Kincaid didn't "leave". My son had occupational therapy yesterday for god's sake. Poor little thing is really having a hard time.
I use the word "queer" in quotation marks almost all the time (before someone finds a a place I did not quote mark on it, please realize I also don't consistently use capital letters or punctuation or correct spelling when I mean to, either). I place queer in quotes because of the some of the theories described in this link Dictionary explanation of history and meaning of word queer
Not all gay folks embrace the word queer. I don't like it at all because of its perjorative history, and the fact that it is in consistent use in my backward state with it's original perjorative meaning. I hate it the word.
There are feminists who use the word "bitch" and those who find it grossly offensive. Same with the N word... same with the P word. You all know what words I mean. Not everone agrees with the cultural re-appropriation concept. There is no one right or wrong answer on that, I don't think.
I also do not identify as queer in the sense of what it encompasses as a group. I identify as Lesbi-Gay. I identify with others who are in same-sex relationships. While I LOVE and RESPECT my trans friends (of which I have many), I do not think we are lumped into a common group. Trans folks have totally different life issues, experiences, etc than a lesbian or gay man. I also see poly as being distinct.
Of course we are under one umbrella as far as being considered deviants by society at large. Just like all people "of color" are lumped together by our society... either you are "white" or you are "of color." Just like you are "straight" or "queer".
But polarizing society into white versus non-white is missing out on so much. Just THINK of what white folks did/are doing to indigenous people of this nation. To be a native american is a whole different enchalada than to be an American born Japanese. Again, both non-white but such different issues.
Not all disenfranchised groups can roll up into one big group ALL the time. That is not an insult to other groups. It just reflects the culture of specific sub-groups. Lesbians ARE different than gay men - major different culture even though the commonality is same-sex love and sexual attraction. Poly people are different than coupled gay lesbians. Bi folks have different issues than gay or straight folk (like people of mixed race, they often get the worst of both worlds and combined discrimination). To acknowledge these commonalities is not to de-value the others. There is comfort and strength in aligning yourself with others in like circumstances, especially when you are a minority.
This boils down to me, as a lesbian (who KNOWS she has more priveldge in society than a trans person, for example) just wanting to identify with other lesbians to talk about raising my kid. How I deal with the issue of "positive male influence" for my son will be different than a single by choice straight mom. Different than a bi mom. Different than a widowed mom.
My complain with the "queer" forum is the prevalence of people to be dismissive or smarmy about the differences among us. When a lesbian mom posts a thread asking about what kids call them, there is so much sub-context behind that. When people who have a mom and a dad reply with a dismissive response, that is sad. My opinion (again, opinion) of the "queer" board is that lesbians have experienced dismissive answers and they don't come back. And we see that several people I have never seen before on here have cropped up and said, yep, that is why I never posted here, I asked a question and got a dismissive response. This was the issue that I was speaking to. I am frustrated that this has been drug into a "you think you are more queer than me" argument. When that was not at all the crux of what I was getting at.
Finally, my comments about the pride thread were taken out of context. You left out the fact that I said "this is what someone posted, and I am paraphrasing her comments." I only brought that up because I did so to comment on the fact that her different opinion was jumped all over and shut down. Rather than attack that individual poster, I think it would have been worthy to consider the theory of what she was talking about. You know, she was not pulling that out of her a$$..... she is not a lone bigot with a problem with queer people... her brief comments were in fact a commonly held thought of some LGBT theorists. Rather than shut someone down by saying they are involved in a more queer than you contest... it would serve us all good to really think about these issues. If indeed we want us all as a group to have a chance at equality.
I can only think there were many ways my friends of color reacted differently to racism. I know from their debates that there was anger over different ways of "assimilating" or fighting for rights. Hey, this is pretty standard in marginalized classes. Because two people of color feel differently about the politics of assimilating into white protestant society... that does not mean one thinks they are more black than the other.
I just want to end with this. We are different. People "of color" are incredibly different (a black woman and an Amer-Asian man? totally different positions in society). I think honoring diversity means acknowledging and respecting differences. And that means it's okay if lesbians feel they have different circumstances than bi women or poly folks.