Is it wrong for me to find this tacky?

[LunaMom]

DD just got invited to a birthday party, and it is on a weeknight from 5:00 to 6:30. It's at a Build-A-Bear workshop. On the invitation, it says the time, followed by "We will build our bears and have dessert."

I'm assuming that's the way of letting parents know that dinner will not be provided. Honestly, to have a party at dinnertime on a school night and give kids cake and no regular food just seems wrong to me! So my kid is going to eat a piece of cake for dinner?

Build-A-Bear parties are expensive, I know. And it's possible that the place does not "do" food - a friend once told me she had a Build-A-Bear party and had to then take thie kids to a pizza place in the mall for food and cake. But they are doing dessert, so I don't know.

I don't mean to be so nitpicky, but my feeling is that if you have a party at a mealtime, ESPECIALLY on a school night, you should feed the guests. And it just makes it worse that they're going to feed them dessert!

I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised - this mom once invited DD for a playdate, acted like I was nuts when I asked if they had guns in the house, and when she then said I'm welcome to stay if I want, wound up making me feel like I was in the way the whole time I was there. Ugh.

I really want to decline the invitation, but DD wants to go.

[Oh the Irony]

how old are the kids?

can't you just feed her dinner before? or a snack before and dinner after?

[Elphaba]

...

[lula]

That may have been the only time they could have scheduled the party with the BABear. I know the store around here can be really jammed for parties etc. Maybe they were concerned about getting a late time with parents who are concerned about bedtimes?

I would let your dd go, mealtimes usually can be worked around but it can be hard to be home eating when a party is going on elsewhere!

[Marsupialmom]

Considering how expensive it can get I think they are being nice and letting you know what to expect.

Also, how often does your kid get cake for diner? Not very, I hope. So it is not really going to kill her. Just give her a nice nutritious snack before the party and after, because she will be hungry later.

[merpk]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

Also, how often does your kid get cake for diner? Not very, I hope. So it is not really going to kill her. Just give her a nice nutritious snack before the party and after, because she will be hungry later.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

Considering how expensive it can get I think they are being nice and letting you know what to expect.

Also, how often does your kid get cake for diner? Not very, I hope. So it is not really going to kill her. Just give her a nice nutritious snack before the party and after, because she will be hungry later.

I was thinking the same thing. Pack a good protien snack for her to eat in the car on the way over or feed her at home before she goes.

[Vermillion]

Originally Posted by lula

That may have been the only time they could have scheduled the party with the BABear. I know the store around here can be really jammed for parties etc.

That’s what I was going to suggest as well. I brought my DS once on a weekday morning (not usually a mall busy time) and they were PACKED! It was crazy in there. It’s a popular place and the kid probably had her heart set on a party there so they may have just taken whatever they were able to get.

Regarding food I agree with everyone else. Just make sure she has a healthy snack before at least and again later.

[Seasons]

If I, personally, had gotten that invitation I'd be more offended at the start time (5pm, weeknight) because of the implicit assumption that my child would have a stay-at-home parent available to take her to the party then. *I* work, and we don't get home, after daycare pickup, until 6pm.

But if the inviting family knew for sure that each child had a stay-at-home parent available for that time frame, well, then, it's dessert for dinner! Weird timing, but yum! :LOL

[Colorful~Mama]

nods - my friend did a bab birthday party and the only time she could get was a saturday night at 5:30pm.
She served the kids pb and j but nothing for us grownups so we went and got subs. it was weird but considering what she spent on the party I figured she coudln't afford to do dinner too. So the kids had pb and j cut into bear shapes and bear crackers (bear theme)
and juice boxes and then cake. but that was after the building of bears. So they were Starving.

not the best timing but not tacky - just probably the best htey could do.

[fromscatteredtribe]

we did a krispy kreme birthday party last minute for our ds1 (7) : (donuts are a BIG treat though) but the only time they had was 4pm-6pm--saturday; well the kids ate all that sugar and then little realy food...oh well. i apologized ahead of time to the parents.

we did a 6:30-8:30om ice-cream sundae party for ds2 last month, and just warned people on the invite that it would simply be ice-cream and games in our little apartment. we did fill the pinata with toys not candy. i spent about 120 dollars on each party (a week of pay at my husband's second job) we could NOT have afforded dinner too.

[onlyzombiecat]

Not everyone eats from 5-6:30 at night either... so maybe it just didn't occur to them how big an issue it might be for some people in addition to the other things people mentioned that might be influencing the time.
It is good that you have warning it is just dessert though so you can plan to feed your child before the party or right after if you let them go.

[quietplease]

LunaMom, I don't think the invitation is tacky at all. She was very clear about what was being provided so that you could feed your child a meal before or after. So what? Is it a big deal to make a healthy meal for your child at 4 p.m., so they can have an early dessert at a friend's party?

And Seasons, what is up with being *offended* at the start time because you work until 6? Disappointed, yes, but offended? It seems to me that a lot of people work a lot of different schedules. Maybe parents who work nights would be disappointed in a later time; parents who work weekends would be disappointed at a Saturday afternoon time. There's no *implicit assumption* that a stay at home parent is required here, only the hope that someone can bring this child to a party at 5 p.m. It's a nice invitation to join a friend on a special evening, and I think you are way overboard to consider offense at a generous invitation.

