It really saddens me to see WOHMothering (because nobody seems to care about the damage done with excessive WOHFathering/Coparenting) treated with the same attitude as formula-feeding; if you absolutely have to, we'll pity you and sympathize with you, but do you really have to? and if you voluntarily do it, well, you're just bad.
Honestly, I get it (and I feel that way myself) with regards to formula feeding; the evidence that shows formula is inferior is indisputable. I just don't think that's true with WOHM (and again, we're never talking about WOHParenting, nevermind how much is sucks for coparents to go off for 40-80 hours a week, missing so much of their kiddo's life, because it doesn't matter, there's a mother around, who needs anyone else? and nevermind that in much-lauded tribal societies everyone worked a lot closer to, or out of, home, and thus never really left one's children for such long periods of time, and we weren't ever designed to raise children in isolation - let's just ignore all that for the moment).
That said, WOHM can be, and often is, done for the wrong reasons (wrong either because there's a better choice, or because the better choice has been denied by society): because one has to because society doesn't value parenting; because one feels pressure to from family and friends; because one wants to keep up with the Joneses; because one didn't really want children in the first place (that one happens far too often, in my experience). But it can also be done for good, valuable reasons that are entirely compatable with Attachment Parenting and Natural Family Living: because one wants to; because the non-lactating coparent is better with the kids; because one feels it's important to continue life and work to provide a good example for one's children. There are, of course, grey areas, too, such as being in a profession that doesn't really allow for one to take several years' hiatus, and one is trying to do the best one can given what one has to work with.
The research that I've seen and trusted paints an interesting picture; attachment matters, and attachment parenting works. And WOHM doesn't damage kids; resentment does. Resenting having to work damages kids; resenting having to stay home damages kids; being relatively content with and secure in one's choice, either way, helps kids. Either SAH or WOH can be done well, in a way that fosters attachment and growth, or it can be done poorly, in a way that impedes growth and fosters sickness; why not help WOH be done well?
There are some dividing issues in AP and NFL, such as formula feeding for convenience, crib sleeping and crying it out for convenience, yelling and spanking unabashedly - I just don't see how working outside the home out of consious and conscientious choice or out of necessity qualifies as such a divider.
Laura you do not deserve criticism, you deserve support. WOHMs bust our asses to provide for our kids, then do a double at home, and all we get is criticism on all sides. I am so sick of it.
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:?) or Finding Your Tribe, although I find it's easier to lose your tribe than to find it on that one, since things get buried.
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