depression used against good mothers

[Devin]

hello everyone,
i am new to this forum. i came across it while doing research on mother's who suffer from depression. i have suffered from depression more many years and i have been hospitalized because of it twice. i have an 11 year old son that has been under the guardianship of my mother and stepdad for the last 9 years. i went back to college and became a veterinarian. i am now married, have a great job, and i am very mentally stable with correct medication, therapy and support group. it was always the plan that my son would come to live with me when this time came. now that it is hear my mother has filed for custody of my son siting my mental background and stating that my medication makes me unable to perform the duties of a parent (i take prozac and clonipan and i do 20+ surgeries a day without any problems from my meds.) anyway, i have been through the temporary hearing and it seemed to go in my favor and now i am just waiting. i was wondering if other mom's have experienced this and if anyone has a word of advise. thanks.
devin

[ConfusionFusion]

No advise just a pat on the back for your hard work and triumph over depression and a wish for the best of luck with you custody battle.

[Devin]

thanks confusionfusion

thanks for the kind words. it is amazing how little has to be said to simply lift someones spirits.
Devin

[journeymom]

No personal experience here, either. Just another for you, getting your life together and trying to get your son back. You must have done a lot of hard work to get where you are now.

[rowantree]

good luck mama! This is one of my biggest fears about being honest and asking for the help I sometimes need. keep us posted and our thoughts are all with you.

[Devin]

Dazed and Confused

well, i lost my son. the judge awarded custody to my mother and stepfather, not on the grounds of my depression, but because she felt i abandoned my child. i was literally punished for trying to make a better life for myself so that i could do the same for my son. where is the justice in that?
devin

[AngelBee]

I am so sorry!

[Snowy Owl]

I'm sorry you have had to go through this, Devin.
It seems to me that it is not personally about you as a mother, I think the judge was probably just trying to keep 'stability' in your son's life. He's been with your folks for several years, and he's about to become a teenager. A difficult transition on it's own.

Do you get along with your mom and stepdad?
Do you think he is being mistreated?
How involved are you in your son's life? Do they prevent you from seeing him or anything?

[Devin]

answers to your questions

where to begin.... snowy owl, you do have a very good point, my son is 11 and i do think the jude was thinking about stability when she made her ruling. but at the same time the judge's ruling was legally wrong because she put the burden of proof on me, by law it has to be upon those who make the motion, my mom and stepdad. i have always been apart of my son's life. i could not financially support him during this time, but i was always there. i drove home almost every weekend while in vet school, and every month when i took a job in atlanta. that's a 16 hour round trip. i never abandoned my child, my mother abandoned hers. i used to get along with my mother, but now i see her as nothing more than a monster. it was always the plan that levin would stay with my mom while i continued my education, got a job, and got settled. my brother recently told me that 8 years ago my mother told him she wished i would just stop coming around. my mother never had any intentions of giving me my son back, yet for the last 10 years she has continuely told me how proud she is of me and how well i've done. she never encouraged my son that someday he would be with me. the last 10 year have been a lie. one ironic thing is that my mother had to live with her grandparents for a period of time because her mother was single and needed to go to work in another city. i always thought this is why my mother so much wanted to help me. my son is happy where he is. i don't think he is abused, at least not physically. my mom has told him so many lies about me that i really don't know if i could help him even if i was given custody. my stepdad i have nothing to say about except that he is an asshole. my brother hasn't seen or spoken to my mom for 8 years for the very mind games that she has played with me. he realized what she was like early enough to leave and get away. my younger sister will be next to go. and i fear my son will be after that. my mom and stepfather are truly sick. no mother does to her own daughter what my mother did to me. she betrayed me, she abandoned me. anyway, i'm just venting and thank you for letting me do so. i will be fine. i have many people who love me and support me. i'm a strong person now. i couldn't say that two years ago. but today there is nothing that will bring me down.
"every new beginning comes from some other new beginning's end"

[Devin]

fighting back

well, i'm about to have round two of the court battle. the judge very badly erred in her decision and the law supports that she erred. so my lawyer has filed a motion of reconsideration which will be heared on June 22. if the judge stands with her ruling, the case will go to the supreme court. based on how awfully the judge misapplied the law, i feel that i have a very good chance to have the decision reversed. wish me luck.

[alicia622]

What a horrible situation all around. I am sorry this is happening to your son. He must be so confused about what's going on. I hope things work out and mostly that you and your mother can work it out so your son doesn't feel like he's in the middle.

Based on what you wrote, it certainly doesn't sound like you abandoned him. You were present in his life and while you weren't his primary caretaker, he has always known you as his mother.

Thinking of you.

[Devin]

more drama

geez, this ordeal is going way past a custody battle. i learned thursday that my stepfather put a letter from the editor (he is the editor) in his weekly newspaper. the letter gloated over their triumph. he went on to personally thank the head master of the school, my son's doctor, a particular municiple judge, the entire police force, and several others. well, the school denied me my son's and ignored a letter from my lawyer stating the law that i had a right to them. the doctor also ignored a simular letter. the police department failed to serve subpeonas to the school and doctor. the letter read like an acceptance speech. my stepfather sounded like he was accepting and academy award and he was thanking everyone for their help. i now think i have grounds for vacation of the entire motion and ruling based on 'scortched earth' approach. i clearly did not get a fair trial and there were many people behind the scenes working against me. these people are being subpeonaed to appear in court next wednesday to explain just what their role was in this case and why my stepfather felt he had to personally thank them in his newspaper. i'll keep you posted.

[BelovedK]

I'm so sorry, i'm sending good, strong thoughts your way. I've often been worried that my bipolar Dx would be used against me in some way. Your post is a real eye opener. Your mother sounds like a real monster (sorry)