TV-free mamas - need your advice

[Calidris]

Apparantly last week was turn off the tv week, and we did just that (not intentionally, mind you, but we went to the beach for a week and the house didn't have a tv). So dd (15 months) was without tv for a week (which was fine because she had grandparents and an uncle to indulge and entertain her all day, and the sea, and sand and all sorts of great stuff). We decided to try to keep the tv off when we came back, and she has only tried to switch it on a couple times (but its switched off at the cable box so it doesn't come on) and when it doesnt do anything she walks off to find something else to do. But, she gets very fussy sometimes, and very demanding without seeming to know/be able to show what she wants, and she needs WAY more attention than I'm used to, so basically, what do your dc do, how do you entertain/distract them? What should I do (I don't get any computer time anymore , not to mention housework or bath time).
I'm not complaining, I love playing with dd, but without tv, she seems to need me ALL the time. So any suggestions? How to entertain a demanding 1 year old? I really would like to make this work, she has serious couch potato tendencies (before we stopped she insisted on having it on all day, and when we switched to something boring so she would stop watching (like CNN) she would complain).
thanks for advice.

[cmb123]

Good for you!
My kids are older now, so it is much easier. We don't have NO tv, but since I don't subscribe to cable I basically made it so there isn't much for them to watch .

Maybe you just need to change your mindframe. I don't think you have to "entertain" her all day. You can get things done with her in tow. She can "help"- yes, it makes things take a million times longer to do, but I really think kids like to be part of every day routine as much as being "played with" KWIM?

Also, not to discourage TV free, but there is a huge difference between "having it on all day" and letting her watch a short video once in a while if you are both needing a little down time.

[bu's mama]

We're not tv-free, but we watch little. I'm SAHM so dd helps with pretty much everything - making breakfast, unloading the dishwasher, etc in the morning. Now that the weather is nice, she'll help me outside in the yard or play while I'm doing so yardwork. When I'm making dinner I'll give her things to stir or she'll set the table (at almost 3 yo she'll give everyone a plate, utensils & a glass) or she'll play at her own little kitchen.

Yes everything takes a lot longer, but I feel like this is why I wanted to stay home - to spend time with dd and watch her grow. There are days where there is more 'entertaining' going on but I've also seen her start to find something to do when she doesn't like what I'm doing or she can't help me because it's dangerous.

I'll try to write more later - the coffee hasn't kicked in yet .

[UUMom]

We are not TV Free, but my toddlers didn;t watch TV. I think 15 mos is, in general, a trying age. They are pretty needy. I' am trying to recall some activites my toddlers enjoyed. Maybe put these out when she is feeling cranky for TV?

Wash little unbreakables at the sink, or put a tub of water on the floor with funnels, and cups etc. A tub of sand on the floor (or white rice if you don;t mind children 'playing' with food) with little animals, cars, spoons etc. Water colors at the table-- they are cheap enough that you might not mind a big mess of brown colors. You could also buy small containers of single color water colors, like Stockmar, and let her paint with on color at a time. Plus, they are beautiful, not all mucky. Playdough at a little table with a one piece garlic press and a plastic knife. (Rolling pins are nice, but hard for tiny toddlers to maniupulate, and I don't like cookie cutters, as they force a child to 'make something' rather than just 'experience'). We have always gotten a lot of mileage out of toys like blocks, tiny animals (ACMoore sells some very adorable little animals, and wooden waldorf-y ones are lovely, though spendy), dinosaurs, counting teddie bears, containers or baskets to carry items around and dump and fill. Baskets of shells, large stones etc can be anything the child chooses. I love to watch little horses get fed hay made of shells.

I agree about letting them do what you do, it's a pain, but a piece of bread dough on the high chair or small table and chair can go a long way.

[LeftField]

We did a drastic TV reduction all at once, with the goal being zero TV but with a 1 or 2 show allowance in times of desperation. My little one is also very needy, much needier than my oldest was at this age. Anyway, it was very difficult for a few days. He was grumpy like you described. He'd occasionally bring the remote or he'd ask, "Bloo Cloo?". It was really tough.

Then, after what I guess was a withdrawal period, he started playing better than he ever did when we watched TV. He was actually less grumpy than he was with TV. It took about 3-5 days, I guess, for this to happen. I can't believe the difference in him though. My kids are active and creative, so I assumed the TV thing wasn't a big deal. But when we went to 0 to 1 shows, I was amazed at how differently they acted. I could have never predicted it. It has been well worth it, IMO.

