Is this really a psychological reason to NOT breastfeed???

[tayndrewsmama]

I have recently been told on an email list that BF advocates are all snide and judgemental and that we don't understand about the psychological reasons why someone cannot breastfeed.

Upon asking, I learned that this particular person firmly believes that societal pressures to not breastfeed are considered legitimate psychological reasons not to breastfeed. WTH? , so am I the only one who thinks this is a pretty lame excuse?? How does this make someone physically unable to breastfeed?

[MommytoTwo]

Um yeah ... "societal pressure" is not a psychological reason. ITA with you. The only real psychological reason I can think of is a victim of sexual abuse - that sort of thing.

[Greaseball]

I've heard of sexual abuse and "a deep-seated aversion to the idea of breastfeeding" as psychological reasons why someone would not bf.

But they can pump. Even if they have to formula-feed as well, even if they can only pump an ounce a day...that baby could still have an ounce of breastmilk each day. Better than none at all.

[angelpie545]

I personally think that's all a load of crap........minus the sexual abuse thing, b/c that can be permanently physologically damaging. Whoever wrote that article is just trying to give moms another excuse not to bfeed.

[Benji'sMom]

Totally lame, the societal pressure thing. It doesn't even make sense. Is this woman saying that we don't know that there's societal pressure? Of course we do - we're the ones experiencing it.

[hubris]

That depends on what "societal pressure" means. For somebody who is well-educated with a good support network, a supportive spouse, and the ability to get help if she needs it, I think that's a load of bunk.

But recently I was thinking about women who come from big families in which nobody ever breastfed, and who have not received much (if any) education about breastfeeding. Even if they hear about breastfeeding and think they'd like to "try" it, they are often bombarded with pressure from their own families, often even their husbands, NOT to breastfeed. After the baby comes they get more of the same. If you add to that a situation where a woman lives in an area where LLL and/or a good LC isn't avilable to her (or if they're available but she doesn't know it), you have somebody who is set up for a very stressful situation.

For a mother who has no support, lots of negative messages from family and friends about breastfeeding, little education, and few resources, I'm actually not sure that breastfeeding *is* the best thing for her and her baby. In terms of physical health, breastmilk is still best. But if breastfeeding is going to be a source of major strife within a family, how will that affect the other aspects of that mother's parenting? If feeding formula means that the woman gets more parenting support from her husband, extended family, friends, etc...wouldn't that be better for the mother and baby in the long run?

I go back and forth on this. For starters, I think that the cases in which a woman's social environment is truly bad for breastfeeding are less common than some people would have us believe. And I also don't like the fact that the social pressures on a woman not to breastfeed are based on ignorance. But I do worry about women who are truly facing negativity within their own social networks, and the effect it has on the mother and baby.

At any rate, I don't think we should dismiss societal pressure as "lame." Societal pressures are real and have real effects on people. How much of an effect is reasonable? That's debatable and dependent on what kind of pressure we're talking about.

[sophmama]

I think in America societal pressure and lack of or misinformation are the #1 reasons people don't breastfeed - ala my inlaws - 14 kids - not a one breastfed and they all think it's gross and wierd and would *ewwww never do that*!

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by funshine

That depends on what "societal pressure" means. For somebody who is well-educated with a good support network, a supportive spouse, and the ability to get help if she needs it, I think that's a load of bunk.

But recently I was thinking about women who come from big families in which nobody ever breastfed, and who have not received much (if any) education about breastfeeding. Even if they hear about breastfeeding and think they'd like to "try" it, they are often bombarded with pressure from their own families, often even their husbands, NOT to breastfeed. After the baby comes they get more of the same. If you add to that a situation where a woman lives in an area where LLL and/or a good LC isn't avilable to her (or if they're available but she doesn't know it), you have somebody who is set up for a very stressful situation.

For a mother who has no support, lots of negative messages from family and friends about breastfeeding, little education, and few resources, I'm actually not sure that breastfeeding *is* the best thing for her and her baby. In terms of physical health, breastmilk is still best. But if breastfeeding is going to be a source of major strife within a family, how will that affect the other aspects of that mother's parenting? If feeding formula means that the woman gets more parenting support from her husband, extended family, friends, etc...wouldn't that be better for the mother and baby in the long run?

I go back and forth on this. For starters, I think that the cases in which a woman's social environment is truly bad for breastfeeding are less common than some people would have us believe. And I also don't like the fact that the social pressures on a woman not to breastfeed are based on ignorance. But I do worry about women who are truly facing negativity within their own social networks, and the effect it has on the mother and baby.

