Inspired by:
A post on another board that included the line "Well, my personal opinion is, why suffer if you don't have to!" (WRT to the epidural, natch.)
Wow, I thought! I've never heard that before! "Personal opinion," indeed!
Preamble:
As you may know, I do not yet have children, although I am a big supporter of choice in birth. I am also a big supporter of *choice* in having children-- as a lifestyle. Meaning that I believe that choosing not to have children is an absolutely valid choice. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and I am always glad to see thoughtful people taking that seriously-- making a conscious choice to have or not have children, instead of having them simply because "that's what you do."
That said, because many people don't give childbearing/rearing the thought it deserves, they often feel threatened or confused by those who would be childfree by choice. They tend to parrot a lot of B.S. or semi-B.S., instead of just accepting that not everyone wants children. CFBCers refer to this as "getting bingoed," because the same tired justifications and reactions are trotted out so often that someone actually designed a little BINGO board filled with them. That way, you can laminate it, put it in your purse, and pull it out when people start saying:
"You'll change your mind." (Yeah, maybe. But I don't think you know me better than I know myself!)
"Who will take care of you when you're older?" (Do you think that all of the people in nursing homes are childless?)
"It's different when they're your own." (Yes, you can't give them back!)
Etc...
Yay! I got BINGO! What do I win?
Not to say that people don't *ever* change their minds, that it's *never* different when they're your own (in a good way), but sheesh! The way people try to push this stuff on people whom they (sometimes) barely know! And then they act like it's so original, or some big secret/nugget of wisdom!
This goes for almost any "non-mainstream" decision about a major life stage-- especially one which most people don't give enough thought to. Obviously, we who support NCB or homebirth get this cr@p *all the time*.
There's something so insulting to the intelligence about "bingoisms"-- they float around in the ether like maxims or universal truths that we can all agree on.
"Sometimes, you're d@mned if you do, d@mned if you don't"
"Big Macs are fattening."
"Get the epi! Why suffer if you don't have to?"
If these things weren't some evidence of cultural indoctrination, then the following scenario would never have occurred:
I had a minor PG scare a few years ago-- just paranoia, really. I had been married a few years, was about a day late w/AF, and was on BC pills. But I couldn't sleep, so I drove over to the all-night grocery store and bought a PG test.
As I'm checking out-- and *maybe*, *possibly* a week PG, but probably not-- the checkout lady says this to me:
"Get the epidural!"
I can't make this stuff up!
Not to mention all the childfree women, teenagers and even men who have told me to get an epi. Men!
My Big Idea, After All That Buildup:
I say we create a little BINGO card of our own.
That "most outrageous thing" thread was a great place to vent, and this isn't exactly like that-- I'm just looking for the really, mind-numbingly common (yet ignorant) things people say. We can make a card, laminate it and put it in our purses! We don't have to take it out (unless we're feeling cheeky!) but it might give us a tiny bit of smug satisfaction if we know it's there (literally or figuratively)!
I am currently taking suggestions, but I'll start us off:
"You don't get a medal!"
"Before there were hospitals, women used to diiiiie in childbirth!"
"You say you don't want drugs, but once that first contraction hits, you'll be begging for the epidural!"
"You're so brave!"
"Well, if the doctors hadn't saved me with a C-sec/episiotomy, I/Baby would have died!"
Feel free to add... I'll be
:
A post on another board that included the line "Well, my personal opinion is, why suffer if you don't have to!" (WRT to the epidural, natch.)
Wow, I thought! I've never heard that before! "Personal opinion," indeed!
Preamble:
As you may know, I do not yet have children, although I am a big supporter of choice in birth. I am also a big supporter of *choice* in having children-- as a lifestyle. Meaning that I believe that choosing not to have children is an absolutely valid choice. Having kids is a huge responsibility, and I am always glad to see thoughtful people taking that seriously-- making a conscious choice to have or not have children, instead of having them simply because "that's what you do."
That said, because many people don't give childbearing/rearing the thought it deserves, they often feel threatened or confused by those who would be childfree by choice. They tend to parrot a lot of B.S. or semi-B.S., instead of just accepting that not everyone wants children. CFBCers refer to this as "getting bingoed," because the same tired justifications and reactions are trotted out so often that someone actually designed a little BINGO board filled with them. That way, you can laminate it, put it in your purse, and pull it out when people start saying:
"You'll change your mind." (Yeah, maybe. But I don't think you know me better than I know myself!)
"Who will take care of you when you're older?" (Do you think that all of the people in nursing homes are childless?)
"It's different when they're your own." (Yes, you can't give them back!)
Etc...
Yay! I got BINGO! What do I win?
Not to say that people don't *ever* change their minds, that it's *never* different when they're your own (in a good way), but sheesh! The way people try to push this stuff on people whom they (sometimes) barely know! And then they act like it's so original, or some big secret/nugget of wisdom!
This goes for almost any "non-mainstream" decision about a major life stage-- especially one which most people don't give enough thought to. Obviously, we who support NCB or homebirth get this cr@p *all the time*.
There's something so insulting to the intelligence about "bingoisms"-- they float around in the ether like maxims or universal truths that we can all agree on.
"Sometimes, you're d@mned if you do, d@mned if you don't"
"Big Macs are fattening."
"Get the epi! Why suffer if you don't have to?"
If these things weren't some evidence of cultural indoctrination, then the following scenario would never have occurred:
I had a minor PG scare a few years ago-- just paranoia, really. I had been married a few years, was about a day late w/AF, and was on BC pills. But I couldn't sleep, so I drove over to the all-night grocery store and bought a PG test.
As I'm checking out-- and *maybe*, *possibly* a week PG, but probably not-- the checkout lady says this to me:
"Get the epidural!"
I can't make this stuff up!
Not to mention all the childfree women, teenagers and even men who have told me to get an epi. Men!
My Big Idea, After All That Buildup:
I say we create a little BINGO card of our own.
That "most outrageous thing" thread was a great place to vent, and this isn't exactly like that-- I'm just looking for the really, mind-numbingly common (yet ignorant) things people say. We can make a card, laminate it and put it in our purses! We don't have to take it out (unless we're feeling cheeky!) but it might give us a tiny bit of smug satisfaction if we know it's there (literally or figuratively)!
I am currently taking suggestions, but I'll start us off:
"You don't get a medal!"
"Before there were hospitals, women used to diiiiie in childbirth!"
"You say you don't want drugs, but once that first contraction hits, you'll be begging for the epidural!"
"You're so brave!"
"Well, if the doctors hadn't saved me with a C-sec/episiotomy, I/Baby would have died!"
Feel free to add... I'll be
:
