What happens when *I'm* sick?? - Page 3

[ekblad9]

Originally Posted by lauraess

Oh no! poor you mama -Tell me this isnt so! pm me with your phone no. so i can talk to your husband, give him a piece of my mind
-anyway, mothers are pretty amazing eh???
~L

:LOL He's been cussed out by the best of them as it is. He really is a wonderful daddy, fun, will wear the babies, etc but not such a terrific husband. There's a huge learning curve that he hasn't made it past yet, Someday maybe!

[ekblad9]

Inez - big hugs to you! I'm so sorry! That is awful! I wish I lived near you so I could help! I will say that I'm blessed with a good friend support network. If I really needed someone in an emergency I know they would help!

[skueppers]

After reading your stories, I feel so lucky -- when I had mastitis a few weeks ago, my husband stayed home for the afternoon, and then his dad, who is retired, came down for a few days to look after our daughter while I recuperated.

My husband and my in-laws are fantastic.

[quakerlady]

i should have it easy

So, my hubby has a very flexible job, my MIL lives 15 minutes away, but when I had extreme morning sickness for 7 months it was like I had the plague. I left the TV on all day, put food out on the floor where dd could get it and laid onthe couch all day when not puking.
DH, otherwise a supportive, great guy, came home each day, glared around at the mess, then stalked around silently doing dishes and laundry with a chip the size of Mt. Rushmore on his shoulder. yeah, I LIKE living like this, am doing it on purpose so he'll have to clean up. Later, I asked if he realized I might be depressed. he said yeah, I guess. I asked, if I was bleeding on the floor would you leave me lying there b/c I made a mess you needed to clean up?
MIL visited only when specifically asked. Even after I said repeatedly that even just someone coming in for 5 minutes to talk would make me less depressed.
Ok, need to get over that since it's over and won't happen again (pregnancy I mean) unless I win the lottery so I can afford a nanny while i'm pregnant.

Otherwise, the pattern is the same as everyone has mentioned, if dh is sick he comes home and goes right to bed, I of course am just so nice and concerned and bring him stuff, ask what he needs, etc.
If I am sick he tells me to call his mom if I need anything as he goes out the door. (She is in her 70s and really can't afford to pick up my germs, so I never do except maybe to ask her to drop off supplies) If he is home and I am puking he does a strict list of things (tie my hair back, bring me a cup of water, etc.) b/c I have repeatedly gotten pissed off when he does nothing and so he asked what EXACTLY I meant he should do.
Other kinds of sickness, forget it unless I want to ask him to do stuff specifically or say directly YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS RIGHT NOW PLEASE. I would have to be near death for him to want to come home from work.

Okay, in his defense: he does all the laundry, co-ops at my dd's school once a month, sometimes does the dishes, and takes care of the kids frequently when he's not at work so I can do stuff for me like be in a band.

[RedWine]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mama

Although any time I feel the slightest bit ill, he is "deathly" ill, so I get very little help without a sad pathetic look and act, so I either ignore that he is acting sick, or be a bitch to him and take care of him anyway.

:LOL OMG, me too, me too!!! What IS it with these men?!?

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has to deal with this. As to who mothers the mother? I actually call my own mother when I'm sick (she lives 8 hours away), so I can at least hear a sympathetic voice, even if she can't come over and take care of me or the kids.

[JamesMama]

The last time I got really really sick my little brother was also sick so my mom was home from work so DH took DS and I over there and she took care of us. Othewise I've taken DS to bed with me and we just stayed there. Poor kid had to sleep for like 24 hours (I let him just lie there and play too...he's too young to sit up) I felt like a terriable mommy cuz he was probably bored out of his mind and fussed a lot, but not much else I could do.

ETA- When my last sickness dared to hold over to the weekend DH woke me up every time DS fussed (is he hungry? Nope, just fed him 5 minutes ago. Where are the wipes? What do I do, he's crying.) But then when he got sick a few days later it was the end of the world and DS got stuck in the swing after I asked DH to watch him so I could take a shower. And DH took to bed and couldn't be bothered...actually set the baby monitor up so he didn't have to 'yell' if he needed something

[my2girlsmama]

No one mothers the mother. :

I am sick as with bad allergies, Dh was supposed to be done night shifts last night, comes home this morning orders me to go to bed to rest up fast because he took an overtime tonight, again, without word to me, again......

So I'm alone, again, sick, suffering, kids are a handful and I am not handling them as best I can, being the best mama at all.............my mom is a working grandma so not excatly around to help all the time though she does...I just want MY mommy around and I can't have her........

[Greaseball]

Well, now we're all sick...

