Moms of onlies - Page 2

[onlyzombiecat]

We were pretty sure during dd's first year that we were done.
Dh had a vasectomy when dd was 3.
Dd is 5 now.
No regrets.

[loon13]

Dh and I are still undecided about whether dd will be an only or not. Some days I feel that our family is just right. But then ohter days I think "oh, I want another baby." So right now it's more of a "when" for us: not right now, but maybe soon. Yeah, I know, confusing, right?

But I wanted to comment about keeping the baby stuff.

We have saved very, very little of dd's baby stuff. We have stuff for her keepsake box, her coming-home outfit, her first halloween outfit, etc. Small things like that. We kept the bouncer seat and the mobile in possible anticipation of another baby, but that's really it. We have donated her clothes and I've sold her diapers. I'd rather a mama who needs them NOW can get use of them.

For practical reasons, we move frequently and we just couldn't see having to move baby stuff from place to place, especially since we are undecided if there would be another one or not. And, as we embarked on the road to being AP, we realized we just didn't as much stuff as we thought we did. We co-sleep, and breastfeed, and used our sling for most of the first year. We also work hard at having savings, so we're pretty confident that if another baby comes along, we'll be able to afford the essential items we need.

Also, I think so many new baby items come out all the time and the safety regulations are always changing. (There are slings out there now that I wish I had had when dd was younger.) Both our parents kept our baby cribs for us to use when we had a baby. Well we couldn't use them b/c baby cribs from 1970's did not meet the safety regulations for the 2000s. It was good intentions though. (ETA: NOt that you plan to keep this stuff for 30 years, but you know what I mean, right?)


And finally, I think the longer you hold on to something the harder it will be to get rid of it. We don't want to face getting rid of stuff later on if we don't have another baby. DH's aunt and uncle have kept their daughter's baby stuff for over 12 years! They have tried to have another baby, had some m/c, and even tried IVF. They are over 40 now, so that's a big factor in the inability to conceive. But now that it looks like that their dd is going to be an only, I think it's more painful for them to part with their dd's things. Both because it's their dd's "baby things" and also because it's the reminder of the second baby they hoped to have.

My thoughts....

[GuavaLava]

Originally Posted by newmommy

Since my son is almost 2 and will be an Only, there are alot of things I can actually do again as opposed to when he was an infant:

Have a cup coffee in the morning

Make DS smile and laugh (he was miserable as an infant)

Acutally read a quick magazine while DS rolls his car around the windowsill

Not have to pack a complete diaper bag with half the house

If I am tired or sick, I can look forward to DS's naptime around noon and lay down with him and sleep with him. DS has matured to where if I am still sleeping and he wakes up, he will lay there (for about 15minutes max...works for me!) quietly until I wake up.

If I can do all that before age 2, I'll be able to conquer the world by 3!!

I really wanted to quote this whole post! While we are not postitive dd will be an only child, these are the many reasons it gets harder and hardre to imagine having another. I still get that baby twinge though. ::sigh::

[Tuesday]

This thread was exactly what I needed to read today - THANK YOU!!! DH has pretty much decided that regrettably we only have one child since he can't see how we can manage financially. Myself, I worry about the money (we can't afford for me to stay home yet can't afford day care for two children either!) and I'd likely be close or at 40 by the time I gave birth and I'm not sure if that's what I want to be doing - looking after another infant. I was so happy to read some of the posts in this thread - I had a really rough first year with DS too. His frequent waking, colic, high needs, etc. - really has taken a toll on me and I just question my ability to do it again. So, based on all these things, we think, "yep, we're a family of 3". Then of course, I encounter people (mostly women) who, even if they hardly know me, protest, "OH!! But you can't have just one ... it's a crime!!!!" I just met a woman, my age, at the library today who has had 6 children and is now a grandmother. I felt like such a wuss because I'm here with my one son. I felt like asking her how she could afford 6 kids. I started to think, perhaps, "we could manage somehow - I mean here is someone with 6 kids!". That's not really a good way to decide to bring another child into the world, though. Everyone's situation is different. I realize people mean well but the constant comments really nag at me sometimes and make me wonder if we're doing the right thing. Anyway, I went home and had that familiar nagging feeling of anxiety - whether we're making a wrong decision for my child - only having one. I guess deep down, I worry DS will be lonely or particularly self - centred. I know it's really a toss-up. Kids with siblings can be lonely and self- centred too. I think it's because growing up, one of my friends was an only child and she was and is still very self-centred. So many people say oh that is because she is an only child. (I apologize to only children reading this - I know this is a stereotype). But, now, I realize it's not so much her lack of siblings but she herself and how she was raised (her parents are rather selfish too). I think I'm rambling but I just wanted to add my story and thank you for sharing your thoughts!!!!