I need help convincing dh about homebirth

[Peppamint]

Dh is being really reluctant about the birthing center 1 1/2 hrs away (we haven't toured it yet). My theory is the hospital is 1/2 hr away, so either way we're riding in the car, not to mention I'm more likely to get the birth "I" want at the birthing center.

Can you all tell me your favorite links, books, etc extolling the virtues of homebirth?

I'd much appreciate it... I need to arm myself before I sit down with dh and discuss it more! Thanks!!

[cottonwood]

I loved Rahima Baldwin's "Special Delivery." It has a practical, realistic approach, but at the same time gives one a very good feeling about homebirth. Why hospitals are not conducive to normal birth: Scaer and Korte's "A Good Birth, A Safe Birth" is very good. Henci Goer's "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" and Davis-Floyd's book, argh, can't think of it right off the top of my head, are also great.

Try this: http://gentlebirth.org/archives/prntshar.html

And this: http://home.earthlink.net/~eaglefalc...irthoprah.html

[RachelGS]

Look up Henci Goer's books. They summarize all the medical literature on every birth-related topic imaginable. Seeing hard numbers about the safety of homebirth and the dangers of hospital birth swung a lot of weight with my husband. Eventually, so did my passion about it. You're the one who has to give birth, and ALL the literature makes it extremely clear that you will have a more effective labor with fewer complications if you are birthing in a way that feels safe to you. FWIW, the more we developed friendships with people who were choosing non-hospital birth, the more that idea began to feel mainstream to my husband. You might also just want to find some people for him to talk to about it.

[Peppamint]

Thanks for the suggestions! I did get an email this morning about a homebirth birthing class in the town 20min away. It's $50 though, so I'd have to see if I could pull the cash together or not. That might be the easiest way to convince him, if he saw that lots of other people do it too.

If not, I'll just have to insist on the birthing center. The thought of the hospital makes me sick (which is what it's for : ).

[SpiralWoman]

hi~ love " A Good Birth, A Safe Birth" have Henci Goer's but just havent read it yet. A book that helped me to put home birth & hospital birth in proper perspective was Sear's The Birth Book. It's usually at the library. Especially bcz it's *by a Dr* who actually supported his wife in doing homebirth, I think just having it in the house is good for DH, it models the behavior you want him to have. It also gets into honest detail about what happens in hospital.

Honestly, I didnt end up having to convince my DH. When I was preg. 5 yrs ago, he agreed to meet with the HB midwife bcz he is that kind of guy, open-minded, curious, & laid back. Not the type to "put his foot down." We never had to actually come to a decision that time bcz we m/c'd.

This time, I made my decision independently as to what is best for me & baby. I told him my decision. I told him I wasn't sure how we would make it happen, but that I definitely believed that homebirth was unequivocably the right thing for me. I think that by presenting it this way, he saw that he could support me, or he could freak out. Also, this was before I was even pregnant, so he had plenty of time to decide which route he wanted to take with it! He knows that I have worked my tail off learning & reading & we had to work hard just to get pregnant, so I think that in his eyes, I have earned the respect he gives me around this issue. He knows I am not just flying off on a wild tangent.

By the way, he has chosen to totally support me, defends me to his family, etc. He has complete access to the midwife to ask any questions he wants to & I let him learn in his own time.

I wish you the best in finding the setting that will make your birthing the most enriching experience for you all!
blessings, Maria

ps- also wanted to let you know that my insurance (Cigna) will be paying all but $200 of my homebirth, which I totally did not expect- so be sure you ask the midwife before you let $/insurance become an issue!

[Tanibani]

I wanted a homebirth our first son (not knowing anything about birth, just feeling strongly that I preferred home.)

My husband wouldn't hear of it. So I gave in (mistake!)

Here is how I see it.

Men hate it when women get “emotional.” That is how he sees you right now. You look irrational to him. ("what do you mean you want to give birth at home??!?!?! Hospitals are *the * safest places on the planet.") (Me, I was basically whining like a child for it - it didn't help me look good at all.)

By giving you a firm no, he is telling himself that is protecting both your unborn son and you from your apparent irrationality. That’s what is fueling him right now. That is why he can be stronger than you right now. He’s telling himself that he is actually protecting everybody here.

Men respond to “science” and facts. Men do not respond well to women who look like they are being too emotional.

So, you’ll need to remain calm and present your case like a lawyer – calm, cool, collected, logical. Use charts, visual aids (I’m only half joking) anything and everything to present your case.

So definitely do your research (I just accepted his answer and never researched) and then present your case to it. Don't beg, whine, bargain. Act like a professional.

I hear that when men go w/ their wives to interview midwives... that usually helps a lot. All their questions are answered.

good luck !

[Peppamint]

Tanibani

Thanks! I'm still holding out hope for a home birth. Money is extremely tight even with me working and I won't be working after Feb or so.

A hospital birth would cost us nothing, but I WILL hire a doula ($400-600 approx). A homebirth with a lay midwife would only cost me $750. Hmm... I'm still cooking up schemes. I'm also going to print up tons of info on the SAFETY of homebirth.

There's a good chance this is my last pg and birth (unless I can talk dh into #3), so I want it to be good!