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SAHM a "choice?" - Page 4

post #61 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
I hate stuff like this! Govt wants to put more and more money into daycare and none at all into SAH families! It costs MORE to pay for daycare than it does to pay mothers to SAH. So they would rather pay for something that is more expensive and is not as good for the child.

People say the lack of affordable quality childcare is such a crisis...I think it's a crisis that anyone with young children should have to consider non-parental childcare solutions at all!


I believe the gov needs to take better care of famililies when they have children. Like having write offs and tax breaks for mothers who decide to stay home with theor children. I have heard of this happening in other countries. Anyone have any info on that?
post #62 of 117
So you can't support both working families and families in which one parent stays home? It has to be one or the other?

I have never, ever met anyone who claimed to be an advocate for children's rights and did NOT support initiatives to improve the quality of childcare. I'm dumbfounded. So the children whose evil, neglectful mothers DO work should be penalized for that?

Why bother educating our daughters at all if all we expect them to do with their lives is grow up and raise children? What you are advocating is a complete turnover of our society to men. Let men do EVERYTHING outside of the home.

I have to think that some of you just haven't thought this through and are making snap judgements based on your own narrow experiences, because the ramifications of what you are talking about are much, much broader than anyone here is talking about.

Edited to add: I made the choice to stay home with my kids, but I'm very, very grateful to those who make different choices. My son's wonderful teachers, my doctor, the woman who drives the bus on my route, the pilot who flew me to Dallas last year-- all of them are mothers who work outside of their home. I would feel very, very unsafe in a world where my only options for receiving services outside of my home came from men and the small percentage of women who remain childless either by choice or circumstances.
post #63 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mothra

Why bother educating our daughters at all if all we expect them to do with their lives is grow up and raise children?
Um...I went to college and am going to be homeschooling my children. I think mothering takes more of an education than a career field. I teach my children a little of everything!

I am assuming you made this comment to make a point.....not to insult the intelligence of SAHM's.
post #64 of 117
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mothra
So you can't support both working families and families in which one parent stays home? It has to be one or the other?

I have never, ever met anyone who claimed to be an advocate for children's rights and did NOT support initiatives to improve the quality of childcare. I'm dumbfounded. So the children whose evil, neglectful mothers DO work should be penalized for that?

Why bother educating our daughters at all if all we expect them to do with their lives is grow up and raise children? What you are advocating is a complete turnover of our society to men. Let men do EVERYTHING outside of the home.

I have to think that some of you just haven't thought this through and are making snap judgements based on your own narrow experiences, because the ramifications of what you are talking about are much, much broader than anyone here is talking about.
Here's my suggestion for improving childcare - move it out of the institution and into the home! If the mom is single and can't work from home, pay her to stay home with her child!

I am a SAHM who is taking classes online. I intend to get a college degree, to "get educated" even if I don't plan to use that degree. I'm surprised that in the SAHM forum, someone would suggest that SAHMs are wasting their education since all they did was grow up to raise children.

And yes, I would love it if my dh would handle doing everything outside the home regarding paid work because I sure don't plan to!
post #65 of 117
Puh-lease. I'm shocked that in a message board entitled MOTHERING that women are so shameless about making such mean-spirited statements about a very large percentage of mothers.

I never said anything that even suggested that women who stay at home with their kids are "wasting" their education. I don't feel like I'm wasting mine. I'm using my education to educate my children, and when they are older I'll use it in a different way-- to persue employment outside of my home. What I said is that I don't see the point of educating children, girls, only to teach them that the ONLY thing their education is good for is raising their own children. I don't see the point in that at ALL. I educate my children so that they have options. I do not believe in teaching girls that once they have children their only option is to stay at home with those children.
post #66 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by my2girlsmama
I just found the SAHM section.....

I am right now frustrated again with this way of thinking. I'm in Canada and my ignorant government just decided to put billions more recently into a day care plan. I could cry. What about those of us low income one income families who make their children priority?


