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Can we do a new roll call - Page 3

post #41 of 64
I'm a single mom to 3, ages 1, 3 and 5. I'm (as of very recently) a personal trainer and group exercise instructor for a small women's fitness chain. I am fortunate to have amazingly supportive friends and family. My employer has been very supportive, and is also a single mother. I did not have a career previous to the divorce, and had been a sahm.

We live in a small apartment, and things are difficult but I have a lot to be thankful for. My parents live in another state, but they have been making extra trips here to help out when they are able. Emotionally, physically, and financially, I don't know how I would've come as far as I have without such incredible support, and I hope that at some point I'll be able to pay every bill every month and be back on my feet. And maybe someday I'll have my sanity back too. :P
post #42 of 64
Single 27 year old momma to my 21 month old dd here. Birth father didn't want to see the pg through, I moved out of state for familial support when 7 months pg. No support, financial or otherwise, from birth father. We've had sporatic communication (once every three or four months, maybe) since dd was born, until this past month when we went on a mother-daughter road trip to meet her father.

He and I worked out our differences and have agreed to try co-parenting. DD and I are moving back to where I lived before so that he has a chance to be involved in her life. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
post #43 of 64
SMC here, dd (almost 5) was the result of a very brief relationship and has never met much less asked about her father and I'm in the middle of terminating his parental rights. (Final court date is in 6 weeks!) I'm currently preg with #2 via AI and due in Dec. Long story but I ended up enrolling in college full time last semester and here's where I have stayed and living off grants and loans rather then working and I'm looking forward to finals being over! oh yeah, dd goes to a preschool while I'm at school and it looks like we'll be homeschooling for kindergarten which I'm not to thrilled with because the schools here really really suck. :
post #44 of 64
Hi, I'm Jessica, mother to Lillian (2 and 8 mo old).

I haven't posted alot because my computer is soooooo slooooow. But I now have a faster one, thank God, so I can be more vocal.

I have been separated almost a year. I am from NC, and was in Durham, but I could not find a job in advertising, so I moved back to New York City. I also became reunited with an old boyfriend from NY (we were together for 5 years, then apart). So now, I am living with the old boyfriend. So I guess I am not technically single anymore, but blended. So far, it's the absolute right thing to have done. DD needed him more than I did! She really loves him and he is absolutely wonderful with her.

Anyhow, I am not working right now, but I will get back to it soon.

Personally, I found single motherhood to be the absolute most miserable experience of my life, probably because I was broke, mostly alone with no adult time or breaks and not much support.

post #45 of 64
just thought i would pop in and introduce myself. i'm a 26yo single mama to a 6.5yo boy. i met his dad and got pregnant 3 months later and we stayed together until DS was about 1.5

we coparent pretty well, splitting costs and custody almost 50/50 so i guess i'm pretty lucky in that respect.

i just finished my first year as a teacher so i'm looking forward to spending the entire summer home with my kid, for the first time ever! it's nice to see this forum and i anticipate spending a lot of time in here
post #46 of 64
I'm Jyotsna, mama to three kids, Ravi 8 1/2 yrs, Lakshmi 4 1/2 yrs, and Priya 4 1/2 yrs. I have been married for almost 13 years, but have been seperated for 3 years.

I believe the divorce will be final in 6 months. Currently we are trying to work out major issues, and it has been difficult. Stbx has some problems and has abused the kids physically and emotionally. I changed the locks on him when he did that, and we have lived seperately since.

It has been very hard to care for the kids alone, and I spent 2 years on welfare, and hoping to start working soon so I don't have to go back on it.

My son Ravi is having a terrible time with this, because like arthritis, this situation keeps swelling up. I am working to maintain calmness in our little family, and stbx always stirs things up. Now that he has has me served an injunction to prevent me from leaving the state, he won't come over, and I am as happy as can be.

I read this section of MDC all the time and should get more involved soon.
post #47 of 64
Originally Posted by division bell
I'm coping, learning, and crying a lot still. It's lonely being me right now.
I hope things start getting better for you soon. Divorce, separation, etc. can be such a difficult process and so full of emotion on top of everything else. I hope you have some supportive and helpful people in your life to help you through this. Hang in there. It often gets much easier!

