"Bottlefeeding Without Guilt"

[julie128]

Just finished reading the book Bottlefeeding Without Guilt by Peggy Robin (from the library, I didn't buy it!). I highly recommend reading it. It really opened my eyes both to the culture of formula and to the insensitivity of lactivists. Apparently, lactivists can be just as irritating to formula feeders as ff'ers and anti-nippers are to nursing mamas/lactivists. Who knew?!

[FancyD]

I am a bottle-nurser, and I would have to agree. Breastfeeding doesn't always work out the way you planned it (nothing did in my case), and to hear that you didn't try hard enough can be heartbreaking. No matter what disclaimer follows.
Thanks for the book recommendation, I need to read something like that.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Sounds interesting. There's some good stuff about guilt in the "Language of BFing" article as well. She said the guilt is being used to keep us down ~ and fighting among one and other.

[annettemarie]

Are you kidding? That book is absolutely horrible.
http://www.fix.net/~rprewett/robin.html
http://www.militantbreastfeedingcult...out_truth.html
http://www.promom.org/bf_info/stinkers.htm
http://www.lalecheleague.org/llleade...bMar96p14.html

The author, whose book has appeared in mainstream bookstores across the USA and Canada, makes a direct attack on what she refers to as "breastfeeding cultism." Her critical comments target Dr. William Sears, Tine Thevenin, Motherwear, The Compleat Mother Magazine, Mothering Magazine, The Ecobaby Catalog, The Natural Baby Company and, of course, La Leche League. She devotes an entire chapter to listing the characteristics of cults and why those mentioned qualify as cults. She takes her definition of cult from another author, pulling quotes and hearsay together to support her stand. The author's reason for writing this book? She says she was made to feel guilty by breastfeeding advocates about bottle feeding her second child.

The author claims that breastfeeding advocates are part of a cult.

[Mom4tot]

:

[Artisan]

I think it was this book that started www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com

According to Peggy Robin in her book Bottlefeeding Without Guilt (now renamed When Breastfeeding is Not an Option) there is such a thing as a breastfeeding cult. If you're not sure about the status of your membership, consider these questions from Rebecca Prewett's review of Robin's book:


Do you nurse your babies past one year of age?
Do you share your bed with your nursing baby?
Do you believe that mothers and fathers have different roles to play in raising children?
Do you believe that God provided women with breasts in order to feed their babies?
Do you associate with other women who breastfeed their children or even---gasp!---attend La Leche League meetings?
Do you sign your email messages with "Billy's mommy" or cutesy nicknames? (This is an obvious sign that you are assuming a childlike, unquestioning, unintellectual role within the cult. )
Do you follow the AAP guidelines of breastfeeding a baby exclusively for six months before introducing supplements or solids? (Presumably the AAP is part of the cult.)
Do you believe that there are not only physical differences between men and women, but psychological and emotional differences as well?
Do you believe that motherhood is a noble calling and that mothers and babies belong together? Do you---gasp!---think that babies are better off if their mothers are home with them rather than pursuing careers?
Do you make your baby's food from wholesome, nourishing ingredients and avoid processed foods or additives?
Do you avoid pacifiers and artificial nipples?
Rebecca Prewett writes, "If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, let me warn you that Peggy Robin views these as characteristics of the cult lifestyle!"

So, is this you?

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by reader

I think it was this book that started www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com

Yep.

Please, make me feel better. We really aren't promoting this book in the breastfeeding advocacy and support section of MDC? The OP was being sarcastic, and I missed it. Please? :

[thismama]

I haven't read the book, but I'm not surprised it exists. I think there is waaaaaay too much mama-blaming, guilting, and judgment connected with bf advocacy. Even the indicators of breastfeeding cultism quoted in reader's post give an indication of how quickly bf advocacy moves into sexism and mama-trashing.

I'm a bf-mama and advocate, but we need to be aware of how we approach this issue.

