SAHM do people use you for free daycare? - Page 2

[Amys1st]

There are many communities within society's community.

Our church community is where I found my babysitter and now that she is getting older, her younger sister. Its also where I go every Sunday, baptised my dd, got maried years earlier and do things to help others in the church. Just 2 weeks ago we brought a family of 7 dinner. This was to give back to them since they needed help.

The co-op preschool is its own community and I have met a lot of nice moms who share similar values as myself. I have signed up to be on the board next year and I am grateful to give back to this wonderful community that my dd is thriving in. She has made a lot of nice friends and cant wait to go back in the fall. We are also setting up playgroups this summer to keep the kids in contact w one another.

My Mommy & Me club. This was started over a year ago by one Mom who said- I need to find like moms so I can survive this whole Mom thing. We have built this little grass roots group into a thriving family oriented community that helps each other out and I really love all of them. It makes my life easier when I know we have an activity to attend each and every week if needed. Its also great because we have a bunch of SAH parents, WAH parents, and WOH parents.

MDC- I have gotten such support, knowledge, and so much more coming here all the time.

These are all communities a bit outside my block but with in reach. I had to go and find them all and it was well worth it. My reward is meeting all these new people. Its worth it to pitch in & help and get something out of it. So yes, there are communities that help raise your children- just go and find them.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Re:

I totally agree!
What is sad for me (and I guess anyone in the same situation) is that I had to look outside of my immediate neighborhood to find new friends when we moved to this area. And there are three neighbors with girls around the age of my dd living within a house or two of us! Sad!!

But now my weekly calendar is jammed!
I swim with other moms and kids at the Rec Center, go to Story Time at the library and invite lots of moms and their little ones over to play on our back yard swing set. I give my phone number to anyone and invite them over to sit, talk, and let the kids play. I let the kids play in the back yard when the weather is nice. It's a wonderful set up, with a slide, a couple of swings, and we have a sand box (protected from cats) on the deck and lots of yard for them to run in. I have decided to start a weekly/monthly craft hour with the kids and moms that I know--order a few craft kits from Oriental Trading Co. catalog, and set up my scrapbooking table in the garage so if anyone spills glue or snacks, it won't ruin my rugs. I plan to invite the moms in my area who I hang around with and serve snacks and not ask for them to pay for the craft, or anything like that, just have them come over and watch all the kids create something. I can do this weekly, or monthly, depending on our budget that month.
I can even do this more cheaply by having them create paper crafts, at the cost of a few markers and construction paper.
I've made friends with moms by talking to just about anyone that I come in contact with, and yet my neighbors are the most distant ones around!

Anyway, getting back to the original topic, it's tough to balance between making friends and being taken advantage of--especially when that's not what any one of us wants!

[PumpkinSeeds]

Yes I totally agree with this...

I want to be the place where people come and I do invite all the neighbors over, but I do have an almost 4yo and an infant so my hands are pretty full. I don't want to be taking care of everyone else's kids too.

I'm not talking about emergencies or when people need someone in a bind. I'm talking the everyday afterschool and all holidays thing...

When my kids are older, and I'm not constantly spoonfeeding, nursing, trying to get someone to sleep, wiping somebody's butt, changing diapers and whatnot, then maybe I won't mind being the neighborhood hangout...

But I feel that it's not fair to me to set myself up to become the mom who takes on everyone else's kids. I want to get to know the family--not just their kids. I want to have adult conversation and not just hand out food to toddlers.....
I do offer my backyard to neighbors to come over any time--with their children to play. That, to me, is community.

.

[Amys1st]

Like I said, I don't mind a few hours here & there in a bind- I can usually accomadate. But to be walked all over and not help out with something I need. That just wrong.

But, as DD gets older into teens years etc. I want my house to be the destination house, hang out whatever. We are going to buy a bigger house soon for that very reason. For now, a play area, for later- a hang out
Its funny, when they are younger, you need to have your children in your site at all times and it gets tiresome. When they're older, you want to have them in your site so you know what is happening in their lives.

Just the other day there was a lady in front of us at the grocery buying a stack of frozen pizzas, snacks, etc. She and I made small talk as we waited. It turned out she was stocking her snack area for her two teen boys. She said both her very tall boys were athletes and her house was the hang out. She said the cost of snacks/videos whatever were well worth it to feed all of her kids' friends if she could keep an eye on them and who they were with.
I could not agree more.

