Here is an example. There is a thread called "Are you going to the Pride festivities." Lots of bi married to men and poly folks posted yes. Someone posted and said she did not plan to attend because (I am paraphrasing from memory, so sorry if I am a little off) gays are working so hard to get rights that having a big bizarre drunken party where people try to look "freaky" seems to work against us getting equal respect and equal rights.
I agree 1,000% with her! How is anyone going to let my partner and I marry legally, have joint rights with regard to our son, health coverage, and non-discrimination in empolyment if they see us out there scantily clad and looking freaky carrying gay signs and the whole thing sponsored by booze?
But a bunch of people responded to her statement by jumping all over it! HOW DARE SHE! Well, as long as they are married to men and enjoying all the priveledge they want it is easy to say that it is wrong to assimilate to get rights. Duh! They get to enjoy the party and then go home and enjoy their marriage and tax breaks and benefits.
(Some posters specifically commented on how to them it was a big queer party, and not about rights, so that is what I refer to).
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the committed lesbians trying to settle down and work and pay their taxes and GET BENEFITS and recognition suffer the backlash. While the folks who enjoyed their "queerness" at the festivities can go home and fill out their married tax forms and all the stuff they enjoy.
I have nothing against Poly or Bi folks. But I am darned mad on this forum that they are so disrespectful of the LACK of rights that lesbians suffer. I was told by a bunch of "queer" moms (married to men) to GET OVER IT and that I would be a lot happier, and they face as much discrimination as me. That I would enjoy life more if I got over it. You tell that to my partner who has no rights over the son we concieved. You tell that to the lesbians who have had family members take their children away legally because they are gay. Tell me to get over it! Then say Pride is all a big party. Well, it is NOT all one big party. Some of us have LESS rights than they do, and it is infuriating to be stepped on and then told to get over it and be happier
Whoa..... and there is why Kincaid needs to stay off the Queer board!
As far as lesbians reclaiming this space, I don't see it happening. Pull up an old thread posted by a lesbian asking what the children of other same-sex couples called the moms. Read the responses. There are a bunch of married to men "queer" folks responding saying "what is the big deal?" and "your kid will call you whaever he wants" and "my son calls his dad mommy too, what's the big deal?" In my opinion, it seems they all jump on the few lesbian posts and diminish the heck out of it. And it kills the threads. And lesbians quit posting.
Just so I am not complaining and offering no solutions, the only thing I can think to suggest is making a thread in the "Tribal" areas for committed lesbian parents/parents to be. (I would totally include single lesbians TTC or with kids in that definition). I think the group could get some strength there. And then maybe come back and reclaim the queer board! But as it is, the lesbian moms are not any kind of "presence" on here.