Do You Think Magazines/Books Give a Realistic View of Bf-ing to 1st time Moms?

[SmilingChick]

I wonder about this. Before my dd was born, I read 2 breastfeeding books cover to cover, countless excerpts in other books, magazine articles, etc. Yet I was totally unprepared for how challenging and frustrating the first several weeks were. For example, DD wanted to feed every hour, but the books said every 2-3 hours, so I thought my supply was inadequate and I must be doing something wrong. Eventually at 4 weeks I called an LLL leader and ultimately met with an LC, and we're still nursing 6 months later, and it has been second nature for many months. I did feel that asking for help made me an inadequate mother though - totally ridiculous, I can see now, but in that haze of pp hormones....
I'm thinking that maybe potential breastfeeders might be scared off if they realized that it might not come naturally immediately. On the other hand, if they expect it to be easy like I did, and then it isn't, that could encourage them to quit, too.
Any thoughts on this?

[Spock]

I had much the same experience as you, SmilingChick. I read books and took a BF class before my daughter was born and had no idea how hard it was going to be in the beginning. I kept hearing that it wouldn't hurt but it did. Having someone attached to your nipple ALL DAY is bound to make it sensitive. Yes, my daughter was probably latching on incorrectly at first and that aggravated the situation but I think that it's normal for things to be done wrong while you are learning. I just wish I had been told that it might be like that for awhile before it got better. I also wish I had known that some days I would literally spend half the day feeding my daughter. She ate every 1-2 hours and the feedings would last for 45 minutes sometimes. I really feel like BF literature is misleading about this. I'm sure the authors think that if they tell women the truth about how difficult it can be, they are going to scare them away. I find this rather insulting. I think it's the unrealistic expections that are going to lead some women to quit. During the first 6 weeks that I was nursing my daughter I kept wondering why I wasn't having these warm fuzzy feelings that I kept reading about. I didn't know that they would come later, after we had settled in and figured things out. I was VERY committed to BF and even I considered formula. I'm very glad I stuck with it for 2 years, but it was very hard at first. I think women who are on the fence about BF will be the ones who quit because they haven't been given a realistic idea of what it will be like.

[angelpie545]

You guys are absolutely right about book and magazines giving a very unrealistic view of bfing. The key is to take everything you read with a grain of salt. That's what I always did. I always thought to myself, well, this is my baby, and these books are written about a huge group of norms all compiled into one average, and so my baby will be on one end of the spectrum. I really trusted my instincts when it came for bfing. And ya know what? It worked. I had the toughest time with my first but I kept plugging along and it worked. My second latched on with no problem and literally nursed my boobs off for the first four months. We got thrush really bad and I had open PAINFUL sores on my nipples. I nursed right through that. Almost crying as she latched on. My little one still has a farily hearty appetite. My older one eats like a bird. I think books and magazines can give you a light overview, but they're never gonna be right on b/c every baby has unique feeding needs and you just gotta be in tune with yours.

[Fiercemama]

Well, depends of course on the books and magazines. In general, the maintstream stuff is so full of inaccuracies and bad information that it sets new mums up for failure (What to Expect, Parenting, etc etc).

But here's the thing. You can't really learn how to breastfeed from a book. What would really prepare mothers to understand what their getting in to is to see their mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, nursing their children. Breastfeeding may be natural, but its not instinctual. Its a learned skill for both mother and baby.

[Gidget]

Yup, I think most books do not give the full scoop on the difficulties of bf. It is getting better though. Mainly the books though. I have read a couple that talk of growth spurts and cluster feeding. But most parents magazines dont. They only give the standard stuff like thrush. I read advice once in a magazine that if your baby was not taking the whole areola in his mouth, then the latch was incorrect. That really bothered me to think how many new nursing moms were out there giving up because thier were not able to "get it right". My 18 month old still does not take the whole areola in his mouth. It is simply too big. If they cant get the info right, they should not give it at all and they should not publish others opinions without checking the facts first. You know, those little stories and articles they publish by someone not part of the magazines normal payroll. ANd of course, my favorite. If your nipples are sore, then the latch is wrong. Bull.

[Gidget]

Your right Fiercemama. Unfortunately some women do not have that support or do not know how to get it. I think these magazines would be great for them if only there was accurate info in them. When I had troubles iwt my son, I weaned at 3 months because I had no idea what to do for it and no one around me was any help. When I had dd, I was more determined, and more informed. Plus I had the internet. I went to the bf boards for help many times. Thankfully, the women there were full of good info and the bad info I came across I was able to weed out.

[hubris]

Originally Posted by SmilingChick

I'm thinking that maybe potential breastfeeders might be scared off if they realized that it might not come naturally immediately. On the other hand, if they expect it to be easy like I did, and then it isn't, that could encourage them to quit, too.

I think you're right on both counts. I'm never sure how much to say on either front to new mothers - do I reassure them that it will be easy? Do I tell them that it will be hard? What's in between?

