does anyone else not really care what other women feed their babies?

[mama ganoush]

Let me start this by saying that I was passionate about bf'ing my own child, and did so for almost 5 years-that i boycott nestle, and am in general strong agreement that bf is best. That said, I just don't get all that worked up about what other women decide is best for them. I don't say, walk through the grocery store tsk-tsking women who are buying cans of formula. I just don't feel alot of angst at the idea that other babies aren't being breastfed. I sort of feel, well, at least they are being fed. many babies aren't so lucky.

And i definitely know mothers who bf who aren't, imo, the best mothers. and of course we all know moms who ff who are awesome mamas. i used to be a member of hipmama, which had a whole forum called something like Breast is best, but formula ain't poison-where mamas who were ap but didn't/couldn't bf for one reason or another gave advice and tips on ff with love, and shared coupons and stuff like that-free from worry that the rest of us, passionate about breastfeeding as we may be-would flame them for it.

I guess I feel like bf/ff debates are just one more way for mamas to be divided, when together we could accomplish so much.

i guess i just save my ire for more important things. Like, what kind of mileage someone gets.

[member]

I work in perinatal care, and now I am all about the kid eating. Just eating. Regularly. I am all for promoting breastfeeding but if a woman flat out says she ain't gonna I don't kick 'er to the curb.

[mama ganoush]

see folks, i told you. all the really cool kids are saying true dat.

[chalupamom]

I haven't been able to get my knickers twisted about the whole BF/FF thing. I tried, but in the end I just couldn't bring myself to believe that a kid who was getting enough to eat, in a nutritive form, was somehow being harmed - even if that form wouldn't have been my first choice. (BTW, I nursed both of mine and I'll go to the wall with anyone who suggests that I don't have the chops for this discussion - said in the nicest possible way, of course )

There are an awful lot of kids everywhere who don't have enough of anything to eat and I'd rather worry about/help them before getting all bent about a kid who's not getting what I've worked out to be preferable.

That said, I have tremendous admiration for women involved in lactation education and LLL, and those healthcare workers who provide free home visits to women struggling with nursing. These people are heroic in their conviction and walking their talk. Awesome!

[AllyRae]

I don't really care... My son had to be formula fed through a lact-aid. It's when those ff mamas says that formula is just as good nutritionally (and I've heard ff mamas say *better* ) than bm that gets to me. Why did I try to hard if formula was just as good? So, no, I don't care...just don't go spreading misinformation about it and know what you're putting into your child.

It's like almost anything else for me...I don't care if you put your baby in a crib, use disposable diapers, or vaccinate...just don't be ambivelant about what you're doing. I'm a big advocate in doing your research and coming to an informed educated decision.

[sillymommaX2]

What a GREAT post!

I am new here (today : )and I was alittle nervous joining at first. I have been lurking and I have noticed alot of ANTI-FF!

I am a PROUD FORMULA FEEDING MOMMY! I tried so hard to BF both of my kids. Each time it was a nightmare. I became depressed and detached from my hubby. He is so supportive of BF and I really wanted to do it. But I just couldnt. I cant explain why-it just didnt work out for us. So we FF and are very happy with it. I do believe in "nursing" my bottle feeder. Meaning I always look into his eyes and stroke his hand when he is eating. He also snuggles into me real close. In the past week he smiles at me mid feeding. It is pure love.

I think BF/FF is both equally great. I just want to take care of my children and not defend why I am FF. Just as a BF mom should not have to defend herself. We are all equal and taking care of the most precious people in the world.

[Black Orchid]

mama ganoush... you have balls! however, I will bite because this is something that I've been thinking about since I joined MDC.

If a mama really doesn't want breatfeed, then what good does it do to make her feel bad or force her to do it? I spend enough of my time trying to help people who want to but are having problems keep going... and there aren't enough people to help them. I cannot imagine wasting time trying to force someone who truly does not want to do it.

I know more people who use formula IRL than nurse. I don't know why and I don't ask why. It is none of my business. They love their babies just as much as I love mine. They are great mamas and I enjoy their friendship. Period.

Also for me it is a women's right to choose what to do with her body... like anything else. I do not believe that decisions should be made for her by removing formula from stores and making it available only by prescription. And as one of the PP mentioned there are many babies who would starve if this was not an available option. Feed the baby.

This is why I do not spend much/any time in the BF-ing forums. Not a popular opinion, but also not pro-formula. Pro choice.

[mama ganoush]

Originally Posted by Black Orchid

mama ganoush... you have balls! however, I will bite because this is something that I've been thinking about since I joined MDC.

i have literally been sitting on this one for months. and i have to say that so far, i am pleasantly shocked by the positive responses.

[Vermillion]

I’ll be honest, formula feeding still bugs me but definitely not like it did when I first had my son. As my child gets older I realize more and more that I’m not a perfect person or mother so I am constantly losing a bit of my self righteousness here and there.

