Tell me your most obnoxious story

[MamaAllNatural]

*disclaimer: it's getting late so this may be a bit rambly and incoherent*

What was the weirdest/rudest thing anyone ever said to you WRT your SAHMing? This is just for fun and (hopefully) laughs. I'm hoping to avoid any major rants iykwim? I just remember a long time ago I started a thread in Babywearing (right after it's birth) about comebacks for rude comments to babywearing (like when someone asks you in the store if your baby is breathing ). It was fun and light and made us laugh while we also got to vent a little. So, I'm hoping this can be the same thing.

So, mine is very, very old but for some reason I *just* remembered it again today and it bugged me. : This was three years ago. DS 1 was 3 1/2 and DD was 15 months old (so she was just a constant nursing, sling living babe still of course). Our realtor was very nice and accomodating but sometimes he got a little too personal.

You won't believe this. The height of unprofessional but he (the realtor) started pressuring *me* to get a job so we could afford a better/more expensive home! Um, excuse me?? I told him, yes someday I will get a job again when my kids are much older. He was really adament though and kept asking me (every time he called or was showing us a home) if I was looking for a job, had a found a job, when did I intend on getting a job, etc.. He'd just keep saying, "If you get a job now, they can get proof of what your income *will* be and you can qualify for a bigger loan." Buddy, really...back off! I'm not leaving my kids any time soon. How weird is that?

Your turn.

[LisainCalifornia]

This is a very good question, Mama

The first I remember was after I had my first child (Matthew) I went to the dentist when he was 8 months old. This was a big deal for me because it was actually the first time I had been away from him for more than just a short time (I had run to the store and that kind of thing, but otherwise he was the orignal high-needs velcro baby). Anyway, I was very tired because Matthew was such a fussy little guy--he was the type of baby who did not sleep longer than a 2 hour stretch at night until he was 18 months old. So at eight months old I was still waking up with him to nurse him 3-4 times a night. During the day I was running circles around myself trying to keep him happy, and I had never worked harder in my life (and this includes a stint digging toilets in Mexico for a relief group!).

So when the dentist asks me what I do for a living, I tell him I am a stay at home mom--and he says "must be nice--I have worked my whole life and have no idea what it's like to just lounge around at home" and then "but you do want to do SOMETHING with your life, right? You don't want to be like one of those women who amounts to nothing."

and wait--it gets better!

Then he is standing there about to give me x-rays and I mention that I am nursing my baby--and he stops (in shock) and says "how old is he??" and when I tell him 8 months he says "well, you can stop that anytime!"
The worst part was my response--I was still very immature in my stay at home mom life and nursing life--I knew I wanted to nurse and be home with Matthew, but felt ashamed about both. I actally agreed with him when he said I could stop nursing anytime and made the usual joke about nursing till college--and he then talked about a woman he saw on the plane who was nursing this baby who was over a year old and how sick it was and I better not do that.

Now that it is 11 years later and I know what I know now I would stop that guy in his tracks with his ignorant comments--but at the time I was just getting the message from socitey and from him that nursing was gross and being a SAHM was something to be ashamed over. I think those attitudes are still out there just as much, but I try not to let it bother me in the same way.

With that creepy dentist I felt like telling him that I had also worked my whole life--I had a full time job every summer since I was 14, and always worked afterschool and all the way through college. I worked 2 jobs (teaching job and weekend job waiting tables) to put my husband through graduate school--but I felt silly....like he would know I was making excuses. And even with all these jobs, the hardest I have worked has been my job as a SAHM.

Looking forward to reading the other responses.
Lisa

[homemademomma]

grr. i am a 3rd year midwifery student, and i almost always get my homework done on time. all 8 of us in the senior class have super busy lives, kids, work, going to births, commuting, etc etc, and some of us manage to get our homework done and some dont. anyway, we were joking in class one day about it, and a girl in my class says, "well, i would get all my homework done too if all i had to do was sit at home with a baby all day"


my jaw just about dropped on the floor. first of all, i dont do much sitting with a 15 month old (9ish month old at the time), and second of all, i also go to school, do clinic, take call, and work part time!



anyway, she is 30 weeks pg now so pretty soon she'll know just how relaxing it is to lounge around at home eating bonbons all day!