So hang in there!

[Calidris]

Thanks for all the responses
cmb123, yeah I think you have a good point there about changing the mindframe, she is used to being entertained and indulged, we need to work on that a bit (and she does like to help, she sweeps, with a full size broom, and scrubs the floor with any bit of cloth she gets ).
I don't intend to stay totally tv-free actually, but I think she needs a couple weeks to forget about it being on all day, then I will re-introduce one or two show (probably Teletubbies since she dances and talks to them, Elmo she adores, but stares at like a zombie, so I don't think its good for her, she is also very interactive with Barney so that might come back : *sigh* I HATE Barney)
UUMom, those are some great ideas, is dry rice safe for them? I'm afraid she'll eat it (she ate enough sand at the beach :LOL )
I have to say, I have noticed that she is doing a lot more pretend play in the last week or so, maybe because the tv is off? Today she was letting Doll hit her head on the desk, then saying uh oh and comforting her (she is a wild child and falls/hits things a lot).
(she is napping so I have some me time - which of course, I'm spending on MDC )

[UUMom]

Carol-- i would think rice wouldn't be safe for mouthing toddlers. I would stick to water in the case. She's still little, but prob ina couple of months, she'll be past eating the sand part of toddlerhood. I remember those days ofa big mouthful of sand and then a shocked little look on that innocent face.

Like i said, we're not TV free, but my kids are not very interested in TV and I think that's because it's been such a small part of their lives. My 6 yr old has been in her playroom with little animals and blocks since after breakfast around 8:30. It's after 12:30 and I am considering going in and asking if she's hungry because I don't want blood sugar issues...but she's so focused I hate to bother her. I'll just have the protein ready when she emerges. :LOL

[Llyra]

:

My DD is only 8 months old, and can't ask for TV yet, but we are TV-free here and I'm figuring I should gather ideas for when she's old enough to have an opinion on the matter.

So excuse me if I lurk on TV threads.....

[LeftField]

I forgot to mention this in my PP, but what helped with the transition for both my kids was playing music. They were used to hearing noise in the background. So, I got some fun CDs. Sometimes, they even dance around to them. Maybe that would help with your little one? We play regular music, in addition to some Gymboree themed CDs (one is Broadway tunes, one is Reggae), preschool songs in other languages, and some Wee Sing CDs. Some of the music is a bit inspid, but my tolerance has increased. Or sometimes I sing funny lyrics or do funny voices to it and they think that's funny. Right now, they are both addicted to Harry Belafonte's, "Day-o". I'm so tired of hearing that song. But it never fails; if they are grumpy, putting it on makes them dance around.

Good luck!

[Calidris]

thanks LeftField, I'm just noticing that myself, at the moment its a Police greatest hits cd, as soon as Roxanne comes on, she starts to dance (good taste ). I really need to get some kid cds!

[bec]

You've got some great suggestions! I don't have it in me to deal with the mess of a water/sand/rice or beans bucket, but my kids have always been more into dumping stuff out, than playing with something in a bin. :LOL I would think that, even if she ate some raw rice, that it would be a problem. I have found many a navy bean in my 17 month old's diaper from such an experiment : (this is where I learned about my low tolerance for such things!). But if it works for you, great!

I noticed a huge jump in pretend play when we turned the tv off (we only have the occasional video. Like maybe once a month or so). I also noticed a big jump in speech development (from my older daughter, but she was just over 3 at the time, so not too surprising).

The music idea made a good transition for us. I have a pretty low tolerance for kids music in general, so we usually have a mix of kids stuff and my stuff. They seem to like and dance to both equally well. So, I wouldn't turn off The Police. Hey, you're just teaching good taste! :LOL

In times of desperation, I pull out a new toy, or a toy that hasn't been used for a while, or something else. Seriously, sometimes, I just take all my toddler's clothes off and let her run around naked! She thinks it's a riot, and it helps that she's been starting to show some interest in the potty. I'm usually able to get a good 30 minutes or more out of that!


Bec

[UUMom]

Yes-- one does need to balance their thresholds. I have a high threshold for wet floors and messy activites and a *very* low threshold (maybe no threshold?) for whinning. I would rather have my teeth drilled and/or sweep rice than listen to unhappy whinning. Ack. That sends me. It's probably why I destest TV as backgroud noise.

