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Does anyone else have a DH that is adamant that you SAH? - Page 2

post #21 of 34
My DH is definitely adament that one of us stay home, and since ds is still nursing often, it kind of has to be me. I sometimes wish I was bringing in money, especially since it is so hard to live on just his income (I was making twice as much before I quit), but I also know that work was very stressful for me and I don't think I could handle being the sole support for the family. I do sometimes feel trapped. And the control thing is kinda a bummer, too.
post #22 of 34
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
I wouldnt say adamant but he was pretty adamant about not putting our children in daycare. I don't think I can say anymore lest I break the rules of this forum. :

That's our situation, too. DH is definitely "adamant" but not because of any cultural expectations. We both did a lot of research on daycare, and that is what lead to him being "adamant".

And I have objections, for the same reason.
post #23 of 34
Thread Starter 
It is definitely not cultural reasons that my dh wants me to SAH. His father expected his mother to work and all of his sisters now work. Most of the men he grew up with around here rely on their wives for almost complete financial support yet still expect them to do all the domestic chores. We are surrounded by family here yet I rarely have the chance to bond with any of the women.

Although at times I find it a bit claustrophobic to know that if I wanted to WOH he would not be supportive, I know that for me and our family this is what is best. I want to SAH...so it is not anything I struggle with.
post #24 of 34
We are both adament but dh is the strong one on the days i want to run screaming into the work force. He always talks me down, and man do I love him for it.
post #25 of 34
Yes, he feels like "somebody" should stay home. And with a nursing baby, it's obvious who that "somebody" is gonna be.
post #26 of 34
Yes! and I love him for it.

It was something we agreed on before marriage and he is my biggest encouragement when I start feeling overwhelmed. I often feel like such an oddball, and he's the one that reminds me we're doing what we think is best and tells me that he thinks I'm doing an awesome job.
post #27 of 34
Dh supports me so that I can stay home to be with our young children. Dh & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Our plan is for dh to retire from his work in 11 years. Then, I'll make my way as the "bread winner" for our family and dh can be with our older children full-time.
post #28 of 34
Yes and no. When I first got pregnant with Morgan Dh and I talked about me going back to work within 6 months. When 6 months came around I was no where near ready to go back to work. We got in some fights about it and I ended up getting a job when Morgan was 1 year. It did not last. Sh was begging me to quit LOL. He hated helping me out. He had gotten spoiled with me cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry.
So we decided from there on out that as long as the kids are not in school full time, I will be home.
I was happy about that.
BUT my in laws hate it!!! Well my MIL wants to watch the girls and thinks I should work. LOL that is another post in itself.
post #29 of 34
no. He says it is my choice if I woh or not.
post #30 of 34
I've been hom for 8 years and we've been all over the place with this. I had no intention of being a SAHM when I got pregnant with #1 -- I was going to find "quality daycare." I changed my mind when I was 8 months preg. and DH rolled with it. He was totally supportive of whatever I wanted to do.

When both of our kids were tots and we spent time with families whose kids spent lots of time in daycare, he became radically pro-SAHM. He felt that this decision, and the sacrifices we were making, had a huge impact on how our kids were turning out. I had no desire to return to work then, but if I had, he would have been against it.

Now our yougest is 7 years old and he has mentioned how much more money we would have we put the kids in school and I went back to work. I've asked him point blank if that's what he wants and he says "no," but I really think he is torn. We aren't hurting for money, but he sees men who make the same amount of money as him driving nicer cars and taking expensive vacations. He wouldn't mind having those things. (I don't care about them and I still love being home with the kids, so I'm staying home for now).

So my answer is -- my DH was adament for a while, but isn't now that the kids are school aged.
post #31 of 34

I do!

My dh insists that I stay home and since he is the head of our household I submitt. (I am very happy and blessed to be home and would choose it myself anyway)
post #32 of 34
i dont think my dh has really ever been OK with me being a sahm, he always says things to me and we argue about it a lot but ive done it for a year now (well since i was 4 months pregnant so only 8 1/2 months) and now i have just got a job again. i would LOVE to stay home with our dd but its not worth all the arguing and etc. over so i gave in and got a job. but i will still be able to go and nurse her on my breaks and she will be going to my cousins for daycare so i am not worried about that, as her parenting styles are the exact same as mine and i will not have to get her vax'd & etc.. it just breaks my heart that i won't get to spend as much time with her and watch her grow every minute of her life and someone else will get the opportunity to and will see her mile stones maybe before i even do. also we will both be having extreme seperation anxiety......
post #33 of 34
J is not adament about anything, nor am I - we're always checking in with each other to make sure we're happy with the situation we're in. I think we both feel pretty strongly that the girls are with either one of us most of the time, but I imagine how that looks will change over time. At first, I was at university part time and J. had flexible hours at work. Now that I've graduated I'm at home full time and loving it. Eventually J. would like to spend more time with the girls, so we're trying to figure out ways to live on less so that he can work less, and eventually for me to work 2-3 days and him to do the same. But I still want a couple more kids, so we'll see how it all progresses. An ongoing discussion and evolution!
I, for one, would get my back up with him "insisting". Though I know he prefers the way things are right now (every time we talk about it, he says things like "unless you personally want to go back to work I don't see why we want to change things" )- I know that he would be supportive, but I also know that he really enjoys how nice it is to have me here, y'know!
post #34 of 34
Dh prefers me to be one but if something came up it wouldn't be an issue if I had to work. He works from home as well so ours is more of a time we get to spend together type thing. :LOL Everytime I mention maybe working he says two things. 1. I can work for him again (that's how we met) and 2. DD would have to go on bottles (mini guilt trip there :LOL ). We enjoy it though. I don't work well for other people (hence the reason I ended up quitting when I did work for him) and he seriously wouldn't eat if I worked. He gets a little too wrapped up in work when I leave for any amount of time and "forgets" to eat.
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