[QUOTE]My son Ravi is having a terrible time with this, because like arthritis, this situation keeps swelling up. I am working to maintain calmness in our little family, and stbx always stirs things up. QUOTE]

It is difficult enough just to help our little ones understand what is happening and uproot their lives. I'm sorry to here that your ex continues to make it difficult. It sounds like you're working really hard to be a great mom and help your son through this. I know one day, you'll see all the benefits of your hard work.
post #48 of 64
Hi Mamas:

I lurk more than post, but I visit this board often for moral support. I am the mama to 2 1/2 year old Mahon (gaelic for bear) who is truly a joy. He has a bit of a stubborn streak, so I know he's mine! We are working on weaning and sleeping through the night. Like many of you, I get the "when does he get his own bed" (he has it, I just happen to share it, too) and "is he *still* breast feeding!!!???" (yeah, and he knows how to say BOOB too)

His father is an alcoholic who swings to both ends of the pendulum - yesterday was a bad day but who knows what tomorrow will bring. We've been separated off and on since July 2002, when I caught him with another woman, one in a line of several, apparently. *My* divorce (he did nothing to further it except b!tch) was final in December 2004. I hugged my lawyer so hard her ribs still probably hurt.

Last September, I met a very nice single dad on SingleParentMeet.com. He has two sweet children and a worthwhile value system (gee, what a pleasant change!) We have been together since then and are getting married this September on our first date anniversary.

I'll miss this board, but your support and creative approach to mothering will always be cherished.
post #49 of 64

I'm a single, student, activist mama to an almost 3 year old.
I've been a student since dd was born and am finally graduating this fall. yay!
I've been separated from her dad for a little over a year, though I think we both knew it wasn't going to work out from before the pregnancy. :
I'm lucky that we're still pretty good friends and he is very involved in her life (looks after her 3 days a week...and they had their first overnight last week)

Even with this support it is sometimes tough though, I lurk here for support pretty often. Looking forward to coming out of my shell!
post #50 of 64
Originally Posted by MissMisha
Last September, I met a very nice single dad on SingleParentMeet.com. He has two sweet children and a worthwhile value system (gee, what a pleasant change!) We have been together since then and are getting married this September on our first date anniversary.
Congratulations! I hope you have a long wonderful life together.
post #51 of 64
Hi, my name is Brianna I am a newly separated mamma to two amazing boys Joseph who will be 4 this August and Matthew who is 18 months. My relationship recently ended officially when he escalated to physical violence, but it has been bad for awhile and we had shortly separated a couple times before. He is an alcholic and has addiction issues. The boys are I are so much happier on our own. I got on assistance and have an apartment. I work as a Mary Kay consultant and the boys are going to start at a great preschool I found three days a week. Fortunately I have great family support all in the area, and a great mothers group as well as I have found an amazing church, a unity church that has become like extended family to me. So I know that life is just goint to start taking off where as in my marriage I felt like I had an anchor weighing me down. I am looking to find a house sharing situation with another mama, as I think that would be a great living situation. It is great to have this community as I don't know many other single mama IRL and although I have great like minded mama friends who are amazing, it is nice to have single mamas to talk to who understand the unique situation.
post #52 of 64

