.....WONDERFUL.....

How are you denying a child something when the choice isn't even presented? It is like saying you deny your child a bunch of junkfood because you don't stock your cabinets with it... I mean, just because there are a world of choices, both good and bad...doesn't mean that your child is entitled to EVERY one of them. It is the same arguement everyone else has. "if you can do what you want, why can't your child?"

Let's flip that. I CAN'T do everything I want, so why should my child? I don't want to create a false reality EITHER way...

and speaking of false realities...isn't that what TV is for the most part? At least with imagination play, it is THEIR imagination they are using, not some marketer trying to sell a product through a thinly veiled TV show...

I digress...
post #116 of 173
Why should adults have the right to watch TV? Oh, I get it - because they are ADULTS! Apparently because I'm an adult I have the right to flaunt my TV-watching in front of my children and then say "But YOU don't get any!"

What I'm tired of is hearing TV compared to running in the street; drinking bleach; eating nothing but candy all day; and getting drunk. Those are the kinds of arguments I would expect to hear on a TV show and not in a community of educated people.
post #117 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
eating nothing but candy all day
Well I, for one, think that letting kids watch as much TV as they like is as bad as letting kids eat candy all day long. It's not healthy.

And I completely agree with captain crunchy. Just because there are a zillion and one choices in life doesn't mean that my kids have to have access to all those choices, and I am not a bad parent for limiting the parameters of their choices.

Namaste!
post #118 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain crunchy
How are you denying a child something when the choice isn't even presented? It is like saying you deny your child a bunch of junkfood because you don't stock your cabinets with it... I mean, just because there are a world of choices, both good and bad...doesn't mean that your child is entitled to EVERY one of them.
Actually, my father says that, that because we didn't present candy to ds1 as a choice, that we were "denying" him. I mean, he didn't even know what it was and he has never asked for candy or shown any interest in candy. But from my Dad's viewpoint and also as a candy-lover, he sees that as denial. How can you deny something that no one ever asks for or is even aware of? Again, it's entitlement, like you say. My father believes that my children are entitled to candy. They are also apparently being denied the McDonald's experience, even though they have no idea of what it is. We're vegetarians and we don't eat fast food, so the fact that those options aren't even presented in our family means "denial" in his eyes.

I REALLY have enjoyed your comments on this thread. And it's been interesting to see a different POV wrt TCS. We don't practice TCS, but I've been nodding my head to your posts.

Also, I don't flaunt my TV watching in front of my kids. When ds1 was a year old, we were watching a documentary on humans and evolution. In the process of competing for a female to mate with, one male attacked another. My little one-yo was apparently watching and he started saying, "uh oh! uh oh! uh oh!". After that, we stopped watching TV in front of him. We tape our shows and watch after they're asleep. Dh watches sports while they're awake. That's pretty much it. In our house, I started the kids' programming and it became a habit. *kicks self* How would they even know that there are kids' programs if they didn't have an adult to show it to them? I showed them. That's why they "choose" TV, because it was basically given to them. Again, I don't practice TCS and am not totally aware of all the ins and outs, but my children are not experts in what is good for their bodies in every area. As a literate 30something year old, I am like their tour-guide in life; that's how I see it.

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I've really enjoyed this thread, both the POVs I agree with and those that I do not agree with. It's been very thought-provoking.
post #119 of 173
To me, what underlies this argument is how we view our roles as parents. To me, my role is not to provide my children with the widest menu of choices available. It's to model what I consider to be healthy behavior and guide my children to make what I consider to be healthy choices so that they have the best possible chance of becoming what I consider to be healthy adults.

Within that idea of "healthy" live many, many different choices. My kids don't have to be exactly like to me to be healthy. But I don't feel the least bit bad about denying my kids, especially as toddlers and preschoolers, access to unhealthy behaviors and things that I think are unhealthy and that can be addictive and habit-forming.

Namaste!
post #120 of 173
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
Why should adults have the right to watch TV? Oh, I get it - because they are ADULTS! Apparently because I'm an adult I have the right to flaunt my TV-watching in front of my children and then say "But YOU don't get any!"
But this is one of the many reasons we don't have a TV in our home, and why I don't watch it.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › An interesting observation re: TV watching