Disappointed in Myself

[SillyTreeFairy]

Yesterday, there was a potluck for dss rising kindergarten class. It was basically to relieve any fears of parents. Actually, it was also one of those things that makes you feel like you are five years old. I think the basic premise was to let parents know to make sure your kid is ready for the routine, etc. It felt like most of it was a lecture to feed your kid well, make sure they get sleep, and don't watch too much TV. So it was real mind blowing info.

Anyway, dss Mom is a bit of a control freak and has had letters sent from her attorney for silly things like me talking to his daycare teachers (this was resolved with the school since my dh works about 1 hr. and 15 min. away so I can be his representative at the school.) Things have gotten better, but I think I must have had some sort of mental relasp last night, because they were passing out these ridiculous flyers that advised all of the stuff I listed in the above paragraph. There was one flyer from the county and one from the school nurse that was written by the county's health department. Anyway, I made sure that dh and I had a copy of both flyers, just cause we like to know everything that is going on and like to feel involved even if it is silly. The one from the student nurse, I actually had to get up and go get. Well, I noticed ex didn't have one, but not my responsibility right? (It didn't say anything that the county one didn't say. I mean really basic stuff.)

As we were all leaving, ex leaves dss with us so she can get the flyer from the nurse. The nurse was gone b/c it was like 10 min. after the event ended so she couldn't get one. Then she turned to us and said she didn't get one and asked if we did. I said, yes, I got one and that I would make a copy and give it to her the next time we have dss. It wasn't like I needed it or will ever look at it. Why did I have to be so nutty?

I was just so tired of her pulling this- I'm the mother and have priority garbage. Needless to say she got quite huffy. The last thing she says (in a definate huff) well, make sure you make a copy of the nurse's flyer.- I'd really like to see it. I know I probably should have been the bigger person and given her the ridiculous thing, it wasn't anything we didn't know or even worth another perusal, but I was simply tired of all the games and didn't want to play. The other sad thing is how she acted like I stole her flyer when she hadn't made sure to get one during the actual event.

Anyway, I was just feeling disappointed in myself and was wondering if any of you ladies have such silly reactions? I swear this is not my normal MO. : Actually, I don't really remember being quite this silly before.

[magnoliablue]

Just to make you feel better, here is an example of me, the Mom, acting badly.
The other night my son had a baseball game. His dad had to work late, my fiance had to work late, my mom had something going on, so it left just myself and my ex's gf attending. She arrived there before me, apparently, but I did not know it. Because I had to take my dd to dance, my son had gotten a ride to the game with his coach.
I went up to him when I got there to let him know I was there, and I asked him if he wanted something to eat from the stand. He was a diplomatic kid, I guess he did not want to hurt my feelings and just said no,lol, but up comes the gf, with a slice of pizza and a Gatorade, and she says "If you want anything else, sweetheart, let me know."
I looked right at her and said "I am more than capable of feeding him, if he needs anything I will get it."
Now why the heck did I do that? It was petty, it was childish, it was very wrong, I can only blame all the other current stress my ex and I are going through for making me act like a jackass.
I watched her the rest of the game, at the other end of the sidelines, talking with some of my friends, and was so jealous for a moment, I wanted to cry. Then I remembered the movie Stepmom, how in the beginning Susan Sarandon's character had a tough time dealing with it, but how, in the end, it was a blessing her kids had Julia Robert's character as a stepmom.
add to that that I myself am a stepmom, and do nice things for my own stepsons all the time, and I felt about two inches high.
It happens, but it is sadly all part of it. If you think it will help, maybe you can buy her a card, and just write a little something in it from the heart, something to let her know that even though it is tough sometimes, you love her son and will always be there for him when she can't be.

[Flor]

I think this is exactly why we need a stepparenting/blended families forum. It is so cool to hear from a stepmom and her being comforted by a biomom. I'm sure I do stupid things all the time, though actually we don't often see each other so that probably helps!

[SillyTreeFairy]

Thanks

Thanks, ladies. A card would be a nice gesture, but I think it wouldn't go over too well. I've tried many nice things over the years, but her reactions are about as silly as mine was this time. Even though it isn't an excuse and is extremely poor logic, I think my pettiness came out that night because I was sick of pettiness. Hmm, maybe I can also blame the being treated like a 5 yr. old at the potluck made me act like one.

[SillyTreeFairy]

Oh, & Magnoliablue, thank you for being so open and honest. It isn't easy to share stories of our more absurd nature, but I think that being able to express them helps us let them go and prevent reoccurances. I guess I am thinking that by being honest with ourselves and others about these things can help us understand ourselves and the other party involved better. Did you write a note to ex's gf or say anything to her? My dss bio would not react well, b/c I've tried such things in the past with hostile responses. Of course, children are very sensitive topics for anyone who loves them so perhaps, I should realize that maybe she'd have matured enough to respond better to such things.

[magnoliablue]

I wrote her a card in the very beginning of her involvment with the kids, that opened communication between us. Most times we get along fine, she will be the one to call and ask what the kids need, or with questions. But right now my ex and I are getting ready to return to court, and she knows there is a lot of friction because of it, understandably she supports him, but she is still empathetic to me, believe it or not.
This incident did not prompt a card, but we did talk on the phone Friday, and I apologized, and she laughed the incident off, saying she would not even know how toreact if the shoe was on the other foot.
As future step moms go to my kids, she is wonderful, treats them like her own children. I hope my jackass of an ex doesn't screw it up,
I find when people treat me badly, it is then when you have to go the extra mile to be kind, even if it kills you,lol. But accept that we are all human and have good days and bad, keep the focus on the kids, and just do your best to treat each other with respect.

[SillyTreeFairy]

I agree about going the extra mile. It usually works out better that way. Dh and I have been on a wear her down with kindness mission for the last 4 years. It is amazing how much resistance to kindness there can be. lol

I'm glad to hear that you get along so well with your dh's mate. It really is better for the dc. I would love a bio like you.