Does anyone else have a DH that is adamant that you SAH?

[~Quse~]

With my dh, it is pretty much a requirement that I remain a SAHM. I knew this before we were married (or pregnant, even though that was a surprise) and I am fine with it. Of course, if circumstances took an unforeseen turn and I had to get a job that would be a different story. If I really wanted to work out of the home I know I could still do it but I also know that it would put a lot of strain on our relationship. Anyone else's dh like mine???

[applejuice]

I wish I did. He wanted me to go to work when I finally got the hang of the SAHM thing.

[chersolly]

Ha! I wish. It's the complete opposite in this family. DH (and myself, sometimes) is nostalgic for the days when I had a paycheck and we had more disposable income.

[treemom2]

It's not a requirement that I SAH, but we did decide that one of us should be home with the children and since I am BFing (and I really want to) it should be me. Deep down though, I know DH really wants to be the SAHP. Lately we've been talking about each of us working part time or opening a coffee shop together so we can be together more as a family.

[Greaseball]

I think my dh resents me for SAH. He's always talking about our lack of income and how he thought there would be more.

[chalupamom]

We don't really have any issues around earning vs. not earning income. We both make substantially equal contributions to our home and family and are supportive of each other's goals. So far, our goals are not in conflict.

[lauraess]

:

Originally Posted by treemom2

It's not a requirement that I SAH, but we did decide that one of us should be home with the children and since I am BFing (and I really want to) it should be me. Deep down though, I know DH really wants to be the SAHP. Lately we've been talking about each of us working part time or opening a coffee shop together so we can be together more as a family.

That is interesting, When we first had our son (also an aidan!) we used to talk about opening a coffe shop to be together more... although I cant figure why we would want to be toghether in that way... maybe it was right we never decided upon that since we would prob. would kill each other! :LOL

>> to the question at hand by the poster: do you mean that If you "needed" to go to work for financial reasons he wouldnt be behind you? I mean, if so.. uh, what about the team decision-making that would shine lite on that FACT that you needed the income????

~L

[Pukka]

Dh and I agreed before we got married even that should the day come when we had kids one of us would stay home. Dh's earning potential far exceeds mine so I'm the sahp. I have no desire to woh and we both feel very strongly that it's best for our family that I stay home. If I said I wanted to go back to work I'm sure he'd take issue with it since we don't need the extra income.

[allgirls]

Originally Posted by chalupamom

We don't really have any issues around earning vs. not earning income. We both make substantially equal contributions to our home and family and are supportive of each other's goals. So far, our goals are not in conflict.

[Babytime]

We agreed before we were married that I would be a SAHM.

[meowee]

yes, DH is adament I SAH. Will not have it any other way. He doesn't even want me to work from home, which I considered a while back. See my post below "How do you feel about being financially dependent on a man." DH and I have this weird dynamic going on, where I believe in some ways the me SAH/ him single wage earner has turned into a control issue. He is not the controling type and I am not the type to be controled, but somehow my SAH has created this dynamic. I still think SAH is the best thing for us, but I wish we could break out of this weird dynamic somehow. He just insists on being the last man (person) standing when it comes to earning and handling money, and this translates into control.

So yes, he insists I SAH. In part because he believes it's best for the kids, but I do think there's a control thing going on.

It is also part of his culture than women SAH, even though he says he rejects his culture in large part.

[Luminosea]

I'm currently working and dh is the SAHP. Unfortunately, my schedule is putting a strain on us. DH wants me to SAH because he feels that I am too stressed out (which is true most of the time). I wouldn't mind being a SAHM but I really feel better when I can contribute financially.

[annethcz]

My DH is not at all controlling, but we both decided before we got married that I would be a SAHM once we had kids. Both of us felt that it was important for our children to have a stay at home parent. DH is very happy with our arrangement. He has many friends and coworkers who have 2 parents who WOH full time, and after seeing first hand the type of trade-offs and compromises our friends make, he is very happy with our decision to have a SAH parent in our family.

[em&namama]

It's very interesting to see the replies to this thread. I guess I am just lucky. We talked about things like this before we got married and both had our ideas about what we would like but even before the kids my dh wants me to be happy. So far it's worked out the way we had wanted it but he has always said he would support me in my decision if I wanted to go back to work. I hope I don't use the wrong choice of words and offend anyone but to me it means everything that he respects my needs and values my happiness. I don't know how I would feel or what I would do if he were to tell me I couldn't do something because not only do situations change but so do people.

[meowee]

i too am surprised that so many have a partner who is not adament they SAH. Maybe I should consider myself lucky too. I think I'm realizing with my husband it is in large part his culture that makes him think I should SAH. If he were from a different culture but had the same personality, he would probably pressure me to work OH.

[snuggly mama]

Despite the financial pressures, dh is very happy to have me at home. I'm not sure I'd say he's adamant about it, but he's the first one to point out any downsides to my working. Dd is supposed to go to full-day preschool this fall, which means I could conceivably work part/full time, but dh wants to try and stretch my at-home time as long as possible. I do think in a lot of ways his life is easier because I'm home -- he doesn't have to worry about all the details because that's my job. I don't resent that at all, I just think it's the dance we've created for ourselves.

[OnTheFence]

I wouldnt say adamant but he was pretty adamant about not putting our children in daycare. I don't think I can say anymore lest I break the rules of this forum. :

[Hollycrand]

It wasn't planned for me to be a SAHM, but since dh's income far exceeded mine , the decision wasn't very difficult.
That said, I think dh would like to be the one SAH. I don#t mind being a SAHM, as I was very stressed out in my job before having children, and I'm a lot more relaxed and easier to live with now.
That said, I do feel guilty at not contributing to our finances...

[velochic]

I think I see a recurring theme here - that culture may play a role in this situation. In my dh's culture (Turkey), the women do not work as a general rule, although of course there are situations where the women have to work, too. In his family, though, all of the women have university or graduate degrees (on is an M.D.) and they still stay at home.

That being said, dh's thoughts are that he would RATHER me stay home when dd is home, but if I insisted on working, he would support me in it. As a matter of fact, I went back to work for 3 weeks last month, but it caused so much stress in our lives that I quit. He was supportive of both decisions. We live comfortably on his income only, and my income was about the same as his. However, we just found out that dd was just accepted to a language immersion preschool that is quite expensive so he is encouraging me to find something part-time during the school year. I will substitute teach and substitute bus drive.

[elmh23]

Dh is adamant that one of us is home with our kids. It just so happens he can make more money and get benefits with his job, so he works.