[Ruthla]

I suppose it can be useful to read a book like this to get a better understanding of the bottlefeeding culture, just as reading ANY non-AP/GD book can give you insight into "the other side." This should only be done if you're strong enough not to be "swayed" by the literature, and only if you don't have any blood pressure problems

I've only heard horrible things about this book.

[annettemarie]

I've read the book.
Thismama, I'm not sure if I am getting your point. Peggy Robinson, who wrote the book, is the one who says those things, not breastfeeding advocates. The entire point of the book is that bottlefeeding is absolutely 100% fine, with no exceptions. All research that breastfeeding is the gold standard is contrived crap, and all people who advocate women are part of a brainwashed cult.

[thismama]

Okay, AM, I'm confused here. This is what I'm referring to. I thought it was a quote from Rebecca Prewett's review of the book. And I was assuming she was somehow connected to www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com? Clue me in!

Originally Posted by reader

I think it was this book that started www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com

Quote:
According to Peggy Robin in her book Bottlefeeding Without Guilt (now renamed When Breastfeeding is Not an Option) there is such a thing as a breastfeeding cult. If you're not sure about the status of your membership, consider these questions from Rebecca Prewett's review of Robin's book:


Do you nurse your babies past one year of age?
Do you share your bed with your nursing baby?
Do you believe that mothers and fathers have different roles to play in raising children?
Do you believe that God provided women with breasts in order to feed their babies?

[snippage]

[annettemarie]

The list of cult-like qualities are from the book. She pulled them from various sources describing religious cults, and twisted them around to fit breastfeeding mothers.

[thismama]

Okay, so it sounds like these are Rebecca Prewett's interpretations of Peggy Robin's list.

Originally Posted by reader

Rebecca Prewett writes, "If you answered in the affirmative to any of these, let me warn you that Peggy Robin views these as characteristics of the cult lifestyle!"

So, is this you?

I don't think Peggy Robin would write:

Do you believe that motherhood is a noble calling and that mothers and babies belong together? Do you---gasp!---think that babies are better off if their mothers are home with them rather than pursuing careers?

And I find many of the statements in the list to be self-righteously anti-bottlefeeding, and by extension, misogynist. The statement above is guilt trippy about mamas who WOTH.

And here the assumption is that bf mamas believe "God" provided them with breasts solely for baby feeding, and that bf mamas all believe there are essential psychological differences between men and women:

Do you believe that God provided women with breasts in order to feed their babies?
Do you believe that there are not only physical differences between men and women, but psychological and emotional differences as well?

So those damn bottlefeeders aren't respecting God or their "natural" role as mothers.

Do you make your baby's food from wholesome, nourishing ingredients and avoid processed foods or additives?

Because bottlefeeding mamas feed their babies crap, since they aren't educated and don't care about their babes.

So is this you?

No it sure as hell ain't me! I think too often breastfeeding advocacy ventures into these themes, and I find them alienating and pompous.

[annettemarie]

Well, Rebecca Prewitt is writing from an extremely conservative Christian viewpoint, so I am guessing you and she probably wouldn't agree on a whole lot.

But really, the book is poison. It does a diservice to all women, regardless of how they feed their babies.

[thismama]

I don't know anything about the book. My point is that I'm not surprised books trashing the bf advocacy movement exist. I think there are deep flaws in the way bf mamas approach advocacy... namely in the blaming judging and trashing of non-bf mamas.

I'm sorry to hear it's so crappy actually. I'd like to see a book intelligently critiquing the bf advocacy movement, so that strategies can be refined and we can figure out more positive, supportive ways to help mamas establish and maintain longterm bf relatinoships with our children wherever possible.

[annettemarie]

You can read excerpts here
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0761...05#reader-page

It's not called Bottlefeeding Without Guilt, by the way. She changed the title to "When Breastfeeding Isn't An Option"

And, thismama, you and I probably disagree on this one. Facts are facts- if some people choose not to accept the facts, and feel guilty about it, that is their issue.