And what about all the single mothers in your country who are on welfare because they could never make more than they receive in food and cash assistance? The ones who can never get ahead, never get an education, never made a decent living wage because they can't afford childcare and there IS no partner bringing home the bacon? Does that make you want to cry?
post #67 of 117
Quote:
You can't judge what kind of parent someone is by whether or not they work. Not that anyone would judge fathers this way. There are SAHM who beat the crap out of their kids on a daily basis and ignore them as if they were somewhere else. There are WOHM who are at every single PTA meeting, something I can't claim to have done this year, every ball game, and up every night helping their kid do homework or tie his shoes or whatever else it is that kid needs. Nothing in my life experience or my schooling (with a strong background in human development) has suggested to me that a child left in quality childcare setting is at any sort of disadvantage socially or emotionally Some of the replies on this thread have made me feel physically ill and extremely sad for some of the mamas who do WOH that might be reading this. I'm so over having people pass judgement on me based on one or two aspects of my life and I'll be damned if I'm going to do it to another mother.

Yes, I think it is a choice to stay at home with my kids. This isn't the 19th century. Women have choices.

(bolding is mine for emphasis)
post #68 of 117
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Some of the replies on this thread have made me feel physically ill and extremely sad for some of the mamas who do WOH that might be reading this.
I have felt sick and sad when I've read some of the threads in the WOHM forum, so I don't go there anymore. I have no reason to be reading those threads. Why would anyone be here if they were not SAHMs or interested in being SAHMs? I thought this was supposed to be "our" place where we could discuss issues that SAHMs relate to. One of those issues is that no, I cannot go back to work any old time I'd like. Yes, our family's income would double; yes, I could afford to pay for daycare and still have $$ left over; yes, we could get off public assistance if I got a job...but no, I cannot go back to work. I realize any MDC member can post anywhere, but I figured that in the SAHM forum I wouldn't have to worry about offending the WOHMs.
post #69 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa
I actually completely support this initiative. I thrive going to school and/or working and can't afford to do either right now. I think every parent has to make the choice that will enable them to be the best parent they can be.

I too thrive when doing so (working and school) and at home. The point is my government values two income, wealthier (by *choice*) families over those of us NOT doing so (working out of home). It is unfair and outright ignorant and I disagree wholeheartedly at my government shelling out MY taxpayer money to families who choose to go to work and leave their children to be raised by others (by this I am NOT including single parent families or disability etc) yet here I am giving up exactly that and they have the audacity to grant billions to them to do it? While I get exactly $216 a month baby bonus (which by the way ALL families get just for having children)for two children and an extra $33.60 end of month for working families supplement (translated: one income or low income families who need a bit more to add up to working families). It is WRONG.
post #70 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
I have felt sick and sad when I've read some of the threads in the WOHM forum, so I don't go there anymore. I have no reason to be reading those threads. Why would anyone be here if they were not SAHMs or interested in being SAHMs? I thought this was supposed to be "our" place where we could discuss issues that SAHMs relate to. One of those issues is that no, I cannot go back to work any old time I'd like. Yes, our family's income would double; yes, I could afford to pay for daycare and still have $$ left over; yes, we could get off public assistance if I got a job...but no, I cannot go back to work. I realize any MDC member can post anywhere, but I figured that in the SAHM forum I wouldn't have to worry about offending the WOHMs.

I agree. I'm sure (not that I have ventured over there as you said I have NO reason to) they don't walk on eggshells towards SAHMs who read there so why should we do so here?

Geez...politics everywhere. Ouch. :
post #71 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by honolula
And what about all the single mothers in your country who are on welfare because they could never make more than they receive in food and cash assistance? The ones who can never get ahead, never get an education, never made a decent living wage because they can't afford childcare and there IS no partner bringing home the bacon? Does that make you want to cry?

Of course it does, and if you read my other posts I stated I wasn't including them. Obviously. The initiative of my goverment isn't FOR them only nor specifically, it was created for two income families.
post #72 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelBee


I believe the gov needs to take better care of famililies when they have children. Like having write offs and tax breaks for mothers who decide to stay home with theor children. I have heard of this happening in other countries. Anyone have any info on that?

Exactly my point. Why can't we ALL get government benefits in our *choices* in parenting. I don't begrudge anyone who works out of home, I simply want the SAME benefits they get as I am doing the same but from home.
post #73 of 117
Quote:
So you can't support both working families and families in which one parent stays home? It has to be one or the other?
Who says we don't? Sounds like you're making a snap judgement mama.

