Am I wrong on this?

[newmommy]

My mom agreed to babysit DS (21months) in our home this Saturday so that DH and I could go on a "date". Her Mother's Day gift to me... We would be gone from 12-6 and we would still be in the area (literally up the street).

DS is either with Me or DH 24/7 and is very "attached" to us. He IS used to my mom but only in our home on HIS terms. He is also a VERY active Toddler and you have to watch him like a Hawk so that he doesn't get himself in danger. I don't let my guard down in Public but I DO at home.

People who haven't been around Toddlers in awhile tend to let their guard down and next thing you know "hon, there was an accident". NOT saying this could happen, but you never know.. I can see Mom doing this. She CAN let her guard down in our home because it is Toddlerproof.

Our home is now Toddlerproof and he can pretty much go anywhere he wants without getting into danger.

I called to confirm Saturday. She says my Aunt wants to see DS and could they come to HER brand new $400,000, everything new, house (45 minutes away). (Personally, I think she just wants to show it off...but I could be wrong).

Okay, I have NO relationship with THIS Aunt. She is Self Centered, No Kids, Wealthy and probably has valuable objects in her home that would surely attract DS. She has VERY limited contact with kids and probably doesn't even like kids given her history with me and my cousins since we ALL can count on one hand how many times we've seen her.

Long story short, she was an Aunt in name only.

Ironically, the thing that worries me the most is my mom and DS getting into a car accident. The second thing is Her taking MY son away for such a long drive. He's only done that with Dh and I. She's my mom and don't get me wrong, she loves DS... BUT I'm not there yet...have someone take DS somewhere in the car...MAYbe age 3...

And don't get me started on the Aunt. *I* haven't spoken with her in 2 years. The last time we went to *visit* her, (my mom and I...about 7years ago) she wouldn't open the door and let us in... we could see her peeking out of the curtains looking down at us.

Later she called my mom and cursed her out and said don't ever come back to her home again...

So NOW she wants a relationship with her Grand Nephew? She's often said she was a "Changed Woman" and she wants a relationship with her nieces and nephews (You Do? At ages 30 and up) HA!

I'd given her plenty of chances over the years to "Redeem herself" and it backfired and I got hurt all over again.

I'm going to say No...DH said, "We'll talk about it when you get home" (which means NO on his part). I know Mom will be mad since she told Auntie "yeah, it shouldn't be a problem". As much as DH and I were looking for to our date (we've been talking about it all week since we haven't had a date in 6months)... I AM prepared to cancel our date. I know Aunt will MAYbe be hurt but honestly, there are so many "issues" that I can't help but lean towards NO.

Am I wrong? If I am I can take it...

[iris0110]

I don't think you are wrong. I wouldn't put my child in that situation at all either. The agreement was that your mom would come to your house and sit with your ds. Your house is safe for him, your Aunt's house probably isn't. It was very nice of your mom to offer to take care of him, but I think it is your right as a parent to refuse this request.

[sunnmama]

45 minutes away? I wouldn't be comfortable with that. My dd is 4, and I am not yet comfortable with both dh and I being 45 minutes away from her.

I would say no on the basis of the distance from you and dh, and the 1.5 hours in the car (round trip). I wouldn't be able to enjoy my date if I was worrying about dc traveling in the car, so it wouldn't be worth it. But I wouldn't get in a fight about it--I would put all of the "blame" on me--*I* am uncomfortable being that far from dc, *I* wouldn't enjoy my date.....etc.

[rockinmama]

The great thing about being a mommy is that YOU'RE THE MOMMY!!
What your gut tells you and what you say goes!
I definately wouldnt feel comfortable having my babe that far away in someones home i didn't perticularly care for.
It wouldnt make your date very enjoyable having all that hecticness on your mind and if you are anything like me you'll be thinking about your ds enough as it is!
Go Have Fun!!!

[Willowrose]

I agree that since the plans were made to watch your son in your home, you should stick with it. I am not comfortable with anyone driving either of my boys around. That is a long distance for the drive and I would be reluctant with breakables and other household dangers that may be in her home.

[Monkeybutt]

Your not wrong. Go with your mommy instincts!

[grisandole]

I totally agree with you! We didn't visit the inlaws last year (they live across the country so we'd have to stay with them) becuase I had two-two year olds, and the inlaws home isn't child friendly at all.

Kristi

[oceanbaby]

Absolutely no way would I let my mom take my son to visit someone who I wasn't comfortable with. I wouldn't even want her taking him to see someone I WAS comfortable with, especially not at age 2.