I was like you and assumed it would be completely easy - "natural" = instinctive = no effort, right? WRONG. While it wasn't horrible, we really didn't have any significant issues, it wasn't plug-and-play, either. I feel like I had had a ton of information provided to me, a great social network, I had grown up with the idea that breastfeeding was normal...so it threw me that it took some getting used to.

I do wish that BFing books would present a more well-rounded look at breastfeeding, especially the early weeks. They should give more descriptions about the variations on normal (like your 2-3 hours vs. 1 hour issue).

One thing that worries me is how many books say that breastfeeding shouldn't be painful. Hmmm, maybe not excrutiating pain and bleeding, but I did find the first week or two to come with some pain. Maybe tenderness was a better way to describe it, but it was still in the pain family of sensations. My mom described it as that "yikes" feeling that you get right when baby latches on at the beginning of a meal. She reassured me that it would pass as my breasts got used to it. And she was right. I was annoyed that all the books out there told me it wouldn't hurt, shouldn't hurt. Sorry, but when a part of your body that doesn't normally get sucked on is suddenly getting sucked on for the majority of the day, that part is gonna feel it!

Kiddo waking from nap...but thanks for this thread!

[MommytoTwo]

Pretty much what I read was on target - it could hurt, it could be difficult etc. I didnt feel deceived in any way.

[HelloKitty]

Originally Posted by funshine

I was annoyed that all the books out there told me it wouldn't hurt, shouldn't hurt. Sorry, but when a part of your body that doesn't normally get sucked on is suddenly getting sucked on for the majority of the day, that part is gonna feel it!

ITA. I was so paranoid that I was doing something wrong because it wasn't completely painless or easy those first few weeks.

But then again painting too scary of a picture will cause some Moms to not try at all or to give uo. There seems to be a fine line there. Like at my last LLL meeting, I'm really afraid the leader may have accidentely pushed a working Mom into giving up BFing when she kept going on about how difficult pumping is and how hard it is and how you shouldn't use bottles at all, etc., etc. The Mom had a look of horror and dissapointment.

[sincitymama]

I don't think I was entirely prepared, but I don't feel like I was deceived or anything. I just don't think anything can really truly prepare you for a baby, especially your first. Because you don't understand exhaustion until you're really there, you know?

But I also have the advantage of my family, where nursing IS considered the norm, so I've seen it a lot, heard about it a lot, and knew if I had any real problems there were people I could call. SO I guess I'd have a harder time knowing whether everygthing I read while pregnant really was accurate, or if maybe I just ignored the stuff I knew wasn't right without noticing?

[Benji'sMom]

Even DH wondered if something was wrong when newborn Ben would nurse for an hour at a time, because everyone had said "15 minutes on each side" or something ridiculous like that.

[Shonahsmom]

I agree wholeheartedly that you can't learn to BF through a book.

Heck, I was a PP doula when my dd was born. I had supported dozens of nursing relationships with my oh-so-naive "expertise".

When my dd was born with severe mec aspiration and was in the NICU for a week I was beyond lost. I thought I knew it all. I thought I could over ride any challenge with my "vast" knowledge. Nothing I read could've gotten me through to what became a long and succesful nursing relationship.

What got me through was lots of support and encouragement from my sister, mom, my midwife, some friends and a few loooong phone calls to a LLL leader.

I mean, the combination of pumping, cup feeding, cracked nipples, engorgement, my babe's poor raw throat from being intubated, an extremely forceful letdown, etc.... no written word could've prepared me and probably no one single source could've gotten me through.

I wish the books would really, really stress reaching out and getting support from other nursing moms and moms that have BTDT and LLL, etc...

The other thing that got me through, which most books miss entirely, was that I trusted my body. I knew, without a doubt, that I could do it.. that babe could do it and that my body could do it. I never once doubted that it would eventually start to work, I just didn't always know how to go about it. So I wish books would do more to nurture women's faith in their bodies and the process.

[DahliaRW]

I agree that most books don't give the whole picture. I remember being in tears the first few weeks when it felt like I'd just finished bfing ds and he was acting hungry again. If I hadn't had the LC at my local hospital to call and ask questions as well as my sister who was bfing, who knows where I would have ended up. I thought that since ds was eating more then every 2-3 hours I must not have enough milk (since most books talk about every 2-3 hours). I'm sure many moms think the same thing.

What it really comes down to, as pp said, is support. All hospitals need to educate new mothers about what to expect those first few weeks (why not talk about it when they're helping a new mom learn how to latch the baby on?). It also would be nice if more hospitals had breastfeeding lines to call or more people knew about LLL and how easy it is to call a leader. I think most women don't know where to turn when they have a question.

I frequent a more "mainstream" bboard, and there was a mom on there that gave birth around the same time I had my ds. A couple of weeks later she posted that she was switchng to formula because her baby ate every 2 hours for 45 minutes at a time and it was too much for her. : . Unfortuantely there are many many moms discouraged by the initial commitment. I think if they knew how easy it gets later (well, at least for me) they'd stick with it. And of course, the fact that formula is so readily available plays right into this too (my personal pet peeve!)

