SAH- how do you do it?

[Amys1st]

This is a question I have received many times in my 3 years as a Stay at Home Parent.

Let me know- how do you do it?

I know we both -DH and I wanted our children to have a parent home for them like we did. Before we were married we discussed this. so we made many decisions to make this happen. One being- when we added what it costs to work plus incidentals, it made no sense to have me stay employed.

Lets talk!

[MomInCalifornia]

We knew that when we had kids, one of us would stay home with them. Because of the difference in our earning power, it made most sence for me to be the SAHparent.

From day on eof our marriage we put my salary into savings, and lived only off of his. This way, when we had kids, it was no noticable loss in our living expences.

We make some small sacrafices, but we could do much much more if we needed to. We bought a town home instead of a single family home in order to have a lower mortgage, we buy used cars, I don't shop at $$$ stores anymore etc. If I worked, I would have day care costs, new wardrobe, more meals out etc. I was a teacher, and financially it just does not make sence.

[Amys1st]

Same here- when I worked my I wore suits everday, had to eat out with clients etc. My dry cleaning was $100 a month. Plus everything else. When you add daycare, extra Drs cost, transportation, time etc. We are much better off with me being w DD.

We have a managable mortgage, 2 cars that are paid off, we eat out less and less!, do not buy a lot of new things but we don't really need anything anyway.

[columbus]

i am planning to stay home and watch one or two other infants (after a couple of months alone with my new one- expected SOON!). i have no idea what to charge- anyone have any ballpark numbers?

[Oklahoma Mama]

I've had people tell me that I am lucky that I get to stay home with my boys. It isn't luck, it is a choice. All SAHMs have to make that choice. For some the financial aspects make it an easy choice, for others it involves a lot of sacrifice and creative thinking to make it happen.

[sunnmama]

Although dh and were married 7 years before having dd, we had never had 2 fulltime incomes. One of us was always in school fulltime! When I got pregnant with dd, I was a fulltime student. Staying home with dd actually *saved* us money that year, because we weren't paying for tuition, books, and gas to the university.

Staying home with dd was a no-brainer for me. I didn't have much of an income before she was born.

[L.J.]

We made choices too. We bought a house we could afford on one income only, had fewer and less expensive vacations, etc. so I could stay home.

When my ex left, I knew I would find a way to still stay home. Initally, he paid spousal support, then I moved to a smaller community and downsized and now I'm in school and get student loans.

Being a stay home mom was a clear, conscious decision that was made before we even had kids. I'm glad everyday!

[FireWithin]

Putting one income away before having children is a great idea. I wish we thought of that, or had the self control. We would have experienced living off of one income, and would have had the second income saved. But, thinking about it, we didn't make much so I still don't think it would have been fully possible.

I'm a teacher, so my expected income is kind of on the cusp of "it's not worth working" After all is said and done I would probably bring home approx $6000 of usuable money. It simply wasn't worth it, especially when considering I would have to work 40-45 hrs a week, not including commuting.

We have made it work because we don't have a choice. and what better way to learn how to be frugal. :LOL

I am able to save tons fo money by staying home with careful shopping, etc.

I do wish we were more financially secure. We still have debt and rent an apartment. But! we have been paying down the debt and haven't increased our debt since DH graduated from grad school, 3 years ago. So I'm really proud.

Every time when I don't think I can figure otu how to be more frugal, we figure out how to be more so.

I think for many, many people if being a SAHM is a big priority, something can be figured out.

[philomom]

I had some in-laws in town the past week. They brought this up quite a bit.
I was careful to point out what I didn't need in my life. I don't need two brand new cars. I don't need a big screen Tv. I don't need a home remodel just to have a "showplace" of a home.

I'm not sure they got it. Maybe it will give them something to think about.

[Leilalu]

I always knew this is what we'd do. It would break my heart to have to go to work
Dh makes a good deal for where we live, but we pay through the nose for living expenses.He is suppossedly getting a good raise in June,but if it isn't "that" good, he may look elsewhere:LOL He is a software engineer, and has a valuable niche.
It would cost us more if we both worked outside the home. As any job I would do now partime wouldn't hardly coverthe expensive childcare I would get because no kid of mine is ever getting crappy daycare.

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by columbus

i am planning to stay home and watch one or two other infants (after a couple of months alone with my new one- expected SOON!). i have no idea what to charge- anyone have any ballpark numbers?

my question is- do you have any more or is this your first?
If your first, have the baby first, then 8 weeks or so make that choice. You won't have to worry about what to charge I think you will know.

[Amys1st]

I agree with a pps that its not luck or luxury(my pp btw) but choice. Also its true for some its a $$ sacrifice, others its being creative to be able to stay home.

We have only our mortgage as debt but some months are harder than others. Such as- we are remodeling our bathroom this month. Its about $750 and we are doing it ourselves. So of course the car needs a repair for $485 this month. It always something!

Its not that we don't have it, but its just keeping things tight kwim?

[AngelBee]

When people ask me "How do you do it" I look at my children and say "How can I not?"

Daycare has never been an option for me. I want to watch my babies grow.

[thoesly]

Originally Posted by philomom

I was careful to point out what I didn't need in my life. I don't need two brand new cars. I don't need a big screen Tv. I don't need a home remodel just to have a "showplace" of a home.