starting over

Hello to all,
I have been a longtime lurker and posted a reply-once. I was in a relationship with boyfriend for 6 months when I got pregnant-I was 32 so, I decided to have her. I was planning to leave the relationship at that point bc of serious verbal/emotional abuse but, hung in there cause he promised to change-I know. After moving about here and there for his dreamsfor two 1/2 years, the escalating abuse that became violent, calling the police (never showing up after he talked to them!), and his parents (final straw)going off the deep end after I politely asked they put their pit bull away when it trampled over DD and he "tried" to stand up for us but his step-dad threatened and screamed for hours about "kicking his ass" and telling us never to come back to thier home and he, ultimately caved in and sided with them and turned against me, I left and moved out of state with immediate family. They knew of the problems and abuse, many did. I feel stupid for putting up with it, allowing my DD to witness and experience it and now, am sick over adjusting our lives to allow him visitation then, sporadically helps out, never calls-ever, and didn't call for b-day, holidays, nothing. I haven't had a call from him since before x-mas and probably won't. And, everytime I hear from his parents and him, I am right back feeling how I felt when I was in the relationship trying to have my needs met and respected as a new Mom. I suffer tremendously from the after effects and the continued fear of how I feel I have no choices, no control. I am not working right now, have a Master's degree in ed. and cannot seem to get a job. My self-esteem is so battered and feel controlled and helpless even though I am 1000 miles away from him and his mom and step-dad. There's so much to the story but, the most important thing is that I finally know that I was abused and belittled. We went to couple's counseling at one point (I started alone) and he finally came but, threatened me and told me what I could or couldn't say. The counselor told me to "look into" manipulation" and "manipulative people", which I did, and was the first time I had a name to go along with what I was experiencing. Of course, I realize now I should've talked about the violence, verbal abuse, the control, no access to money, the drug and alcohol abuse, the drug cultivation/dealing (didn't allow in home-and started the biggest onset of our problems) and the overall true picture of our life. He says that he didn't get anything from the counseling and said he was not a good therapist-I can see why. I withheld so much of myself to make things ok, I let myself diminish and I hate him for that---I am sorry to say. I am not the kind of person to hate but, I honestly don't know how I will survive dealing with the control of him and his family for the rest of my life? They are no good-destructive, demeaning, emotionally black. I feel no remorse for his parents but, him, I feel sorry for quite often. BUT, he refuses via his arrogance to believe this all is nothing more than a 50/50 relationship hurdle we both must work on. No. I am hoping to move to NC but, afraid to be closer to him to "fight" me, even for visitation. I do not want her around any of them in any capacity. I know many would not agree but, I've thought long and hard about this and it wasn't an easy decision to make. I will allow her to make the decision when she asks/desires and can UNDERSTAND when he doesn't call, leaves for 6 months (he's seen her twice in a years' time and has not taken the initiative to prove paternity or make anything legal), can tell me about drug use/unsafe surroundings, and then can may be overcome the feeling of abandonement with a little more understanding through maturity/age.
My plans are to get happy again--I tried to make it with him-but, one can't do it sometimes with someone who won't allow you to be your own person with your own desires, plans, dreams, and life. Simply put, I am a human being, my DD is a precious human being and we both deserve support and unconditional love, not constant frustration/aggitation, control, neglect, abandonement, pain, fear, and hopelssness.
Ultimately, the absent father made his choices so far, and I don't feel I have a lot to worry about. I think it's more about getting out from underneath his "spell" and getting whole again.
Thanks for listening---
post #53 of 64
Hi. I've been out of the loop for a while, but am back. I can't spend as much time as I'd like to here because I've been using every spare minute to study. But I'd like to participate when I can. I'm surprised and happy to see L.J. here or is this just an old thread?

Well, whatever the case, I'm kind of feeling glad to be single too and getting a chance to discover myself. I have full custody of ds and am getting temporary alimony to finish my Ph.D. X makes decent scratch and seems to have kept his gambling addiction in check enough to make reliable support payments. X sees ds at least 3-4 times during the week and for several hours each on Sat. and Sun. Really good situation so far and we're getting along. I think that'll last as long as one of us gets a bf or gf. Hopefully, that'll be a smooth transition as well.

I've been in therapy, doing yoga, meditating and reading all the "Dance" books by Lerner. Great books if you haven't checked them out. I'm not a 100%, but I feel really good about where I'm going.

I even discouraged someone I know who wanted to set me up with a good looking environmental engineer who is open to a relationship with a mom with kids. I was so intrigued, but I feel like it's more important to focus on me right now. I'll have time for all that when I'm ready.

Look forward to getting to (re)know you.
post #54 of 64
Hi , I'm Kelly...single mom to two wonderfulchildren , a boy (almost 11) and a girl (6). I'm lucky bc mostly, X and I have an amicable relationship. My parents help out alot as well. The DC both go to a private school (which my DP help out with)

I love being a single mom bc it is so much more simple and there is no more dischord in the house. It is a much happier place. My X and I are so much better as friends than we ever were as a couple, not to say that everything is roses with him...I am having 'feelings' about his gf even though I'm dating different people. I guess I'm jealous bc he's found someone that 'clicks' with him before I have (that's my shadow side...at least I'm admitting it)

There's much more, but I don't want to focus on the negative right now.

post #55 of 64
Hey Ladies!!! I havent been posting much but I read every few days.

I'm Kendell, single mama to one 5.5 year old princess

I first left X in fall 2003, and moved back to my hometown. We tried reconciling fall 2004, and it lasted 5 months. I am now patiently waiting for the end of this month when the divorce is final

We're on pretty good terms. He's living with the woman he started seeing right before I kicked him out last year. Whatever, they're happy, and living in another province I'm happy, parenting solo and not rushing into a relationship. I'm holding out for something Real Good.

