does anyone else not really care what other women feed their babies? - Page 5

[Benji'sMom]

Originally Posted by mama ganoush

this whole issue popped in my head cause i read somewhere the story of this woman who had a baby in a sling, and was buying formula in a grocery store. and this other woman with a baby in a sling saw her, and instead of giving the "hey, we're both baby-wearing mamas, cool!" smile, gave her a really nasty-"you should know better, why the hell aren't you bf'ing your baby? lecture" -which sent the other woman home in tears. as it turned out, that baby was a miracle baby as mom had undergone a double masectomy due to breast cancer. :

This is exactly why I don't give it any thought when I see women FFing. I have my opinions about FFing in general, but I don't really "care" if I see a woman FFing, because you can never make generalizations about an individual person, and you just don't know people's motives. Just like annettemarie said, I can advocate without prostelitizing(sp?).

[the_lissa]

I agree with you AnnetteMarie. I care in that I advocate for bf and volunteer for a bf organization. I would never judge or attack anyone for ff. I think the problem word is care. Yes I care. No I don't judge or attack. KWIM.


Gethane, I know how you feel about people being honest. On another board, a woman was talking about how she could only breastfed for three weeks because she had big boobs. I really hate myths being spread.

[annettemarie]

One more thing- when I said "miraculous" I didn't mean that little woodland creatures were dancing in my living room and strewing rose petal while I suckled a cherubic infant with a string orchestra swelling in the background.

I meant more like- holy crap, I can feed my baby with milk I made myself.

I think it is very empowering to women to breastfeed, and countercultural to not have to go out and buy anything.

[sunnmama]

I don't care what an individual mama feeds her baby.

I care about societal trends, attitudes, information and misinformation, and pressures.

Meaning, I care more about the *reasons* a mama feeds formula than the fact that she feeds formula. But when I see a mama snuggling her baby up with a bottle of formula, I am not distracted by the formula or the fact that she is not breastfeeding. I can enjoy watching her bond with and feed and enjoy her baby. But I am curious about her reasons for formula feeding.

[Lucky Charm]

Originally Posted by mama ganoush

and, stay tuned for my next thread, entitled "does anyone else not really care if some other woman gets an epidural?"

:LOL

[gethane]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I think it is very empowering to women to breastfeed, and countercultural to not have to go out and buy anything.

Yep, and add cloth diapering into the mix and I sometimes don't go to walmart (don't shoot me, its almost the only choice I have) for 2 weeks or more. Anytime I go to walmart I ALWAYS buy more than I came for. So I save LOTS of money not having to go to the store to buy formula, dipes, wipes.

[cmb123]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

One more thing- when I said "miraculous" I didn't mean that little woodland creatures were dancing in my living room and strewing rose petal while I suckled a cherubic infant with a string orchestra swelling in the background.

I meant more like- holy crap, I can feed my baby with milk I made myself.

: you just made me spit on my computer screen!!

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by cmb123

: you just made me spit on my computer screen!!

Great! Then I met my goal for this thread!

[the_lissa]

You are so awesome annette

[shaywyn]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

One more thing- when I said "miraculous" I didn't mean that little woodland creatures were dancing in my living room and strewing rose petal while I suckled a cherubic infant with a string orchestra swelling in the background.

It's not like that at your house?? I'm so sorry But we actually have a harp player, no orchestra







: now that was funny, annette

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by shaywyn

It's not like that at your house?? I'm so sorry But we actually have a harp player, no orchestra

Budget cuts. A pastor's salary only goes so far. :LOL

[Leatherette]

Hi. Mama you might have seen with a sling and a bottle here. I guess if I felt super-vigilant about the evils of formula, I wouldn't have been able to adopt my daughter (and I did adopt completely by choice, not necessity). She no longer uses formula - she's 18 months. She's not so into the sling anymore, either.

I bf'd my son and it was very hard for me (recurring mastitis the whole time). I encourage and applaud breastfeeding whenever I can, but I would never tsk an otherwise loving mama for using formula.