[MamaAllNatural]

Those are horrible! Yours is way worse than mine Lisa! Homemademama, she'll be eating her words soon enough.

[melanie.willett]

My husband and I were discussing ways to make our budget stretch now that I've left my (very good paying) job to stay home with our 21 mo old and baby-on-the-way (within days, hopefully). Anyway, I was suggesting things like cutting our cable bill and some of our other utilities. And he suggested that I get a part time job that I can do from home. "You know, something you could do on the computer while you are watching TV or whatever." It took all of my personal strength to not smack him right there. He doesn't say bone-headed things like that very often, thank goodness

[onlyzombiecat]

My WOH sil wanted me to help paint a mural on her dd's wall (for free) and I explained that we were busy packing and getting ready to move so I might not be able to that month. She replied back that when you have a job and run a house it is a lot more hectic.
Implication being that as a SAHM I don't know about stress or busy lives. Also very funny because I know that my brother does way more around the house than she does and she chooses to WOH (don't need the $'s)... and her life is only so hectic because she chooses that lifestyle.

[scrapadoozer]

Wow, I can't believe these stories! I must be lucky as no one has ever said anything rude to me yet.

[RedWine]

I hear the following from women at times -- even women who are at home with their child "for now."

"I want to get a job-do this or that-etc. so that my child can see that I've done something important with my life."

This floors me -- it makes me upset that some women devalue their own job (SAHM-hood).

I always respond, saying that there is NOTHING more important than being there for your children. And that if you're a SAHM forever, that's more work than anything else, it takes more skill than anything else, and that they should be proud of themselves for undergoing such a challenging (and rewarding, AND important) job!

[LisainCalifornia]

Originally Posted by Ellis Herr

I hear the following from women at times -- even women who are at home with their child "for now."

"I want to get a job-do this or that-etc. so that my child can see that I've done something important with my life."

Yes, I have heard that often too. I remember a few years ago reading an interview with the actress who played "Kayla" on Days of Our Lives. She has been on a few other shows too--like GH and ATWT. She said the same thing--that she wanted especially her daughter to see that she was working and doing something important in her life (she had been staying at home for the last year and was looking for work). She has 3 children and at that time was staying home with them and very involved in their lives. She made many comments along that line in the article--basically saying that she needed to set a good example for her children by working and showing that she had her own life. I understand what she is saying--our society does not value the work of a SAHM in the same way....and it is considered to be "less than" personally for the woman.

Her husband is a high profile doctor in the Los Angeles area--and I am certain he works a great deal of hours and makes a great salary---but for her this was not about him--it was about her and the "example" she was setting for the kids.

I was floored when I read several months ago that she took a job on a soap in New York, and now lives there in an apartment and tries to travel home each weekend (but often cannot) to see her 3 children and husband. She said everyone is "pitching in and making it work" so that she can have this contract role on As the World Turns. I can only think about what she is missing with her kids as they grow up without her, and how that time will be lost for her.

When did it become a bad example to chose to be a SAHM? Has it always been this way? I know not everyone thinks this--but I think many people do...even on MDC. I think this is tied into the shame that some women feel in chosing to be a SAHM.

Thanks for listening,
Lisa

[melanie.willett]

Another one that I often get from my mom is something like "You are going to get bored....How long do you really think you can stand to be home with two kids all day....Don't you want to do something for yourself?" She stayed at home after my sister was born for about a year. I was 5 at the time so she knows how hard it is to raise two kids and try to run a household and I'm sure my dad was the type of person that expected her to have the house spotless when he came home from work. She says that she got bored with it and felt like she wasn't using all of her brain. On the other hand, I'm sure I'm a much more involved parent than she was. I never get bored. Tired? yes. Frustrated? Yes. But bored?? How can you be bored with a two year old?? Now, my full time job bored the crap out of me sometimes. And it's much more frustrating, IMO, to have to explain something for the 15th time to a (supposedly) intelligent adult and have them still not understand your point. You expect to have to explain things multiple times to a two year old. Sorry....my old job made me a bit cranky sometimes