ETA: I have a tremendous support network in place; my parents and X's parents take care of dd a lot, and I get one night a week when she sleeps out at Nana's. We have our own house with a great yard, that I rent from my parents. They let us do whatever renos we want, and my mom does a LOT of the work! I my mom!

I am a former WAHM, now working FT (with a PT job on the weekend). The adjustment was hard on us both, me going back to work - but it's been sooo worth it. I am completely self-sufficient, enjoy my work, and can afford anything life throws at us. (such as a blown head gasket and new brakes in my "new" '98 car). sigh.

I am really starting to enjoy and live life. I love being on my own, living on my own terms in my own house paying my own bills. X is living in another province, but only about 12 hours away so he sees her more frequently than before the reconciliation. He had her out for 5 days in Dec, and has been out to see her a few times too. We're both just so happy to be not married to each other now, we are actually starting to become friends. The girlfriend thing is kind of wierd, but not so much. I'm just glad he's not my problem anymore

We got a kitten last week she rocks. Ol' Louie now has a baby sister. Her name is Elvira, but we call her Ellie . She's insane. Right now she's staring down the other kitten in the mirror ROFL! She has extra toes like Louie too
post #56 of 64
Hi all, Im new to this....

Ive been separated for almost a week- and we're currently confusing our families as the x and i are still living here together and will do until June when he goes to England to hook up with his gf. We're handling things so well because we were friends before we got married and have just gone back to being that- which sounds weird to some, but it works for us..

I have changed so much since I got married, and Im looking forward to living my life like I want to without any opposition. So far the kids are fine with things...Im just answering questions as they come up.....so far, so good.
post #57 of 64
post #58 of 64
Hi, I'm Mary, and I've been reading more than posting, and love that there's a spot for single mamas.

My DB flipped when we found out I was pregnant. We had been together for about 6 months and I was supposed to be infertile due to PCOS. I was 32 and had yearned for a child for years, so I guess things finally worked out well for me!

Things have been strained for two years. After his pregnancy flip-out, I researched Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism, and his diagnosis was confirmed. He's still living with us, for 8 more months when the lease is up. I thought that a bigger apartment would lessen the strain, but he's just so difficult to live with that we're better off on our own paths. I'd like for us to remain friends, although he already has a 14 year old son in another state that he has minimal contact with. I'm not optimistic.

My daughter is a jewel, and I love showing her the world. I hope to move off the grid in a few years, and am spending the next couple of years finishing an education (ANY education!) and cleaning up my finances. Dating seems as foreign to me as a fish on a bicycle, and I have no plans in that direction.

I am looking forward to continuing my life's journey as an independant woman and mom, and raising a giggly, strong, and intelligent little girl.

post #59 of 64
Well, I guess I'll jump in here. I don't get here very often, or on the other forums for that matter. Been trying to get some serious cleaning out done and get more into reading so my computer time is dwindling.

I'm a single mom to a sweet heart dd. She is definately the love of my life. Her dad and I are somewhat trying to get back together. THe first two years were pretty turbulent, but he has come thru and has developed a very strong bond w/his dd. We still have a lot to work thru, but as far as I'm concerned it is going to be very slow. I really enjoy my freedom and not having to bother with daily man things (dinner, sports, etc.) I am somewhat selfish when it comes to her and the time we spend together.
post #60 of 64
I am young and single. My son's father told me he wanted me to die when he found out I was pregnant. He apologized later on but still, I feel that he meant what he said. He lives right up the road from us, passes by our apartment everyday when he goes to work, or to party, but he doesn't stop by. He never calls unless his family is coming down and he wants to pretend like he is Mr. Wonderful Father. My son cries if he thinks he has to go some place with his dad. I tried for so long to make him see what he is missing but he doesn't care, and now he has 4 kids. he had 2 before I got preggars and he made me think he was such a good daddy. WRONG!! I just wish he'd sign over his rights and we'd be done with him. He denied my baby when he had to start paying child support so we had to take a DNA test. I never doubted that he was the father, I had no reason to. I hope he feels bad one day that he denied his beautiful babe and hurt me so bad. He keeps telling me that I will never finish school but you know what, that just makes me work harder cuz I am gonna be somebody for my son, I am gonna get away from here.
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