Update: My dh has a small problem

[USAmma]

Okay, I'm kinda shy to be posting this but here it goes. Dh and I are a little bit concerned. He is intact. He is also extremely, extremely sensitive on the head of his penis to the point where he doens't want anyone touching it. He can't retract his foreskin back all the way. Most of the way (about 3/4), but not all the way. He says it starts to hurt and sting. When we were first intimate I noticed there were "pearls" under his skin. He was very embarassed about that and it never happened again. He shared with me that he had never retracted even that much until we started being intimate.

This has never been a big deal to us, except that it's affecting our intimate life a little bit (the no touching thing). I've learned to adjust to his needs. He also can't clean it as well as he'd like which sometimes causes yeast infections to pass back and forth between us. He is an extremely clean person and this bothers him a lot.

Since we are both tired and are not as intimate as often as in the past, it's easy to trace our encounters to about 48 hours before I get a yeast infection. It doesn't happen often, but often enough that we are both tired of it. He wants to know how he can stretch himself so it's not painful and he can clean himself better, and is not as sensitive.

We have been happily married for 9 years. Obviously this is something we have gotten past to have two kids. He's a wonderful man and I can easily adjust to his needs. We have a good married life (in the bedroom and out ). But there's just this small problem.

Is there any way to help him? He's too shy to go and see a doctor. Thanks!

ETA: sorry forgot to mention, he had a small surgery as an infant to widen his uretra opening because it was too narrow and he couldn't pee very well. Not sure if that is related to the above issue or not.

[Past_VNE]

Amma, I have no advice for you, but just want to give you a and say I hope that the board can help out you and your DH.

[~Megan~]

I've heard there are hormone creams that you can rub on the skin to help it stretch. I don't know details though but I'm sure someone will jump on here to tell you just what to do.

ETA: I meant steriod creams. That's what I was thinking of.

[feebeeglee]

OK, totally going out on a limb here - but - since he had surgery when he was small, he might have been retracted many many times before he would have normally been retractile. That's the sort of thing that causes the problem you describe because the scar tissue in the opening to the foreskin is not as stretchy as the original tissue. I'm pretty sure that's not too difficult to treat with a topical steroid cream.

Or if it's the underside of his penis that hurts he might have a short frenulum which can be stretched gently over time, or carefully snipped and then sutured back on the foreskin giving it more room. I just read an article about it.

As far as the too sensitive goes, is it painfully sensitive on the head during sex?

Can I post this to a list I'm on - with no personal details, of course?

I'm sorry I can't think of a nonmedical solution right offhand - other than that exactly - gentle stretching. There was a French study where they had quite a few older teen boys with nonretractile foreskins become retractile after changing the way they masturbated - not to totally, ahem, discuss your fella in that way, but hey, could be fun, right?

I'll try to find that article about the frenulum and the French study, too.

[loving-my-babies]

maybe Frank can help? I am almost sure he has an answer for you

[Quirky]

Has he been treated for yeast?

Intact or circed, a man can pass a yeast infection back and forth to his partner. The only way to break the cycle is for both of you to be treated for yeast at the same time. FYI, yeast is not a hygiene problem - you can't get rid of it with soap and water. It's an imbalance problem, when the microflora get out of whack. In fact, too much soap might lower his natural defenses just as douching can set a woman up for a yeast infection.

On the intact penis the glans is an internal organ with mucosal tissues just like the vagina is lined with mucosal tissues and in the same way that soap can irritate the vagina and make things go out of whack the same holds true for the intact penis.

So I would say it's not so much about the stretching/cleaning as it is about treating both of you for yeast. I don't know how yeast infections are treated in men; this is where I think he should talk to a doctor. I wonder if the 1-pill Diflucan regimen would work for a man - can't see why not. And don't let the doctor snow him into thinking it's the foreskin's fault - as I am here to tell you circed men harbor yeast too!

[USAmma]

Thanks for your input so far. Yes you may post, just take out any details if you share this info. Sex does not hurt him as long as there's enough lube. Not sure about the frenulum thing, I'll have to ask tonight and get back to you. He just winces in pain if he's touched without lots of lube.

