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Keep last name?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Just wondering how many ex's kept your DH's last name. And did/does that bother you at all?

I just really don't understand the point of it. they all say "to have the same last name as the kids" but, really, most remarry with in the next few years and DON'T have the same last name anyways. So again, whats the point? I just think it would be really weird to have someone say Mrs. ........., and both you and the ex look. : Not that that situation happens often. I just think it should be an honor to have the last name, by being (and still being) married to that person.

Whats your thoughts.....?
post #2 of 21
Well my mom never kept her last name after my parents divorced.

My dh had it writen in the divorce paper the ex was never allowed to use his last name. He has a bussiness with his last name in it and didn't want her causing problems witch she is so extreamly good at.

I don't understand it either.
post #3 of 21
My DH's ex did, which is very annoying as she uses his name for everything and our address too, as well as fraudulently got credit card, college loans and has my DH's name in the phone book still at her address...can we say identity theft!
post #4 of 21
My DH's ex kept his name. It is weird to hear her referred to as Ms. DH, but then, it's still weird to me to be called Mrs. DH.

I figure it's her perogative. I couldn't wait to get rid of my ex's name, but I didn't have children with him - so it's different. I know when my mom divorced my biological father, she kept his last name so we'd have the same name.

I do know DH's ex did want to go back to her maiden name, but only on the condition that DH would let her change the kids' last names. He refused so she stuck with his name.
post #5 of 21
PS My mom when she got divorced did not but she had the same maiden name as my Dad's first name lol. She also did not take any money from him after they split everything, and wanted to be free of him and indepedent.
post #6 of 21
Thread Starter 
My question to them would be, *so when your remarry, you won't be taking his name then, cause you won't have the same last name as your kids then, RIGHT?* I can understand if you have a nice career, with a well known name or a personal business with that last name. But other than that I find it odd, and kinda stupid. :LOL
post #7 of 21
Well, I still use my ex's last name. It would cost me money & be somewhat inconvenient to change it. I'd like to go back to my maiden name, but at this point, it is easier to have the same last name as the kids.
post #8 of 21
L.J., when I got divorced, they just included in the divorce decree that I would go back to my maiden name. Was that not an option in your case.
post #9 of 21
Yes, it is annoying, plus she's engaged and has a kid with another guy who has that guy's last name so what is the point of keeping dh's? I find it funny, actually, that someitmes I get her mail. I tell dh that if we ever divorce I will be using my own name immediatly since he doesn't need a harem of women out there with his last name! They did not check the box to have her name changed at the time of the divorce (it didn't seem important at the time). I don't see the point in her using it even if it is her legal name, a lot of people go by names that aren't there's legally. Dh goes by Byron but his name is really Michael, it's just a nickname. My sister went by her dh's name for 10 years before she legally changed it. Also, when I did change my name legally it was free through the ss department I just had to show marriage OR divorce papers.

BTW, I never thought I was the type to take the man's name until I learned that his ex was still using his name!
post #10 of 21
After divorcing my first husband, I kept his last name because we had 2 kids together and I absolutely wanted to have the same last name as my girlies.

At that point, I had no idea if I'd ever marry again...I don't think that most people know that they will for sure re-marry right when they're divorcing their first husband.

The only reason I took the name of my new husband is because he made such a stink about me not having my ex's last name anymore....otherwise, I STILL would have wanted to keep it due to my kids.

But I guess it really might depend on how crappy the divorce was too. Ours was pretty amicable and we got along great most of the time after the divorce and we're still as civil as we can be to each other given that my "now" husband is a jealous raving loony when it comes to the ex
post #11 of 21
Dh ex kept his last name too. It does bug me a bit. I would've liked to change my name when we got married but I kept my maiden name. It wasnt the only reason I kept my name, it was just part of it.

I really dont get it as we have custody. So, its not like she would have to explain different last names all the time. Plus, she has another child who has her SO last name. So, match the names of the kids you dont have and not the one you do?

My first bio ds is not my dh's, but since my ex and I werent married, I insisted on ds having my last name. But if we did get married, I wouldve taken his name but I wouldve changed mine and ds when we got divorced. It just made sense to me. I dont know why, but I never thought of keeping an ex's name, even if we had kids. But thats just me. BTW, my ex's mom did that. So, my ex's last name is his moms maiden name. I still think she super cool!
post #12 of 21
Thread Starter 
I'm not sure I want to take his due to her keeping it. Like I said before I thought of it as an honor not a right. How special is it to be Mrs. ........... When someone else is too?

edited to add: I have a DD with someone I never married, therfore we don't have the same last name, and I have never had any problems with anything.
post #13 of 21
(I love this smiley!)