At any rate, I don't think we should dismiss societal pressure as "lame." Societal pressures are real and have real effects on people. How much of an effect is reasonable? That's debatable and dependent on what kind of pressure we're talking about.

I understand what you're saying, but then saying that they "physically couldn't" is a lie, right? Perhaps they should say that "Due to societal pressure, I chose not to breastfeed."

[kate-astrophe]

Originally Posted by funshine

But recently I was thinking about women who come from big families in which nobody ever breastfed, and who have not received much (if any) education about breastfeeding. Even if they hear about breastfeeding and think they'd like to "try" it, they are often bombarded with pressure from their own families, often even their husbands, NOT to breastfeed. After the baby comes they get more of the same. If you add to that a situation where a woman lives in an area where LLL and/or a good LC isn't avilable to her (or if they're available but she doesn't know it), you have somebody who is set up for a very stressful situation.

This is a really good point. I'm from a family which is mostly blue/pink collar (except for my mom and dad), doesn't value education, and doesn't see why anyone *would* breastfeed. When I picture any of my cousins choosing to breastfeed, I can see that it would be an incredibly frustrating uphill battle. I would be the lone voice of support among all their freinds and family, and I don't think that would be enough. It would take a very strong, opinionated, educated, and rebellious woman to face those circumstances. I can't blame them for not even trying.

Originally Posted by funshine

For a mother who has no support, lots of negative messages from family and friends about breastfeeding, little education, and few resources, I'm actually not sure that breastfeeding *is* the best thing for her and her baby. In terms of physical health, breastmilk is still best. But if breastfeeding is going to be a source of major strife within a family, how will that affect the other aspects of that mother's parenting? If feeding formula means that the woman gets more parenting support from her husband, extended family, friends, etc...wouldn't that be better for the mother and baby in the long run?

Can you imagine hearing on a daily basis "I can't help you because you're breastfeeding"? I had a good support structure and I still heard that a lot. Formula is easy, giving a breastfed baby a bottle may not be.

Until breastfeeding is the norm, there will always be people who "won't" or "can't". You can't blame the mother for the culture she was born into. Not everyone's a rebel.

-Kate

[alegna]

Sounds like a load of bunk to me. But I am admittedly unsupportive of anyone who doesn't breastfeed when they can (totally supportive/sympathetic with those that truely can't though...)

oh, and can in my book means is physically able and it will not hurt the baby

-Angela

[soccerchic21]

I have a hard time initially feeling like societal pressure is a psychological problem but then again a PP brought up a good point that if you have no support system that that can bring a lot of stress then does it turn to a psychological problem?

However I would never put societal pressure and being molested or abused in the same category. I think that if someone has been sexually abused that no one should ever question why they couldn't breastfeed.

[HelloKitty]

I have met women that truly think it's disgusting and can't even *think* about the act of breastfeeding. Who knows why they feel that way, whether it's an abuse thing or a society reason but either way if they are truly grossed out by it then I would say that is a psychological reason not to breastfeed. I feel bad for them that they can't get past it and enjoy what we do.

I have also met men and women that are grossed out my pregnancy - they can't touch a woman's pregnant stomach or talk about pregnancy. They may even love children, but pregnancy grosses them out.

I don't get it, but I don't get a lot of things! :LOL

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by HelloKitty

I have met women that truly think it's disgusting and can't even *think* about the act of breastfeeding. Who knows why they feel that way, whether it's an abuse thing or a society reason but either way if they are truly grossed out by it then I would say that is a psychological reason not to breastfeed. I feel bad for them that they can't get past it and enjoy what we do.

Well that does make sense. I just personally don't understand how someone can't get past it once they see their super cute precious baby. (just talking about people who think it is gross not abused people)

I have also met men and women that are grossed out my pregnancy - they can't touch a woman's pregnant stomach or talk about pregnancy. They may even love children, but pregnancy grosses them out.

My brother's girlfriend is like that. It sort of bugged me when I was pregnant with DD. I didn't understand it at all.

[Changed]

I don't think there is any excuse. Galactosemia (sp?)aside, anyone can hook up to a pump and and get a therapist. I know some women who have been sexually abused feel that they cannot nurse. They can breastfeed by pumping. Alot do in fact. Societal pressue, I don't buy it. One chooses to either follow the mainstream or educate themselves. Some people don't care to take responsibility for their lack of education on parenting decisions.

[hubris]

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

I understand what you're saying, but then saying that they "physically couldn't" is a lie, right? Perhaps they should say that "Due to societal pressure, I chose not to breastfeed."

