Should I go back to the LLL meeting?

[heathenmom]

DD & I struggled with bfing from day one, with myriad issues. We made it to 7 months & 2 days (I will forever remember the last day she nursed ). She went on a nursing strike and my supply, already tenuous, took a nosedive, even with pumping, herbs, etc. I have tried every day & night for weeks to get her to latch, but she simply refuses.

My question is, now that we're ff'ing, do you think I'd be welcome at my local LLL meeting? I really like some of the women there ... we have a LOT in common and I miss them, but I don't want it to be extra-weird if I need to pull out a bottle to feed Fiona.

Opinions?

[darlindeliasmom]

If you feel like you've made connections, I think I'd lean toward going. But I have a great group and we would stretch to include a mom grieving the loss of her bf-ing relationship...
Maybe you could call the Leader and get a feel...let her know what your connection is to the group and it's aims. I think a Leader would be nervous if you were coming to say, "Bf'ing is too HARD...look how tough it was for me!!" but would welcome someone coming to say, "Bf'ing can be a struggle, and mommas deserve support all along the path of that struggle." KWIM?

FTR, lots of moms attend meetings after they've weaned their last babies...as a matter of fact, lots of those moms are called LEADERS.

If you find the group setting difficult or "unwelcoming," maybe you could after the meeting approach the moms you feel more connected to and suggest a playgroup. Your baby will be there soon enough, cruising around, reaching for snacks...it's nice to have supportive moms to share that time with too.


Hey, and congrats for making it to past 7 months...you beat the average!! And I hope that you feel your growth as a mom and a person for sticking though this tough time!!

[Marisol]

I think it would depend on the "feel" within your particular group. The group I was involved in was really big on sharing advice mama-to-mama instead of just sitting there listening to the Leader. I attended meetings for almost a full year after my DS weaned because I wanted to pass the knowledge I had gained to new mamas so they could learn from both my good and bad experiences. If you feel that sharing your story and knowledge would help other mamas in your group, then I would encourage you to continue going.

[heathenmom]

Thanks so much for y'all's input. Honestly, I love the group, but got weird vibes from one of the leaders. I asked lots of questions at every meeting I went to (trying to come up with some idea for my supply issues that I hadn't tried yet ....), and after a while I got the feeling I was just talking too much. I could be WAY off base ... after all, it was a really painful subject for me.

This is the only evening LLL meeting in town, and there are several other WOTH moms with dh's who are SAHD's. (That sentence is just ridiculously full of acronyms!! ) I think I'll go tonight, feel things out, and bring some business cards. That way, if I feel uncomfortable with the leader, I can at least stay in contact with the moms I feel like I've connected with.

Thanks again!

[Plummeting]

I would go back, if I were you. There's a mom in my LLL group who chose to supplement w/formula starting at 6 months. She was working and going to school and didn't want to pump, so she FF sometimes. I even saw her FF the baby at meetings more than once and I don't recall anyone even batting an eye. You tried your hardest! Of course you should go back - as long as you're comfortable with it!

[Evergreen]

We've talked about it at my group and decided that FF moms are certainly welcome to attend.

[darlindeliasmom]

heathenmom: sounds like a plan!! good luck tonite!!

[3girls1boy]

We have had mom's who had various issues and were not breastfeeding at the time come to our meetings over the years. While I think everyone tried really hard to be welcoming and accepting, most of the time the moms never came back. I think it can just be really hard to be in that atmosphere where almost everyone is really enjoying breastfeeding.

[heathenmom]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for encouraging me to go back tonight! The leaders were so wonderful and told me of COURSE I was welcome. After the official meeting was over one of the mamas of a toddler told me that the main reason she goes to the meetings these days isn't for bf'ing support, but to be around other moms who have a similar parenting style. That's exactly why I want to be there ... it felt so good to have someone else express it!

[darlindeliasmom]

so glad you had a good meeting!! Hope that you continue to have support for your growth in mothering, like the toddler mom said...mary, mom to an 8-y-old, who still learns new things about parenting.

[ZeldasMom]

Glad it worked out well! I bf, but I have to say more often than not I go to LLL meetings just to socialize rather than because I am having a specific problem. The other thing is, even though you are not currently bf, you are still a bf advocate--what better place for you than a LLL meeting?

[mum2 4]

There is ever so much more to a LLL meeting/group than just making milk.You can certainly continue to provide all the ancilary benefits that come with bf long after you have stopped producing milk. The closeness that begins at the breast is meant to continue and the way you will learn to make this happen is to be around other MOms with babes the same age as yours. some will be bf and otheres in your boat. Once I was an LLL Leader with bottlefed babes in arms as I was a foster parent. These babies were held when fed,carried close at all times sometimes put to breast for comfort in the early months and benefited greatly from being part of a loving nuturing group of Moms. As others have said you are a bf advocate and no medals are ever given for length of time we bf or the amount of milk we make so do become an active member of your group and even attend some conferences as they are loaded with parenting skill upgrades that help everyone...

[USMCbaby]

heathenmom, I am glad you went back! In our LLL group there is a Mom who had a breast reduction and had low supply with her first child. She came to a meeting before her second child was born and this week brought the new baby to our meeting. She is supplementing and has 60& supply but she is still very much a part of our group.

I have found some of my closest friends through LLL.