And "we" as a culture use guilt and shock value all the time.
Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
This is your brain on drugs.
Don't be a dummy- buckle up.

I'm not saying we should attack women, but neither do I think we should sugar coat the message.

[thismama]

Well those are pretty harmless messages targetting everyone. I'm really sensitive to this issue actually because I have a friend who was unable to bf her son, and was made to feel like sh*t about it. Nobody guilt-tripped the doctor who delivered him 4 weeks early without informing her of the risks, or the hospital based lactation consultant whose primary focus was the baby gaining weight as rapidly as possible (he was 6.2 to start, so I dont think this was the big emergency they made it out to be). No guilt trips for the nurses who pressured her into giving him formula, or whoever decided to put him in the NICU for 24 hours without factoring into the decision the challenge this would cause for bfing. Nobody guilt tripped her husband who slept through the night and didn't get up to help her.

She had to nurse, bottle feed, pump and chart, every 3 hours around the clock. The whole process took 1.5 hours, so she was not sleeping at all. He was not interested in the boob coz he was getting formula. Her milk supply never established properly. Finally she got to the end of her rope and gave up.

And who feels like crap about it? She does. Not her husband, or the doc, or the LC...

I am very pro bf. I would have loved to see my friend bf. But she couldn't, for a whole series of reasons. She was let down all over the place. And nobody was held accountable except the only person who was trying to make it work... the mama. Old news IMO.

[annettemarie]

Well, like I said (or maybe I didn't) I don't think anyone should feel like shit over it, especially if she tried. But I do think there is room for a strong pro-breastfeeding, anti-if-not-necessary-formula-feeding message out there.

[thismama]

I think there is too, but I think we do waaaaaaaay too much mama-blaming, and it gets justified as "pro-bf messages." I don't see enough bf advocacy directed at educating partners of bf mamas about their role - namely to support the mama and the bf relationship. I don't see enough energy directed toward working with docs/hospitals, or educating extended families, or creating positive messages about women's bodies, or extending mat leave, or making mat leave paid in the US, etc etc etc.

I DO see a lot of: "I can't believe she didn't breastfeed because she doesn't want to show her body" or "Why did she let them take the baby early" or "She just complained about how painful it was and stopped." Mama-blaming.

It's not about whether it's okay to communicate facts. It is about not judging mothers for not breastfeeding, and instead focussing that energy toward creating a pro-bf culture.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by thismama

I think there are deep flaws in the way bf mamas approach advocacy... namely in the blaming judging and trashing of non-bf mamas.

...and I think that all depends on where you live. I know very few BF mamas around here and all the rest that FF will readily admit that they have not/will not ever attempt to breastfeed because it ruins their schedules, they cannot go to the bars, they don't like to be touchy-feely, it's gross, it's sick, I don't feel like it, etc.... THEN I get to have them looking down their nose at me all the time about how dumb I am, how weird we are, how twisted extended bf is and so on. And ya know what? I have NEVER once told any of these women that I thought that they were wrong for FF for all of those ridiculous reasons. I probably should, but I don't. I just make it known that that stuff will not ever intentionally enter the mouths of my children now, or in the future. Who's kids are overweight? Who's kids are sick all the time? Who's kids have asthma? Who's kids have acid-reflux? Not mine. But I am dumb, so what do I know?

I feel like I am always attacked for BF and I don't just dump my opinions on them because I feel like it. I bite my tounge because I know it will go nowhere and all the FF mothers that think it's only the BF mothers that are nasty, had better start looking in the mirror. Sometimes, I wish I could just squirt them in the eye and walk away. :LOL

I probably am judgemental and do blame, in my thoughts, behind closed doors and even online at times, but I got to this point by being judged so harshly in the first place. Now I feel I have to stand my ground, no matter who thinks I have no right to my thoughts.

If FF mothers are confident in their decisions, then how could anyone make them feel guilty? Not a soul in the world could make me feel guilty for BF.

...sorry for the rant, it wasn't directed at anyone, just something that's been building up.