seeking support for frustrating anxiety

[Danielsmom]

I'm here looking for support, perhaps perspective on anxiety.
I have had anxiety/depression off and on for about 20 years. I'm fortunate that I've been able to be "highly functioning" during that time. I was always able to keep working, but I often worried excessively about the work I was doing. However, I've always been a bit of a loner. I tend to give up on friendships. It is hard for me to speak my mind so I often just retreat and leave a friendship.

I was on zoloft until about a year ago, when I went off it (it made me feel a little numb). Earlier this year I went to visit my parents which did not go well...I actually felt like I was having flashbacks on how things used to be, growing up in their house (not a great experience). I had terrible anxiety attacks during the visit and it took a couple of months for them to subside.

Now, after an argument with an aquaintance (call it an attempt at assertiveness gone bad!) last week, I have been having bad anxiety attacks again. I am so frustrated. I havent' been able to sleep. And I need to sleep...I have to care for my son during the day!

I think the root of the anxiety is fear of disapproval/abandonment/rejection. Whenever I feel like one of these things is happening, I have a anxiety attack. I do have trouble shutting off the anxious feelings after the situation. In other words, I keep replaying the argument with the friend in my head. With my parents, I kept replaying the visit with them and it would remind me of things that happened in the past. I do tend to ruminate.

I'm doing talk therapy and I feel it's helped with learning to trust/vent and confide with someone else but I think a cognitive approach may also help me with some of the negative self-talk. Right now I feel like a loser and that my feelings aren't valid. I want to learn how to shut off the ruminative thoughts and the talk/traditional therapy hasn't really helped me with that.

I'm also wondering if anyone is breastfeedign and taking paxil or lorazapem (I think it's a sedative). I started taking paxil but I think I need a short-term sedative till the SSRI kicks in.

Just really, really frustrated here. I was doing well for so long; this is a huge setback.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Hi, I don’t have much to offer but wanted to post because I read your OP. I had some anxiety when DC was young but mine was related to sleep deprivation and was an easy fix ~ I opened this thread hoping to offer you that easy solution.

I did have a small solution for when you’re really ruminating over something. Do you think distracting yourself with a movie, chat with a friend, trip to the store and etc. would help?

Or, maybe posting the stuff here to work it out openly with other input would help?


I don’t know about the drugs but I just read another thread in BFing about drugs and I know the info is out there. Kellymom, maybe? Or, put a post in BFing.

I hope you find the information you need and feel better soon, H.

[stirringleaf]

i have anxiety issues too, and all i can offer for advice is that you try rescue remedy ( a homeopathic remedy) during attacks. it seems to help me a little, it takes the edge off anyway. i take more than it says on the bottle. i thnk it says 4 drops---i will take 4 , then wait a few mintutes and do another 4. etc. since it is homeopathic i dont think it is possible to OD on it---i mean i do this within reason, maybe 3 or 4 doses of 4 drops each

cognitive therapy was extremely helpful to me a couple years ago. i felt like i was taking a class on *me* rather than going to therapy...it was just really educational and still remains a helpful tool to me. so definatly stick with that. but youarent alone.

[Danielsmom]

Thank you, Stirringleaf and Identity Crisis mama (love the sigs),

I do try distracting myself. I think I need to try it more. I tend to be very critical/perfectionistic of myself. Very hard on myself. So if, say, ds is watching a video, I feel like i should be interacting with him, or folding laundry, instead of perhaps sitting down with a book or magazine for myself, or writing, or something equally enjoyable. Ds is just coming out of being a high needs toddler so there is a bit more time to do things for myself.

I also think I need to remember the things that gave me great joy before ds was born and start doing them again, and perhaps bring ds along. For example, I took long walks with one of my dogs, swam, and I did yoga. There are toddler yoga classes and I plan on signing up for one. And swimming lessons would be fun. And it is finally nice outside again so we can go on walks together.

I have started to call people on the phone more often. Today I confided in a good friend what was going on. She invited me over and we had a great afternoon; we talked and the kids played together.

Mil is very supportive which is a huge help.
I will try the rescue remedy. A very helpful suggestion. Is rescue remedy considered one of the bach's flower essences or is this different?

I did check out the info on meds and both are okay to take while bf'ing, especially the paxil.

Thanks again, it helps to know that someone is listening.