Not sure I would call it a 'lie" - I think those mothers really and truly believe that they couldn't physically breastfeed. They may believe this due to ignorance, misinformation, lack of support, etc...but they still honestly believe that they *couldn't* breastfeed or that their baby couldn't.

I had every advantage - saw my Mom nurse my four younger siblings, every woman in my rather large extended family breastfeeds, breastfeeding is considered very normal and I never even thought of choosing formula feeding. I also had good books and searched for extra info on my own. My DH was/is very supportive of BFing. Yet when ds1 was born, he did a funny thing. He would root, find my nipple (with help from me), latch, then start to root again! Poor guy, he was really frustrated, where was the food? I was frustrated, why would he not start to eat once he latched? I thought maybe something was wrong. To this day, I still haven't seen anything in a book described quite like this. Mom helped me to persevere and she coaxed him to nurse (a LC and several nurses weren't able to get him to suck, only Mom could do that). If my Mom hadn't been there, I might have believed that ds "couldn't" breastfeed. Even with all my information and great support network! So I can definitely see how small breastfeeding problems might be interpreted as an inability to breastfeed by a woman with less info/support. Those women honestly believe that they or the baby can't breastfeed because they don't have anybody to tell them differently and help them get through the rough patch.

[BklynJen]

Originally Posted by Greaseball

I've heard of sexual abuse and "a deep-seated aversion to the idea of breastfeeding" as psychological reasons why someone would not bf.

But they can pump. Even if they have to formula-feed as well, even if they can only pump an ounce a day...that baby could still have an ounce of breastmilk each day. Better than none at all.

Originally Posted by my~hearts~light

I don't think there is any excuse. Galactosemia (sp?)aside, anyone can hook up to a pump and and get a therapist. I know some women who have been sexually abused feel that they cannot nurse. They can breastfeed by pumping. Alot do in fact. Societal pressue, I don't buy it. One chooses to either follow the mainstream or educate themselves. Some people don't care to take responsibility for their lack of education on parenting decisions.

I cannot believe that I just read these things on MDC. I am in absolute shock that anyone would have this attitude towards women who are victims of sexual abuse. Who are you to say that these victims should just get a pump and a therapist? Who exactly do you think you are?

[Greaseball]

Who are you to say that these victims should just get a pump and a therapist? Who exactly do you think you are?

Someone who thinks babies have a right to be breastfed! I only suggested the pump, but really, is it too much to ask? Can someone at least TRY to pump? And yes, I know how hard it is, I used to pump 8 oz a day.

[Changed]

I didn't say she had to, but she certainly could. It's just not true to say you couldn't breastfeed when you were able to pump. Sorry if you disagree.
Oh, and I'm someone who read the post and answered with my opinion, exactly. I'm entitled to that just like you are, thankyouverymuch.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by my~hearts~light

Oh, and I'm someone who read the post and answered with my opinion, exactly. I'm entitled to that just like you are, thankyouverymuch.

ITA with this and with Greaseball.

Seriously though, if someone was abused, no one here is bashing them for what has happened to them. I am going to guess if someone was abused so terribly that they cannot bear the thought of breastfeeding, that there are going to be many, many more issues that are going to arise in their parenting as well.

On to another point. In my OP, I did NOT say that this included someone who was abused/assaulted/raped etc. These points just happened to come up and everyone is entitled to their opinions, IMO :LOL There seems to be all too much of the attempts to "beat one into submission" for their opposing views on MDC lately. I am not saying that BklynJen is doing that, but I can seriously see this headed that way.

[BklynJen]

I have a DF who was the victim of sexual abuse and is unable to breastfeed. The abuse happened in her adolescence and mostly involved her breasts. She has been in therapy for twenty years. When she was pregnant with her first, she thought that she would of course breastfeed. After her daughter was born and she began breastfeeding she started having horrible traumatic flashbacks and suicidal thoughts. She decided to pump and rented a hospital grade pump. The flashbacks stopped but the suicidal thoughts did not. One day, her DH came home and found the pump running in the bedroom but she wasn't there. There was vomit all around the pump and a trail of it leading to the bathroom. She was on the floor crying with a razor blade in her hand. She was rocking back and forth and holding the razor blade to her wrist. She remembers none of it. (The baby was safely napping in her basinet BTW)

At the advice of her therapist, she will not breastfeed her second child. I support her 100000% and wish that I could help her get over the guilt she feels because of being unable to breastfeed.