Now if the best solution is for him to see a doctor, he sounded pretty comfortable with the dr. who did his vasectomy, but he really doesn't want to go back and talk about his *personal* parts, KWIM? He has a hard enough time going in for an annual health checkup. Maybe I can convince him if he knows what to expect. I know he's bothered a lot by this.

Yeast: he had a really bad infection about 4 years ago. He was all freaked out and wondering if he got infected with something in the public toilet at work. :LOL Sorry it's mean to laugh. I said it looked like yeast and sure enough it went away with Monistat cream. He just wants to clean better and he can't. Both of us have had a stressful time of the last year or so, I know our immune systems are not that great right now and we are taking supplements to try to help that. I'm also on a steriod inhaler for asthma at the moment. I'm sure that's not helping me either.

[jessjgh1]

Men, and not wanting to go to the doctor- what's up with that????? Okay, I'm trying to be funny here- and I DO understand his reluctance.

Once you know you have a foreskin-friendly doctor, tell him to suck it up and GO! Goodness, you'd think that having a chance of an even better sex life would be incentive enough. Tell him you'll think he is the bravest, most wonderful man in the world if he GOES. Maybe he could even see if there is a doctor willing to consult over the phone or email first, rather than a face to face- it might be easier to explain the problem if he wasn't in an examining room.

Remind him how embarrasing it is for women to go to the doctor- woudn't he get mad at you if you stopped going and risked your health??? This could be some really simple thing to deal with- like the stretching excercises. This is what the doctor gets paid big bucks for.

Sounds like he's left the door open for discussion- let him know it is time you get this resolved-- a day of 'shame' for a lifetime of gain! But really, he has nothing to be ashamed of.

I hope he gets this issue resolved.

Jessica

[USAmma]

Jessica, thanks for the pep talk! :LOL

BTW dh feels very strongly about non-circ and would never let any doctor persuade him to get circed.

[AdinaL]

Darshani - the steroid inhaler can give you quite a nice yeast infection. : Just took care of mine....: So that could be exascerbating the situation. Just wanted to share that piece of info. Since I had to do research on that this week.

Oh yeah did I say :

Hope you can convince your hubby to head to the doc. Or whatever he needs to do.

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by AdinaL

Darshani - the steroid inhaler can give you quite a nice yeast infection. : Just took care of mine....: So that could be exascerbating the situation. Just wanted to share that piece of info. Since I had to do research on that this week.

Oh yeah did I say :

Hope you can convince your hubby to head to the doc. Or whatever he needs to do.

I figured it was not helping any. : : :

[Frankly Speaking]

Your husband's "problem" is quite common, it's just that it usually affects men in their teen years or earlier.

Just like girls are often very, very tender and sensitive on their first sexual encounter, men who have not fully exposed their glans will normally be very tender and sensitive. This is a good thing! I wish I had this starting point! With exposure, the glans and inner foreskin will toughen and the hyper sensitivity will diminish.

The solution is very easy, requires no medical intervention and no medication. All he needs to do is to retract his foreskin each time he urinates and when he bathes. Each time, he should retract a little bit further. When the process is complete, he should be able to retract his foreskin half way down the erect penis or possibly all of the way down to near the pubic bone and it should be totally comfortable to do so.

Now, that being said, you have to realize that he will never have the insensitivity that a circumcised man has. Just like you don't like having your clitoris rubbed with a dry hand, he will also not like having his glans treated the same way. This is also good. Can you imagine your clitoris being that desensitized? Not desirable!!!!!! It is also not desirable for a man to have this kind of insensitivity like a circumcised man has.

If you would like more information, Here is a site run by a doctor who is very knowlegable about this area.


http://www.network54.com/Forum/244184





Frank

[USAmma]

Thank you Frank!!! I think your advice is very reassuring, especially coming from a man. I'll forward this to his email and he can try it before seeking any medical advice. He knows I'm posting about this to get advice but he'd rather read the responses "in private" :LOL

Without getting into too much detail because this is a family-friendly board, let's just say that there has been a positive difference between him and my past bfs who were circed, as far as being sensitive to my needs and his own vs. using brute force b/c they didn't have as much feeling. As I mentioned we've had a pretty good life together the past 9 years in spite of these small issues.