Quote:
I have never, ever met anyone who claimed to be an advocate for children's rights and did NOT support initiatives to improve the quality of childcare. I'm dumbfounded. So the children whose evil, neglectful mothers DO work should be penalized for that?
Um, no.

Quote:
Why bother educating our daughters at all if all we expect them to do with their lives is grow up and raise children? What you are advocating is a complete turnover of our society to men. Let men do EVERYTHING outside of the home.
That's pretty sick. Do you have some sort of hatred for men? I'm pretty damn grateful my husband wants me to stay home and raise our children RIGHT as opposed to letting some other *daughter* raise them for us. We have decided when the time is right in OUR family that I go out of home to work and HE stays home. I'm pretty sure he isn't taking over society.

Quote:
I have to think that some of you just haven't thought this through and are making snap judgements based on your own narrow experiences, because the ramifications of what you are talking about are much, much broader than anyone here is talking about.
You too are sounding pretty narrow minded and filled with hate for men-I don't want to make a judgement though so I'll assume you mean well.

Quote:
Edited to add: I made the choice to stay home with my kids, but I'm very, very grateful to those who make different choices. My son's wonderful teachers, my doctor, the woman who drives the bus on my route, the pilot who flew me to Dallas last year-- all of them are mothers who work outside of their home. I would feel very, very unsafe in a world where my only options for receiving services outside of my home came from men and the small percentage of women who remain childless either by choice or circumstances.
Again, men are demonic? What about the male teachers, doctors, bus drivers, pilots....................
post #74 of 117
: Seems this conversation has taken a rather negative turn. As a newbie to MDC and someone grappling with the decision to become a SAHM (or to be more technical a WAHM) this type of discussion frankly scares the crap out of me.

It seems that rather than having a honest dialogue on the issue of whether or not SAH is a choice and looking at the factors that allow some Moms to make that choice, it feels like a bash fest of WOHM.

There is no way that you can have a true dialogue about choice without discussing barriers that prevent someone from becoming a SAHM and all the other details that go into such a decision. To paint Mamas who "choose" to work as women who are abdicating all responsibility of their children to others is simply a misinformed, ignorant and rather polly-annaish view of the world.

As another poster stated if we really feel this way and feel that a woman's place is in the house with the babies, what the heck was the women's movement about? Why bother educating girls and telling them they can do anything if we really don't feel that way. Frankly such talk is appaling, I mean this is a site where we discuss breaking out of the mold, yet we are sitting here in essence talking about basically gender typing. :

I think at this point, I better take a break from the keyboard and from this thread.

Shay
post #75 of 117
It isn't just WOHMs that may be hurt by this thread, but some SAHMs as well.
post #76 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by shayinme

Why bother educating girls and telling them they can do anything if we really don't feel that way. Frankly such talk is appaling, I mean this is a site where we discuss breaking out of the mold, yet we are sitting here in essence talking about basically gender typing. :


Shay
I do believe woman can be anything they want to be. I do believe personally though that once you become a mother, that is your main responsiblity. That comes first!

I have found a way to incorporate my other passion (teaching dance) and having a family. My children come with me to our dance academy while I teach. They are with my when I am answering phones. When I am advertising. You get the point.

I made a choice to become a mother and dedicate my life to my children. We need extra income, but that does not mean that I have to put my children in daycare. I created a business that enables me to have fun instructing other children and fulfill my calling....being with my children.

It is not that I look down on working parents but I strongly believe children should be with a stay at home parent until they are at least 5 years old.
post #77 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_lissa
It isn't just WOHMs that may be hurt by this thread, but some SAHMs as well.


lissa
post #78 of 117
Thanks AngelBee.
post #79 of 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greaseball
I realize any MDC member can post anywhere, but I figured that in the SAHM forum I wouldn't have to worry about offending the WOHMs.
Why is it so hard to understand that you're also offending a goodly number of SAHMs (myself, for example)? Since this topic is a weapon you pull out of your arsenal time and time again and people - WAHPs, SAHPs, WOHPs alike - have informed you over and over again that every time you do you offend a lot of people, why do you think you don't need to worry about offending? You've been told. Repeatedly. And now you're being told again.

So the next time you take up arms in the Mommy Wars be a dear try and refrain from the whining, won't you?
post #80 of 117
Has anyone read the Mommy Myth? I highly recommend it.
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