[stirringleaf]

these all sound like very very good ideas danielsmom. i have found that taking small simple steps toward relief makes a big difference. plus, the relief inspires me to go do *more* healthy things, and eventually i find myself doing alot better. i still have times where i need reminders. i get set back, i have anxiety attacks, etc, and i have to re-eavluate my lifestyle and see what needs to be tweaked.

your post in fact is kind of affirming to me. i just got done with finals and it triggered a huge weird migraine attack ( no pain, but disorientation, nausea, etc) and THAT in turn brought on a panic attack ( i have alot of worries and fears about my health so when i get sick i am prone to anxiety) and anyway its good to remember to take time to do enjoyable things....its really really true. so thanks for the reminder!

[stirringleaf]

p.s. yes its Bachs

[Danielsmom]

Thanks for the info about the rescue remedy, Stirringleaf.
What kind of finals did you take? Do you enjoy school? I'm thinking of taking a class in the fall.
I had a few good days but am feeling anxious again. Sigh. I think I will try that rescue remedy.
But it is good to know there's a place to post and get advice.

[lauraess]

Danielsmom> I too have dealt/deal with anxiety and it was after my son was born that I finally addressed these issues... of course that was a long journey too. I was on paxil but found that to work only so much and then my diagnosis was changed after a few years. Anyway, It's the Anxiety that is torturous and whether you try different approaches of holitic kinds or meds or both ( I do this ) It's best to keep searching for what works as that changes as much as your life does it seems.
For me it is important that i get exercise and I practice yoga and teach it so it gives me a new perspective and a sense of my own pursuit after being home for 7 years. I think hobbies are great even if you can only spend a little amount of time a day.
finding the right approach to counseling is important also. There are a few threads back not too long ago mentioning different kinds and some interesting methods with online access....hmmm... anyone??? a search might be needed here.
I want you to know your are not alone. Being a parent sure brings this stuff up real good doesnt it!
~L

[stirringleaf]

about school----i do love it. i really do. but i dont recommend it until you have some really good system in place for dealing with stress and anxiety or you will be a wreck. i think you will be able to devolp these things if you stick with it and go easy on yourself..., and so maybe school could be your longer-term goal. try coming up with a long-ish project and a deadline to test yourself about deadline stress before you decide to go into school...i had an extremely difficult semester this semester, and almost dropped out of school---its alot harder than it seems in theory, homework + kids and family are a huge load. i go part time ( two to 3 classes) and its almost too much for me. im taking the summer off (i usally go) cuz i was about to lose my mind

i'm not saying i have all this perfecly down, cuz i was indeed very stressed , had alot of negative perfectionist thinking, and didnt deal as well as i would like to have. but since hindsight is 20/20 i thought i would share my thoughts with you...by the way, i am a creative writing major, so for finals i was writng lots of papers and had an exam on poetry that was long essay questions

[meowee]

hi, I have no silver bullet advice, but wanted to share that I too have severe anxiety attacks around my parents, to the point where I become suicidal and cannot function. Being around my parents is the only circumstance or situation that makes me suicidal and cripplingly anxious-- I am pretty high functioning otherwise. This has forced me to avoid my parents as much as possible
(I see them 1-3 times a year in MY house, not theirs) and while I feel horribly guilty, that is better than wanting to kill myself and not being able to sleep or eat.

I will be upfront that I am anti-med for most psychiatric problems. Having been in the psychiatric world for a long time now, I can tell you that these meds can cause permanent mood and brain damage, can have horrible side affects, and some cause withdrawal symptoms so severe that you could be trapped on them for life. Obviously I'm extremely biased. Do your own research of course, look for sites about people trying to recover from these meds for the "other" side's view.

[Danielsmom]

Thanks again for the additional posts, stirringleaf, lauraess, and meowee. Meowee, your reaction around your parents sounds like mine. How frustrating--I sympathize, I really do. Try not to feel guilty for seeing your parents limited times a year (I should take my own advice) you gotta do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy.

Stirringleaf, good advice about giving myself a long-term deadline before tackling school. That's a really good idea. OR, if I do take a class, I could audit it (no pressure on myself to get certain grades that way). I'm actually thinking of a massage therapy class which would be different from my past work.

Lauraess, yes, being a parent does bring up these issues! Even with all the work I had done before having ds, I'm amazed how I'm reminded of past joys and sorrows as I parent my boy daily. I think I just drive myself nuts because I don't want him to have the same hurts I did.

The suggestion to find a hobby for myself is helpful. I did go to a yoga class last week (liked it very much). If I signed up for a regular class instead of dropping in, I know I would make time for it.

Thanks again folks.