There really are so many other things out there that I reserve my supply of outrage for.

L.

[annettemarie]

Hi. Mama you might have seen with a sling and a bottle here. I guess if I felt super-vigilant about the evils of formula, I wouldn't have been able to adopt my daughter (and I did adopt completely by choice, not necessity).

Where on earth would you get the impression that anyone on this post was saying anything remotely like that?

There really are so many other things out there that I reserve my supply of outrage for.

Which I believe, once again, shows that different people choose to direct their activism energies in different ways.

[PancakeGoddess]

Originally Posted by bri276

With that said, I really believe it's a FOOD issue, not a LOVE issue.

yes!!!!!!!!!!

[Christi]

[

It isn’t so much the formula itself that bothers me, it is the attitude of many formula feeding moms that I have encountered. I’ve met plenty of women who just didn’t want to do it! Plain and simple. Didn’t want to try because they had already decided long before the baby came that it would just be to inconvenient for them. Yes, that bothers that crap out of me! Not that the kid is having formula, but that the mother is unwilling to make a sacrifice for her child's well being.
Other than that I’ve really worked on not being so judgmental. Yeah I would prefer all babies be breastfed but I do understand that doesn’t always work out so I do try to walk a mile first so to speak…[/QUOTE]

[Foobar]

First, Mama G- I KNEW there was a reason I loved you!

Originally Posted by gethane

...

However, there is something that REALLY drives me around the bend. It's when people aren't HONEST about it. I hate that they make up reasons for why ff is better. And then advocate that position to the people they know or on forums on the internet. In almost all cases ff is NOT best.

That's all I'm saying. Be honest about your failings, don't try to convince others to do the same so that you can delude yourself a little longer. If you have something to feel guilty about, feel the guilt, then forgive yourself and move on.

...
I hope with the above examples I've made my position clear. At least be HONEST with yourself and others about the decisions you make.

I formula feed. AND I FEEL GUILTY. I have supply. But I also have PPD and breast feeding was feeding the depression. I am trying to forgive myself, but it is hard.
And this is what gets me.... you say "in almost all cases ff is NOT best" BUT DO YOU KNOW MY CASE? How about the women down the street? Unless you know WHY, how can you make the comment "in almost all cases ff is NOT best"?

And yes, I have gotten the following comments
-When Goo was 3 weeks old and I had started working through the PPD issues and just made the switch "How can ANYONE feed their child that garbage" (one mom to another while I was picking up a can of formula)

- When Moo was 2 months old and in my Maya wrap:
stranger:"She's so cute! I see you have pumped for her"
Me:"no, this is formula"
stranger:"Oh- so you are trying to poison her"

-When Goo was 9 months old and drinking her own bottle because she didn't want me to hold her
stranger to friend: "Can you believe how SOME mothers feed those chemicals and then don't even bother to hold them! How terrible"

I can go on and on. I still get upset about this and I am almost ready to move Moo off of formula. So, no, I don't care what you feed your baby. Don't give me crap for what I feed mine.

And for the record, I encourage every new mom I know to breastfeed.

[mamawanabe]

Formula is not the same as junk food btw. We should focus on educating which really gives women the choice rather than being disgusted when they don't make the best choice. Formula isn't as good as breastmilk, but it isn't like it is the liquid equivbalent to a big mac . . .

Originally Posted by Vermillion

It isn’t so much the formula itself that bothers me, it is the attitude of many formula feeding moms that I have encountered. I’ve met plenty of women who just didn’t want to do it! Plain and simple. Didn’t want to try because they had already decided long before the baby came that it would just be to inconvenient for them. Yes, that bothers that crap out of me! Not that the kid is having formula, but that the mother is unwilling to make a sacrifice for her child's well being.

Been thinking about this, and it may be off topic. But while I'm more than willing to imagine making huge sacrifices for my children, I'm less comfortable with the idea of my mom making sacrifices for me.

My mom never really did make sacrifices that I recall (though she was/is a loving, supportive mom). Rather we all fit into each others lives comfortably; but if, for example, my mom was repulsed by the idea of breastfeeding, she wouldn't have done it.