[musingmama]

the most perplexing for me (and saddest) is that every time I talk to my Dad (not very often- every couple of months) he ALWAYS asks- "Are you working again?" or "how's the business going?" or "have you found a job?".....
and every time I have to say, "YES I AM WORKING! I am taking care of Steffen!!"
and then he'll say "oh yeah"
but then he'll ask me again the next time! this has been going on for the past two years!
:

[meowee]

this comment was not made directly to me, but it is the one that hurt the most:

I found out through my sister that my mother had lied to her mother (my maternal grandmother) and had said I was working as "a bilingual kindergarten teacher" when in fact I'd been SAH for years. She made up this lie because she is so ashamed and embarrassed that I SAH. This really cut to the bone. I have not WOH since I got married and certainly have never been a bilingual kindergarten teacher.

[charmarty]

meowee. That is pretty low. There is no chance it could have been said out of guilt? or jealousy?


I have one that is just annoying to me. We have a newer house and thus have no grass in the front still. Life keeps happening, and putting grass down in teh front is our last priority. Out one 'friend' that lives in the neighbourhood keeps hounding on us when we are going to put it in. FInally one day I said out of pure frusteration, WHEN WE CAN AFFORD IT! Her reply to me was, well, maybe you will have to get a job like me. Then you will be able to afford more.


kiss my BUTT

[charmarty]

meowee. That is pretty low. There is no chance it could have been said out of guilt? or jealousy?


I have one that is just annoying to me. We have a newer house and thus have no grass in the front still. Life keeps happening, and putting grass down in teh front is our last priority. Out one 'friend' that lives in the neighbourhood keeps hounding on us when we are going to put it in. FInally one day I said out of pure frusteration, WHEN WE CAN AFFORD IT! Her reply to me was, well, maybe you will have to get a job like me. Then you will be able to afford more.

[melanie.willett]

As if you were going to put your kids in day care just to be able to afford grass! That seems like a fair trade!

[yummy-mummy]

Originally Posted by melanie.willett

As if you were going to put your kids in day care just to be able to afford grass! That seems like a fair trade!

:

[UUMom]

Definetly being in As the World Turns is an important calling.

I didn't even know that show was still on.

[darlindeliasmom]

Lisa in CA:
You should have done what I did to demonstrate how tiring sah can be with a velcro kid: fall asleep! I have a great dentist's office; he's clueless, but his asst. is a mom and has done both...they tiptoed around me and squeezed in at least one other appointment while I snoozed in the chair!! Best rest I'd had in months!!

[CartersMomma]

I went over to our next door neighbors house at 10 pm one night to ask him to stop revving his motorcycle, as it is 2 feet away from our bedroom window and our kids were sleeping. (We are in constant conflict with them anyway, about noise, their 3 dobermans, not having their garbage picked up, dog poop smell, etc)...........so, I shouldn't have been surprised when the conversation didn't go well!

The boyfriend ignores me, the (pregnant) girlfriend comes out and starts yelling at me, saying that "I"m just a f****ing SAHM mom, and I don't have to do anything all day, so why should it matter that they are being noisy, I have nothing to get up for!"

Oh dear. I decided to just walk back home. I wasn't concerned about them waking ME up, it was my KIDS.

They will be parents soon, and although I do hope the best for their child, a teeny part of me hopes that their child is a crappy sleeper like both of mine are so that they can get a taste of sleep deprivation and maybe remember their words to me. Is that bad??

[GranoLLLy-girl]

OUCH!!!
Trish--I hear that same story all the time. I just don't get people.
Since when did our own children (and I mean EVERYONE'S children) become so bloody worthless??
I'll never understand this.
Something else about that idea (that mom needs to have work to show its value to the child)---doesn't it also suggest in a round about way that the CHILD has no value as well??????