[Louma]

Originally Posted by Amys1st

Like I said, I don't mind a few hours here & there in a bind- I can usually accomadate. But to be walked all over and not help out with something I need. That just wrong.

But, as DD gets older into teens years etc. I want my house to be the destination house, hang out whatever. We are going to buy a bigger house soon for that very reason. For now, a play area, for later- a hang out
Its funny, when they are younger, you need to have your children in your site at all times and it gets tiresome. When they're older, you want to have them in your site so you know what is happening in their lives.

Just the other day there was a lady in front of us at the grocery buying a stack of frozen pizzas, snacks, etc. She and I made small talk as we waited. It turned out she was stocking her snack area for her two teen boys. She said both her very tall boys were athletes and her house was the hang out. She said the cost of snacks/videos whatever were well worth it to feed all of her kids' friends if she could keep an eye on them and who they were with.
I could not agree more.

:

I also agree that there's a difference between helping out a friendly neighbor after you've gotten to know each other and the kids have made friends and having a neighbor who has no interest in knowing you and only wants to use you. If GranoLLLy-girl's neighbor had any interest in forming a relationship, she would have known it, and she probably would have felt differently. He sounds like a user to me, and she isn't going to be able to form a friendly community with him.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Re:

"When my kids are older, and I'm not constantly spoonfeeding, nursing, trying to get someone to sleep, wiping somebody's butt, changing diapers and whatnot, then maybe I won't mind being the neighborhood hangout..."

Pumpkinseed--this is exactly where I am now--nursing two (ages one and three), wiping bottoms, cleaning up food, etc., etc.--but I, too, would like to be the place to come for the kids as they get older. Older--that's the key.
Right now, I could just use a little sleep.

Maybe I should get the neighbor to watch my kids, and I'll sleep! LOL!
Louma, you might be on to something!

[Benji'sMom]

Originally Posted by PumpkinSeeds

Do you feel like people think that you are a SAHM so you should take their kids whenever?

My SIL is trying to do this with DH, he's a SAHD. SIL and her new DH are moving to a house that is down the street from us. : And I can just feel it that she will be asking DH to watch her kid all the time, or pick him up from school all the time or even take him to the doctor all the time, because she never wants to take off work to do it herself. She used to always ask her mom (my MIL) who had some days off during the week, but now MIL is working M-F so now I'm sure she'll turn to DH for everything! She has already made it abudantly clear that she has NO respect for SAHPing. She thinks it's more noble to have a job and try to manipulate everyone else into taking care of your son. : She already called him yesterday morning to drive her kid to school in time for his field trip so she wouldn't miss any work that morning (and they haven't moved near us yet so right now they don't even live/go to school in the same town as us!)

[loon13]

If the person is a very good friend of mine (we visit frequently, the kids play together), I have no problem swapping childcare or even watching her kids for free once in awhile.

However, with acquaintances, unless I'm *really* sure I want to watch their child, I am careful not to make the offer to "watch your child if you need a break." : I know that sounds horrible, but my own dd is very spirited and a handful (although a happy handful!) for me.
I once offered to watch this woman's child and I just couldn't wait until he went home! I was exhausted! He's ... er "restrained" a lot (always in the stroller or highchair, etc) so I kinda got the feeling from him while he was here that "omigosh, I'm free, let me get in all the moving and activity I can". Which he did! :LOL And also, everytime I would offer to play with him, he would jerk the toy back as if I was trying to steal it from him. Yeah, the parents take a lot of stuff away from him, too.
Thankfully, the mom got a regular babysitter for him after that, but I still do feel sorry for him. Sorry for that little rant/confession.

Originally Posted by annethcz

I do also sometimes end up supervising the neighbor kids when my kids are outside playing. Their parents are usually inside, while I usually stay outside with my kids. But I never stay outside just because there are other kids outside unsupervised.

That's me and Dh too! Dd usually wants us playing with her, or we try to be close by in case she asks for assistance. So we are usually always outside when she is. We find ourselves having to intervene a lot with the other kids, because their parents are a)not anywhere nearby supervising or b)ignoring the kids. For instance, my daughter was holding her stuffed cat and an older boy came up to grab it from her saying "I want that!" : DH had to gently explain to the boy (a few times) that while he understood that he wanted to play with it, it was dd's toy and unless she wanted to share with him, he could not play with it. The mom was nearby gabbing with friends and totally ignoring the situation. <sigh>