My coworker-friend had a baby yesterday morning.
She had kind of a rough pregnancy. Her OB scared her basically every appointment because weight gain wasn't on, she was measuring wrong, failed the 1st GD test, failed the AFP test, (they told her she'd likely have a baby with spina-bifida!) etc. My DS is still young so the whole pg I was the one telling her that it would be OK, that even if you fail test A the chance of an actual problem is still miniscule, etc. And sure enough, follow up tests would show everything was OK. It was almost like her OB was just TRYING to cause her stress.
To boot her DH has been VERY unsupportive and basically useless. For example, not going to any of her OB appts, announcing several times that he's sure as $*#& not having any more kids, etc.
So anyhow. She was induced Tuesday morning for high blood pressure, on her due date. Her BP had spiked in the previous 2 weeks and she was having a lot of edema and wanted to be done, so they induced.
She labored for 24 hours with no epi, didn't progress, so she went home. As soon as she stepped through the door her water broke.
So she went back to the hosp. They turned up the pitocin and after several hours gave her an epi. She wasn't getting the full effect from the epi and after going through 3 vials of it, it wasn't really working. In addition she was having strange spasms in her back.
She pushed for 4 hours. After 4 hours they said they wanted to C/S. She told them no way could she hold still for it unless they fixed the spasms which had spread to her shoulder and neck.
They checked the epi and found that it hadn't been fully inserted, so it had been leaking into her muscle in her back. The chemicals in the epi had been causing her muscles to spasm. Since a large amount of the pain reliever was leaking into her back it had never been very effective.
They fixed the epi and did a c-section. Her daughter was born, after about 48 hours of labor.
While sewing her up they found that her uterus had ruptured. The rupture is L-shaped and they say any future babies will have to be C/S or it will rupture again.
Another coworker and I visited her yesterday, she told us this horror story. She's very diapponted about the birth. She DID NOT WANT a C/S and feels like she pushed for 4 hours "for nothing".
I did not know what to say. I know from hearing stories here, that "well you got a healthy baby and that's all that matters" is not good because it trivializes everything she went through.
Her whole pg I had been telling her to trust her body, it knows what it's doing,etc. Even though I still believe that, and believe most of the problems were caused by the induction, I feel kind of like a liar. I felt like I shouldn't talk about my birth at all either because it went so well, I almost don't feel like I deserved to have it so easy.
I am not sure what to say when I see her again. What can I say that doesn't trivialize her experience?
BTW her daugher was 6 lb 15 oz, totally healthy, latches and eats like a champ. So at least BF is going smoothly.
She had kind of a rough pregnancy. Her OB scared her basically every appointment because weight gain wasn't on, she was measuring wrong, failed the 1st GD test, failed the AFP test, (they told her she'd likely have a baby with spina-bifida!) etc. My DS is still young so the whole pg I was the one telling her that it would be OK, that even if you fail test A the chance of an actual problem is still miniscule, etc. And sure enough, follow up tests would show everything was OK. It was almost like her OB was just TRYING to cause her stress.
To boot her DH has been VERY unsupportive and basically useless. For example, not going to any of her OB appts, announcing several times that he's sure as $*#& not having any more kids, etc.
So anyhow. She was induced Tuesday morning for high blood pressure, on her due date. Her BP had spiked in the previous 2 weeks and she was having a lot of edema and wanted to be done, so they induced.
She labored for 24 hours with no epi, didn't progress, so she went home. As soon as she stepped through the door her water broke.
So she went back to the hosp. They turned up the pitocin and after several hours gave her an epi. She wasn't getting the full effect from the epi and after going through 3 vials of it, it wasn't really working. In addition she was having strange spasms in her back.
She pushed for 4 hours. After 4 hours they said they wanted to C/S. She told them no way could she hold still for it unless they fixed the spasms which had spread to her shoulder and neck.
They checked the epi and found that it hadn't been fully inserted, so it had been leaking into her muscle in her back. The chemicals in the epi had been causing her muscles to spasm. Since a large amount of the pain reliever was leaking into her back it had never been very effective.
They fixed the epi and did a c-section. Her daughter was born, after about 48 hours of labor.
While sewing her up they found that her uterus had ruptured. The rupture is L-shaped and they say any future babies will have to be C/S or it will rupture again.
Another coworker and I visited her yesterday, she told us this horror story. She's very diapponted about the birth. She DID NOT WANT a C/S and feels like she pushed for 4 hours "for nothing".
I did not know what to say. I know from hearing stories here, that "well you got a healthy baby and that's all that matters" is not good because it trivializes everything she went through.
Her whole pg I had been telling her to trust her body, it knows what it's doing,etc. Even though I still believe that, and believe most of the problems were caused by the induction, I feel kind of like a liar. I felt like I shouldn't talk about my birth at all either because it went so well, I almost don't feel like I deserved to have it so easy.
I am not sure what to say when I see her again. What can I say that doesn't trivialize her experience?
BTW her daugher was 6 lb 15 oz, totally healthy, latches and eats like a champ. So at least BF is going smoothly.
I also have one for partners.