[Mrs Otago]

Glad it went well:)

Our LLL group has also welcomed ff mothers. Often there are discussions which can be negative about ff, but only from the point of view that often health professionals go the ff route as an easy, quick fix rather than persevering with trying to help a mother get the baby latched or whatever. So, the conversation is never negative about the MOTHERS who ff, but the health professionals who recommend it too quickly.

As someone said, there are often mothers who have weaned their babies there, and they are often the Leaders. I know at least one of LLL's founding mothers had bottlefed several babies before bf!!! One of the Leaders I know bottlefed baby #1 and bf baby #2, so often they are in a position of being very sympathetic, as they have BTDT both ways.

I agree that LLL is great for socialising. It was the main reason I went. I had all my bf issues resolved before I set foot in a meeting! But it is good for ongoing support (particularly as I bf a toddler and preschooler) and for being able to share information with new mums who come along.

Remember too, you might have another baby one day, and all those parenting skills and that bf information you pick up on your journey till that day will help you out!

Glad they have welcomed you again

[Sarah]

What I did with our local group- and with the blessing (but not involvement) of our Leaders- was to start a NON-affiliated moms group who all had our LLL group as a common thread. That way we can all keep in touch even after the kids wean as well as during the month in between meetings- and we are also not limited to breastfeeding topics as we are at the meeting- we have a Yahoo e mail list. People can post anything from invites to a church play- requests for a size 2T tuxedo to borrow for a wedding, to questions about vaccine reactions to play date announcements and LLL meeting times. After the meeting is over I tell any new moms there that I have a e mail list for local moms and invite her to subscribe. Also- because the invite is made at the start of getting to know her- the list does not represent an exit from our LLL group- it is just another dimension to our mother's world.

Although it's inevidable and wonderful that LLL meeting will be a great place to meet like minded moms with kids the same age as yours- and yes- many nursing moms look forward to the meeting as a day out and time to socialize- I really think that it's pushing the purpose of the group to use it for an extended length of time as a social scene- when it seems that a different type of social group is more what you need- you really don't need to sit in a circle hearing about the advantages of breastfeeding feeling crappy and worried about the bottle of formula in your bag.

Love Sarah

[Electra375]

I am so sorry that bfing was a struggle. Thumbs up to you for the 7 months plus of bfing!!! Just curious did you have a c/s or a difficult birth experience?

I had a terrible time w ds1 and ended up ff. The grief is deep for me and still is painful even though my others are bf. I truly do understand the heartache.

I would think your acceptance at LLL meetings will depend on the group dynamic. Some groups are 'all or nothing', some are more accepting, it depends.

I would not go if I thought I would be ridiculed. If I knew I would get loving support then I would go. Since you have a history with them, I assume they know your struggle and would hope beyond hope they are supportive.

[Mrs Otago]

Originally Posted by Sarah

What I did with our local group- and with the blessing (but not involvement) of our Leaders- was to start a NON-affiliated moms group who all had our LLL group as a common thread. That way we can all keep in touch even after the kids wean as well as during the month in between meetings- and we are also not limited to breastfeeding topics as we are at the meeting- we have a Yahoo e mail list. People can post anything from invites to a church play- requests for a size 2T tuxedo to borrow for a wedding, to questions about vaccine reactions to play date announcements and LLL meeting times. After the meeting is over I tell any new moms there that I have a e mail list for local moms and invite her to subscribe. Also- because the invite is made at the start of getting to know her- the list does not represent an exit from our LLL group- it is just another dimension to our mother's world.

Although it's inevidable and wonderful that LLL meeting will be a great place to meet like minded moms with kids the same age as yours- and yes- many nursing moms look forward to the meeting as a day out and time to socialize- I really think that it's pushing the purpose of the group to use it for an extended length of time as a social scene- when it seems that a different type of social group is more what you need- you really don't need to sit in a circle hearing about the advantages of breastfeeding feeling crappy and worried about the bottle of formula in your bag.

Love Sarah

This IS a good idea....but alot of it depends on each individual group's resources. Many of the groups I know of have coffee mornings and playgroups and toddler talks and other things outside the scope of LLL philosophy. Yes, the series meetings are definately designed with new Mum's in mind. I still go to my groups series meetings (three years on, lol!) because our group is so tiny that is hasn't evolved into having coffee mornings etc, simply because it would be too much work for the Leaders on their own (the other groups have "committees" and "support groups" etc who help run all this stuff) and because although I might not need to learn much about bf a newborn right now, I can still share my experiences to help others.

If you are happy with going to the series meetings, thats great. But as Sarah suggests, there might be other, extensions of that group available, if not in your group, then in another nearby?

Good luck!

[heathenmom]

Originally Posted by Electra375

I am so sorry that bfing was a struggle. Thumbs up to you for the 7 months plus of bfing!!! Just curious did you have a c/s or a difficult birth experience?

I didn't have a c/s, but only because I fought my mw/ob every step of the way (they started pushing me for an elective section or induction at 36 weeks because of dd's size, and didn't stop until I actually pushed her out : ).

We had several unwanted interventions that I'm convinced contributed to my low supply and dd's early weaning, but honestly, I think the biggest thing was that she was bottle-fed during the day starting at 7 weeks, when I returned to work. She wasn't nipple-confused, she had a very strong nipple-preference, and it wasn't mine she preferred.