This is us. I've always been the "poor" mom on the playground, but it's not because I'm deprived. I just don't have the same "needs" as many people around me. Also, my grandparents came out west during the Dust Bowl, so I grew up hearing, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, do without." That frugal way of living helped make the transition from two incomes to one income less bumpy.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by AngelBee

When people ask me "How do you do it" I look at my children and say "How can I not?"

That's a wonderful response, and really it does say it all.

[mags]

DH and I knew before we had kids that I would be a SAHM or work just a few hrs a wk. If I had a job I really loved, I would have tried to work PT, but I hated my job, so becoming a SAHM was not a burden to me. We have cut our, going out to eat costs and entertainment (going to the movies, etc.) cost a LOT since having joshua. We cook in more often, I've always been a frugal grocery (I don't mind buying generic either) and other things shopper, so that was never an issue. I cancelled my cell phone and now I just have a pre-paid cell phone, more for emergencies, and quickie calls, etc.. Cancelled our land line's long distance, I just use DH's cell phone as much as possible and we have a sam's club calling card too, which is really cheap, like 3 cents a minute. Also, when we bought our current house, we did not factor in my salary, we only budgeted for a house with DH's salary knowing that someday I'd be a SAHM and my salary would not be there for everyday costs.

Also, for family vacations and stuff like that, we plan vacation around trips we have to make anyway. Like DH's work conventions, or friends' weddings, etc.. That way, we are already going there for a specific purpose, we just stay a few extra days, which isn't a huge cost difference. I know this means we don't get to go anywhere exotic, but it still counts as a vacation for us, plus my DH makes good use of his vacation time this way.

We also made sure that many of our debts (college loans and credit cards) were paid off before we started a family. Our cars are all paid off, except for one, so we only have one car payment and our mortgage. We pay off our cc bill in full every month, so we do not have to pay any interest. I make it sound like we don't do anything, but we actually have nice stuff. I just really shop clearance a LOT, and my DH no longer questions my ability to find GREAT stuff at deep clearance prices, in fact he has picked it up himself (his latest find was a really nice colored laser printer for $150 open box, that was orig $600... it had some problems, so he called CS, and minolta/konica sent him a brand new one to replace it!). We also splurge on DSL, a digital dish and netflix, but skimp on a lot of other not so important things.

Anyway, I will eventually have to return back to work when the kids are older, in order to save for their college costs and also to put $ away for our retirement (although, I think our generation will NOT be able to retire).

[Amys1st]

All good points made but if our generation will not retire, then DH and I are saving all this money for nothing! Actually we have that factored in already in our lifestyle so we can retire someday while the rest of my generation can work until they die.
I plan on going to my grave saying I had a great time with my family and friends not gee I wish I bought more stuff or gee I wish I worked more time at the office.

But all kidding aside I do see the point.


Exotic vacation for us would mean not nec destination but what we were doing.

[skueppers]

Like many others here, when we bought our home a few years ago (well, indentured ourselves to the bank in exchange for a house), we chose to buy something much less expensive than the bank would have let us borrow the money for -- we weren't sure at the time that we were going to have kids (and thus have me stay home), but we knew it was a possibility. And even if we didn't have kids, we wanted to have money for other things, rather than being "house poor".

Anyway, I think housing costs is one of the biggest reasons more couples "can't afford" to have one partner stay home with the kids -- and I think that in a lot of cases, it's a matter of deciding that you don't really need a separate bedroom for each child, or a big yard, etc.

As others have mentioned, we also drive older (paid for!) cars, and have clear financial priorities. We also save as much as we can without feeling completely deprived, so we know there's a "cushion" there in case of unexpected expenses.

One of the advantages of waiting until our mid-thirties to have children is that my husband makes more money now than he did when we were in our mid-twenties, so it's easier for me to stay home. Plus we've already made substantial progress on our retirement savings.

[crunchy_mama]

We were like many pp, decided long ago one of us would stay home. I insisted that it be me. I went to college the first 3 yrs of our marriage, so didn't really work. Then worked 1 1/2 yrs, saved almost all of that money and paid off all our debts, except the house. DH puts back 10% pre-tax for retirement, we started this a few yrs ago so we wouldn't miss it and increase when he gets raises. DH does fair for our area, although many would think he makes hardly nothing. We keep our bills down- no cable, basic phone- not even call waiting, no cell phones, try to conserve electricity- use flourescent bulbs, line-dry clothes.

So, although I know for some people sah'ing isn't possible, for many it is a choice. I am lucky in that a lot of people have not asked me questions about how we do it, or stated "how lucky I am(in a condescending way). I usually get that's great that you stay home, to which I reply yes, I AM Lucky!!

We continue to be blessed. When I first figured our budget with only one income I was scared, I didn't see it working even with no extras. However, God has provided and we have made it just fine. We are paying extra on our house, to hopefuly have it paid off in 12 1/2 yrs so dh will not be a slave to his job forever.

[huggerwocky]

My husband makes enough so we can easily afford me staying at home.

Since I was a single parent the first years I know how it is when you can't stay at home.I hated it and made it a condition that I can stay home if he wants children.Yes, I'd take not having children over being away all day with children.