I imagine it would have been a burden on me emotionally to know that my mom made sacrifices for me. It would be like my life wasn't really my own.

Anyway, just thinking aloud here.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

I don't care what an individual mama feeds her baby.

I care about societal trends, attitudes, information and misinformation, and pressures.

This is it IMO. I of course think breast is best. And I think the energy of bf advocates is best directed toward creating a society that is supportive of mamas and babes. More mamas would breastfeed if we didn't get told our breasts are sexual and that we need to be self conscious of our bodies, or if we had longer paid maternity leave, if NIP was relaxed and easy, if men were taught that their role in the early months is to nurture the mama/baby dyad, etc etc etc.

I don't get all bent out of shape when I hear that a mama didn't nurse because she feared her breasts would be saggy, I think what a shame it is that women's worth is so connected to having perky tits in this culture that this is something to *fear*.

What I really don't like about bf advocacy energy is when I see it directed at individual women and what crap mothers they are, how we must be better, This dynamic of women spending our energy criticizing other women, as MamaG said, has been going on for far too long now and serves the patriarchy well.

You want more women to breastfeed? Change the culture. Don't trash mamas.

[Vermillion]

I imagine it would have been a burden on me emotionally to know that my mom made sacrifices for me. It would be like my life wasn't really my own.

Anyway, just thinking aloud here.

I can understand where you’re coming from. I can only give you my personal experience with that.

My mom did make a huge sacrifice for me. She is bi-polar and was on some pretty nasty meds back before I was conceived. She got pregnant with me and went off her meds so she could have a healthy baby. Then for almost a year after my birth she continued to stay off her meds because she didn’t want me exposed to them through her milk. Then she had to abruptly wean when she went into the hospital because she had a manic episode.

What my mom did for me isn’t a burden on me. It actually makes me feel extremely loved and chrerished that she was so committed to my health that she sacrificed her own mental health. Of course that shouldn’t be expected from everyone, but I am very grateful to my mom for giving me such a gift, yk?

I’d do the same for my child in a heartbeat.

Anyway... Back on topic

[USAmma]

This whole thread is about finding the balance between having strong beliefs and caring about something but not being judgemental.

In the spirit of that, let's try to remember we are all here because we do care. I think it's a shame that so many babies don't get breastmilk. I'm not talking about cases where there were circumstances where they couldn't. I'm talking about every other baby out there who is healthy, mom is healthy, and they just didn't. I don't judge them, but I do feel sad that our society accepts formula as the norm (along with many other parenting things I don't agree with).

I myself fed my babies formula because of hard circumstances. It was not my choice. Formula is not junk food, but neither is it the healthiest, best thing a baby can drink. When I was in India and Abi got the runs from the local cows milk I switched her back to formula. I was hard-pressed to find it. Each store had 2-3 cans behind the pharmacy counter for the rare mom that couldn't bf, and I had to go from store to store as I used up their supply. Most of the moms in the city I was in did bf because that was the norm.

We need formula for some babies, but we don't need rows and rows of it in the supermarkets for the huge number of babies who are bottle fed today. Just like I don't think we need rows and rows of junk food in the supermarkets, where I have to go to specialty stores to get the good stuff.

Then there is the issue of bonding. While there may be moms like me here who "bottlenurse" I can assure you that is not the norm in the bottlefeeding world. How many times have I seen the newborn without hand control stretching his tiny neck to reach the rubber nipple that has been knocked out of the way of his mouth, while being pushed along in his travel system by a mom who is not in-tune with her baby's needs?

Bottlefeeding can and should involve holding and eye contact but often times it doesn't. It's impossible, as far as I know, to breast prop. You are forced to hold your baby while bfing. You have to actually sit down and rest and nurse. Our fast-paced world doesn't have time for that anymore.

I think that's why people care so much. Not because they are judging but because they are generally dismayed with the current trends of our society, and bottlefeeding/formula feeding is just one more symptom.