[LeftField]

Originally Posted by bec

The music idea made a good transition for us. I have a pretty low tolerance for kids music in general, so we usually have a mix of kids stuff and my stuff. They seem to like and dance to both equally well. So, I wouldn't turn off The Police. Hey, you're just teaching good taste! :LOL

Actually, I agree with this. We play a lot of classical and opera. My oldest even has some favorites. And my little one "sings" to Drops of Jupiter when it comes on the radio, because he recognizes it. The kids CDs are annoying, but it gives us a chance to do interactive songs like, "the Itsey BItsey Spider".

[charmarty]

we have a tv, but no cable, and that means not even local channels work for us. So, yeah no tv. BUT we do have a VCR and I like to be able to KNOW exactly
what the kids are watching, and am able to also know how long they will be watching it for without ensuing a huge battle. They know when they movie is over, the tv is off. before, when we had cable, we were constantly at battle with that darn thing. Same with dh. He had ADD and became so addicted to the box it was silly.

But we also do alot of outside play, and silly songs and arts and crafts. My kids are 4.7

[Calidris]

bec, interesting point about speech development, I noticed a huge jump in dd's language in the last week or so, but she is about due for it anyway (just has a dozen or so words) so I didn't tie it to the lack of tv, but recently she has been imitating our words more, adding words in context and babbling in what are clearly words (reading books and so on) just not words we understand yet.
Yesterday we spent the day by my parents (Mother's Day) and tho my father had the tv on (they don't ususally in the day, but it was sports (cricket)) and dd gave it barely a glance as she ran about the place (good sign, or merely an indication of how boring cricket is? :LOL )

[Calidris]

Music: its been a very eclectic mix in the last couple days, but keeping the music going is a great help, at the moment its the Dubliners, later it will be some Russian Cosack thing I got from a friend, maybe the Police again, basically anything with a nice beat

[Mere]

My dd, now 3.5, sounds very much like your dd at 15 months. She did not play by herself even for one minute at that age, so mostly if we were in the house she just followed me around and I didn't get much done. As a result, we went out a lot - to parks, playgroups, whatever. There was definitely no free time for mom in the equation if she was awake. However, she did nap really well at that point (at least 2 hours) so that's when I got my break.

Even now she still doesn't play by herself much, but it's more manageable at 3.

[newmainer]

we're a tv-free family; at least at our own house. If i'm at someone elses house I become a zombie and can't keep my eyes off of it- a good reason why we don't have one. (tho dh and I watch movies on the laptop). So, dd has never really been exposed to much and tho i have actually tried to interest her in videos (like for x-country plane travel) she has no interest. I attribute it to what another mama on this board said about tv watching being a skill that needs to be acquired. Dd just doesn't have it. After about 30 seconds she gets bored and moves on. I suspect that at your dd's age, she could 'lose' that skill, if you wanted her too. imo, toddlers have their whole lives in front of them to learn to watch tv, but a very limited amount of time as toddlers and pre-schoolers in which to really develop and lose themselves in their imagination and environment. So to you on limiting the tv!!

oh, and i do remember 15 months as being tough... it seemed like she could do so much but still required me alot. Come to think of it, at 23 months, she *still* requires me a lot :LOL , :LOL but it gets easier! I second the water thing, tho my threshold with it varied from day to day.

[Calidris]

Mere, yea that sounds like Fern, good to know it gets (a bit) better I try to get out, but her sleep schedule was messed up by the week at the beach (where she woke at 6 am and took TWO 2-hr naps a day!!) so its hard to go out before naptime, cause she might want to nap anywhere between 9 and noon and by afternoon I'm just too exhausted - but it should get back to normal soon (she says hopefully).
This morning, first thing she dragged me (whining and fussing) to the tv and started to complain and press the button - I just put on the Police and she started to dance, but its the first time shes asked for tv in a week (must have drempt tv last night :LOL )
Thanks again to all of you

[RubyWild]

I'm one of the ones who allows my daughter to be bored if she chooses so she can learn to be creative and entertain herself. It's not always easy because she sometimes goes through stages where she just hangs on me wanting me to entertain her. I'm willing to play sometimes, to integrate her into my household responsibilities, but it's also on her to come up with stuff to do on her own sometimes. Since we don't have a TV, that's not an option.