But I hear ya Katt! I really do. I wonder if she keeps it to be spiteful. She is just that type of person.
post #14 of 21
I hyphenate my last name, my first husband and my current husband. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Plus my dh understands. My son was 15months when I got divorced. I had no clue if I was going to remarry or not. I wanted us to have that connection. I cannot explain it.

My son know by his own choose hyphenates his last name. Recently I have seen him drops his bio-dad’s name.

I think the emotions behind this is hard to explain. It might not make since to you but there is nothing wrong with it.
post #15 of 21
My mom kept my dad's last name. It is her kids' name. If/when she remarries, she will not take on a new name.

Me, I'm keeping my name and hypenating my kids' name (mydhlastname-mylastname), so that the symbolics of a name linking me to my kids will withstand death and/or divorce.
post #16 of 21

I'm so glad you brought this up!

When dh and I were getting our marriage license I told him I'm not taking his last name until his ex gives it up. He was just FLOORED! I told him I'm not living with the constant name mix up that was already happening - I'm Annie and she's Amy and I'm CONSTANTLY getting called 'Amy' because people can't hear when I tell them my name :

My second point was she wanted the divorce because she no longer loved him. So if she doesn't love him, why does she want to continue to be associated with him? Why the constant reminder of this man that she can barely tolerate?

I did hyphenate my name but only on the marriage license. I have yet to change anything to include my additional last name.

I did skip the whole hyphen thing with ds and he only has his dad's last name.

The ex is FINALLY engaged to her bf of 5 years but its doubtful they'll be getting hitched anytime soon. Hopefully, when that happens I'll get the last name all to myself
post #17 of 21
Yeah, since the ex is going to be remarried (and has a kid with new guy), and will take her new husbands name, I don't see the point in her using MY HUSBAND's name nowthrough her several years long engagement. All I can say is that if I was the new husband/finance I would defiantly want her to drop her ex's name. That would drive me nuts to have my new wife called by another man's name.

It's funny that some of us wouldn't use the name until it was all our while I was thinking that NO WAY is she going to be Mrs. X if I'm not!

Weird English teacher trivia:
I think that the ex wife who keeps an ex's name has to be called Mrs. (Her first name) + (ex hubby's name) while the current wife can be refered to as Mrs. (hubby's name) + (hubby's last name). Not that I have ever called myself that.

Well, interesting at least.

I notice our lawyers refer to her as Ms. X and to me as Mrs. X
post #18 of 21
Intriguing thread :-)

I was not married to the kids dad when they were born, but we gave them his last name.
We married *after* they were born, and then split (pending divorce) about 2 years later.
I never did change my name, though I did use his on occasion, for unofficial stuff.

The girls identify their last name as *their* last name, and it doesn't seem to phase them a bit that mine is different.

I probably won't change my last name when I marry SO, but if the girls, at some stage want to take his name, then I *might* do it in order to be able to share that with them. (I don't have any special fondness for my own family, so the name is not really a big deal to me)
post #19 of 21
Dh and I were talking about names again last nite. We had a neat idea - I change my last name to his and he changes his to mine! That way, we'd have some sort of name-bond with our nonbio kids.

then we thought how confusing for their poor teachers (we confuse them so much already :LOL ) we tried to picture the conversations with new teachers "oh hello, you must be E's father" "I'm his stepfather actually" "but you have the same last name as him and his mom doesnt?" :LOL

Okay, it was late and we were tired and thought it was funny.......
post #20 of 21
Shenjall-- it can be confusing. Here is something funny, but off topic. I will try to tell this story with fake names about my real life friends. the mom's last name was Smith and the dad's Jones but he never considered it his real name since it was the name of an old stepfather who had adopted him then divorced his mom, so after the marriage she kept her last name pending a name change to his original last name Miller. They were going to just name the daughter "MIller" but then the mom's parents were sad, etc. so they gave her the last name "Smith-MIller." Then, the dad's family backed out of helping him legally change his name once they realized the cost. so now the mom's last name is Smith, the dad's Jones, and the baby "Smith-Miller." It is a constant confusion for doctors, teachers, etc. The poor dad gets asked all the time "so who is the child's REAL dad?" It actually surprises me-- we can pretty much put any last name even a made-up one on a child's birth certificate!

also, isn't it sexist that a woman can change her name for free by showing her marriage papers to the social security office but a man has to go to court and pay fees to change his.
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