An interesting observation re: TV watching - Page 9

[Linda KS]

Originally Posted by Greaseball

I think aversion therapy tends to backfire. A lot of kids I knew who started smoking and drinking at young ages were first introduced to substances by a parent who was trying to get the kid to hate it. It didn't work; the kid just fell in love with it.

But maybe with coffee it's different somehow.

I didn't introduce my kids to coffee in an attempt to get them to hate it. I drink coffee, they were curious, so I let them have a sip. I wasn't trying to do anything -- I didn't have an agenda. It's a totally different thing from "aversion therapy." Aversion therapy is an attempt to control a child. I wasn't trying to control -- I was letting them control themselves.

If they liked it and wanted to drink it in moderation, I wouldn't have an issue with it. Decaf with lots of milk isn't a big deal.

leftfield, I think there is something to the addictive personality idea. I wonder though, if it is all genetic or if it is a mix of nature and nuture. I have a hard time accepting that some people are just born to be addictive and some aren't. We all make choices about our behavior, and I think our role as parents is to help our kids grown into the kind of people who will be able to make good choices. I think the question should be how can we help our kids grow into people who will make good decisions when we aren't controlling their behavoir.

[zipperump-a-zoomum]

Originally Posted by Linda KS

I think the question should be how can we help our kids grow into people who will make good decisions when we aren't controlling their behavoir.

I've really enjoyed your posts on this thread, Linda.


Kaly

[sohj]

: to both the quote and the pp

[FancyPants]

coffee

I didn't introduce my kids to coffee in an attempt to get them to hate it. I drink coffee, they were curious, so I let them have a sip. I wasn't trying to do anything -- I didn't have an agenda.

@ Trader Joe's there is coffee available. Usually there is juice in this spot. ds1 saw & wanted to try. I figured he wouldn't like anything so bitter but don't you know... he loved it! Another, older woman, in the store saw him going back with the teensy paper cup to get more and laughed - she said lots of kids like coffee, surprisingly.
Fortunately he never connected it with coffee at home and has never asked. When we were little my parents drank tea. We were allowed weak tea with lots of milk and sugar but generally preferred to drink other things.

Alcohol is also a drug. My parents drank wine with supper. In fact, they were part of a local wine society and held tastings and such. They would allow us to have very watered down wine with supper, and slowly as we got older we were allowed more wine and less water here and there. My only problems with alcohol in college were that I could not stomach the slop that was offered in dorms and such and so hardly ever drank more than the one decent ale or wine I could afford when out. I drink less than one glass of wine a month.

[PM]

This thread is so OT! :LOL They give black tea to the orphan babies here and you should the havoc it wreaks on their poor little intestines.

Anyway, I want to start a thread on what we limit and why. How do our own issues/experiences affect what we decide to limit and not. Does that sound interesting? It's something talked about quite a bit in the TCS movement -- how we shouldn't let our own biases affect the way we interact with our kids.

And FTR, I identify as TCS only on this board. I feel it's only fair to let other posters know where I'm coming from when dishing out the GD advice.

[zipperump-a-zoomum]

Sounds really interesting!
Kaly

[UUMom]

I limit TV, mall -going, fast food, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, meat, non organic food, artificial sweetners, and put- downs.

[PM]

UUMom -- For some reason, that makes me smile.

[UUMom]

We've always believed that if our children did not need parents, they would have been born sea turtles.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by UUMom

We've always believed that if our children did not need parents, they would have been born sea turtles.

[zipperump-a-zoomum]

Originally Posted by UUMom

I limit TV, mall -going, fast food, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, meat, non organic food, artificial sweetners, and put- downs.

So are those things that you limit, or outright forbid?

Because I limit some of those things, but in a way that is more of a suggestion. For example, the co-op my kids go to serves ritz crackers- I have no problem with that, but I don't really want them to be something that my kids eat at home. So if we happen to be somewhere they sell them and DS asks for some, I might say, "I'd rather not buy those to have at our house. They aren't very good for our bodies, and at home I like us to have good stuff for our bodies. What do you think? Do you still feel like you want them?" And much of the time the answer is no, but if it's yes, then that's ok too. (Not that my kids don't eat their fair share of crap, but I try to keep it out of the house.)

I limit gun play/killing play in more of a forbid type way.

Kaly

[UUMom]

I don't forbid anything. It doesn't work like that here. It sounds like we are not that different. My kids are older (6,11, 12 & 16) and they can make certain choices, but i would never take them to a fast food place, and I would never buy diet soda, for instance. I might buy natural soda, or even 'regular' soda if a child was having a b'day party and the felt offerring soda to friends was important. I figure we live int he world and while i want my kids to make good choices, I don't see how 'forbidding' everything would serve them well.

Like you, i won't buy the stuff, but I don't do guilt over food. I feed them 'my way' until they have there verbal say otherwise. I suppose i did 'forbid' certain things when they were small, mostly by substituting and just not offerring it , and not putting myself in a situation that was uncomfortable. I would never go with friends and their kids for 'happy meals', fi. My 6 yr old has never had one, (although I think my older kids must have at some point). I just wouldn't go there with a playgroup say, and then have to 'forbid' the thing they came for, kwim? I would also feel going to BK or whatever for salad and an apple, would be like saying I approve of their cesspool food and ugly roadside buildings that have made this country look like crap.

[UUMom]

Oh, I wouldn't buy guns, but i don't get involved that way in my children's play. I can't possibly understand their play needs. Kids need space that adults don't occupy. Their imaginative world is too important for me to be messing with it. I've seen too much fake/stilted play in my time to be putting my adult issues on my kids play. Playing with sticks or even gladiator with swords doesn't get any commentary at all from me.

We have plenty of other opportunity to share our values with my kids. All of my kids have played Manhunt or 'bad guys' etc. but they are all against war.

I take it back about not buying guns- I am sure i have bought water 'soakers' which is just another name for water 'gun'.