At the end of my rope and scared to death

[motheroftheday]

Hello everybody, I am new here and am glad to be so warmly welcomed but I have a problem with my teenager I am absolutely scared to death about. I dont know how to confront him or what this could possibly mean but last week I was hanging up his shirts when I found a rolled up blanket on the floor with one side totally covered with blood.
Let me give you some background on my son: he is 12 years old, average grades. He is very bright and kind and I love with all my heart but recently he's been very secretive and moody lately and abusive to the family dog. My husband died when 8 years ago when my son was 3. As a single mother, I am unprepared for the unpredictable monster he has become; and the discovery of the bloody towel in his closet has forced me to seek annonymous help online.
If anyone is reading this, please help me, with what I should do, as I am confused and just want my beloved boy to be okay.

[AngelBee]

I do not know. Maybe he needs to talk to someone professionally. I am sorry. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers.

[PoppyMama]

s Have the teachers noticed any changes in who he hangs out with or any other new behaviors at school?

No BTDT but I wanted to let you know you were heard.

[motheroftheday]

I was thinking about contacting his school; this has only been going on for a short while. He doesn't have a lot of friends, just the average glue-sniffing, tshirt wearing teenagers every boy's friends with, nobody new; im very good friends with all of his friends' parents. I'm torn, a best friend of mine just died and I just get the feeling, I'd give ABSOLUTELY anything to get the weight off my shoulders; and my son's anger further complicates matters.

[PoppyMama]

I don't understand quite what you mean in your 2nd post...

I always worry about animal abuse, teenagers do strange things that turn out fine but animal abuse is when it gets disturbing to me.

[Bestbirths]

I would confront him with the bloody towel and ask him where the blood came from. I would ask for the truth and say no matter what the answer is, you love him and he will not be in trouble. Then, stand by your word and he will not get "punished". He could have had a bloody nose, it could be something totally explainable. Ask him directly if he hurt the dog. Ask him directly if he is cutting or self abusing himself, had a bloody nose, doing drugs, or what?

If you have seen him hurt the dog. I would do several things. I would put him on "zero tolerance" for hurting the dog immeadiately. Let him know that hurting the dog is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. He may need to be in some kind of anger management or counseling. If he is continuing after this at harming the family dog, and you witness it, consider finding a new home for the dog. I wouldn't make it like a punishment, just that you are obligated to keep the dog safe.

I would on a deeper level, find out what needs he has that aren't being met, find out what is bothering him and seek to meet his needs and find solutions. Listen to him, and act upon what he tells you. People hurt because they are hurting, so if you can soothe his hurt inside, or help him self soothe his own hurt, I think it will help take away his desire to hurt other things and people.

[reeseccup]

personally i'd seek out a professional (child psycologist ) to ask these questions to. something doesn't ring right with me on this. best of health to your family.

[PancakeGoddess]

I've heard that preteens and teens are doing a lot of cutting themselves. Sometimes it's the compulsive type cutting and other times it's meant to create scars, as a form of body decoration. It sounds pretty unhealthy either way, but that was my first thought and I'd see if I could spot the kid's arms and legs. Of course, just asking honestly as bestbirths recommends sounds like an ideal start.