If your aunt wants to reestablish a relationship, she can come visit you when you are home, or you can all go over there together another time. No reason why you have to cancel your day out.

[Simply Nurtured]

No, you are not wrong...

We used to have problems with DH's mom, who was told specifically not to take our sons all over the place, or for another relative to take them. Instead she wanted to sneak and take them over to "show" her friends, and even allowed the other relative in question to drive them somewhere. Our oldest son told us the things she did, and DH blasted her. From then on, when the ILs were allowed to have them for a visit, our oldest son would tell her things like "My dad told me not to..."

Of course, our son was old enough to speak up for himself and his little brother. Your child is not able to do that for himself yet...

Trust your instincts...

[bendmom]

No, I wouldn't be okay with the car ride either. As far as not wanting him to be at the aunt's house, just say you are not okay with him going in someone else's car and someone else's house that isn't child proof, and that if he would break anything you wouldn't pay for it as you didn't approve of it all in the first place. If the aunt truly is looking to rekindle then she should do it on your terms since it's your child involved, she can come over to your house or mom's.

[shelbean91]

I agree with you- if your aunt wants to see him, she should meet your mom at your house (if that's ok with you, of course).

[Rainbow Brite]

I wouldn't do it. For all of the reasons you mentioned- and it would ruin your date- you will just be worrying the entire time. It'd be better to take him on a date with you and dh b/c then you could enjoy it more (instead of going to the aunt's and worrying)

[Azreial]

I wouldn't let her. I knew I'd be worried and imagine 10,000 horrific things that could be happening and I would enjoy my night out at all

[matts_mamamama]

Nope. When my mom watches our son she's welcome to have anyone she'd like (as long as I approve, LOL) over while she's with him. My son is pretty easy going and she only ever has my aunt and uncle over, so it's a little different. But no way I would let her take my son to their house over 45 minutes away, and I LOVE them!

[ebethmom]

Definitely trust your instincts. I would be leaning towards no, too.

It sounds like your concerned about your Mother's feelings, so maybe you could find some sort of positive slant. "I really want to enjoy my Mother's Day present. I would feel so much better being able to picture exactly where ds is while I'm gone."

I hope all goes well with your Mom.

[artgoddess]

I don't think it's a good idea for your date day. How much fun could you have if you were worried about your mom and DS the whole time? Maybe have your mom set up another time when you can be there for this distant Aunt to meet your son. Quite frankly it's a little wierd she wants to see your son at a time when you are unavailable.

[Suzetta]

My dad started a huge fight with my dh while I was pg with dd (their first grandchild). He held firmly to his grudge. For the first year and half of her life, he barely saw her. We always made sure to let them know they were welcome. They *tried* to call the shots, by getting a carseat and picking her up. I told them no way. If they wanted to see her, they would have to develop a proper relationship with her, in our presence.

It was a difficult time, but we stuck to our guns. Now they do see her, and have even got to use their fancey carseat a few times.

My point is this-if something feels wrong, you do not have to agree to it. You are the parent, and responsible for your child.

Furthermore, I do not think I would follow through on leaving child with my mom, if she was insisting on doing something against my wishes. How can you be sure that she will not secretly to things against your wishes?

[newmommy]

Update:

Thank you for responding to me...

You know...I just told Mom that I did not feel comfortable with DS (21months) going such a long distance...

I told Mom that the Aunt is certainly welcome to see DS but she would HAVE to come to our home to visit with him in our presence and if my terms were unreasonable to her then that's Okay too..perhaps another time (with SAME terms)...

Mom sighed "Okay, but I'm going to have HER call YOU and let YOU break the news to her" I said "Oh, Absolutely, I have no qualms about expressing the concerns over my child to her and I'd be forthright with her" (in a respectable manner, but firm enough that I got my point across) And even if it was "Opening a can of worms" ("you were never there for me as an Aunt" "You never wrote or called" "You weren't there when I was crying at 2am because I couldn't calm down DS when he was colicy "lady you just weren't there" ) You know the drill...I gotta "go there" with Aunt and hash it out with her. uuggh!

So Mom agreed that she would not take DS there...However, testingly, she asked "So, Are you still going to leave me the keys to your car?" (She's testing me to see if I trust her to go ANYwhere with DS) and at peace with myself... I said yes as long as it was in the area within a 5-10 minute range from the house (our local mall or the park that's down the street)...they could go... I DO trust her AND DH trusts her to go up the street...

It may not be far enough for her (she don't like my parameters) but that's babysteps for me and that's all I'm willing to give.

She said they probably won't go anywhere anyway (it's supposed to thunderstorm and if that's the case, she'd planned to stay in with DS) .