sick of the sahm "scene" - Page 2

[be11ydancer]

I'm not so burnt out on it but I understand what you're saying. I'm probably guilty of talking about nothing but kids and stuff sometimes but that's because I'm too cautious to go into deeper topics. Like politics, or religion, or something along those lines. I guess because it's been hard to make friends since becoming a mom and why would I want to even risk saying anything that might make people judge me and not want to talk to me? Insecure, I know. But it's the truth. Especially about politics.

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by be11ydancer

I'm not so burnt out on it but I understand what you're saying. I'm probably guilty of talking about nothing but kids and stuff sometimes but that's because I'm too cautious to go into deeper topics. Like politics, or religion, or something along those lines. I guess because it's been hard to make friends since becoming a mom and why would I want to even risk saying anything that might make people judge me and not want to talk to me? Insecure, I know. But it's the truth. Especially about politics.

This I can relate to. But on the other side. There has been times where I would be talking to another parent and they would say something that would offend me after going into deeper topics or just doing something parent related that I would never do and then I would realize that person is not someone I would want to be better aqainted with.I think I have come to terms with a realization (and not just parenting but the neighborhood, church etc) that maybe the only thing you have in common maybe be your both parents or both of you frequent the park with some people.

I can remember long before we had our daughter working with another couple at our church who were similar in the fact newly married, went to our church, lived near us. But that was it- we had zero in common with them and even today she is also a SAHM but we have nothing in common. they are a very nice couple and all and we always exchange hellos how are yous etc but thats it. Its funny, she works with my mil on some commitees and my mil tried to push a friendship with her on me. I finally said to mil, I can make my own friends thank you and she laid off or she realized that we have nothing in common with these people.

[mightymoo]

I have a really hard time with the "SAHM scene" because emotionally I tend to go in depressive phases. I'll go through a social phase where I want to get out and I'm itching for conversation, but then I'll hit a low where I don't want to see anyone or leave the house - this will vary month to month. I've found this seems to greatly hinder my forming meaningful friendships - even with the folks that are interested in getting to know each others.

[FlipFlops]

I find this whole playdate concept to be so strange, which is why I've never done one. DD has many cousins she sees about once a week, and soon she will have a sibling, so I don't fear that I am depriving her of social interaction.

I've always preferred my own company to that of most people. I have close friends, but I have no desire to cultivate a series of shallow acquaintance-ships, just because we might have "Mommy" in common...so I don't.

If you're sick of the playdates, don't do them. It must be awful to listen to insipid chatter over and over and over. Why torture yourself?

[MotherEarthMom]

I can't stand playdates,I have nothing in common with any of those mothers,besides that fact that I am old enough to be their mother.I feel bad for my daughter though cause she loves to socialize,but I don't.I would rather be alone and do my own thing,luckily she will be starting school in August and meet more kids then and I plan on signing her up for some other activities,that I don't have to be there for.

[LizD]

Yes, this is why I don't know many people with babies my son's age. I have my friends from when dd was a baby and of course IRL (as opposed to parent-life) but I get tired of the assumptions that this is all interesting conversation. At such times I often feel desperate that I'm wasting my time...when dd was small I played with *her* in the playground and ended up being the Pied Piper rather than die of boredom talking to the parents. Fortunately now I have enough friends (though not with babies ) with whom I can be relaxed and talk about politics and so forth as *well* as kid-related stuff, which IMO is only interesting when infused with one's beliefs about everything else.

Years ago I thought I would never homeschool here in FL because the women I knew who did it spent all their time (so it seemed) chauffeuring their kids to/from classes and activities that weren't long enough to leave them at so they spent their days chatting...ugh. I can talk the hind leg off a donkey but as the OP said I like acknowledgement of, and the chance to show off, my brain. So even though I'm home with the baby (and homeschooling!) I often still describe myself as a doula : or a former Waldorf teacher : for a few reasons. People *do* treat me with greater respect, and perhaps I treat myself with greater respect by the description; it then follows that conversations have more to them than preschool and toilet training and how to cut a mango so your toddler will eat it.

[Amys1st]

I wear my parent badge loud & clear and I have never been disrespected for it. Maybe once, but that person would disrespect a doula and a former waldorf teacher too. I guess its so shameful to be a SAHM and not respectful?

Maybe I should start telling people what my former life was so my ego would feel ok- or maybe its already fine since I always get respect.

[be11ydancer]

Originally Posted by Amys1st

I wear my parent badge loud & clear and I have never been disrespected for it. Maybe once, but that person would disrespect a doula and a former waldorf teacher too. I guess its so shameful to be a SAHM and not respectful?

Maybe I should start telling people what my former life was so my ego would feel ok- or maybe its already fine since I always get respect.

I understand your POV on this too. Maybe I always end up talking about my kids and the things associated with them because it *is* my life. There's not room for a whole lot else right now accept maybe bellydance classes when I feel good enough to go. Sure, we can discuss where I worked before having kids, but do you really want to hear about data entry??

[Amys1st]

I spend a lot of time with other Moms and I thought about this discussion the other day at a playdate/bday party. The funny thing- no Mom talk ever came up. We were busy talking about the house the host had purchased and then we had a discussion about vegamite (from down under) since my friend's dh was from Austrailia. I think there was one comment about the little girls having fun but that was it. Wow it can be done!