I think you both sound self-centered. Someone offered to host a nice party, but it's not good enough for you. Why look for the negative instead of being pleased that your child was included?

[chalupamom]

Originally Posted by quietplease

And Seasons, what is up with being *offended* at the start time because you work until 6? Disappointed, yes, but offended? It seems to me that a lot of people work a lot of different schedules. Maybe parents who work nights would be disappointed in a later time; parents who work weekends would be disappointed at a Saturday afternoon time. There's no *implicit assumption* that a stay at home parent is required here, only the hope that someone can bring this child to a party at 5 p.m. It's a nice invitation to join a friend on a special evening, and I think you are way overboard to consider offense at a generous invitation.

I agree.

I've seen at-home parents and WOHPs schedule parties for weekday evenings as well as weekend afternoons/evenings. I don't think there's anything particularly tacky about this particular situation - I've actually heard a lot of whining lately about Saturday parties, people saying that they take up too much weekend family time. So, you know, you just can't please everyone and this time is just the OP's time to have a less-than-optimal situation re: this kid's party.

[stafl]

I don't find anything tacky or offensive about the invite or the party at all.
As far as timing, well, they might not have had a choice. If you don't like it, you don't have to go.

Originally Posted by quietplease

what is up with being *offended* at the start time because you work until 6? Disappointed, yes, but offended? It seems to me that a lot of people work a lot of different schedules. Maybe parents who work nights would be disappointed in a later time; parents who work weekends would be disappointed at a Saturday afternoon time. There's no *implicit assumption* that a stay at home parent is required here, only the hope that someone can bring this child to a party at 5 p.m.

My DH works 2nd shift, so we never make it to normal playdates and stuff because we are never awake when they start. Yes, it's disappointing, but I wouldn't be offended just because the parents of my kids' friend didn't schedule their kids' party with our schedule in mind. Even when DH worked days, he got home a little after 3pm. The vast majority of people work either 7am-3pm or 3-11pm or 11pm-7am. People in office settings usually go home between 4-5.

[Seasons]

Seasons, what is up with being *offended* at the start time because you work until 6? Disappointed, yes, but offended?

I'd be offended -- rather than merely disppointed that we couldn't go -- because supposedly close friends (in my circle only families who are pretty close invite each other to birthday parties) didn't arrange a time when we could go, or at least marked on the invitation "this was the only time slot BAB had; we know you probably can't come but we wanted you to know we wanted you there!" I mean, I don't expect friends to work around my vacation schedule, say, or to know when I have other social obligations, but I'd have been hurt and, yes, offended if close friends didn't taken into consideration my JOB. Similar to the way I'd feel if we got a birthday invitation to a place that was only for 5yo+ kids, as my child is much younger. Now, I think most social invitations are invitations only; I'm not offended if people send an adults-only large-wedding invitation, for instance. But if it's a small gathering -- a birthday barty, in my circle -- then I'm offended if one of my more obvious needs wasn't considered (even if it couldn't be accomodated; like I say, they could handwrite an excuse on the invitation or call me about it).

The vast majority of people work either 7am-3pm or 3-11pm or 11pm-7am. People in office settings usually go home between 4-5.

Uh - nope. But this is OT, so I won't argue it. Suffice it to say that my close friends all know I work a regular -- that's 9-5 or 8-5, "most people" -- job, and that they all know daycare pickup adds time on to that.

[dharmamama]

I don't think it's tacky, I agree that that time is probably the best one they could book, and I think that an extremely simple solution to this "dilemma" is to feed your child before you go to party.

This seems like an issue that's it not even remotely worth getting worked up about.

Namaste!

[Jennifer3141]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

I don't think it's tacky, I agree that that time is probably the best one they could book, and I think that an extremely simple solution to this "dilemma" is to feed your child before you go to party.

This seems like an issue that's it not even remotely worth getting worked up about.

Namaste!

A healthy little meal before you go solves the problem!

Jen

[Louma]

I only think it's tacky when someone isn't clear about what they plan.

I had someone ask me over a few months ago to work on planning a shower we were throwing. She invited us for the entire spread of standard dinner times--6-8. Who does not expect to eat at some point between 6 and 8 tomorrow night? She has fed me dinner before, and I've fed her, so it didn't seem like an issue. I wasn't worried about it at all, just figured that she'd make enough for one more when her family ate. Anyway, I was waiting and waiting, and she never said a word. I guess they ate earlier or something. I thought I was going to gnaw off an arm in the car on the way home. We should never assume, I supose.

[Britishmum]

No, I dont think the invitation is remotely tacky.

We just went to a Build a bear party a few weeks ago. It is very generous of the family to invite your dd to the party - it is expensive, and your child gets to keep whatever toy she makes.

I don't really understand what the problem is - the invitation makes it clear what food the kids will have, so you can work around it. Better that than not let you know, which has happened to me with the kids at a party before now. Although even then, it was no biggie, I just got them something else to eat when we got home.

It sounds to me that you have other issues with this family from your previous experience - do you think this is colouring your response to the invitation?

I'm not surprised your dd wants to go! She'll have a blast - which is surely more important than worrying about what she'll have for dinner that night.