getting past the anger
I've been working from home for the last... almost six years now. We have a three year old son and five 1/2 year old daughter. (My paid job ended when I was about six months p.g. w/ our daughter. I do freelance writing sometimes, and have held part-time jobs outside the home on and off, but my husband has been the main breadwinner. I'm the main bread baker.)
My point: I have had numerous idiots tell me, "That's great you don't have to work!" and "Yeah, my wife's lucky, she gets to stay home with the kids while I work," etc. I've stepped down from my soapbox for the time being, cuz I got fed up with saying "Have *you* ever been a stay-at-home parent? Cuz if you had, you'd know it's harder than a *real* job." And "Aren't you lucky she's willing to stay home so you can keep your career going!" etc.
My husband has started telling everyone (I love him times 100 for this), "Yeah, she works -- she just doesn't get paid for it." He's v. supportive. (This is key, for me.)
What I'm struggling with now that my daughter is in school is the "Mom Vs. Mom" garbage. I'm active in PTA, and one mom in particular always makes sure to tell me that *she* works so *she* doesn't have time to help me. "I need to get home and shower...because I have to work!" Now, she mentioned this on a day when I looked like... obviously not showered.
Another SAHM who was helping me (equally unshowered) said, after this mom left, "She has to take a shower. Cuz she has to go to work." It was pretty funny, actually. We were both in sweats and had screaming toddlers with us.
I'm always like, I didn't ask for your help, baby!
when she comes around. She's usually running out the door after dropping her daughter off, she sees me working on a project in the hall and stops to get the jab in.
OK, I know it's probably not really a jab, it just feels like it.
Ditto my former friends from work, who do the whole wistful, "I wish I could stay home. Your husband is so great to support you, you are so lucky and should be glad!" (This was when we got together for drinks and appetizers one night, when they knew I was depressed from being at home for weeks on end with two sick kids, my husband being gone 7 a.m.-7 p.m. three days a week and 7-6 two days a week...)
They could stay home, too (both of their husbands make decent money) but they have their kids in private school and live in big houses in "good" neighborhoods. (We bought in what is kindly called a "transitional" neighborhood cuz it was what we could afford, and are going to public school.)
It was about a month ago when I saw them, and I see the "working" mom almost every day, always the zingers from her. Feeling a little ouchie about it. But it's just my anger, that I'm not being supported by other moms, and defensiveness, I guess.