It isn’t so much the formula itself that bothers me, it is the attitude of many formula feeding moms that I have encountered. I’ve met plenty of women who just didn’t want to do it! Plain and simple. Didn’t want to try because they had already decided long before the baby came that it would just be to inconvenient for them. Yes, that bothers that crap out of me! Not that the kid is having formula, but that the mother is unwilling to make a sacrifice for her child's well being.

Other than that I’ve really worked on not being so judgmental. Yeah I would prefer all babies be breastfed but I do understand that doesn’t always work out so I do try to walk a mile first so to speak…

[the_lissa]

I am all about informed choice. I don't think everyone has all the information though, partky because of formula compnies, incompetent doctors, etc. I would never fault a woman for ff. However, I do find fault with formula companies and their un ethical marketing tctics, doctors and nurses giving out bad info, and our culture that glorifies bottlefeeding and hypersexualizes breasts.

[SmilingChick]

MamaG, I agree with you and I am surprised by the positive responses too.

I wish more mothers would BF, and I do think "tsk tsk" to myself when I hear people say they're not bf-ing because it's gross or they feel it's inconvenient, but I don't think it's my place to get into a battle with a woman over how she should raise her children.

[umbrella]

What gets my knickers in a bunch is NOT that some women choose formula--- it's that so many women are incorrectly steered into using only formula, as though it's better and/or their breastfeeding efforts utterly sabotaged, etc. I know many mothers who used formula "just because that's what you do," and later realized that there are real health issues involved, and thus regret their irreversible choice; they weren't given the opportunity to make an informed choice, or to simply choose what they thought would be best for their circumstances.

I get bothered when people undermine a woman's efforts to breastfeed because they don't think it matters.

eta: so it seems that that's how so many debates start, imo. A bf mother has to justify her choice, and ff mothers often end up defensive and on the offensive as well. At least, offensive ff has been my experience, with family anyway.

[umbrella]

Oh, but I agree with the op about the whole, scoping out for babies with bottles, and tsk tsking. I don't get that.

[Irishmommy]

Moving this to Parenting Issues...

[mama ganoush]

Originally Posted by umbrella

Oh, but I agree with the op about the whole, scoping out for babies with bottles, and tsk tsking. I don't get that.

and i agree with you about wanting every woman who chooses to bf to be adequately supported and encouraged.


eta-look at me! i'm in parenting issues.

[Best Feeling]

Originally Posted by umbrella

What gets my knickers in a bunch is NOT that some women choose formula--- it's that so many women are incorrectly steered into using only formula, as though it's better and/or their breastfeeding efforts utterly sabotaged, etc. I know many mothers who used formula "just because that's what you do," and later realized that there are real health issues involved, and thus regret their irreversible choice; they weren't given the opportunity to make an informed choice, or to simply choose what they thought would be best for their circumstances.

I get bothered when people undermine a woman's efforts to breastfeed because they don't think it matters.

ITA!! It also makes me sad when someone just blindly goes by what their doctor says. I have a friend who is supplementing at her ped's recommendation : I provided some info and some links but she wouldn't dare go against what the almighty doctor tells her to do. *sigh*

[PancakeGoddess]

I don't have any issue with women who seriously tried to bf and couldn't. But I am bugged by those who FF because "breastfeeding is gross" or "too much work" or whatever.

Other people's choice to FF does affect all of us. The cost of healthcare is driven up by the illnesses and allergies which could have been prevented by human milk. I'm annoyed by the saturation of bottle=baby images in media, and troubled by the questionable treatment dairy cows who produce the milk to which we North Americans are so hooked.

Formula is fine and will usually nourish a baby well. Nevertheless, formula and breastmilk aren't equally great. It's just science.

[sillymommaX2]

I wanted to add that I am glad there is a choice for women. Imagine all the babies who would starve if there wasnt a choice.

I believe in choice!

I am jealous of BF moms though....I wish I was able to do it for at least a few months...But my kids are very healthy and I have to Thank God for that one!!!

[mermommy]

I agree with Mama G. ( hmm another great t-shirt slogan) .

I do get a little upset when I hear things like - I don't BF becuase it's gross - or my breasts aren't for feeding... but The baby is eating - and most of the mothers I have known who FF have gone to formula after giving BF more than a fair shot. Sometimes it just doesn't work... It doesn't help those who couldn't get BF to work to come to their support community and get ripped on for not being AP/ Natural enough - and hearing things like " every woman can breastfeed they just don't want to" or " you didn't try hard enough" .

[cmb123]

I'm a LLLLeader and CLA and CCE. I do a lot of breastfeeding support, but that's because I want women do who want to, to have support- it doens't come easy to many women, and I'd like to work toward making bfing the "norm" again.
That being said, I don't have issue with moms who choose to ff. Who am I to judge anyone? I know lots of ffing moms, and believe me, they love thier babies JUST as much as I love mine...

I will admit I do feel that sick feeling in my stomach when I see a teeny baby in a bucket seat with a bottle propped with Mom not even paying attention....but that's not really about formula...
AND I do have an issue with formula manufacturers undermining breastfeeding.