Sorta
I took dd to the doctor yesterday and it turns out she has chickenpox...and he said "She'll have to stay home from daycare or preschool for 10 days." I was so glad I was a SAHM! I couldn't imagine having a job, having daycare all lined up, and then trying to find a way to SAH for 10 days...

[Jennisee]

I've been lucky that the one time I have gotten really sick since DD was born was on a weekend. I slept pretty much all day, and DH would bring DD to me when she needed to nurse. I think she was fighting something, too, b/c every time he brought her to me to nurse, she'd nurse to sleep and nap w/ me for a couple hours. I probably slept 18 hours in a 24 hour period.

If I got that sick again during the work week, I'd make DH take off work. During the cold season, my retired FIL is available to help, but during the warm season, he works a couple seasonal jobs. I guess if I was sick enough, I could beg him or my MIL to take off work. My dad is unemployed right now, but he'd probably spend his time trying to undo the "damage" I've done to DD--spanking her and putting her in time-outs. Plus, our bedroom is babyproofed, so I could set DD up w/ some toys while I slept on the mattress on the floor.

[lauraess]

Greaseball: Yay!!!! Im glad you've got the pox there! How exciting! And yes... That is one of the benefits we all can be grateful for especially since it is one of the reasons we stay home huh?.... to really BE there for them when things like this arise
Here's hoping it's not TOO Itchy and they stay off the face!
~L

[Starflower]

I guess I've been mostly pretty lucky with my DH - at least in the past year. He works from home twice a week (though he has a major deadline coming up so things are getting pretty hectic). A few weeks ago I was SOOOO exhausted from not sleeping and from caring for a sick kiddo and all that I got to the point I could not function. I really thought I was going to flip out or something. Lucky for me it was on a work-from-home day for DH and at lunchtime, I told him "I'm going to bed - you either need to take the rest of the day off or call somebody to take care of DD." I was kind of surprised, but he took the day off and spent it with DD. He also took care of me.

He is very compassionate with me when I am sick so I am blessed with that even if he can't stay home from work on his in-the-city days. I do need to really spell things out for him, but at least he's avail. to me when I do that.

But this is a relatively new phenom. When I was in post-partum, I was exhausted after a long and fairly difficult labor - baby ended up in ICU with bloodsugar problems and all. After we were all home, DH took two weeks off for paternity leave - yeah! I thought. But did he help with the house or anything or take care of me so I could take care of the baby? No. He changed a couple poopy dipes but that was it. Mostly he just read lots of sci-fi books. (I don't think I've even finished ONE book since DD was born and she'll be 2 years old this month.) I was really PO'd.

[lauraess]

Ahhh, Starflower, so you set him straight after those post-partum days huh? Is that what happened?
~L

[Mary-Beth]

I don't have family close by either...so if I get sick with something I explain to them (1 & 3 years old) I'm sick & need rest and then I lay on the couch while the kids play nearby. Of course, I cannot sleep but the downtime helps. I also encourage them to nap so I can sleep. If I am very ill my dh will come home or stay home but this is very difficult for him to do so it is really a last resort. Also, I have made friends with several neighbors including one woman who has an older child (like 9 or 10) so they have come over to play with the kids in the playroom while I slept on the couch. Now my youngest is more comfortable away from me with friends so I would let my kids even go visit some frineds for a couple of hours.

It is important to me that I teach my children to listen to their bodies and to take care of themselves. So I really want to model that! I haven't found it to be easy and I'm continuing to learn how to balance caring for everybody else and caring for myself.
I even threw up once in the middle of nursing! What could I do-- she was only a few months old & crying to eat, I couldn't hold her off anymore. She didn't know or understand that I was sick. Now it's kind of a sweet memory in a sick sort of way!

[cancat]

Originally Posted by inezyv

There is no time off, except now, in the middle of the night.

...unless you have a persistent nightwaker.

[MomBirthmomStepmom]

I found out what happens when I'm sick this past weekend.... Let me remember to never get sick again!!

I was really sick for a few days during the week, could barely get out of bed, throwing up everything, even water all day... BUt was handling it. On the weekends, my SO doesn't work. He insisted I get rest, sleep, not get out of bed, and that he'd get things done around the house.

Come Monday (when I was still REALLY sick), he went back to work, and left me with every dish we owned dirty sitting in the sinks and crowding the kitchen counters. Floors covered with toys and just generally messy. Four loads of laundry.

He napped and played video games all weekend with the kids.

*sighs*

Just made more work for me. When I brought up how hurt I was that he promised to help get things done, and yet didn't, he blew up angry that I was being 'unappreciative' of the things he DID do, (cooked dinner ONE night, burritos, and watched the kids).... *sighs*

[MotherEarthMom]

I didn't think we were allowed to be sick,or at least according to my family,doesn't matter if I'm sick,still have to drag myself around and wait on them.