anyone else think its good. . .

[homemademomma]

for your kids to be left in the care of other, loving adults?


i think kids really benefit from having more than 1 or 2 caretakers in their life. obviously the parents should be the main caretakers, and be a solid available presence in their childs life, but i see a huge benefit in making childrearing more of a community task. that way kids get to see that lots of people love them ,and they get to form meaningful ties with many people, which gives thema large support network.

?????thoughts?????

[PoppyMama]

I agree, depending on the child and other people involved of course. Variety is the spice of my life and my dc both enjoy being in different situations and with different people.

[L.J.]

Yes, I completely agree.

No one person can be everything to anyone. I think it's really beneficial for kids to see many different ways of life, experience etc. I know my kids love being around extended family and my close friends. I think it's healthy for everyone.

[mamalisa]

Yep! My dad has taught ds things I never would have thought to do. We've only left him with him and my sil but so far he's really enjoyed the time away from us.

[Shonahsmom]

I do! My dd has some really tight bonds with some of my family members and with my best girlfriend who has a dd the same age as mine. She regularly spends time with them without me. She enjoys interacting independent of me and just enjoys having bonds and trusting other adults besides momma. I think it has contributed to her high level of confidence and her ability to communicate extremely well.

[USAmma]

I agree. If you can find such adults then you and your kids are blessed. I wish my dds had family that lived closer and were more involved with them. Abi is very close to my grandmother but she lives in another state.

[EnviroBecca]

In addition to being good for the child, it helps parents not to burn out or get numb to the child's wonderfulness!

USAmma, I hope you have or will find some good friends that can be your local "family". I grew up w/no blood relatives other than my nuclear family within 150 miles, but my parents' best friends and their kids were very important in my life. We still keep in touch.

[UnschoolnMa]

Yep If the kids and adults involved enjoy it I think it's great. My kids love to spend time with my dad and his wife. They have alot of fun together that they will remember for years and years. We also have a circle of friends local to us that we are sort of more like family with. My kids have stayed with them, thiers have stayed with us, etc.

[zipperump-a-zoomum]

I agree, if the kids are happy about it. I don't particularly think it is good for kids to be left somewhere they don't like.

Also, I have a bit of a hard time with this in my own life because some of the relatives who love my kids to bits are also those whose social/political views are way way different from mine. I worry about my kids being exposed to racist, homophobic, misogynist views at such a young age. That said, they do spend a lot of time with those relatives, and I just hope that any negative influence can be mitagated by me and my partner.
Kaly

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by zipperump-a-zoomum

I worry about my kids being exposed to racist, homophobic, misogynist views at such a young age. That said, they do spend a lot of time with those relatives, and I just hope that any negative influence can be mitagated by me and my partner.
Kaly

Yea this was definately an issue with Dh's family. The kids weren't comfortable staying with them anyway though. Now that my kids are older I worry just a touch less about this because they can speak up about what they think and etc.

[sunnmama]

I agree, although, if you looked at my life, you might not think I agree

Meaning, dd spends very little time in the care of other people. We have no family around here, so that is one reason. The other is that dd experienced seperation anxiety early and often, lol.

Now that she is getting older, we find more opportunities for her to spend time with other trusted adults. And we all enjoy it! I enjoy the break from parenting, dd enjoys the time with another person--who is enjoying her!....and, most of all, I enjoy watching dd grow and thrive. There was a time when I thought she would *never* enjoy spending time with people other than dh and I, lol. But, sure enough, she has grown and matured and really wants to spend time with others.

I always say, I can never have too many people loving my child

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

I can never have too many people loving my child

I totally agree.

[Diane B]

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree! I have seen the many ways that my daughter benefits from being with other wonderful adults and I really want to raise a daughter who feels a part of a larger community than just me and my partner. Also, we had a family tragedy in December (a house fire) and we absolutely needed help caring for our daughter for about a solid week after the fire. My partner and I were literally in shock and overwhelmed with trying to find a place to live, clothing, insurance paperwork, etc. Because we had already established a caring network for her, we never had to leave our daughter with strangers, even though we were not able to take care of her by ourselves. The same thing happened when we both got simultaneously sick with the norovirus in January. We were able to get a number of folks to come and help with our daughter for a whole weekend while we puked our guts out. So not only do I think it's a nice thing to have others in her life, I know it's sometimes an essential thing.

[Flor]

I love that my mom takes care of ds while I am at work. She teaches him things I just haven't thought of and she respects the way I raise him. Sometimes they get out my old toys, or she teaches him a song I used to sing. I think it is so sweet. He wakes up each morning and signs "grandma," looking for her to arrive.

[girlndocs]

Totally.

I just wish we *had* adults we could trust to respect our choices with Ds

[Greaseball]

If the kids can form attachments to other adults, I think that's great. Unfortunately, unless these other adults are friends and family, it could be that the child won't be able to form an attachment. If my dd says "I had fun with ____ yesterday, can she come again soon?" I want that to be an option for her. I don't want to have to say "Oh, _____ won't be coming around anymore; someone new will be with you tonight."

[oceanbaby]

I think it's fantastic for kids to be exposed to all sorts of different people and situations. But I don't think it's necessary for the child to be left by the parents in order to obtain the benefits of these interactions.

[Willowrose]

I agree 100% that children need a support network of family and friends who love and care about them. I disagree that these people need to be regular caregivers. My boys are seldom without DH and I. We have a lot of family who are regular components to their lives. We have friends, who have never babysat the boys, who love them and have great bonds. I don't think that a bond is formed based on whether these people provide care for the children. Rather, it is based on investing time to establish a relationship with them. Loving them unconditionally and having a genuine interest and concern for their lives.

[annakiss]

Yes! My DS loves to get to interact with other people. I have no qualms about leaving him with my family or some of our close friends. I'm choosy, but there's lots to choose from. Too bad most of them live 3 1/2 hours away.

[thismama]

I agree, provided the child is ready to go with someone else.

When my daughter was an infant, the only person she would go with is her father, and only for limited times. We respected that, and now she is really broadening her horizons. I have left her for short durations with my roomie and with two mama friends who I trust, and she has had fabulous adventures each time. I don't leave her if she is crying.

I have had good luck with *her* leaving *me* to have an adventure (eg I met my friend in a coffee shop, and she and my babe headed off to the park while I sat there looking boring.) And I am always happy to see my baby after a break, which is good for both of us.