All you moms of intact sons, your sons' future partners will thank you.

[Frankly Speaking]

In a couple of months, this small issue will be gone! I think you will also find your sexual relationship will also get better. Maybe not night and day difference but even subtle differences are good and you should be able to throw the tube of lube away. I doubt you will need it any longer. He will have a fully functioning foreskin that eliminates the need for artificial lubrication.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!



Frank

[paminmi]

I was just reading this morning, the Q and A on Mothering with Marilyn Milos. Here is part of her response to a mom concerned with inflammation on her son's penis.

If you have concerns that your husband may have a yeast problem, why not try this?

Here's part of her reply:
"Rather than putting on an anti-bacterial ointment in an attempt to destroy bacteria, bacterial replacement therapy to counter yeast overgrowth is needed. You can purchase liquid Acidophilus culture at the health food store and have your son ingest 1-2 tablespoons four to six times a day. If he doesn't like the tartness of the flavor, put it in some diluted juice. Then, too, pour some Acidophilus liquid in the palm of his hand every time he urinates and have him dip his foreskin in the liquid. This should be done four to six times a day. Your son should feel relief in the first one or two days and his foreskin should be back to normal on the third or fourth day."

By the way, I found the information on your daughter's reflux to be very interesting. I am an RN who works in home health. Last year I had a newborn I was seeing who was diagnosed with severe reflux. I sure wish I would have had your information at that time. She was basically doing everything you described. Sometimes I wonder how she is doing now. At last when I saw her she was heading to Milwaukee to see ped. gastroenterologist.

How is your daughter now? Is she or will she ever eat solid food?

Thanks (and good luck with your husband-BTW-I would give anything for my husband to still have that body part, even with a little trouble )

Pam

[hummingbear]

Originally Posted by paminmi

I would give anything for my husband to still have that body part, even with a little trouble )

:

[Ilaria]

It sounds like you got some good info here!

(But will I be able to ever see V. again without thinking about this post!?!? :LOL )

[USAmma]

Originally Posted by Ilaria

It sounds like you got some good info here!

(But will I be able to ever see V. again without thinking about this post!?!? :LOL )

:LOL

[USAmma]

Update!

Frank, my dh went to that link you shared and was facinated and relieved that this was a normal problem in some men. He has been taking the suggestions mentioned and things are getting better already! Thanks again everyone!

By the way I was saddened to read about the 3yo son of an internet friend who just had her ds cired yesterday. His foreskin was not retracting and he was getting kidney infections. I have heard it can cause that in extreme cases, but I wonder if she was told of the stretching/steriod cream thing before they took his skin? I doubt it from the sounds of things. SHe's very sad and feeling guilty but felt that she had no other choice.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by USAmma

Frank, my dh went to that link you shared and was facinated and relieved that this was a normal problem in some men. He has been taking the suggestions mentioned and things are getting better already! Thanks again everyone!

I had no doubt that would be the case and I'm glad to hear the results are coming so quickly!

By the way I was saddened to read about the 3yo son of an internet friend who just had her ds cired yesterday. His foreskin was not retracting and he was getting kidney infections. I have heard it can cause that in extreme cases, but I wonder if she was told of the stretching/steriod cream thing before they took his skin? I doubt it from the sounds of things. SHe's very sad and feeling guilty but felt that she had no other choice.

I am saddened to hear of that too. I doubt it was time for his foreskin to be retracting. We hear of many cases of boys being diagnosed with this and a circumcision prescribed. So far as we know, not a single one of these boys have been circumcised and all are happy, healthy and intact. The kidney problem has nothing to do with the kidney infections and a circumcision will not resolve the problem any more than cutting a finger off will resolve shoulder problems. Some (many) doctors are in the dark ages about this. If he was having kidney problems, he should have been taken to a nephrologist. It would be extremely rare that a nephrologist would recommend a circumcision.

I can understand her guilt. I just wish we could have gotten her here a few weeks ago. This could have been averted and the child would not have had to go through this useless surgery. What a shame!




Frank