[Patchfire]

Originally Posted by Fiercemama

ut here's the thing. You can't really learn how to breastfeed from a book. What would really prepare mothers to understand what their getting in to is to see their mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, nursing their children. Breastfeeding may be natural, but its not instinctual. Its a learned skill for both mother and baby.

This is so true. Probably the biggest factor in my attitude towards breastfeeding when I was pg w/ dd was watching our Bradley instructor nurse her two, and the positive way she talked about breastfeeding. She was honest about her experiences with her (then) two kids, how often they nursed, et cetera. Yeah, I read all the books and everything, but having her share her experiences AND sheer *joy* of nursing was the best thing I could have had to prepare.

[soccerchic21]

I don't think that magazines give an accurate view of breastfeeding at all. Probably the only book that does is the Womanly Art. I was completely shocked when my baby was born and nursed every hour and like the OP I thought I didn't have an adequate supply although in the early weeks I could pump 4oz...crazy!

[birdie22]

I'm one of those women who tried to learn bf from a book.

The best resource I found was Janet Tamaro's "So That's What They're For." When I was nursing ds for the first time, I remembered she described how her baby could suck the chrome off a car bumper, and it reassured me that my baby was doing OK. Her chapter on the first 6 weeks is called "I think I can, I think I can.." and she tells you not to even bother reading the chapters on bf problems, extended bf and weaning until you need them.

I was still nervous that the pain I was feeling was an indication of a problem (it wasn't), and I thought we were doing it wrong because he couldn't get the whole areola in his mouth (that would have to be some big mouth!), but these fears were calmed by the LC. DS had a bit of a latch problem, and she helped me resolve it -- nothing short of human expertise was going to help me with that.

There's alot of oversimplified information floating around. I really feel the extra research I did before my son's birth made the difference for me when we encountered some little obstacles in the first week. If all I had seen was an article in a mainstream magazine or a pamphlet from the hospital, I think I might have assumed I couldn't breastfeed.

[mommytolittlelilly]

I can remember feeling the same way about the info I read on BF. I had been under the impression that, once you've got a latch and you're baby is gaining weight, that you're "home free."

I would have liked to know more about growth spurts, like when on average to expect them. Also it would have been nice to know more about what the risk factors are for getting yeast, like if you're on antibiotics for any reason while in labor. (Later on I mentioned this to my OB, that it should just be part of the protocol to warn moms-to-be that this can happen and what to watch for. Alas she was not pleased with my suggestion!) Another thing I was annoyed with in BF reading is how many times I read how I was supposed to be peacefully sleeping with my newborn nursing ('cause I was definitely not).

[Gidget]

While I agree that reading comes no where near having an experienced mother to help or even your own experience, I think it is supposed to be the responsibility of any publication to print correct and accurate information when touching on a subject in an educational way. Otherwise, dont bother with it at all. I HATE HATE HATE that the stupid mags keep perpetuation the stupidest myths over and over to poor women who read them and don't know any better than to realize these magazines are soooo off the mark.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by HelloKitty

Like at my last LLL meeting, I'm really afraid the leader may have accidentely pushed a working Mom into giving up BFing when she kept going on about how difficult pumping is and how hard it is and how you shouldn't use bottles at all, etc., etc. The Mom had a look of horror and dissapointment.

All right! Now you got my dander up. Where does this come from? There's this myth floating around about how difficult pumping and working is supposed to be. I'm so glad I had a co-worker who said real casually, "oh yeah, I pumped. It was no big deal." "Really?" I asked, it was no big deal? "Sure," she said "I just went in the little room, but my feet up and hooked it up all up" . me: How long did it take? Her: about 20 minute. Then you clean everything up quick in the sink. No big deal. You can bring something to read if you feel guilty about the time. But most days I just enjoyed a little break.

Anyway, there are a TON of things I do at work that are WAY more inconvenient then pumping. Try just walking across the campus in panty-hose and heels!

Onto the books. As a WOHM there was an emotional component to nursing and just being home with the baby that nothing but Working Mother, Nursing Mother touched on. What does it feel like for ANYONE to sit home and nurse a baby for 45 minutes out of every hour? For 75% of your waking AND sleeping hours? How frustrating for someone (anyone, WOHM mom or not) to slow their life down to that pace. Eventually, of course, I came to find a new rhythm and enjoy the BF downtime. But that had to happen over time. I wasn't emotionally prepared for the sheer amount of time BF would take. Working Mother, Nursing Mother (I think, But maybe it was That's what they're for) suggested making a To Do list with: Nurse Baby and Nap on it. Then as you did each of those things, you could check them off and feel like you accomplished something at the end of day. OK - it may sound silly to some people, but it really helped me to gain perspective. THAT to me was the biggest thing missing from the books and articles.

[SmilingChick]

Originally Posted by mommytolittlelilly

I would have liked to know more about growth spurts, like when on average to expect them.

YES YES YES! My dd had a growth spurt at 3 or 4 weeks, every 45 minutes eating, and that is when I sank my lowest. I'd nurse her for 30-45 minutes and she was crying almost instantly - honestly, I thought it was colic. I really didn't think she could be hungry so often and for so long. Once I met with the LC, I knew to expect it and what to do.